forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Bruh living in an abusive home really sucks. -10/10

for real though. -10/10

This homelife is trash -25/5 Stars

Damn im sorry, I haven't experienced that yet.

Not me lying to my mom about working over spring break so she wouldn't try to guilt me into visiting home 😬

Not me lying to my mom about working over spring break so she wouldn't try to guilt me into visiting home 😬

dude, thanks for the tip.
Im gonna use this excuse when my parents try to guilt trip me into coming home when I move out for college.

Like I hate to advocate lying to one's parents, but when they're toxic, they're toxic, and you have to protect yourself

Like I hate to advocate lying to one's parents, but when they're toxic, they're toxic, and you have to protect yourself

This is going into my inspirational quotes.

Like I hate to advocate lying to one's parents, but when they're toxic, they're toxic, and you have to protect yourself

Yeah lying is a terrible thing to do and yet I can't tell you not to. Is this weakness of moral character or a realistic assessment? Idk

Well, my mom is a horrible person, and I'm protecting myself, so it's 100% justified. I'm generally a really honest person, so do with that information what you will. I'm not worried about it being morally bad so much as I am worried about it coming across as immature tbh. I mean, it feels like only "rebellious" teenagers lie to their parents, even though I know that's actually not the case.

I am considered one of the rebellious teenagers that lies to their parents but also like they're very toxic as well and I only lie to protect myself from their emotional abuse???

So like— Idk if that still means im a liar or if its justified so—

Idk. Bc all parents do messed up stuff. But it's really hard to quantify when it crosses the line enough to break moral laws.

My lies aren't actively hurting her, but her behavior actively hurts me, so if you really wanna morally quantify it, that's about as close as it's going to get. And if you consider that she's the only person I lie to consistently (well, that. And her parents because theyre even WORSE) that's a pretty good indicator of this being a pretty extreme situation.

Also my two cents is that it's 100% okay to lie to people, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

Each to their own. I believe all lies are wrong, but some can be waived if done for a good enough reason.

The world's not that black and white. One shouldn't lie just for the sake of it, but there's absolutely a time and a place. While it maybe sounds like I'm saying "haha, you should lie to your parents," I mean you should tell little lies if that means keeping yourself safe. I never ever lied to my dad from what I can remember, but I have to lie to my mom a lot more than I would like to. Already tried the whole honesty thing with her. A lot.
Heavily implying that lying- maybe even to protect myself- is morally incorrect is not it my dude.

Ay I'm not trying to police you're beliefs just trying to navigate living a strict moral code while living w abuse

Lying is wrong unless telling the truth brings pain/abuse/punishment (by punishment I mean stuff like "you're gay and I'm punishing you for it" not well earned consequences of not doing your chores lol)

Lying is wrong unless telling the truth brings pain/abuse/punishment (by punishment I mean stuff like "you're gay and I'm punishing you for it" not well earned consequences of not doing your chores lol)

Facts
I lie everyday because I like having a roof over my head and food to eat. Once I'm 18 I don't believe that'll be my parent's responsibility anymore so I won't feel the need to lie (though it might go on a bit longer for the sake of my relationship with my mom).
If I told the truth now I'd be ✨abused✨ and I ain't looking for that kind of trouble.
I don't like lying, but I'm 100% justified.

Lying is wrong unless telling the truth brings pain/abuse/punishment (by punishment I mean stuff like "you're gay and I'm punishing you for it" not well earned consequences of not doing your chores lol)

Facts
I lie everyday because I like having a roof over my head and food to eat. Once I'm 18 I don't believe that'll be my parent's responsibility anymore so I won't feel the need to lie (though it might go on a bit longer for the sake of my relationship with my mom).
If I told the truth now I'd be ✨abused✨ and I ain't looking for that kind of trouble.
I don't like lying, but I'm 100% justified.

Same. I don't think that if I came out there would be physical abuse, but I think there would definitely be emotional/psychological shit, and there would one hundred percent be loss of "privileges" like my phone, my laptop, and access to the internet, and my parents would likely establish a chokehold on what I'm allowed to read, they might start reading my texts again/establish more control methods over my devices….basically it would become rather hellish. So I lie. I'll come out once I'm no longer dependent on them for anything (aka once I'm moved out and financially independent)

Same! The closet is safest

I purchased my laptop myself with my own money, and so the idea that my parents would probably still take it away makes me furious lmfao. like. I paid for this bc I wanted a good laptop I could do schoolwork and play games on. I used my own money. and they would still take it away bc i'm "a minor living under our roof" or some shit like that. like. they paid for my phone so fine, whatever, it's technically theirs. whatever. they pay for the internet so fine. taking it away. whatever. but i paid for my laptop. it is mine.

anyways idk why I'm ranting about something that hasn't/won't happen lmao

Nah I get furious about things that haven't happened too lol
It's just that I know they would happen is what gets me. It's like I'm pre-dissapointed.

lol
Yes exactly! I ,,, can get myself worked up into a fury over something that hasn't happened but y'know, maybe it could or would happen and then I get mad and grumpy about something that hasn't even happened yet and may never will

pre-dissapointed.

Lmao felt

So either me or my fiance drives my roommate to campus most days because she can't drive, and her boyfriend pretty much never drives her. And she basically never wakes up on time??? Which it's okay if she gets ready quickly and we're cutting it a little close, but when I have to get up early bc she goes to class before I do, I'm super annoyed to have to give a wake-up call when I'm already up late. I wouldn't care if it was occasionally, but it's most days now. I know she has sleep issues and basically never gets to sleep before 4 am, but I ALSO have a sleep disorder, and I will sometimes roll out of bed 5 minutes before I have to leave because I usually wake up feeling like I didn't sleep at all. She sets an alarm, and I'm not sure if she ignores it or snoozes it or what, but I'm stuck going out at like 9 am when I don't have to be on campus until 11. So I ended up sleeping in this morning bc she never got up, and then I left for work without her because I was already cutting it close, and she was NOT up. Anyway, I feel like an ass, but she's going to have to find something else that works to wake her up, because this is a really major inconvenience. Not to mention she never pays gas money, and is overall not such a good roommate. But she's also my friend, and I don't want to cause problems :/
There's only a little under 2 months of classes yet, but this has become a huge issue. I feel like I've been kind of doing her a lot of favors (not to mention she and her boyfriend are the reason we're not in walking distance of the university) even though I don't really owe anything, and I'm not getting anything at all in return. Things worked last semester because we were always on campus at the same times, but not so much now.
It's really hard to not be extremely annoyed when a lot of things are pretty directly the other person's fault.

So either me or my fiance drives my roommate to campus most days because she can't drive, and her boyfriend pretty much never drives her. And she basically never wakes up on time??? Which it's okay if she gets ready quickly and we're cutting it a little close, but when I have to get up early bc she goes to class before I do, I'm super annoyed to have to give a wake-up call when I'm already up late. I wouldn't care if it was occasionally, but it's most days now. I know she has sleep issues and basically never gets to sleep before 4 am, but I ALSO have a sleep disorder, and I will sometimes roll out of bed 5 minutes before I have to leave because I usually wake up feeling like I didn't sleep at all. She sets an alarm, and I'm not sure if she ignores it or snoozes it or what, but I'm stuck going out at like 9 am when I don't have to be on campus until 11. So I ended up sleeping in this morning bc she never got up, and then I left for work without her because I was already cutting it close, and she was NOT up. Anyway, I feel like an ass, but she's going to have to find something else that works to wake her up, because this is a really major inconvenience. Not to mention she never pays gas money, and is overall not such a good roommate. But she's also my friend, and I don't want to cause problems :/
There's only a little under 2 months of classes yet, but this has become a huge issue. I feel like I've been kind of doing her a lot of favors (not to mention she and her boyfriend are the reason we're not in walking distance of the university) even though I don't really owe anything, and I'm not getting anything at all in return. Things worked last semester because we were always on campus at the same times, but not so much now.
It's really hard to not be extremely annoyed when a lot of things are pretty directly the other person's fault.

Assuming you're both adults cause u say college, then it's def not your problem. If you set a specific time that you're leaving by, it is then just on her to wake up and be ready by that time. She is not a child who needs a parent to wake them up, and college is a great time to learn. If she needs help getting up, there are different alarms, ones that are louder or have timer lights (Trust me, hard to sleep through a bright light right in ur face), or have her put the alarm on the other side of the room so she can't just snooze it half-awake.

As for the not being a good roommate but a friend thing, communication is super important. There's a reason people say not to be roommates with friends. Being in a space between too friendly to not call out and not friendly enough to affectionately call out is tricky, but trust me when I say you won't stay friends if you let a ton of problems just build up because you're friends. It's much better to rip the bandaid and mention some of these problems then let an infection build up.

Yeah, I'm well aware. I have trouble waking up and also have significant hearing loss so sometimes sound alone won't wake me. I usually use the vibration from my phone alarm. Idk what she's doing, but I can hear the alarm through the walls.
Also we tried :/ We really tried to bring stuff up, but her behavior doesn't change. I don't give a shit if she's messy in her own space, but you can't leave twice as many dishes as TWO people and always leave them in the sink. And she always forgets. I think she's spending most of summer with her parents, so it's just a little over a month until she sort of leaves, but god. I don't even know how to bring it up WITHOUT being confrontational at this point because we DID bring it up. We were roommates last year and everything was fine, but since we've had a kitchen, it's been a whole nightmare.

yikes, that sucks. at least its only one more month! I feel ya on the dishes thing, I owned all the pots and pans in the apartment and my last few roommates were really bad with "soaking" them.