forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

I got a knife from a homeless lady the other day

She just gave it to you?

We were chatting and yeah. Not the first time we've hung out though
She also offered to kick a dude for me which i had to sadly reject.

Well she sounds cool

She’s decent folk I think. Lied about smoking weed in the bathroom but hey the rules are different for homeless folks in my book

For some reason my friend and I were talking about how our family enters and exits our rooms. Almost all of them are respectful with knocking (Not my parents though) and they always forget to close the door.
She then asked how I knock on my siblings door. Cut to a flashback I had 10 minutes before our zoom call where I loudly said "Knock knock its the United States" and kicked open his door. (At least I closed it when I was done)

My city is under attack, I will not lie and say I am safe because I really am not. Only for the time being to update friends and family online to the best of my bilitly. I woke up to explosions. My city is under attack my country is at war. It has been but this is an escalation.
I tried to call my grandma but she isn’t answering. I dont know where she is right now if she’s at home or not. I think most of my family in Ukraine has been evacuated. A lot of them in Ukraine still but to safer locations. I will probably be gone from internet for a while since there are widespread internet cuts and right now there is so much going on.

Удачі.

My city is under attack, I will not lie and say I am safe because I really am not. Only for the time being to update friends and family online to the best of my bilitly. I woke up to explosions. My city is under attack my country is at war. It has been but this is an escalation.
I tried to call my grandma but she isn’t answering. I dont know where she is right now if she’s at home or not. I think most of my family in Ukraine has been evacuated. A lot of them in Ukraine still but to safer locations. I will probably be gone from internet for a while since there are widespread internet cuts and right now there is so much going on.

Удачі.

im very very sorry.
I am hoping and even though im not religious, praying that you and your family will be okay.

Who or what are you praying too?

Not to put words in anyone's mouth, but typically that just means to whoever will listen

Not to put words in anyone's mouth, but typically that just means to whoever will listen

yes, very much that.

being raised in a christian household as a non religious person typically means that when I pray for anything or anyone, It's because i'm hoping my parents are right and god might actually be listening, though I don't really believe anymore, so I just pray, to no god or religious figure in mind, I just pray to pray, because it makes me feel like im doing something good for the person im praying for.

If you have anything at all going on in your life please do not read further.

I am so much of a mess right now it's not even funny. I'm barely 19 and in the military, just for a little bit of context. I joined when I was 18, because 1. I was so ready to get out of my house. And 2. I'd been wanting to join since 2009. It's been going fine, I've been Training for the past six months now and have been having quite a lot of fun. It was fine, until about three weeks ago or so. I've had depression before, and was in like the middle of a bad bout' and my team, which I was training with was just doing everything possible to get us in trouble. And our leadership hated/hates us because we won't roll over for them. Not only that but looking at most of the people on my team I don't trust them to have my back at all. I'm supposed to be able to trust these people with my life, especially right now, and there are a lot of people that I just would not trust with my life let alone the lives of the people of the country we're protecting. So yeah, my depression was hitting a little harder than normal. I was struggling to find a reason to keep going. Finally dragged my carcass through the rest of that training, only to have to go to two extra weeks of training. So now I'm out in the middle of the woods rather than taking my ten days of leave to go and see my family. And that was fine. Until my little sister messaged me to inform me that a guy that she's turned down multiple times tried to lay hands on her, even after being told no. So now she's scared to even be at school because the teacher did nothing, the principal is also doing nothing about him, and he has been harassing not just my little sister but also FOUR other girls. So that was great. Then I get a call a couple days later, from my best friend crying because she'd been drugged by a guy and nearly raped not even a week after her boyfriend dumped her. They weren't even on a date they were working on a project together for a college class. So now I'm a bit distressed by both of these things happening within days of each other. I then get a text from my mom letting me know that my grandpa is back in the hospital again. Probably the 11th time in the past 5 months. That was distressing, but it was a frequent thing that I was expecting more times than not, so I was able to handle that. Then I get another call from my best friend telling me that a good friend from High School was killed in a car crash. That same week my mom informed me that the doctors said there was nothing more they could do for my grandpa and it was literally only a matter of time. They estimated a month or two. Which was heartbreaking because I wouldn't be able to be there. I would likely only get to see him one more time. About a week later my older brother got into a car crash and absolutely mangled his car. I really don't have a whole lot of details on his condition other than he's not in the hospital, so he wasn't badly hurt. Still not something I want to hear especially since that weekend I was called by my mom to inform me that my grandpa had passed away. That was Saturday. I still have a week of training to finish and can't take leave until I finish my training. So I have to try and muscle my way through this week while not being able to see my family who is devastated. I'm a wreck because my grandpa was probably my biggest supporter of my choice to join the military. And I didn't even get to see him one more time before he went. The worst part is I was literally going to call him the day he passed because that's what I always did on Saturdays. Called to check in and tell him how training was going. I didn't even get to call him one more time. I didn't even get to properly say goodbye, because when I left for training he was in the hospital. And I feel guilty because there were so many things I wanted to tell him, and I didn't get to. And it's hard to call my family and be a wreck to them because to my three youngest sisters, I'm basically a superhero in their eyes. Nothing makes me cry. I'm supposed to be the big sister that doesn't let anything get to her. Of my siblings I'm the most like my dad. I'm the strong one. I don't cry during movies or shows or things like that. To them I have all the answers. To them I'm unbeatable. So I can't call and vent to my family about just how much I feel like I'm being crushed under everything that has been going wrong. Because I don't want my little sisters to be anymore sad than they already are. They need someone they can lean on. Especially right now since they all loved my grandpa just as much if not more than I did. So I was a complete disaster over the weekend, basically alone, because no one on my team knows what's going on and I don't want to be a burden to them. And now I have to try and survive this week. Which was starting off pretty good. I'd managed to put myself together just enough to actually train. And then, the guy that I went on one date with decided to message me wanting me to answer whether or not I liked him. Now this should have been a simple question, but he phrased it kinda poorly and it came off wrong to me. Especially considering the kind of headspace I'm currently at with everything else going on. So I had to try and explain to him in a not great thrown together text that his timing is not great and I have a lot going on right now I don't have the time to be thinking about a relationship. Not when my personal life is falling apart, and oh yeah I'm in the fucking military part of a unit that happens to deploy quite a lot meaning that if we do enter the fray, yours truly will be of the first groups going. Plus I went on one date with him and then immediately had to go back to training. So I barely even know him. At this point I'm scared to ask what more could go wrong because looking at the track record of the last three weeks, it can find something else to fuck up for me. THREE WEEKS! This has all happened within three weeks. I'm so ready for some kind of good news. Any good news at all. I don't care if it's worldwide good news or just, "it was pretty day today" any good news is appreciated.
Now, if you've managed to read this far into the mountain of problems I'm struggling with, I apologize. I don't really like venting all of my problems at people because it's not fair to them. I was just massively overwhelmed by this month I needed to get it off my chest.
Hopefully the rest of y'all are doing well. Prayers for my family and friends are very much appreciated.

I woke up late this morning and missed my bus so mom had to drive me to school, so she kept being rude to be and when I was rude to her, of course I was told that I shouldn’t be acting like that.

And of course it was all my fucking fault despite the entire damn house sleeping in. I can never make a mistake around. I just done with all this bullshit.

I woke up late this morning and missed my bus so mom had to drive me to school, so she kept being rude to be and when I was rude to her, of course I was told that I shouldn’t be acting like that.

And of course it was all my fucking fault despite the entire damn house sleeping in. I can never make a mistake around. I just done with all this bullshit.

I hate that so much.

My parents do it literally everyday.

I have decided that as soon as I turn 18 I will prepare my plan to ruin my mothers life
Because if I can start ruining it by being born, I can ruin it more by proving her wrong

I did not come out of the queen of bitchery for nothing.

I so done with her

Real talk. Drift away. Don’t do the drama. Wait until you are old to burn bridges. Nothing is worse than regret.

that's my plan too.

im literally crying rn cuz of my mom. she got mad mad at me because i misunderstood her at the mall because she said to meet her at the front of the store, so i thought she meant the store that i told her i would be at, but she got mad at me cuz she actually meant to meet her at the front of the mall. she yelled at me and told me about how she said before that while we were in the car to meet her at the front and my siblings heard her say that, i just didnt hear her. but none of my siblings even remembered her saying that at the time and also thought that she meant to meet her in front of the store in the mall we were at, but when she was yelling at me none of them backed me up at all just to save themselves. then she started yelling at me for other things and ofc i started crying cuz im so tired of of her yelling at me for everything meanwhile my siblings get away with anything and then she gets even madder at me for crying saying that im over the top. the least she could do is apoligize for always yelling but even now shes still acting like im just dramatic and like she did nothing wrong. i actually hate it here

Chronic pain is actual torture.
If you met a prisoner of war or something and you knew they had been physically tortured, you'd have no problem accepting they could not have come out of that mentally healthy. They probably have ptsd or similar problems.
So when you meet someone with chronic pain, just know it's not much different physically. And there is no escape from it. No matter how sane I was previously, I cannot possibly be expected to handle constant excruciating pain with a smile on my face. But that's what this godforsaken society demands.
Fidgeting is not excess energy, it's writhing in pain. Having a blank slate or no responding isn't just depression, it's literal shock from the pain. There's so much hopelessness and so much loss. And yeah, I am too young. I'm way to young to deal with this shit. But I am.
I'm just pissed. So fucking pissed at the world for not cutting me some fucking slack. I could not exaggerate how much physical pain I'm in. It literally drives me crazy and no one in my life seems to care or even try to conceptualize how I feel.

I can empathize only to a degree, but my spirit goes out to you
Also F in the chat bc yeah that sucks

If someone brings me caffeine tomorrow I swear I will cry

If someone brings me caffeine tomorrow I swear I will cry

Actually, I'm in such a bad state that someone could do the bear minimum and I will sob

Bruh living in an abusive home really sucks. -10/10

Bruh living in an abusive home really sucks. -10/10

for real though. -10/10

Bruh living in an abusive home really sucks. -10/10

for real though. -10/10

This homelife is trash -25/5 Stars