I don't feel anyone really understands how much physical pain I'm in on the day to day. And that makes me look like more of a wimp than I am. Like, I was already a weakling before all this and now I can barely do anything. It makes me feel like more of a burden. Or that everyone's looking at me like a hypochondriac, or thinking "they don't need x, they're not in that much pain." Everything hurts now. I wish it were more visible to people, but because it's an invisible illness, I have to tell people about it if I want understanding or accommodations. And that makes me look attention seeking, or like I've made my personality my disorder. I'm really not, it's just when something takes over your life it's probably a good idea to pay attention to it and hardly a choice. The whole thing is dumb.
I have like 12 homework assignments due tonight, have a whole list of things to do around the house, and 3 other things that I need to do before I leave on a trip next Monday that I can't do because I work all week. And instead of doing any of that I watched a documentary of a man removing 4 teeth from a crocodiles mouth
Oh my god I have so much to do before I move ;-;
We have to get the electricity turned on, set up a room code, figure out parking……
Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited to move out of my parents' house, but I have to do so much adult stuff, even just in preparation.
Oh noooo, I'm applying for a job and I don't even have a current resume
I just need to talk about a couple of incidents that happened recently. During my tap class, an older man came in asking where the chiropractor was. There was a chiropractor's office next door to my dance studio until fairly recently, so his confusion was understandable and my teacher gently told him it wasn't there anymore. He insisted that it was there and at first we were like, "oh, he's a confused old man who hasn't been out here in a while." Then he started begging my teacher to be his chiropractor, and he supposedly touched her too. She eventually lied to him and said it was up the road just to get him to leave, and when she came back to us, she was visibly shaken and uncomfortable. Every time someone passed by or came in for the rest of the class, she got very paranoid and checked to see who it was. We all formulated a defense plan for if he came back. He didn't, but this incident made me very uncomfortable and upset. It didn't help that earlier that day, a much older man (who was WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND) started checking out my 18-year-old cousin when we went out for coffee. It made her really uncomfortable too. These situations just made me feel really awful and kind of gross, and I wish there was something I could do in situations like this to help.
Tw for minor body image/weight stuff. Nothing too heavy, but just in case.
Spoiler - click to show.
A big "fuck you" to my mom for being so weirdly obsessive over my brother's and my weights. He's "too skinny" even though he's just a regular gangly teen boy who grew really tall really fast. She needs to stop telling him to eat more and telling him he needs to put on weight. He's fine, and he knows how to take care of himself. And for me, I've always been on the heavier side, but I've gained a lot of weight recently. I (stupidly) decided to confide in her just how heavy I'd gotten (because I don't look it at all), and how I was feeling insecure. And yknow, she told me the same old stuff. Basically implied it's all my fault. I could stand to exercise more, sure, but I eat pretty well, and a lot of my weight gain was due to medication and other health problems. Said weight gain hasn't affected my blood pressure or anything at all. I'm probably physically healthier now than before I put on the weight, having started antidepressants and treatment for sleep apnea. I decided I'm going to try exercise, but I hate running, hate elliptical machines, and I don't feel like stationary bikes do enough for me, so I've elected to start using weight machines. And my mom. Had the nerve. To tell me not to bulk up too much. Just say I'm ugly no matter what I do and be done with it. You don't like anything I do to my body, but guess what??? It's my body. I'm the only person who has to love it, and it's been a fight getting there.
And you keep fighting, Bec. Unironically, love yourself.
I have so much stuff to do and I feel like shit, so lets take a bunch of med, wish I had a redbull, and maybe die. IDK, depends on how I feel later
I have so much stuff to do and I feel like shit, so lets take a bunch of med, wish I had a redbull, and maybe die. IDK, depends on how I feel later
I did not die. My brother was a godsent and brought be a Dutch Bros rebel at work ( I don't ever drink DB unless I got a free thing, so that was a shock. Also it was really good). I did indeed take a bunch of medicine and I got my essay turned in 5 minutes before it was due. I still feel like shit and want to die, but I need to work tomorrow so maybe later
fall out boy dropped out of the boston show and it kinda sucks because they're the reason i was going to hella mega in the first place. i'm glad they're staying safe though
im sat here on the couch and my grandma is showing my sister and I boomer memes
why does she have a gta 5 stream on her facebook recommended
God, I can't stop thinking about how angry it makes me that some employers hate "unnatural" hair colors and tattoos and call them "unprofessional." There's no basis. There's literally no fucking basis for that.
I'm convinced the hair dye thing especially is targeted at queer people since a lot of us do find that hair dye is part of our expression. But there's not really any good way to fix the issue because like yeah, we choose to look a certain way, so there's no sort of discrimination- at least not illegal discrimination. But literally the criticism of people who choose to modify their hair and bodies is completely unfounded, ESPECIALLY when they aren't even customer-facing roles.
Would you think facial tattoos should also be fine at work?
My University has a rule against colored hair on campus because it's "unprofessional" and every time anyone brings it Up I pull up a picture of BTS speaking at the UN with unnatural hair colors. If it's professional enough for the UN it's professional enough for everywhere else.
Would you think facial tattoos should also be fine at work?
Yes, actually. It doesn't affect job performance and it's a bullshit rule. I don't know anyone under the age of 40 who actually gives a fuck.
I literally can't think of any reason it's "unprofessional" other than you don't want to scandalize old people, which is also really dumb. People who have a problem with that stuff should get over themselves.
The ONLY kind of body mod I can see being disallowed in the workplace is anything like piercings that might get in the physical way of a job. But even then, they should be allowed to have them, but take them out when they have to work.
Oh God, now I'm crying bc while packing I found a journal from my senior piano recital that people left notes in for me. Like I've read them before, but it's been almost 4 years since.
And there is a note from my grandfather who passed in February so I'm just sitting here really sentimental and sad.
Also so many of the notes were about how talented I was and how successful I was going to be, but I've lost all passion for piano, so it just really makes me sad to look back on.
My family is leaving for a vacation tomorrow. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited and of course I say yes because it's what's expected of me. But truth is, I'm dreading it. I truly dislike travel and would prefer to be at home, plus we've already taken a vacation this year. I'm so reluctant to even think about it and I really don't want to go, but my mother would never cancel and even if she would, it's too late. I really don't know what to do. Everyone thinks I'm so excited for this and I don't want to let anyone down, but I don't want to keep up this charade for the whole week-long trip.
it's so freeing and terrifying to do impulsive things - i cut the sleeves off my battle jacket and have started to make the denim into patches for the vest and ugh it feels good to not have to put myself in danger to feel like this. also shout out to the person wearing their vest to the green day concert last night, it inspired my back patch lol
Very large argument/story up ahead 😬
My fiance had to put off moving in until late this week bc they're having mental health issues, which is fine. And their mom who was also going to help is going through a rough patch. I know they need to take this time for themself, they haven't been able to get meds refilled, so they're trying to get that shit together before school starts. But I told my parents and my mom has gone absolutely ballistic. Like off the walls, I've never seen her go this nuts in my life.
I didn't give details, I said the reason they were moving in later wasn't really anyone's business, including mine, but that everything was okay. And she kept. Pestering me. My answer was always the same because that's not mine to tell.
So she doesn't want me to live by myself (for less than a week, mind you), and I get that, but instead of voicing her concerns like a normal human being, she just kept yelling and being angry. It's okay to be upset, I won't tell her how to feel, but maybe just don't take that out on other people.
So she started texting me fiance's mom and trying to dig, pulling guilt trip after guilt trip, and I basically had to swoop in on the other end and be like "don't let her get to you, she's just like this. You're not the problem, I promise."
My dad has very much sided with me and what I want to do. He trusts my judgement, and I seriously thank him for that. Also. She's just being ridiculous. Like she took this and blew it way out of proportion.
But what really bothered me was when she finally caught on after nosing around for hours and determined it was a mental health thing.
"How do you know he's actually coming back and won't bail again?"
"You shouldn't have to take care of another person for the rest of your life!"
"Your mental health problems are his fault!"
"He's weak, you need a big strong man who's going to support you!"
All things she said while literally sobbing.
And they're all wrong???? Like does she not understand how relationships work? (And also that there's really no "man" in the relationship?)
So I uh. Told her she didn't have to help me if she didnt approve, and to stop shit-talking my fiance. And she just got more angry. I was already furious at this point, and she's damn lucky I'm not short fused bc I would've had her ass. She can come after me from time to time, but not my love. It was literally the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
I tried to talk like a normal human, stay lighthearted before everything exploded. (ie: "haha, I'm generally pretty paranoid and even I think I'll be perfectly safe." And "It'll be less than a week. I promise I'll be okay." And "We talked about it first. I told him it was fine.")
Literally all my dad asked me was whether it was going to be an issue with school or rent, just making sure we were okay and good to go.
But my mom has just made this into a whole fiasco. I already really don't like her. And this is legitimately the most angry I've ever been at her, and maybe any individual in my life.
Welcome back to me freaking out because a dude I work with kind of asked me out and IDK how to feel about that, an old friend is trying to set me up with her brother who is 3 years older than me (IDK why thats important, but I felt like saying it) and a kid who I rode the bus with 2 years ago just texted me (He got my phone number from a thing in our church) and asked if I wanted to hang out (I know he likes me because he gave me a not on the last day of school saying so)
I feel like the universe is pushing for me to get a boyfriend. And I'm over here like, I want a cuddle buddy, a partner in crime, and an adventure friend. Not a boyfriend.
Not to push you towards a bf or anything, but why can't those things be a bf?
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