forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Each to their own. I believe all lies are wrong, but some can be waived if done for a good enough reason.

The world's not that black and white. One shouldn't lie just for the sake of it, but there's absolutely a time and a place. While it maybe sounds like I'm saying "haha, you should lie to your parents," I mean you should tell little lies if that means keeping yourself safe. I never ever lied to my dad from what I can remember, but I have to lie to my mom a lot more than I would like to. Already tried the whole honesty thing with her. A lot.
Heavily implying that lying- maybe even to protect myself- is morally incorrect is not it my dude.

Ay I'm not trying to police you're beliefs just trying to navigate living a strict moral code while living w abuse

Lying is wrong unless telling the truth brings pain/abuse/punishment (by punishment I mean stuff like "you're gay and I'm punishing you for it" not well earned consequences of not doing your chores lol)

Lying is wrong unless telling the truth brings pain/abuse/punishment (by punishment I mean stuff like "you're gay and I'm punishing you for it" not well earned consequences of not doing your chores lol)

Facts
I lie everyday because I like having a roof over my head and food to eat. Once I'm 18 I don't believe that'll be my parent's responsibility anymore so I won't feel the need to lie (though it might go on a bit longer for the sake of my relationship with my mom).
If I told the truth now I'd be ✨abused✨ and I ain't looking for that kind of trouble.
I don't like lying, but I'm 100% justified.

Lying is wrong unless telling the truth brings pain/abuse/punishment (by punishment I mean stuff like "you're gay and I'm punishing you for it" not well earned consequences of not doing your chores lol)

Facts
I lie everyday because I like having a roof over my head and food to eat. Once I'm 18 I don't believe that'll be my parent's responsibility anymore so I won't feel the need to lie (though it might go on a bit longer for the sake of my relationship with my mom).
If I told the truth now I'd be ✨abused✨ and I ain't looking for that kind of trouble.
I don't like lying, but I'm 100% justified.

Same. I don't think that if I came out there would be physical abuse, but I think there would definitely be emotional/psychological shit, and there would one hundred percent be loss of "privileges" like my phone, my laptop, and access to the internet, and my parents would likely establish a chokehold on what I'm allowed to read, they might start reading my texts again/establish more control methods over my devices….basically it would become rather hellish. So I lie. I'll come out once I'm no longer dependent on them for anything (aka once I'm moved out and financially independent)

Same! The closet is safest

I purchased my laptop myself with my own money, and so the idea that my parents would probably still take it away makes me furious lmfao. like. I paid for this bc I wanted a good laptop I could do schoolwork and play games on. I used my own money. and they would still take it away bc i'm "a minor living under our roof" or some shit like that. like. they paid for my phone so fine, whatever, it's technically theirs. whatever. they pay for the internet so fine. taking it away. whatever. but i paid for my laptop. it is mine.

anyways idk why I'm ranting about something that hasn't/won't happen lmao

Nah I get furious about things that haven't happened too lol
It's just that I know they would happen is what gets me. It's like I'm pre-dissapointed.

lol
Yes exactly! I ,,, can get myself worked up into a fury over something that hasn't happened but y'know, maybe it could or would happen and then I get mad and grumpy about something that hasn't even happened yet and may never will

pre-dissapointed.

Lmao felt

So either me or my fiance drives my roommate to campus most days because she can't drive, and her boyfriend pretty much never drives her. And she basically never wakes up on time??? Which it's okay if she gets ready quickly and we're cutting it a little close, but when I have to get up early bc she goes to class before I do, I'm super annoyed to have to give a wake-up call when I'm already up late. I wouldn't care if it was occasionally, but it's most days now. I know she has sleep issues and basically never gets to sleep before 4 am, but I ALSO have a sleep disorder, and I will sometimes roll out of bed 5 minutes before I have to leave because I usually wake up feeling like I didn't sleep at all. She sets an alarm, and I'm not sure if she ignores it or snoozes it or what, but I'm stuck going out at like 9 am when I don't have to be on campus until 11. So I ended up sleeping in this morning bc she never got up, and then I left for work without her because I was already cutting it close, and she was NOT up. Anyway, I feel like an ass, but she's going to have to find something else that works to wake her up, because this is a really major inconvenience. Not to mention she never pays gas money, and is overall not such a good roommate. But she's also my friend, and I don't want to cause problems :/
There's only a little under 2 months of classes yet, but this has become a huge issue. I feel like I've been kind of doing her a lot of favors (not to mention she and her boyfriend are the reason we're not in walking distance of the university) even though I don't really owe anything, and I'm not getting anything at all in return. Things worked last semester because we were always on campus at the same times, but not so much now.
It's really hard to not be extremely annoyed when a lot of things are pretty directly the other person's fault.

So either me or my fiance drives my roommate to campus most days because she can't drive, and her boyfriend pretty much never drives her. And she basically never wakes up on time??? Which it's okay if she gets ready quickly and we're cutting it a little close, but when I have to get up early bc she goes to class before I do, I'm super annoyed to have to give a wake-up call when I'm already up late. I wouldn't care if it was occasionally, but it's most days now. I know she has sleep issues and basically never gets to sleep before 4 am, but I ALSO have a sleep disorder, and I will sometimes roll out of bed 5 minutes before I have to leave because I usually wake up feeling like I didn't sleep at all. She sets an alarm, and I'm not sure if she ignores it or snoozes it or what, but I'm stuck going out at like 9 am when I don't have to be on campus until 11. So I ended up sleeping in this morning bc she never got up, and then I left for work without her because I was already cutting it close, and she was NOT up. Anyway, I feel like an ass, but she's going to have to find something else that works to wake her up, because this is a really major inconvenience. Not to mention she never pays gas money, and is overall not such a good roommate. But she's also my friend, and I don't want to cause problems :/
There's only a little under 2 months of classes yet, but this has become a huge issue. I feel like I've been kind of doing her a lot of favors (not to mention she and her boyfriend are the reason we're not in walking distance of the university) even though I don't really owe anything, and I'm not getting anything at all in return. Things worked last semester because we were always on campus at the same times, but not so much now.
It's really hard to not be extremely annoyed when a lot of things are pretty directly the other person's fault.

Assuming you're both adults cause u say college, then it's def not your problem. If you set a specific time that you're leaving by, it is then just on her to wake up and be ready by that time. She is not a child who needs a parent to wake them up, and college is a great time to learn. If she needs help getting up, there are different alarms, ones that are louder or have timer lights (Trust me, hard to sleep through a bright light right in ur face), or have her put the alarm on the other side of the room so she can't just snooze it half-awake.

As for the not being a good roommate but a friend thing, communication is super important. There's a reason people say not to be roommates with friends. Being in a space between too friendly to not call out and not friendly enough to affectionately call out is tricky, but trust me when I say you won't stay friends if you let a ton of problems just build up because you're friends. It's much better to rip the bandaid and mention some of these problems then let an infection build up.

Yeah, I'm well aware. I have trouble waking up and also have significant hearing loss so sometimes sound alone won't wake me. I usually use the vibration from my phone alarm. Idk what she's doing, but I can hear the alarm through the walls.
Also we tried :/ We really tried to bring stuff up, but her behavior doesn't change. I don't give a shit if she's messy in her own space, but you can't leave twice as many dishes as TWO people and always leave them in the sink. And she always forgets. I think she's spending most of summer with her parents, so it's just a little over a month until she sort of leaves, but god. I don't even know how to bring it up WITHOUT being confrontational at this point because we DID bring it up. We were roommates last year and everything was fine, but since we've had a kitchen, it's been a whole nightmare.

yikes, that sucks. at least its only one more month! I feel ya on the dishes thing, I owned all the pots and pans in the apartment and my last few roommates were really bad with "soaking" them.

TW: ab*se, paranoia, hallucinations

(It isn’t letting me do the spoiler thing, so just scroll past this really fast if you don’t wanna see it)

I just now realized that one of the reasons why I’m so insecure about my body as a trans man is because my abuser not only sexually abused and r*ped me, but also repeatedly denied my identity, and that’s carried over into my current relationship. I usually find myself avoiding sexual situations with my boyfriend, because I’m worried that he’ll see me as more feminine when I have my clothes off, even though he’s told me multiple times that isn’t the case. I can’t handle anyone touching my boobs, since my abuser did that to me a lot, so my binder just stays on if/when we do anything. He’s very supportive, and has been incredibly patient with me, and that means the world to me, especially since I’m used to being told that I’m just exaggerating or that my problems don’t matter. I hate that what my abuser did is hindering this relationship, because I want to trust my boyfriend so so badly, but my brain isn’t letting me.

I have hallucinations pretty frequently, and more recently I’ve started having olfactory hallucinations. I’ll be in my house or something and I’ll smell what my abuser smelled like for a couple seconds and then it’d be gone, and it really shakes me up every time. I know the smell wasn’t real, because he smelled like a very specific laundry detergent (I don’t know which one it is, but it’s not the one I use) and a very specific second hand smoke smell (my parents don’t smoke).

I also go into these paranoiac episodes where I think that my abuser is some sort of monster that can take other people’s skin and wear it, which makes it really really hard for me to trust people sometimes. I’ve come up with a few ways for me to make sure that people aren’t him. If they’re a lot taller or shorter than him, or a vastly different build, I can rule those people out. Another way for me to narrow them down is eyes, but only if I know the person really well and can recognize their eyes, and looking at their teeth. He had a chip in one of his front teeth. I know that all of this is complete nonsense, but sometimes I genuinely believe this stuff and I hate it. It makes me feel like everyone thinks I’m crazy, and the worst part is that I’m not very good at stopping those episodes quickly. I hate that he’s still affecting me this much, and I don’t know how to stop it.

I can’t empathize, because I have never been in your exact situation; but know that you’re going in the right directions. You can only control your mind so much. Sometimes it’s going to throw things at you that make no sense. I understand how horrible it is to be trapped in a cage made of smoke. You’re doing the right things. As ridiculous as your coping mechanisms might seem, it’s important to learn to deny false realities and acknowledge their falseness.
What you’re going through is a bit more dramatic than what everyone deals with, but all people live in lies. Knowing they are merely that is half the battle. One day this too shall pass. One day you will heal.

I find it funny that my mother chooses the time I have my period to always say shit about me. Because she knows I’ll get mad and she’ll have an excuse to put me in trouble and take away the things I love. So I think it’s really pissing her off that I’m acting “calm”, I’m doing it to piss her off.

Is she on her period too though?

Umm…?

Not to excuse her behavior but maybe she's more emotionally low and inhibited.

I don't think that should be an excuse to treat your own child the way she's acting.
Like most mother's get periods and yet not all of them try to get their child to engage with them in fighting by talking shit about them.

You also probably shouldn't speak on the matter if you've never had that experience. It sounds wayyyy too similar to the whole "this person is having emotions, they must be on their period 🤪" that we hear a lot.
Also it sounds like a repeat behavior, so I highly doubt that's the case- at least, not every time. Even if it was, hormonal moodiness doesn't lower your inhibitions when it comes to actually voicing those thoughts.

wondering if I have psychosis or if it's just the sleep deprivation fucking me over again

I am hearing shit and I am seeing shit out of the corner of my eyes and I am so fucking exhausted

wondering if I have psychosis or if it's just the sleep deprivation fucking me over again

I am hearing shit and I am seeing shit out of the corner of my eyes and I am so fucking exhausted

If you know it's not real, it's probably not psychosis.
Small hallucinations and confusions are common with sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and stress. Rest up m8.

wondering if I have psychosis or if it's just the sleep deprivation fucking me over again

I am hearing shit and I am seeing shit out of the corner of my eyes and I am so fucking exhausted

If you know it's not real, it's probably not psychosis.
Small hallucinations and confusions are common with sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and stress. Rest up m8.

Me: on the verge of tears, feeling too many emotions
The fucking bellringer: how was ur spring break? Terrible or great? :)

Me: on the verge of tears, feeling too many emotions
The fucking bellringer: how was ur spring break? Terrible or great? :)

DUDE SAME

Me: on the verge of tears, feeling too many emotions
The fucking bellringer: how was ur spring break? Terrible or great? :)

DUDE SAME

bruh was urs last week too

Me: on the verge of tears, feeling too many emotions
The fucking bellringer: how was ur spring break? Terrible or great? :)

DUDE SAME

bruh was urs last week too

no my break was the week before last :'(