forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

happy vent: school went back to 4 days a week and i actually like it. i get to see my friends again and we're all having the time of our lives jhsjhdnkf

TW: hospitals?? & psych wards?? idk if i need to put this here but better safe than sorry
Okay! So! i got back from the hospital for the 7th time today. and they wont admit me even though i'm unstable and i just aaaaaaa i need to go back but my parents are exhausted and arent in a good state to drive so i cant go to the hospital and i'm scared to call my therapist

Why aren't they admitting you?

hEY GAMERS

So guess who cried for the first time in literal MONTHS due to cPTSD? Me!!!!!!!

tw: trauma warning

My sympathies, Emi.

TW: hospitals?? & psych wards?? idk if i need to put this here but better safe than sorry
Okay! So! i got back from the hospital for the 7th time today. and they wont admit me even though i'm unstable and i just aaaaaaa i need to go back but my parents are exhausted and arent in a good state to drive so i cant go to the hospital and i'm scared to call my therapist

Why aren't they admitting you?

i talked to my therapist and apparently she might send me to a residential but she says inpatient apparently 'is not right for me'

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
SH

That sucks. I'm sorry, Reed.
Every day is a new beginning.

I have my chemistry midterm on Thursday and I just feel like I’m gonna fail. The review is literally so long and I feel like I don’t know anything.

If you have any specific questions on Chem, you can shoot them my way.
Also chem is one of the subjects where Khan Academy is very helpful

Thanks Bec!

my very homophobic parents just took my phone and are looking through it
im shaking right now im gonna have a heart attack

oh god I know that feeling, I'm so sorry :(

Whatever they find and decide to berate you for (assuming they're the type to do that sort of thing), try to remember what you know.
You know it's not wrong to be queer and connect with other queer people.
You know your identity is unique and perfect the way it is.
You know that one day you won't have to live with them and deal with their phobic asses. One day it will get better.

Do you have a safety plan? A friend or family member you can go to?

Whatever they find and decide to berate you for (assuming they're the type to do that sort of thing), try to remember what you know.
You know it's not wrong to be queer and connect with other queer people.
You know your identity is unique and perfect the way it is.
You know that one day you won't have to live with them and deal with their phobic asses. One day it will get better.

Do you have a safety plan? A friend or family member you can go to?

thankfully they didn't find anything
also everyone ik is homophobic :(

That's good they didn't find anything that could potentially out you. I'm sorry everyone you know is homophobic- I live in a place where it's hard to find other queer people/allies too. It's still good to have a safety plan, even though you don't personally know anyone who you'd feel safe with.

To all my queers out there, this goes for you too. If you live in an unaccepting home/situation. It's always good to have a plan. It sucks we should come up with one, but there's a very slight, very unfortunate chance we'll have to use it one day.

To start, you can always text (START to 678678) or call (1-866-488-7386) the Trevor Project when you're in crisis and need to talk about anything. I'm sure they'd be happy to walk through steps for forming a safety plan. If you feel unsafe in your home, I'd google search for local safe spaces, like a pride center or youth shelter. There's also this text line that'll tell you where the nearest safe space is:

Text the word “safe” and your current location (address, city, state) to 4HELP (44357).
Within seconds, you will receive a message with the closest Safe Place site and phone number for the local youth agency.
For immediate help, reply with “2chat” to text interactively with a trained counselor.

and lastly, here's the link to the National LGBTQ Help Center: http://www.glnh.org/

You're a real one Owen. I appreciate you.

thank you @berlioz

Also this is unrelated but i'm just gonna rant about my brother bc im kinda fed up with him
Ok first off, last year, my parents said that if i got all As they would get me an ipad. I worked really hard and got really good grades and got my reward. Later on, I saved up money to get an apple pencil. Now here's where my brother comes in. He literally hogs up the ipad and plays games on there for like 8 hours a day and i get to use it maybe once every 1 or 2 weeks for like an hour max. and he gets mad when i use it even though it's mine. he's also always trying to get me in trouble because he knowd my parents hate me rn. he blackmails me so i do stuff for him and every time i don't do what he wants he yells to my dad, "guess who (my name) watches" he threatens to tell my parents that i watch quackity (which rn is one of the only things that makes me happy) and if they find out i do ik i'll get into a lot of trouble because my parents are extremely strict and hate swearing. also i hate the fact he literally yells because our house is small and my parents are gonna hear him then start asking question and my parents already give me no privacy and constantly take my phone away. also like a couple minutes ago he called me and he's with my parents in the car and for no reason he started yelling about quackity again and they're in the car which they'll obviously hear. and they're also together alone which i'm scared he'll just tell my parents. on top of all this he calls me fat so much. like at the very least 5 times a day but usually a lot more and i'm not even fat. like i'm barely at an average weight for my height.

wow this rlly long sorry i just needed to get this out bc i'm in a really bad mood

Oh man, Moss, that really sucks, I'm so sorry :(

I have to do credit recovery for a math term I failed to graduate and it's ridiculously difficult for me. I've had to ask for retakes on the first quiz that's supposed to be easy, and I know I'll have to ask for more because I just can't pass it. This is dumb, but I'm shameless about it- I cannot do math without crying. I have intense math anxiety and doing calculations is so fucking taxing on my brain. I can't do it without being in agony, and even then I'm always wrong, so I'm not even really doing it. So I either don't do it or guess. But I need this to graduate and guessing isn't working. I was supposed to have an IEP like moths ago now, so I might ask about that and see if I can at least have less to do. I don't know, this sucks.

how is everyone doing?

So, I am almost a legal adult and don't have my license yet and my parents and siblings give me so much crap about it that they are forcing me to do it when they always seem to forget that the main reason I don't want to drive is the act that a kid right outside my neighborhood (I live in a relatively safe one) got into a major car accident and died. And I know it's a stupid thing to worry about but the kid was a really good driver, and I've ridden with him many times and the fact that it wasn't his fault and it was the other guys fault freaks me out. Even though I take that risk every time I get into the car, there is a part of me that always goes 'What if one day I'm not the kid in the scenario, but I'm the other guy'. and that always freaks me out

So, I am almost a legal adult and don't have my license yet and my parents and siblings give me so much crap about it that they are forcing me to do it when they always seem to forget that the main reason I don't want to drive is the act that a kid right outside my neighborhood (I live in a relatively safe one) got into a major car accident and died. And I know it's a stupid thing to worry about but the kid was a really good driver, and I've ridden with him many times and the fact that it wasn't his fault and it was the other guys fault freaks me out. Even though I take that risk every time I get into the car, there is a part of me that always goes 'What if one day I'm not the kid in the scenario, but I'm the other guy'. and that always freaks me out

My parents are the same way, I turn 17 in four months and they're forcing me to get a license and I have so much fear going into it because my biological father died in a car accident and I'm afraid to also die in a car accident.
They're like, getting really mad at me too, and they just don't understand.

So you're totally not alone. I'm gonna have to regardless of what I think, so I guess imma have to suck it up.

Look on the bright side tho, with this fear we might be the safest drivers in the world lmao

I kinda get it. I do drive. I did get my license at 16. But I was also kinda slow to do so for the same reason.
I witnessed a fatal crash with a teenage driver a few years prior, and that made driving incredibly scary. And it still can be, but unfortunately you just gotta do it.
This is one of those cases where you have to push through eventually, although it does help greatly if your family is understanding of your hesitancy.
I've actually had a few minor panic attacks driving, so it was no joke. So I just avoided certain roads and situations that triggered that until I was ready (ie, the interstate and this one specific very narrow road downtown).
And yes, I do think that fear makes you a more cautious driver. It's still scary. I think about dying in an accident a lot. But this is one of those things where slowly working yourself in really helps.

some tips that helped me get over my fear of driving:

• Cars are so much safer than a few years ago with driving assist and physical designs, and they will continue to only get safer
• The rules are there for a reason and most people do follow them
• If you have a gps or a good mental map, you don't have to take busy roads. I could drive anywhere in my area through sidestreets and only have to cross one busier road (and it has a light), so that means slower pace and fewer other cars
• Driving a car is necessary to learn, and can be very helpful in life and emergencies, even if driving is not a daily thing

Yeah I'm about to start going through the process of getting my permit closer to 18 than 17 and I just took a few years to get through my anxiety about it

I live in yeehaw County so no one gives a shit and I saw that as I walked a lot almost daily

Also walking on/close to the roads (where I was permitted to walk ofc) and seeing how the road works and how people drove helped me a lot