forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Divorced My 3rd Husband Yesterday.

i can be your 4th

tw? eds

Hhhh we love anxiety symptoms that look like covid symptoms

Hhhh we love anxiety symptoms that look like covid symptoms

Mood. and then my anxiety loves it even more, thanks health anxiety.
_{I hate when it happens to me, I hope you feel better soon!}

Thank you! I think just letting myself lay in bed, curl up in blankets, and relax helped a lot. And my stomach seems to be feeling better at least.

is it normal and okay to just feel like laying in bed all day cause you're too exhausted to get up except for taking care of things only you can do so that's exactly what you do

lowkey wondering cause i've been told indirectly over and over that if i do this
i'm just being a lazy ass and need to get my ass out of bed and i'll feel better

but i did get up today
i was at my pc for like an hour or two and i was still so tired
and crashed maybe fiveish hours after i woke up idfk

Nah, it doesn't make you lazy at all.
Now it's not normal, per se, for it to be a consistent, recurring thing, beyond maybe just crashing on weekends (that can be a sign of mental illness, whether it be depression or something else. A lot of us have been there.)
But again. Sure as hell doesn't make you lazy. Sometimes getting up doesn't make you feel better, and that's okay too.

okay thank you
i really needed to hear that today <3

Well, That's been me for the past week oof.
For me it's currently still Seasonal Adjustment Disorder mixed with iron deficiency. What I do for getting back into a normal schedule (which is super easy but so hard when you feel like sleeping) is taking iron suppliments and vitamin D, then i pretend to be a plant and drink plain water and sit by a sunny window first thing in the morning. The vitamins stuff you might want to consult with an adult first, but it can help if you're physically crashing, same with the water. The sunlight thing works for me cause it makes my brain think daytime, which gets bad with SAD because it's dark so early. In theory its all just fixing physical problems and tricking out the mental ones for me.

If you're really tired all the time, it's very worth it to try and figure out why. I know my stuff probably won't apply to most people if any, but if anything helps it's worth a shot!

^^^ For sure. Like sometimes it's strictly mental health related. But for some of us it's definitely a physical health thing too.
Like for me it's depression plus sleep disorder. Took me years to figure the latter out though.

alright thank youuu-

Pickles has her True Crime Don'ts, I have my Creepypasta and Serial Killer Don'ts
Serial Killer Don'ts with Ash:
If you're gonna make a mess of a room, don't get it on the ceiling, be considerate of the cleanup crew

Creepypasta Don'ts with Ash:
If your dead aunt leaves you a letter saying not to go in the basement, don't go into the basement, and especially not through the door that you were pretty sure wasn't there a second ago

Thanks Ash, I'll be sure to tip the cleanup crew as well 👍

is it normal and okay to just feel like laying in bed all day cause you're too exhausted to get up except for taking care of things only you can do so that's exactly what you do

lowkey wondering cause i've been told indirectly over and over that if i do this
i'm just being a lazy ass and need to get my ass out of bed and i'll feel better

but i did get up today
i was at my pc for like an hour or two and i was still so tired
and crashed maybe fiveish hours after i woke up idfk

Just remember that even though you aren't lazy for not getting up, sometimes thst can be very mentally unhealthy.

hm oki

Thanks Ash, I'll be sure to tip the cleanup crew as well 👍

That's great to do, especially in hotter weather! The smell gets atrocious

i cant do this anymore
i really cant

i asked him why
he gave me good reasonable answers

god i cant fucking do this anymore
and because i have direct contact with one of his irl friends
he said she'll let me know if anything happens to him

god i-
please fucking kill me
i cant handle this

fren cryp told me that i would break under all this
and i thought i could tough it out
and eventually i found a way to cope
to just constantly seek out distractions so i dont feel as bad

but god fucking no
i have to face this now
trying to numb myself with the song that always makes me cry on repeat agian
it isnt working
i dont think my comfort song or comfort streamer will help either
please i just want to stop existing
i hate feelings

just
i dont want to be here
i can't i can't
im gonna break under this
i know i am
i cant do this anymore

and this situation?
it's not important at all to my dad that i'm suffering bc of this
ivegotten so good at hiding it
that evne tho ive told him 2 times now
he asked me if there was anything wrong this morning and i said no, and he didnt say a thing after that
thats how i know he forgot already
fuck
i have no one
my friends i barely get to speak with them over vc/irl

icanticanticant

Hollyyy crap. I messed up. I fricking messed up. I cant. My finals due tomorrow and I can't. I'm freaking out because of the shit I've been telling myself, "Do it later", "You still have time". I always understand that it's wrong to procrastinate but I'm a hypocrite. I always procrastinate. And last second I cry About it. It's my -cking grade. I cant be left-back. I've learned too much and I can't. I may leave Notebook to calm down and cope with myself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to myself, I've messed up to many times and this may be the one that costs me… Im in a bad place right now…

well, i fucked up. i really really fucked up.
i lied to my dad, i ended up hurting my brother when i was just trying to hang out near him, i lost my family's trust…
i'm sorry. i'm so goddamn sorry that i always mess up even when i have good intentions.
no one needs me. i'm better off dead.

Ok, I have moved away from this Chat for a while because for personal reasons, But you three I just really feel like I need to sip ant tell ya'll some things. So I'm handing you a blanket a cup of hot chocolate and some tissues as I say this. One person per post.

Izzy, You have done a lot, a lot of work and time and effort has been spent on these people and your friends and worrying about them in loving them and caring about them. Izzy love, You can't keep giving, you just can't, You are going to run out and you are running out, I can read it in your posts, you're at a breaking point, heck you are past a breaking point. Do what you can for them, because this is a serious situation, do what you can, contact someone who can get in contact with their parents or their local help line or something, get in contact let them know, that's what you can do. Tell them what you feel you can, and that's all you can do. You need to do things for you. I'm not saying to ignore when another friend is in distress, but you do need to stop taking responsibility for it. It isn't your fault, do not blame yourself. You did not cause them to think the way that they do. It is not your responsibility to feel guilty, it isn't your responsibility to feel like a failure. It is not. Sometimes you have to step away, I know it seems awful, just completely and utterly awful to step away when other people are hurting and you feel like you can help, but sometimes you can't. I'm sorry, that is not what you want to hear, but you can't help everyone, and you can't help all the time. Being told that feels terrible, and stepping away feels worse but Izzy, you are going to tear yourself to bits. You need to take a step back and work on you and care about you, and learn how to love you and appreciate you, you can't keep going on like this.
I don't often or ever tell people what they need to do, I just suggest, even strongly suggest. But Izzy this has been ripping you apart for so long and hurting you for so long, you need to make time for you, and I know that is hard. I know it's hard Because I know what it is like to not want to exist and, I know what it's like to shut down the emotions and just go numb as a survival mechanism. I know what it is like to blame yourself for another persons death, I know. I've been there Izzy, I was there for a very very long time.
You need to take care of you. spend one day, one entire day away from anything connecting you to anyone you emotionally support. Take a walk, draw something make some origami things, read a book. Just one day. See how you feel , and just come back slowly.
I apologize if I have stepped over a line here, it is very possible. I felt it necessary to say.

Ok, Grades, a lighter subject then the last one.
Look, Procrastinating sucks, especially when it has consequences, and even more when you know you shouldn't be doing it.
But guess what, one of those lies, you said you were saying, nope it's not a lie, that final isn't due until tomorrow, depending on where you live you have a few hours left, maybe only one, but that's time. Use it, thinking about how much you've procrastinated counts as procrastinating, pick up the pen open the tab and work on it. Because every single point you gain on that assignment by spending a little more time working on it, is a point.
In the end, school isn't everything, grades aren't everything, there is a life outside of school. You are worth more than your GPA, you amount to more than your GPA. Do your best but remember, the current Education system is Garbage at actually analyzing intelligence, at this point it's not even trying to pretend it's something other than garbage.

Ok, New person, First Hi,
You are better than your mistakes. You are more than your mistakes. Making mistakes is an unfortunate consequence of being a human being. You do not lose your worth because you have made a mistake.
You are worth more than other peoples opinions of you. You do not have to be defined by what people think of you. You do not exist to be needed by other people, you exist to be you. Helping and being needed by other people is not necessary to be a productive human being. You don't need to exist for other people, you are allowed to exist to be you.

Well, so far we're off to a great start this year. First another person's dog tries to kill my dog, then I learned that I'm going to be leaving for bootcamp in September, then my dad's life was put at risk during the riot at the capital, and to top it all off, I had paramedics in my house at 1:00 this morning. What great year this is turning out to be.

Ok, I have moved away from this Chat for a while because for personal reasons, But you three I just really feel like I need to sip ant tell ya'll some things. So I'm handing you a blanket a cup of hot chocolate and some tissues as I say this. One person per post.

Izzy, You have done a lot, a lot of work and time and effort has been spent on these people and your friends and worrying about them in loving them and caring about them. Izzy love, You can't keep giving, you just can't, You are going to run out and you are running out, I can read it in your posts, you're at a breaking point, heck you are past a breaking point. Do what you can for them, because this is a serious situation, do what you can, contact someone who can get in contact with their parents or their local help line or something, get in contact let them know, that's what you can do. Tell them what you feel you can, and that's all you can do. You need to do things for you. I'm not saying to ignore when another friend is in distress, but you do need to stop taking responsibility for it. It isn't your fault, do not blame yourself. You did not cause them to think the way that they do. It is not your responsibility to feel guilty, it isn't your responsibility to feel like a failure. It is not. Sometimes you have to step away, I know it seems awful, just completely and utterly awful to step away when other people are hurting and you feel like you can help, but sometimes you can't. I'm sorry, that is not what you want to hear, but you can't help everyone, and you can't help all the time. Being told that feels terrible, and stepping away feels worse but Izzy, you are going to tear yourself to bits. You need to take a step back and work on you and care about you, and learn how to love you and appreciate you, you can't keep going on like this.
I don't often or ever tell people what they need to do, I just suggest, even strongly suggest. But Izzy this has been ripping you apart for so long and hurting you for so long, you need to make time for you, and I know that is hard. I know it's hard Because I know what it is like to not want to exist and, I know what it's like to shut down the emotions and just go numb as a survival mechanism. I know what it is like to blame yourself for another persons death, I know. I've been there Izzy, I was there for a very very long time.
You need to take care of you. spend one day, one entire day away from anything connecting you to anyone you emotionally support. Take a walk, draw something make some origami things, read a book. Just one day. See how you feel , and just come back slowly.
I apologize if I have stepped over a line here, it is very possible. I felt it necessary to say.

its okay, relsey

i appreciate it
thank you

i think that's my cue to spend all of tomorrow preferably starting at midnight (it's already too late now) off of discord, and to limit my time on discord for now

i thought this year would improve things but now that my stepdad has been here for a few days i think i'm literally about to snap
he has been the hugest prick ever since he and my mom visited me and my boyfriend, and now things are complicated
whenever i treat him with the slightest bit of disrespect (though he is very deserving of such, he's a douche), he literally threatens to LEAVE AGAIN and it's driving me mad
he's whole-heartedly guilt-tripping me into being nice to him and i don't know what to do, because he's otherwise the biggest scumbag i've ever met, and i barely knew him to begin with (he left early on in my life) so him playing tricks just so i'll be nice to him gives me an even worse impression of him
i just don't know what to do anymore, i'm thinking of giving in but at the same time i don't want him to think i've lost my pride (he always goes on about how giving in to manipulation makes someone less of a human being and more of a prideless object)