Do you have a counseling office at your school you can go to right now?
Technical oh, yeah, but not really…
Dude, at that rate, you need to talk to someone who can help you contact DFCS or whatever it's called. Emotional abuse is one thing and it's hard to pinpoint, but he should never ever touch you like that. Period. And if you're not ready for that call to be made, make a plan to.
I can't. I genuinely cannot, because he and my mother have done things like this for years, and will openly mock me for saying they hurt me or that it's abuse. Not to mention how I've been threatened with, I quote, "I'll give you something to call them over of you try to turn me in." He's got influence in the community, not to mention going on about how he'll get right out because he hasn't done anything wrong, and the system here in general is horrible still. I can't risk it
Swim, this is not okay. It wasn't okay before, but please try and get out of there. It's not safe for you and you're gonna get hurt even more. Don't take any steps that you aren't ready for, but something needs to be done soon for your sake.
i thought this year would imrove things but now that my stepdad has been here for a few days i think i'm literally about to snap
…
i just don't know what to do anymore, i'm thinking of giving in but at the same time i don't want him to think i've lost my pride (he always goes on about how giving in to manipulation makes someone less of a human being and more of a prideless object)
As for this, I think this is one of the situations where you unfortunately have to step back and be the bigger person. Now, if he attacks you verbally, you're allowed to defend, but there's no reason to instigate anything.
Pride can be dangerous and a pain in the ass. Now, I'm not that proud myself, so it might be easy for me to say, but definitely do your best to swallow it. Especially since his bullshit about manipulation is there. He already seems to be a dick. Don't let his thoughts on you dictate your actions, especially since it seems like no matter what, he's going to talk down on you.
Manipulation is NEVER the fault of the person being manipulated. It's a reflection of the cruel intent of the perpetrator.
Also, if it's your home, you have every right to tell him to leave if he crosses a boundary after you have tried to be cordial.
Swim, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Again, don't have to answer if you're not comfortable.
I'm 17. Even… Even if I was believed, my parents would probably still get away with it because I'm 'old enough to defend myself, or seek alternate housing' I'm sleeping on getting a job and a license, but there's too many non officially diagnosed things going on with me to really have a job. Plus, jobs I could have I can't because of school.
Do you have anyone you could move in with once you turn 18? Even as a temporary arrangement while you get on your feet and get a job and all that?
No. I don't have any friends I trust enough for me to stay and not be in fear of being taken care of except for two, but they aren't able to. My family would just take my parents' side in this, and the one person who I know wouldn't, my older brother, is in college and wouldn't be able to take me in
i thought this year would imrove things but now that my stepdad has been here for a few days i think i'm literally about to snap
…
i just don't know what to do anymore, i'm thinking of giving in but at the same time i don't want him to think i've lost my pride (he always goes on about how giving in to manipulation makes someone less of a human being and more of a prideless object)
As for this, I think this is one of the situations where you unfortunately have to step back and be the bigger person. Now, if he attacks you verbally, you're allowed to defend, but there's no reason to instigate anything.
Pride can be dangerous and a pain in the ass. Now, I'm not that proud myself, so it might be easy for me to say, but definitely do your best to swallow it. Especially since his bullshit about manipulation is there. He already seems to be a dick. Don't let his thoughts on you dictate your actions, especially since it seems like no matter what, he's going to talk down on you.
Manipulation is NEVER the fault of the person being manipulated. It's a reflection of the cruel intent of the perpetrator.
Also, if it's your home, you have every right to tell him to leave if he crosses a boundary after you have tried to be cordial.
yeah, i've tried to convince him to leave on several occasions but then my mom hops on and says i'm being disrespectful, even though it's literally MY house, and neither him nor her have ownership over the house at all. and, you're right about him being a huge dick; he really is one, and i've even told him that but he says he's "doing this out of the kindness of his heart," even though i know for a fact manipulating someone is not the way to show kindness. he has attacked me verbally on several occasions, and each time he started lashing out, i headed downstairs before the instigator in my head could make things escalate. i've also tried the part with not letting how he sees me affect my daily life, and you're right about him talking down on me no matter what. he uses his age (he's 27, i'm only 19) as a way to guilt-trip me even further (like the whole "i'm older than you so you should treat me with respect" thing and such), but, hopefully, i'm gonna talk about it with my mom (because at the moment, i feel absolutely powerless and she has always been my last resort for things like this) and see if she'll do something about it, and if she doesn't do anything, i'll just try and put up with his bullshit until he decides to leave on his own.
Sounds like a good idea honestly.
Unfortunately, at the end of the day, you can't control how other people act. Only how you react.
Hey, Swim, I asked a friend about what advice I could give and they suggested trying to get in contact with a mental health line. I guess some of them can help with legal stuff, too?
I'll try. I'm genuinely not sure if that's anything I can really do though… But at least I'm not off horrible, right? Things could definitely be worse
uh don't mind if I butt in here. Things should be better, and you deserve better. I may not know you but I know that nobody deserves to be treated like you have been.
Things could always be worse, but that doesn't mean things shouldn't be better.
They're right. No one deserves the treatment you've received.
I don't want to sound like I'm victim-blaming here, so I'll try to phrase this as best I can. You should at least try to seek help, because if things are really that bad then you shouldn't be staying there. That is a toxic, abusive situation, and you shouldn't be tolerating it one bit. If your abuser makes even one more move towards you, if you can, fight back in whatever way is safe. You don't deserve this treatment. If you're queer try the Trevor Project, otherwise I don't know really what hotlines to turn to. thehotline.org seems at least slightly reputable? You can chat with them online or you can call, I don't know about texting.
There is a text line too at https://www.crisistextline.org
I'm a big advocate for this one. They helped me build up the courage to finally get help.
Everything that everyone else said. It doesn't matter if things could be worse, they're pretty horrible as it is and it's at an unsafe level. It's not the Bad-Home-Life Olympics, your problems are valid and need to be taken care of before things get to a point where you're not able to recover from it. Please seek help
I just have a hard time reaching out in that way. Every time I try to get help, it just gets worse and worse at home. Not to mention I really do feel horrible every time I turn to people for help, or even just like, venting. Because I want people to show me it really is head, but that I let people down every time I can't get myself out of this situation. I just, I don't really know what to do. When I fight back, I get hurt even more, and told I'm the one pulling the family apart. I can't even trust my parents to get my therapy even though they keep saying they're looking, because one person said I don't have autism and they trust this person because they work with low functioning children. Even though professionals have told me that yes, they are ninety nine percent sure
Imo you need to see a therapist who deals with adults and not children
My mom tried to get me to see a child therapist at 17, and can I just say? Minor =/= child.
Thank you, I'll be sure to keep that in mind
Shit I just had to deal with the most insufferable substitute of my life.
She was extraordinarily conservative, homophobic, pro Trump and AK DJ AKHFJSKAKSKALL
And when I did speak up to tell her to not push her dumb opinions on us, she sent me the the hall.
Yeah, like she shouldn't be saying that shit in school. Disgusting.
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