forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

I love it when my mom tries to invalidate my emotions by saying Mercury is in retrograde or whatever :) and that's why I don't understand why I feel the way I do :) we stan a supportive household :)

…I hope that doesn't offend anyone who does believe in astrology and things like that, it's just very frustrating because I feel like she's saying my emotions aren't my own or something. Sorry if that came off as rude, I didn't intend to mock anyone's beliefs.

bruh even if the retrograde is the cause of your feelings, she should at least be a little less insensitive

I'm sorry your mom is dismissive my guy. That's whack.

gotta vent about SAD, i hate it so much. I'm starting my vitamins and going to order a light lamp but it takes maybe a few weeks to start working. I literally slept in until 10 min before my stream at 10 and ended up changing the time. Then I took a nap from 3 until my dnd at 6:30, and im so tired we're cutting it short and doing duels instead of the actual plot. I appreciate my group but I still fee like shit for having them end early just because i'm too lethargic to think and do all the dice math. I'm just so tired and don't want to do anything and it suuuucks

You know what usually helps when I get really apathetic about life, Music. Find a song that makes you smile, listen to something that makes you want to dance and then do it, dance around your room like a crazy person. If a sad song come on listen to it, act it out feel those emotions and dance them out. Sometimes when you feel apathetic it's because it hurts to feel so let the music feel for you. After words it kinda feels like you've had a really good conversation with your best friend about life. It may not work for every one but it doesn't hurt to try.

past 12 am and I’m rambling again but I need it this time

ella dear, i love you so fucking much and it hurts to see you this way. please get some sleep, okay? i know it seems like nothing will ever get better. it'll just be the same shit over and over again, and perhaps it seems like it will get worse.

oh but ella, i promise you. things will get better, alright? it may take years, even, or perhaps just a couple days, but i promise you things get better.
and even when they do, please always remember that it is 100% okay to have relapses.

i've been doing so much better for the last month, and yet even then just last week i had a relapse-

things will be easier to look at and deal with in the morning when you have sleep, okay?
it's never good to think on a sleep deprived mind.

please stay safe, don't forget to eat and hydrate, and try not to die <3
i love you <3

I have to stay home today, I couldn't handle looking someone in the eye because I feel so much like shit. All the emotions I had pushed down? Exploding becuase someone took a pic axe of greif and fucked up my layer of ice

I can barely fucking get down a smoothie right now
i hate everything but I''m gonna go put on a happy face becuase i Hae To

alright… I slept on it and I feel a lot better now
my head still hurts a lot but that’s expected

I just don’t know what to do, there doesn’t seem to be any way out. either I live most of my life in fear, or they’ll take away everything about me, stripping away my value until I’m nothing more than one of them.
lately the fears have been fading, which… ironically just makes them worse.
I’m less dedicated to keeping myself safe, I don’t have that strength or motivation to risk everything in order to not become them.
which is terrifying, cause if I’m not willing to put everything on the line, I’m so much more at risk, and if they get to me I might as well be done for.
my one hope was maybe I’d find a group of people like me, people who aren’t going to hurt me, people who aren’t… them.
we’d live in a dedicated neighborhood together, always traveling in packs so we can’t be hurt, maybe even help people realize the horrors around them. It’d be a beautiful place, I could live happily knowing we’re all safe, but if there’s no one like me then that hope can never exist. there’s nothing out there. I’m simply doomed.
plus every time I try to describe that hope it just ends up sounding vaguely like a cult pitch and people might start to worry about me
I’m trying my best to strengthen myself again, and it seems to be working, but sometimes the reminder of your situation is a little too much to handle, especially when it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.

I’m not going to have many friends, and at this point, I’ve accepted that.
I’m just a bit confused trying to figure out how to cope

also, thank you so much iz…
I don’t think I give you enough appreciation for how much you mean to me.

;-; im sorry to hear that, and im sorry that i dont know what to say to that, but i'm glad you're feeling better now

and ofc, anytime fren <3
and isokieee

When you can't remember a certain formula for the life of you but you have a test coming up so you decide to carve it into your skin with a pencil

I hate when my school tells me at the beginning of the year that there will be alternative assignments and equal chance to make up work for kids in quarantine, then when I'm in quarantine there are barely any virtual version of the assignments, half my teachers won't reply to my questions, and one that did straight up said

We are going to start putting models together today. Everyone's going at a different pace, so you should be able to catch up when you get back. I'm not giving you daily points for this project, just points for the finished thing.

and there's no way I can make up the daily points. Like. I get marked down just for not being there when at the beginning of the year they made it pretty clear they would have to understand that a lot of kids will miss a lot of days of school. But no. There's no way to make up for being there when the whole point is to make up for not being there. So that's grand.

Nutella? You can PM me with whatever it is. I promise I won’t turn away from you. If I’m not the right person to talk to please find that person. But I want to listen to you.

I've come to the horrible realization that I have no life or personality. It's practically like I'm not even a person, just like a clueless ghost. I've got no defining personality traits, and even if I did, I'm too inconsistent to constantly stay one way. I don't really have any interests besides T.V. which is kind of pathetic. I don't really do anything in my free time. I just kind of sit around on my computer obsessing over pointless things while overthinking. I don't really have any special talents. Sure, I can act pretty well, but so what, it's not good enough to get me anywhere. I'm not very athletic nor am I a leader. If you asked anyone that I knew, they'd probably struggle to tell you anything that's interesting or defining about me. Maybe they'd say I'm funny. That's a lie. Maybe they'd say I'm smart. So is everyone else, which makes me average. Maybe they'd say I'm a good friend. But if you were to ask them to give an example, they'd struggle to find one. I'm not cut out to be the main character, nor one of their friends. If I were in a story I'd, at most, be a side character that shows up once. In summary, I'm practically a nobody who doesn't really have a purpose and doesn't really make an impact.

I'll move my weird rant from lgbt community chat to here because I don't want anyone to get mad at me I guess.
So this person stole my god system, like down to the bones except for changing the Curator's name from Aiden. I guess I just feel really bad because I poured my fucking soul into making that pantheon, I've changed concepts for my story so many times but I've kept those gods. I made them with a bunch of friends who I don't get to talk to anymore and so they mean a lot to me and I left for some time then someone took them. I just,,, really? They had to take my god system, like the idea for the rp I had, I don't mind if you take that, but my gods. Those are my fucking comfort characters that have gotten me through so much by imagining that they're right there comforting me.
And now they deleted their account so I know someone is going to get mad at me for forcing them off, but I didn't. I was a bit angry, yeah, but I never said "leave the site"… I just don't want this on my first day back.

Hah, wow, I didn't expect plagiarism to be the thing that makes me the most angry. I should be flattered someone likes my works…. but I just… I went to pm them to talk about it and Boom, they deleted their account. I was going to apologize for being harsh and ask them about it

Not doubting you on this–the amount of similarities and the fact that they left when you tried to confront them about it is HELLA sus–but it didn't seem like they knew you at all, or even knew of you. Like I remember them saying something along the lines of "people are comparing me to some Reed guy, is that a good thing?? Like are they a cool person or are they a bad person and these people are telling me I'm garbage??" in a group dm. Idk it's just really weird that it looks like they stole your characters but also didn't seem to know who you were

I don't know. I think I'm gonna try and just,,, not think about it? Avoiding my problems works g r e a t

no you have an absolute right to be angry about it mate that's fucked up and not fair for you at all
you spent so long developing it and making it good and for them to just,, steal it? that's beyond wrong

On one hand, they apparently said things that imply they have no idea who you are, but on the other I've seen this before. Talking in common circles to reinforce their innocence in the situation is something I've seen in the art community before when dealing with tracers. From what I saw in the LGBT chat, they were very specific in stealing, which means it's likely they did. And leaving right away is hella sus like Cloudy said.

Honestly that's one of the reasons I'm less active in the world building chats with all these new people joining and starting conversations like "Tell me about _ in your world!" Like I know the odds they would even want to steal my mediochre world building is very low, but I've already delt with stealing before and it caused me enough stress and anxiety for physical problems. Like if someone ever did, do I have enough of a pressence here for people to know it was mine first? idk everything about this is stressful, you can be as angry as you want for anyone who steals your work imo, they did the wrong not you.

God, I hate having cystic acne.
This shit hurts.
And I have a prescription for something that's supposed to help, but my insurance is being weird about covering it because I guess it can be dangerous if the person using it is pregnant (which I am not and I do not intend on changing that anytime soon or ever, but since I'm biologically female that's a thing I guess) so I can't get it until they send some shit to my doctor but they haven't sent it yet and I'm just so done

Y'all really out here thinking that all your friends hate you and that you're just an annoyance 😂 😂

…

It's me. I'm Y'all

Is anyone else still processing 4 months ago? I'm still digging up stories from the protests and police violence, still trying to piece together so much. Still seeing what was covered up, what I missed, what I should've been paying attention to. It was such a violent time and I feel like I went through it blind for the most part. I don't want the protests to end. I want the violence to end, duh. But I don't want people to just get over BLM or police reform or, heck, even the fact that we elected Donald Trump as our president- and I hope to all that's Divine that if he gets re-elected the people will do something about it.