Happy vent! True friendship is staying up until midnight and talking about your guilty pleasures together with absolutely no judgement outside of joking "haha you like ponies" or "lmao why is your fanfic so elaborate it's about zelda and minecraft" and you both know that it's all in good fun. Like I went on a tangent for a good hour and a half and then it was her turn to talk about weirdly disturbing things in a children's show about friendship and both of us had a great time and?? I'm just so happy we're friends sklvdnvsa
So today a girl tried to start a conversation with me and I'm not used to people speaking to me, so I panicked and burst into tears and couldn't stop.
Today on what the hell annoying homophobic classmates have said and my snarky responses:
Kid: Ha, that's kinda gay
Me: And that's kind of a dickhead thing to say
Kid: Why are you gay?
Me: Actually I'm pan but thanks for asking
Kid: Like a frying pan?
Me: I'm gonna hit you with frying pan if you don't shut up.
Kid: stares me down
Me: signature "Ice Queen" glare
Kid: turns around and stops talking
And part 2: electric boogaloo
Girl: And she keeps going from lesbian to straight to lesbian to straight like make up your damn mind!
Me: That's called being bi
Girl: Okay smartass
Me: Sorry for being educated and respectful, two things you could learn
Girl: I'M EDUCATED
Me: Your grades say otherwise
Me: leaves cuz the bell rang
ohmygodididit ohmygodididit aaa
will she reply will she even reply
i just want to make sure he's okay please please
god knows i cant contact the counselors myself so she's my only hope rn aaaa
i'm lowkey not okay bc i'm still kinda freaking out everytime i think about it oh god oh god
what if she ignores it
what if i didnt make the point clear enough
what if she just ignores a complete stranger two or three years younger than her
also ig all this is taking a toll on me
apparently i dont look very happy today
blegh
might be because i broke down about an hour or so ago
Spoiler - click to show.
ah fuck i relapsed again
December 17th, 18:32 CST.
it's set in stone, isn't it?
i guess the worry about my friend made me forget all my thoughts
Spoiler - click to show.
and here i am, biting my skin. or finger. whatever you wanna call it.
what if what i did wasnt enough?
was i too late?
am i too late to save him?
hcbchbwek i'm so nervous rn - my ma is gonna be getting surgery done on her foot later today and i'm v scared -
mostly because yesterday she made a joke and said " as long as i don't flat-line on that table tomorrow , i'll be fine " and i got v worried and replied " i sure hope u don't , i don't need to be an orphan again "
but hopefully i regain enough adrenaline and energy to get through today !! that's usually what happens anyway , so ye
I just had a kid in my photo class ask how do you remove a water mark? You know, a watermark. The thing you add to your photos so nobody steals them. THAT watermark. Also, these aren't just freshmen asking. The is my digital photo 3 class. AKA, we are almost the most experienced photo kids on the campus.
Aha, so… A lot of shit going on in my life right now
Parents are horrible, as usual, but most of it is almost or completely repressed and all I have is the general vibes of Not Good, and I don't want to go digging through memories right now. I'm in one of those moments were you feel like you're about to cry but can't, and I know if I want looking I would and I don't want to deal with them reacting to that.
My brother also found out he has a micro fracture in his for, and if he hadn't been taken to the doctor and kept wrestling it would have been a full blown break.
I'm also struggling through school and parents have made it very clear they won't be happy with anything less than A-Bs (pretty much impossible at this point) even though they know I've been struggling with mental health and haven't been able to function properly.
Shit. I shouldn't have thought about that. I'm almost crying now, you happy wh*re? You're making yourself cry, great job. You attention seeking b-tch.
Oh, and found out something with my boyfriend that I still feel like it's all my fault, and I feel absolutely horrible because I haven't been able to talk with him much at all recently, and I'm terrified that I'm hurting him because of it.
I think im sick again and my heads been hurting so bad all day. I also had an English test today and I hadn't read the book so I started it last night and finished this morning. Luckily I got a good grade but I think all that reading just added to my headache. I still have so much hw to finish.
Hhhhhhh just had a Talk with my mom about my current emotional state and the fact that my math is giving me panic attacks because I don't know how to do it and??? It didn't go awfully??? I don't quite think she understood what I meant by "I either feel like I'm completely hollow and don't feel anything, feel a tiny little bit of happiness/sadness, or feel overwhelmingly sad, happy, or scared. There's no 'happy medium' and that's a problem" but she didn't completely invalidate me! And I was afraid I was going to get smacked or yelled at about my math because I have a bunch of missing assignments, but we had a pretty alright conversation actually all things considered. Still cried a lot because I was Scared to talk about those types of things, probably because I've gotten backlash for it in the past, but I think talking about it was a good call in the end.
also I forgot to tell y'all but my friend and I got cold feet when we were going to call CPS because we didn't know what might happen
Hey, like I know I can't help you with your situation completely, and I'm glad the conversation went alright. Also glad you feel comfortable opening up here, because we are here to listen and help where we can.
So anyway, I'm going to extend this offer to you and anyone else who might need help, since I know it's something within my abilities. I'm pretty good at math, so if you have any questions about anything, or trouble understanding certain concepts, I may be able to help. You can always shoot me a PM or tag me in a public thread.
im so lonely holy shit
both of my best friends are quarantined and im stuck at school sitting alone with nothing but my depression and paranoia
it just hit me that nobody else knows me like my best friends do.
they know when im going through another 'episode'
they know how to treat me
they just get me
and next week is going to be the longest and most mentally tiring of my life
i have six finals in two days.
my grade and future depend on them.
the christmas time is getting to me, making me irritable and ready to snap
my friends wont be there to calm me down or to joke around with me
ill have nothing to distract me from the dread constantly lurking in my head
i am nearing my breaking point
i just want to sleep…
Replaying Arkham Asylum since it has been ages since I last played it. The part where you're in Killer Croc's lair is super annoying!
Y'know when your cat leaves you for a spot of sun on the floor and they do it all the time but this time it feels different because you're already so lonely and just slowly spiraling and that small thing that's usual not a big deal has you close to tears and you just want to go lay down in some grass and wait for the earth to reclaim you? Yeah that.
I know that Cloudy and I are like, the only ones on this site who give a flying flip about MCYT but Eret, Illumina, Punz and Krinos won MCC 13 and I'm so proud of them because they ended Season 1 with a bang and I can say that I was there
I said it in the DM, I'll say it again:
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
dang im away fom my pc cause some idiot brought the pc but forgot the bag of cables and missed the stream, Eret's my fav mcyt of the group q-q
Do you ever assume a fictional character's trauma onto yourself because you immerse yourself in the world of story so much it's damn near impossible to not? I figure other writers might struggle with this too.
Tbh the closest thing to that that I've experienced is when one of my favorite characters died in a really grotesque and gorey way and I was absolutely horrified, wound up not being able to get that out of my head for like a week and a half. I kept thinking about how helpless it would feel to find one of your friends in that situation and knowing that you couldn't do anything for them. I wound up slowly getting over it, but it still fucked me up for a little while. Wasn't something that I wrote either, btw.
Oof. Yeah, some movies/books with really gorey or helpless deaths are difficult for me too.
my heart's in a million pieces.
Spoiler - click to show.
a close friend of mine just killed himself. i've been crying all morning. it simultaneously feels too real and like it can't be real. i don't know what to do
the other thing is, if you're sad or mourning or grieving you need to take time to process and take care of yourself, but how do you do that when you blame yourself?
Oy Charlotte. You cannot blame yourself for someone else’s death unless you were a direct cause of it.
you're right dom. and if i blame myself for "not stopping him" i'm indirectly blaming all our friends who "couldn't stop him" and i don't think it was their fault at all. i don't think it was anyone's fault, and clearly there's nothing we can do now. i just wish i had somewhere to put all these feelings, something actionable to do
I don’t know what you can do. But you could try exercises, reading, doing things with your mind. Maybe convince your parents to let you hang out more? And remember to hydrate and sleep.
i just can't believe he's gone
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