(i was just at camp and i have SO many things to add lol)
Counselor: Hi, I'm Jared,I'm 19, and I never learned how to read.
Me: My name is Nick, my mom forced me to come here, dont touch me, dont talk to me, i dont like people. (my nickname is Nick)
Friend: Mah name is Jeff
My cabin: Call God, NOT Bob.
Me who was a camper: smile at server friend
Friend who was a server: does that one two fingered thing thats like eyyy
Me: does it back
Me: Why did the pizza cross the road.
Friend: Why?
Me: Cause they didnt frickin cook it right.
We legit spoke in vines half the weekend.
Me: Fear me, I'ver never been to Taco Bell
Counselor: Fear me, I can't eat tacos anyway.
(she was allergic to gluten)
Counselor one: I'm lactose intolerant.
Counselor two: I'm allergic to gluten.
Me: So this cabin is basically vegan…
My friend was playing Bitlife at lunch so here's some gems from her:
"ASSAULT HIM!"
reads phone "You have been having some bisexual tendencies' WELL NO SHIT!"
"I'M GONNA HONEYMOON IN GERMANY!" reads phone "Never mind, I can't afford a honeymoon."
"SHE REJECTED ME BECAUSE I'M UNEMPLOYED!"
"NOOOOOOO! SCARLET!!!! WHY?!?!?"
"I whipped his eyelid."
"He fractured my belly button…."
"Level of Gratitude: Low? That ungrateful little…."
"BITCH CHILDREN!"
Other friend: "You can't just assault everyone you dislike."
Her: "Watch me!"
Me: POTATOES ARE BEAUTIFUL, JYNNIE!
Reggie (lady at zipline): Who are you praying for this week? (we had to pray for someone)
Me: Uh…my friend.
Reggie: Do they have a name?
Me: thinks of name of friend who im praying for Jensen…
Reggie: ok
(I was mainly praying for my friend who was at camp, but Reggie knew her, so…)
(I was praying for all of you :)
More BitLife ones:
"I consumed and enTIRE SHOPPING CART OF MARIJUANA?!"
"I died…..of a botched butt lift…I'm done with this game."
(I wrote as many first names as I could think of to avoid looking weird.)
Kid 1: Dammit
Me: Watch your fucking language
Kid 2: FUCK
Kid 3: [Name!] That kind of language is unacceptable!
Kid 2: Sorry. Says something in Japanese
The special needs kids are turning into literal turds in their free time! (I will explain if asked)
Okay so my brother said this because he often sees special needs kids entering bathrooms and doesn't see them exiting and also one time he went into a bathroom after a special needs kids and he didn't see anyone in there, no one was in the stalls except a lone turd in a toilet. There wasn't even any toilet paper in the bowl. Just a turd.
"if he breathes one more time I swear-"
"never will I shut up!"
"where did you get your fashion sense?" aggressively answers "MY DOCTOR RECOMMENDED IT!!"
"your hair is straighter than I'll ever be"
S: So next is The Elder Scrolls VI: Skyrim II!
A: Or they could pull a Microsoft and skip a number. Elder Scrolls VII: Skyrim II. And then they go back later and do The Elder Scrolls VI: Skyrim III
(It was much funnier in person… I can't convey it properly…)
"On a scale of 1 to Hell, how hot is it today?"
"Yes."
"On a scale of 1 to Hell, how hot is it today?"
"Yes."
Give me context!
There's not that much context; it was the last day of band camp and everyone was sick of the heat. (However, this exchange started many similar jokes that continued throughout the season, although you'd have to go to my school to understand most of them so I can't really put the more recent ones.)
"On a scale of 1 to Hell, how hot is it today?"
"Yes."
Give me context!
There's not that much context; it was the last day of band camp and everyone was sick of the heat. (However, this exchange started many similar jokes that continued throughout the season, although you'd have to go to my school to understand most of them so I can't really put the more recent ones.)
That’s what I thought, actually.
sigh
Band Camp was rough this year.
It's better than drugs, Jeremy.
Deep breath
IT'S FROM JAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
Yaat in the Hat
-
Me and my friend were debating (not on here) about the past tense of yeet (anyone remember that?) and we said, "yeeted", and I said, "Some of my friends said 'yaat', and it sounds like you're throwing up. 'I yaat in the vat'". She said, "Yaat in the Hat". There is no doubt in my mind that this chick is brilliant.
"PATRICIA!!!!!!!!!!!! Honey can you keep it down please I'm trying to talk to Libby" The kids in my school are vine quoters, meme quoters, and memers
Me: Emi (not our Emi), I'm afraid you have brain cancer.
Both of us in usion: SUDDENLY, PINEAPPLES!
Me: Well, the good news is, you don't have brain cancer anymore…
Friend: TREYTON'S NOT HERE!
Me: That's his sister, like, right there.
Friend: Oh crap
Playing a game
Kid 1: Name a body part! Quick!
Kid 2: Uhhhhhh…..leukimia?
Kid 3: I SHOULD BE HIGH RIGHT NOW!
Teacher: So Romeo asks the nurse to give Juliet a rope ladder so they can-
Kid: Get laid.
Teacher: They are going to hold hands
Me: thinking of the TLJ scene with Kylo and Rey touching hands
Me: Holds my hand out to a fellow Star Wars nerd
Kid 2: I'm not gay?
Me: Fantastic Beasts 2 was amazing, I've never loved a movie more in my life!
Friend: Ha! My friend said that it sucked!
Me: Tell him to meet me behind Wendy's at 3 am!
"This vent is the perfect size to hide a body, and so accessible too!"
.jpg)
