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"We could start a business: the bad crossing guard, the nun, and the mortician"
Oh my god
Is that Bob’s Burgers?
"We could start a business: the bad crossing guard, the nun, and the mortician"
Oh my god
Is that Bob’s Burgers?
“Don’t look at me with that tone of voice.”
— Some amateur sophomore in my Algebra 2 class
A: I SWEAR I WILL CUT YOU rolls dice lands on go to jail
B: dies laughing Sike! You thought
A: growls and puts price in jail.
B: rolls dice gets chance go directly to jail
A: dies laughing and falls off sofa
“well aren’t you a social bunny”
“Come on Emily!”
“Emily doesn’t want to today.”
“Mood.”
"Look at all those losers in the pool……wait a minute, that's my loser!"
"Y'all we should start a depression club." this later changed to "We should start a depression school."
On the school's wiki "The building won most toxic building in the world with radon and asbestos, your sure to have a good time in this depression causing building."
Me: You know, if lemons weren't so bad for your teeth, I would honestly just straight up eat them
My friend: How?! Lemons are too spicy!
Me and my boyfriend, both kind of laughing: Spicy?
Friend: Y'know, spicy? Oh, um… sour!
(i was just at camp and i have SO many things to add lol)
Counselor: Hi, I'm Jared,I'm 19, and I never learned how to read.
Me: My name is Nick, my mom forced me to come here, dont touch me, dont talk to me, i dont like people. (my nickname is Nick)
Friend: Mah name is Jeff
My cabin: Call God, NOT Bob.
Me who was a camper: smile at server friend
Friend who was a server: does that one two fingered thing thats like eyyy
Me: does it back
Me: Why did the pizza cross the road.
Friend: Why?
Me: Cause they didnt frickin cook it right.
We legit spoke in vines half the weekend.
Me: Fear me, I'ver never been to Taco Bell
Counselor: Fear me, I can't eat tacos anyway.
(she was allergic to gluten)
Counselor one: I'm lactose intolerant.
Counselor two: I'm allergic to gluten.
Me: So this cabin is basically vegan…
My friend was playing Bitlife at lunch so here's some gems from her:
"ASSAULT HIM!"
reads phone "You have been having some bisexual tendencies' WELL NO SHIT!"
"I'M GONNA HONEYMOON IN GERMANY!" reads phone "Never mind, I can't afford a honeymoon."
"SHE REJECTED ME BECAUSE I'M UNEMPLOYED!"
"NOOOOOOO! SCARLET!!!! WHY?!?!?"
"I whipped his eyelid."
"He fractured my belly button…."
"Level of Gratitude: Low? That ungrateful little…."
"BITCH CHILDREN!"
Other friend: "You can't just assault everyone you dislike."
Her: "Watch me!"
Me: POTATOES ARE BEAUTIFUL, JYNNIE!
Lol I saw that
Reggie (lady at zipline): Who are you praying for this week? (we had to pray for someone)
Me: Uh…my friend.
Reggie: Do they have a name?
Me: thinks of name of friend who im praying for Jensen…
Reggie: ok
(I was mainly praying for my friend who was at camp, but Reggie knew her, so…)
(I was praying for all of you :)
More BitLife ones:
"I consumed and enTIRE SHOPPING CART OF MARIJUANA?!"
"I died…..of a botched butt lift…I'm done with this game."
Reggie (lady at zipline): Who are you praying for this week? (we had to pray for someone)
Me: Uh…my friend.
Reggie: Do they have a name?
Me: thinks of name of friend who im praying for Jensen…
Reggie: ok(I was mainly praying for my friend who was at camp, but Reggie knew her, so…)
(I was praying for all of you :)
Thank you!
(I wrote as many first names as I could think of to avoid looking weird.)
Kid 1: Dammit
Me: Watch your fucking language
Kid 2: FUCK
Kid 3: [Name!] That kind of language is unacceptable!
Kid 2: Sorry. Says something in Japanese
The special needs kids are turning into literal turds in their free time! (I will explain if asked)
The special needs kids are turning into literal turds in their free time! (I will explain if asked)
yes please!
Okay so my brother said this because he often sees special needs kids entering bathrooms and doesn't see them exiting and also one time he went into a bathroom after a special needs kids and he didn't see anyone in there, no one was in the stalls except a lone turd in a toilet. There wasn't even any toilet paper in the bowl. Just a turd.
XD nice…
"if he breathes one more time I swear-"
"never will I shut up!"
"where did you get your fashion sense?" aggressively answers "MY DOCTOR RECOMMENDED IT!!"
"your hair is straighter than I'll ever be"
S: So next is The Elder Scrolls VI: Skyrim II!
A: Or they could pull a Microsoft and skip a number. Elder Scrolls VII: Skyrim II. And then they go back later and do The Elder Scrolls VI: Skyrim III
(It was much funnier in person… I can't convey it properly…)
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