@ninj-is-by
A friend of mine: I'm gonna kill myself!
Another friend: Not if I do it first!
-Both proceed to make finger guns at themselves-
-enter me-
Me: HA YOU FOOLS.
-I proceed to make a finger gun in my mouth and pretend to fire it-
A friend of mine: I'm gonna kill myself!
Another friend: Not if I do it first!
-Both proceed to make finger guns at themselves-
-enter me-
Me: HA YOU FOOLS.
-I proceed to make a finger gun in my mouth and pretend to fire it-
"i have literally eaten a milk dud off the curb. do not test the things i am willing to do."
bites dryer ball seductively “hi.”
bites dryer ball seductively “hi.”
Love your name!
"Oh my gosh, it's a lizard!"
I'd be rich on inflation!
“Hickory Dickory Cock”
bites dryer ball seductively “hi.”
Love your name!
Thank you:)
bites dryer ball seductively “hi.”
Love your name!
Thank you:)
(and so the balance shifts)
"Cause we are–"
"–Stupid."
"Lesser-minded, I was going to say."
“Well you actually get calendars. I just get legos.”
“I get calendars because I use them.”
“Well, obviously, one of us is smart and the other one… um..”
“And the other one likes legos.”
Okay nobody actually said anything but I just got an ad on Spotify that was "Amazon ASMR" and I feel s o v i o l a t e d like I almost cried??? What the actual fuck was I just assaulted with???
"I'd be rich on INFLATION!!!"
"A rubber idiot,"
"Stop"
"A swordsman with a no sense of direction and a drinking problem,"
"Stop."
"A kleptomaniac loan shark with tangerines and a sense of direction,"
"Stop"
"A coward with a mask, a flirty cook with strong legs and a smoking problem,"
"Stop."
"A reindeer and a smart lady who's wanted by the government for the One Piece equivalent of knowing the secrets to Area 51,"
"Stop"
"A perverted cyborg and a hypocritical skeleton."
"Stop."
(this was me badly describing the Straw Hat Crew to my friend who also watches One Piece)
Okay nobody actually said anything but I just got an ad on Spotify that was "Amazon ASMR" and I feel s o v i o l a t e d like I almost cried??? What the actual fuck was I just assaulted with???
I KNOW THAT AD I HATE IT
the one where the kid goes "i am officially traumatized" MAKES ME WANT TO CRY I LITERALLY CANT LISTEN TO IT
"The pyramid scheme? I never learned geometry."
kid is walking past me on the street with a group of friends, he is on the phone which is on speaker
Person on the other end of the phone who sounds like a mother: you're gay
"Guys, hear me out. What if we're in Plague Inc?"
"This is the second horseman of the apocalypse we've been threatened with this year."
"I hope famine isn't next…"
"Guys, hear me out. What if we're in Plague Inc?"
I heard a lot of people having a similar conversation.
When the worker at the CDC is playing Plague Inc. on the wrong device
My friend's dad thinks that it's a plot from the government to kill the boomers to fix the social security system.
Girl, whose dog died yesterday: "[Boy's name], you can't get coronavirus. I don't want you to die."
Boy: "Did your dog get coronavirus?"
Kid: "Isn't A flat just B sharp? … No, it's G sharp. I'm a fucking idiot."
Kid: "Isn't A flat just B sharp? … No, it's G sharp. I'm a fucking idiot."
Cries in the only flute that knows sharps
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