forum Quotes from the List of Completely Weird and Random Things We’ve Overheard… (About 15 quotes will be posted daily, and feel completely free to add your own!)

Started April 03, 2023 by @IamNOTachickenok

tune

Also,

• "He looked at him with a divine hatred."
• "…two white balls of hate."
• "His expression was like that of a demon-filled corpse."

Here is your promised 60ish quotes
(im not anti chicken but i was one of the people who started the doc so i think i can fill in for anti chicken)
“I’m gonna tie whoever that was to the top of the bus.”
“I have been let out of the basement for one day. And I have to tell you: Don’t. Eat. The. Purple. Cheez-its. They don’t taste like tomatoes.”
“HELLO FROM THE OTTER SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE”
“AHH! JANICE IS STABBING ME!!!” “Sorry, but it was the only way to get the Jellybeans out!”
“Ugh, can we stop by the gas station? I need to fill up my Tesla.”
“And here I am, standing by a bush!” “Mom, that’s not a bush. You can’t just say that everything is a bush!” “Well I said it’s a bush so now it’s a bush!”
“If I lost all my teeth in my bed, it would be bad and there would be blood and it would hurt a lot.”
“Would anyone like to order a black mamba?”
“My fish blew up.”
“JUST BECAUSE IT’S FLUFFY DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT A NAZI!”
“You’d only need to throw 17 cats into a black hole to power Norway.”
“He has a broken nose.”
“EXCUSE ME, AT LEAST I TAKE TIME TO SANITIZE MY HAIR FOLLICLES!”
“STOP TOUCHING MY TURTLES, JEREMY!”
“I’m going to go fart in the air purifier!”
“Why does “lisp” have an ‘S’? That literally embarrases you more, seriously? ‘Lithp?”
“Darn, I really thought I was 16. Does anyone have a spare cat I can borrow?”
“And last time we gave him kittens, he ate them!
“You know, a few years of grave robbing is just archeology.”
“I’m weird because I love bingus cats!”
“My vacuum is SUPER racist!”
“Oh, poop.” “Oh it's literally poop.”
“You’re gonna have to bleach that hayand.”
“He’s literally soup on the ground.” “Tomato soup.”
“Cats are kinda like kids.” “How so?” “If you stick your foot in front of their face, they might lick it.” “NO!”
“bOw DoWn tO mEeE. I’m MoRe sUpErIoR tHaN yOu!”
“You can bet your cheese on it.”
“Clean it, clean it like you're a serial killer who just committed a gruesome crime and doesn’t want to get caught, I want this house SPOTLESS.”
“Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic expectations on how many swords they can carry at one time.”
“Timmy’s still stuck in a jar of aliens.”
“I WILL SLAP YOU WITH THE PANTS OF FRIENDSHIP!!”
“They have candy canes. And they’re FRESH!”
“I will literally drop kick you across Walmart.”
“He legit sucked on my bald head.”
“Well I’m not prepared. But you know what I am prepared for?” “What?” “To die.” “Honestly, same.”
“I have no sponge and I must Bob." "I have no Bob and I must sponge." "Together we will make the spongiest of Bobs."
"If Satan doesn't come to me at 3 wearing a fluffy bunny costume, at this point I promise I will be thoroughly disappointed."
“I’m attempting to write a country song titled “There’s Wasp on Your Butt.”
“Everyone knows that parking your front two wheels on the park bench asserts dominance.”
“Time to head to Colorado to eat some babies.”
“I’m older than your mom.” “Suuure.” “Yeah! I’m seven thousand!” “Then how come you're still in fifth grade?”
“Today we’re doing NetSmarts.” “Why? I’m smarter than a net!”
“He said there were squirrels in the rolls, so now I’m never eating a bowl again.”
"We can't let you pee outside, all the corn fields are flooded and you'll get bitten by a snake"
“I know EVERYTHING because of the dishwasher…FOR I AM HIS ELF!”
“I took my snail on a walk, then tried to mop the ocean.”
“Anybody else feel like slapping a newborn? Like, really hard?”
“YOU COULD BE WHATEVER SIZED FISH YOU WANT!”
“He died doing what he loved. Repeatedly slapping elephants.”
“I LIKE DOING IDENTITY THEFT, IDENTITY THEFT, IDENTITY THEFT! I LIKE DOING IDENTITY THEFT SO I CAN SUE THE FLOOR!!!”
“HUG ME OR YOUR KNEES WILL COLLAPSE, YOU OVERSEWN CUP OF JUICE!”
“Mothers are temporary, Australia is FOREVER.”
“These are the fake Jews…” “Wait, what happened to the REAL Jews?” “…” “The Holocaust, Trevor.”
“I am ggggrrrRrRRAAAAACCCEEEEEFFFUUULLLLYYYYY walking in a pile of wRiNkLES!!!!!!!!!!”
“DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU TIP OVER A DOOR, THERMOMETERS EXPLODE?!?!?!?!”
“Are you emo?” “Not this emo thing again.” “Would you tell us if you were emo?” “I guess?”
“I don’t know what's more stressful: being the president of the United States or being a bush that was just set on fire.”
“The church is the color of ramen.”
“Looks like he’s been possessed by a western spirit, and it’s, like, leaking out of his eyeballs.”
“How many parents do you have?” “A lot.”
“Okay, so there’s an ambush. It’s an armadillo holding two swiss army knives in each hand. Your ankles are in danger.”
“I’m so blue I’m greener than purple.”
“WHY IS CAR-GO FROM A SHIP AND SHIP-MENT FROM A CAR?!”

Here is your promised 60ish quotes

Thank you, we are now back on our 15 per day quota

Thank you, midnight.

"It's like every word he says is seasoned with the finest, driest sarcasm."

mOrE!!!!!

“WE DON’T NEED AN ANTAGONIST AT OLIVE GARDEN!”
“Croutons have NO sense of humor, MIA! FOR THE LAST TIME!!!”
“I need a diffuser. If I can’t cleanse my soul I’ll cleanse my house”
“I'm going to need a therapist to talk about my therapist.”
“Don’t ostracize librarians; they are like the bees, once they are gone we have nothing.”
“Why does Mom wear makeup?” “To look pretty.” “But she is already pretty.” “Awww!” “Dad, you should wear makeup.”
“WE MUST CULT AROUND THE SCISSORS! HUZZAH! HUZZAH! oH oW…”
“hOw dOeS sAnTa pEe?”
“Here’s a suspenseful story, so…so…Jack’s MOM, right, his mom? Yeah? So she went on a plane, all the way to California…pause…and she had an awesome time, right? So then she flew back to greet her kids, and it was fun like that.”
“I’m a fish!” “You’re a beautiful fish, Jed.” “I am?”
“I’m a Alien-fish-bird-potato!” “Um… very nice, Jared.”
“SINCE WHEN DID THE CHICKEN TENDERS BECOME COMMUNISTS?!”
“pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS bEtTeR tHaN microphone cracks CHICKEN AND RICE! pEaCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, niCe, niCe, niCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, cHiCkEn, cHiCkEn, microphone cracks, again RICE! RICE! RICE!”
“Cleanse, cleanse, cleanse, the sponges, cleanse out all the crap!”
“Giga-chads are BUFF.”
“What happened to all the morbid children's stories?” “Like red riding hood?”

“pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS bEtTeR tHaN microphone cracks CHICKEN AND RICE! pEaCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, niCe, niCe, niCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, cHiCkEn, cHiCkEn, microphone cracks, again RICE! RICE! RICE!”

_{Gir is that you?}

“pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS bEtTeR tHaN microphone cracks CHICKEN AND RICE! pEaCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, niCe, niCe, niCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, cHiCkEn, cHiCkEn, microphone cracks, again RICE! RICE! RICE!”

_{Gir is that you?}

_yes

“pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS bEtTeR tHaN microphone cracks CHICKEN AND RICE! pEaCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, niCe, niCe, niCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, cHiCkEn, cHiCkEn, microphone cracks, again RICE! RICE! RICE!”

_{Gir is that you?}

_yes

_Lovely

"I enjoy giving students assignments and watching their souls leave their bodies"

“GaY bAr-“
“You’re a gay bar!”
“Thank you!”

"Fuck you."
"You'll have to get in line for that."

“Wait so you want me to touch your boob?!”

"Look at this." "IS THAT A V@G!N@?" (This was from a table full of boys)

XDDD

XDDD

we were reading House of Scorpion, I don't know how they came up with v@g!n@s

XDDD

we were reading House of Scorpion, I don't know how they came up with v@g!n@s

XDDDD

Oooo, house of the scorpion is a pretty good book!

"Look!! I now have disposable thumbs, just like you!"
"You mean, opposable thumbs?"
"Oh, well, I got this bag of disposable thumbs in an attempt to impress you…."

• "It tasted like Expo Markers and battery acid."

• "It tasted like Expo Markers and battery acid."

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT TASTES LIKE?

• "It tasted like Expo Markers and battery acid."

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT TASTES LIKE?

MY THOUGHT EXACTLY

"I am broke with expensive taste"

"I’ve been working for 10 years. 10 YEARS!! And I still haven’t been promoted.
It’s because you’re depressed.
No, I have 51% happiness, see? It keeps on making the smirk face!"

"Tastes like pennies" "What 'cha eating" "Dirt."

I have had so many conversation like this cus I eat too much random stuff.

"Tastes like pennies" "What 'cha eating" "Dirt."

I have had so many conversation like this cus I eat too much random stuff.

Oh my goodness haha