m o r e

“I’ve found that everything about our friendship has just turned into us annoying each other. Like, I annoy you with sparkles and rainbows, and you annoy me with your lack of sparkles and rainbows!”

“Oh, look! Two of my males are right next to each other!” “That totally doesn’t sound possessive…” “facepalm “Let me rephrase this… clears throat Oh, look! Two of the people I have inside jokes about, which both happen to be males, with the inside joke about them literally being based on them being males, are right next to each other!”

“Wait. So, we could be in a Geico Commercial, just because of our friendship?!” “Well, yes. That’d be correct, unless I snuck into your house tonight, and murdered your family. Then we would not be friends, and would not be in the commercial together!”

“Geico’s motto should be “Geico brings friends together!”’ “Hm… I guess.”

“Ugh. They don’t match at all!” “Yeah, they do! They look the same! I mean, if you close your eyes and imagine they look the same, they do!”

“There’s a fireman in my closet!”

“THE RAIN IN SPAIN.”

“Look at the wispy ghost coming out of the AC!”

“Mom! Look what I made!” “Oh, that looks cool!” “Do you know what it is?” “Um… a parachute?” “NO! It’s a shark taped to a paper!” muttering “sorry for being creative…?”

“To show depth and distance…and OOO! The Jesus book!”

“It’s. About. PEOPLE.”

(“The Twelve Side Effects of Christmas”, to the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas”) “On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee… Debilitating Headaches, Nightsweats and fevers, DRYYYYY, FLAKY SKIIIIN! Sudden swings in mood, blurred vision. And a rare form of kidney diseaaaaaase!”

“…woke trek” Answers phone “ NO!”

“What are you guys doing?” “ Being traumatized by kids shows.”

“Seven is a rainbow… I hope they find what they’re looking for.”

“Heeeey, this is my best friend” shows mini cactus “Ow! Stop being abusive!”

“This a frying pan? Want me to beat the stupidity out with it?” “You can’t beat it out when it’s permanent” “that’s fair. My mom tried that when I was younger, as you can tell it didn’t work.”

“Hey! Nice violin!” “HEY! THAT’S INSTRUMENT RACISM!!!” “What do you mean…?” “How do you know it’s not a viola?” “…I don’t, I guess…?” “IT'S A VIOLA UNLESS PROVEN OTHERWISE!!!!!!” silence “Is that your new life motto?” “YES.”

from the point of view of a dog “Since being adopted, I’ve learned a lot. Like names. You use them to get each other’s attention, and everyone has their own! My human is named Ethan, and my name is BaileyBaileyBaileyBaileyBailey!”

a four year old, yelling at a nonexistent dog “BELLA. BELLA! STAWPIT RIGHT NOW. SIT. SIT!!! SIT OR I ABUSE! SIIIIIIIIIIT!” smacks air

“sTAWWWwWWwwWWP NIBBLING MY SHOULDER!”

“Katrina, can you pass me a fork please?” “French poo” “With their hands?” “Guacamole”

“Who needs flowers? I want cookies and diabetes.”

“Well, at least now you can say that you ate basement fries!”

“When I was like, seven years old, for a very brief moment, I thought the word ✨ta-tas✨ meant ✨toes✨. So I asked my Grandma, “Grandma, do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨ w h a t ✨ ?” and I was like, “Do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨people don’t do that✨” so I was like, “Yeah they do, Mom does it ✨all the time✨!” wHeEzE

“The cat, the cat! Trying to murder the dog. Where did the dog go? There’s a corpse under the couch.”

“Fluffy…” “Butts…” “Contract…” “That’s our sentence! Fluffy butts contract!!! We did it! Yay! Mrs. English Teacher we did it!”

“Stop being sorry and start being responsible!”

“You are now Patricia. I am Bethany. She is Samantha.” “I’m a 57 year old single woman from Ontario, Canada. I’m an ex-smoker and have been divorced and remarried 3 times. I got that ✨rAsP✨. I live in a fancy motorhome!”

“TELL HER I HAVE ACCESS TO VODKA!!!”

“I think a drunk woman is trying to find you, Bethany. I just walked by a lady screaming “👏 BETH 👏 AH 👏 NY 👏 👏 GET 👏 OVER 👏 HERE 👏!” She was also smoking. When in Vegas…”

“You listening to the (interesting) music, Cam?” “Yeah. It’s the best way to lighten the mood when walking down the street, at nighttime, in Vegas, with your crazy family!”

“Aw, that’s sad. The movie’s over. Now, it’s just you and the infinite void. Makes you want to play the saxophone!” proceeds to play Mario Bros. theme

“PISTACHIO GELATO IS SUPERIOR!” “KEEFE!” gasp “YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!”

WAIT WHO'S A KEEPERS FAN!?!?!????

ME AND NIGHTMARE ARE

I WAS ON A TRIP AND FOUND A FELLOW KEEPERS FAN

YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!

EEEEE

(chapter 42 of book nine is CHEFS KISS)

AAAAAAAA I KNOW!! I literally screamed the whole time I read that chapter
IM GONNA CRY THERE IS ONLY ONE BOOK LEFT AND THEN ITS OVER sob

I KNOW THAT OFFICIALLY MADE ME TEAM FOSTER KEEFE I C R I E D

AND I KNOW AHHHHH WE NEED AT LEST 5 MORE PURELY DEDICATED TO EXPLAINING THE GREAT GULON INCIDENT

HAHAHA SERIOUSLY THOUGH!!

"Our egg grew hair!"

"It's only because King Kong is a simp."

"John Lennon is staring at me…"

“Ha. Mommy, that lady’s got a big butt in those neenon (neon) green pants. I wonder if it’s hard to poop.” “I mean, her shoes are pretty cool…”
“Today at the pool, we saw a lady with one of those swimming suits that’s literally just a string of fabric between the cheeks, and a tiny triangle to cover the front. Her son came up and smacked her bare butt.”
“THAT’S WHO SHE horrible, juicy, squeak kissing noises WITH? SHE’S NOT EVEN FOURTEEN-”
“Paint my butt…cherry red…like the butts that you left.” “I have no valid reasons to be laughing as hard as I currently am at the moment, but I’m just going to go with it.”
“Oh no. It sounds like you have some artichoke trauma.”
“PISTACHIO GELATO!” “What is it with you and pistachio gelato?! That’s your first time having anything pistachio or gelato!”
“I HAVE A NEW CHICKEN RECRUIT!” “Ha, no you don’t.” “CLEMENTINE JOINED MEEEEE!” “No. They converted over to Entertainment Team while you were absent.” “…” “It’s still just you and Lemon.”
“He simply just has a very punchable face!”
“Wait, because me and Mrs. English Teacher are the only two in the classroom who have crooked pinkies and descend from Danish people, are we related?!” “Probably not. But if it helps you sleep at night, go ahead and keep believing that.”
“I’M AN OFFICIAL ADVERB MASS MURDERER MWAHAHAHA!!!”
“Those ladies choose to dress like underdressed demented peacocks, and get paid to do so?”
“Do you ever have that feeling where you have to poop, but like ✨aesthetically✨?”
“What are ways of transportation? Oh, Russell?” “By a bird!” “Like, ride on the back of the bird?” “You hold onto it’s legs and hope it flies!”
“Chicken, come up to the front of the stage and do your best Rafiki, “Nans Ingonya” opening scene!” “Ok! clears throat NAAAAAAAAAAaaaaAaAAAAaAAaAAAAAANSSSSSS INNNNGoOOOoOONYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BABA KIIIIIIIITSI YABOHHHHHH!” applause

“Ha. Mommy, that lady’s got a big butt in those neenon (neon) green pants. I wonder if it’s hard to poop.” “I mean, her shoes are pretty cool…”
“Today at the pool, we saw a lady with one of those swimming suits that’s literally just a string of fabric between the cheeks, and a tiny triangle to cover the front. Her son came up and smacked her bare butt.”
“THAT’S WHO SHE horrible, juicy, squeak kissing noises WITH? SHE’S NOT EVEN FOURTEEN-”
“Paint my butt…cherry red…like the butts that you left.” “I have no valid reasons to be laughing as hard as I currently am at the moment, but I’m just going to go with it.”
“Oh no. It sounds like you have some artichoke trauma.”
“PISTACHIO GELATO!” “What is it with you and pistachio gelato?! That’s your first time having anything pistachio or gelato!”
“I HAVE A NEW CHICKEN RECRUIT!” “Ha, no you don’t.” “CLEMENTINE JOINED MEEEEE!” “No. They converted over to Entertainment Team while you were absent.” “…” “It’s still just you and Lemon.”
“He simply just has a very punchable face!”
“Wait, because me and Mrs. English Teacher are the only two in the classroom who have crooked pinkies and descend from Danish people, are we related?!” “Probably not. But if it helps you sleep at night, go ahead and keep believing that.”
“I’M AN OFFICIAL ADVERB MASS MURDERER MWAHAHAHA!!!”
“Those ladies choose to dress like underdressed demented peacocks, and get paid to do so?”
“Do you ever have that feeling where you have to poop, but like ✨aesthetically✨?”
“What are ways of transportation? Oh, Russell?” “By a bird!” “Like, ride on the back of the bird?” “You hold onto it’s legs and hope it flies!”
“Chicken, come up to the front of the stage and do your best Rafiki, “Nans Ingonya” opening scene!” “Ok! clears throat NAAAAAAAAAAaaaaAaAAAAaAAaAAAAAANSSSSSS INNNNGoOOOoOONYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BABA KIIIIIIIITSI YABOHHHHHH!” applause

These are amazing

“Ha. Mommy, that lady’s got a big butt in those neenon (neon) green pants. I wonder if it’s hard to poop.” “I mean, her shoes are pretty cool…”
“Today at the pool, we saw a lady with one of those swimming suits that’s literally just a string of fabric between the cheeks, and a tiny triangle to cover the front. Her son came up and smacked her bare butt.”
“THAT’S WHO SHE horrible, juicy, squeak kissing noises WITH? SHE’S NOT EVEN FOURTEEN-”
“Paint my butt…cherry red…like the butts that you left.” “I have no valid reasons to be laughing as hard as I currently am at the moment, but I’m just going to go with it.”
“Oh no. It sounds like you have some artichoke trauma.”
“PISTACHIO GELATO!” “What is it with you and pistachio gelato?! That’s your first time having anything pistachio or gelato!”
“I HAVE A NEW CHICKEN RECRUIT!” “Ha, no you don’t.” “CLEMENTINE JOINED MEEEEE!” “No. They converted over to Entertainment Team while you were absent.” “…” “It’s still just you and Lemon.”
“He simply just has a very punchable face!”
“Wait, because me and Mrs. English Teacher are the only two in the classroom who have crooked pinkies and descend from Danish people, are we related?!” “Probably not. But if it helps you sleep at night, go ahead and keep believing that.”
“I’M AN OFFICIAL ADVERB MASS MURDERER MWAHAHAHA!!!”
“Those ladies choose to dress like underdressed demented peacocks, and get paid to do so?”
“Do you ever have that feeling where you have to poop, but like ✨aesthetically✨?”
“What are ways of transportation? Oh, Russell?” “By a bird!” “Like, ride on the back of the bird?” “You hold onto it’s legs and hope it flies!”
“Chicken, come up to the front of the stage and do your best Rafiki, “Nans Ingonya” opening scene!” “Ok! clears throat NAAAAAAAAAAaaaaAaAAAAaAAaAAAAAANSSSSSS INNNNGoOOOoOONYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BABA KIIIIIIIITSI YABOHHHHHH!” applause

These are amazing

Thank you!

"Epic hoverboard with the massive wheels - always snacking, I don't eat meals!" - Some kids channel rap video that I cannot for the life of me remember who

M O R E

“How much data can you store in an elephant?”
“If bread was a vegetable, it would be a potato.”
“Coconut shavings are the devil’s toenail clippings.”
“FYI, you have really smooth elbows.”
“A monkey could do my job. At least HE’D be able to fling poo when he heard a stupid idea.”
"My partner once, completely at random, in her sleep, yelled, 'OPEN THE WINDOW, ABIGAIL, I'M BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL!' Important note: We don't know an Abigail."
"My roommate talks in their sleep almost every night and, one time, he just burst into laughter and said, 'Well, why did none of you try to chop my head off then?'"
"My freshmen year I lived with two guys in a dorm who BOTH talked in their sleep. One night, I woke up and one was chanting, 'I am the spring berry, I am the spring berry,' and the other just responded 'Yeah, but Chick-Fil-A said 'no' back in 2011!' They have no memory of this."
"My wife always jumps at the opportunity to tell people that I once said, 'How come you get the cool spaceships and I get the Jetsons?' while asleep, then made the Jetsons flying car sound."
"My friend's little brother sleepwalks and once he came into our room. He kicked open the door and said, 'Did you tell mom about the soup thing?!' To which my friend replied, 'What soup thing?' To which he replied, 'You know, the thing with the [strangled screaming noise] and the [bird noise]!' He then stood there for a minute before leaving."
"Apparently one time while I was sleeping I grabbed my partner by the shoulders and told her: 'Hey, people are just stacks of years!' like it was the most important thing in the world."
"I've been told both by my boyfriend and my sister that I express my love for potatoes while sleeping, saying things like: 'They are just so versatile. I love them. French fries, hash browns, baked potatoes. I really think they're great.'"
“OF COURSE ELMO WOULD WIN!!!”
“Your words sound rounder…like whhhhhHhHhoooOOOOOOOOoOOOOP!”
“scoffs kiDs tHeSe dAyS…YOU ARE NOT OLDER THAN ME, Laura!”
“DUKE. DUKE. DUKE. DUKE! PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS.”
“STOP LOOKING AT ME, YOU’RE BANNED FROM LOOKING AT ME, BRYNN!”
“BRYNN, STOP FLIRTING WITH DUKE!”
“hOw dO yOu bE aVeRaGe aGe? AVERAGE AGE IS NOT A THING.”
“DUKE, STOP. FLIRTING. WITH. BRYNN!”
“I did zero work on the slideshow…” “wELL, gOoD fOr yOu bRyNn!”
“SSSSSSOOOOOOMEONE’S ON THEIR PHOOOOOOONE!”
“What animal makes that noise Duke?”

GUYS WE ARE ON PAGE 52 FOR OUR LIST!!!!

Oh no… I’m having feelings for the bucket! Why do I want to be with the bucket, hear what the bucket has to say do anything it asks, what's wrong with me? I don't understand! Perhaps… perhaps if I had the bucket this would be less confusing, yes! The bucket could tell me what to do in this troublesome situation!

"John Lennon is staring at me"
"It’s just because King Kong’s a simp"
"It feels like I’m an impaired cat"
"Ohhhhhh.. Frank. He looks so much like… Frank."
"You were holding my hand. I was trying to listen to Snoop Dogg."
"I'm Snoop Dogg.. and I'm fruity."

"Ohhhhhh.. Frank. He looks so much like… Frank."

"Frank should get a free lifetime supply of mail"

"I put color in my eggs"

"I put color in my eggs"

Dr. Seuss day at public school be like

"I put color in my eggs"

Dr. Seuss day at public school be like

hahahahaha
anti chicken said that

"PLEASE TAKE ME BACK DARLING I CAN DO BETTER 01110"

“I SWEAR all the band kid boys are gay for each other-“ -my partner

"The Zending is my favorite." "I am going to shoot you."

“Trauma makes you gay…and autistic…and fruity…”
“Trauma makes you all of the above.”
“Yes.”

"I don't care if this isn't about cake I'm still just gonna pretend it is."

“I hope that bitch goes back to the hospital-“

"The Zending is my favorite." "I am going to shoot you"

“HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT HE KNOWS?
“My age is thirty four thousand!” “So?” “It’s my age!” “And…?” “Age is a number!” “Nope! Age is a word.”
“Cymbals are metal hand clappers.”
“I became a Fruit Cat because I couldn’t afford anything else.”
“What’s your surname?” “What’s a surname? Isn’t it, like…Your name that’s a sir?” Facepalm
“I woke up to the natural obligation to leave my offspring.”
“Two girls offered me their pants.”
“THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN REPORT ME TO IS MEEEEE!!!”
“Dun, dun, dun, eat the egg RAW!”
“It totally won’t squirt all over her….”
“Listen, kids, that dentist is Quack! He’s an orthodontist at best!”
“Bang her? I barely know her!” “That's why you use OLIVE JUICE!!!!”
“PREPARE TO BE STONED!” “Remind me not to bring you when I go to stone someone.”
“If I break a few of my bones, I can squeeze between the bars of the cell and escape.”
"Just because you started an electrical fire on the bus four years ago doesn't mean you're cool. It means you're dumb."
“I like inserting things into the gaping hole on my neck growth, then sending them into a pocket of acid to disintegrate.”
“Just because it’s not right doesn’t mean it’s left!”
“I JUST TOUCHED DIGESTIVE JUICE!”
“They were unkind to her and called her a chu-chu.”
“I want you to make me a character.” “Okay, dad, who do you want it to be?” “A human woodpecker hero named ‘Face Knife.’”
“Don’t drop-kick your child across the football field. Yet.”

"Hey look at that!" "I WILL FUCKING BITE YOU"

Ahh we're missing days
chicken give us 60 quotes now