"I will fuck your parackeet"
"Is that a bet?" "no???" "ALRIGHT BET!"
"Will I get a heart attach if I chug this monster? Probably. Am I about to do it anyways? Defanitly"

"The puppet is only 13 apples tall"

“Amber, my ears are SO itchy!”
“I love yOu dad”
“Oh my gosh, I’m, like, stepping in beetle juice!”
“Mrs. Science Teacher?” “Yes?” “Can you adopt me?” “Um…” “Can I adopt your dog?”
“If you saw Bill Gates on a skyscraper about to jump, what would you do?” “Probably scream, Jack. Obviously.” “Yeah… well I’m only on the planet because I’m the one percent of people who would stand there with popcorn screaming ‘DO A BACKFLIP!!!’”
“Does anyone else wonder how they go to sleep with their blankets, then wake up while laying in the same position except the blankets are on the other side of the room?”
“Who stole my hat?” “…I’d rather not say…”
"Ah, parades. The only time of the year when I can legally run into traffic and fight children for candy."
“Mrs. Science Teacher, I’m going to make an inflatable dartboard!”
“Ugh, I hate when people spell “school” like that. It’s obviously wrong, you DON’T put the second “o” before the first “o”. YOU IMMATURE WATERMELON REGURGITATORS.”
“I, SIR PURRYWHISKERS, AM YOUR MASTER!!!”
“Did you know the guy who invented Pringles is now buried in a Pringles can? Imagine living a whole life for your family to be
like, hm, let’s just squeeze his corpse into a can with crumbs and seasoning!”
“Swans are just female geese though…right?”
“This weekend, I’m just going to sit around in my pants eating cheese.”
“DID DINOSAURS HAVE NIPPLES?”

"The puppet is only 13 apples tall"

NO he's 12 apples tall.

;-;

Me explaining to a friend how cicadas work, entering a car with a couple more friends: “Cicadas scream when they look for a mate”
Friend in the car: “I scream when I mate”
(Next part a bit of an inside joke)
Me: “Well when we hear you screaming we’ll know you’ve found your Australian guy”
_{not sure if this counts as a quote}

I can taste shapes- 0-o

Me explaining to a friend how cicadas work, entering a car with a couple more friends: “Cicadas scream when they look for a mate”
Friend in the car: “I scream when I mate”
(Next part a bit of an inside joke)
Me: “Well when we hear you screaming we’ll know you’ve found your Australian guy”
_{not sure if this counts as a quote}

Omg- wtf-
XDDDDD

Me explaining to a friend how cicadas work, entering a car with a couple more friends: “Cicadas scream when they look for a mate”
Friend in the car: “I scream when I mate”
(Next part a bit of an inside joke)
Me: “Well when we hear you screaming we’ll know you’ve found your Australian guy”
_{not sure if this counts as a quote}

Omg- wtf-
XDDDDD

XDDDDDD

Me explaining to a friend how cicadas work, entering a car with a couple more friends: “Cicadas scream when they look for a mate”
Friend in the car: “I scream when I mate”
(Next part a bit of an inside joke)
Me: “Well when we hear you screaming we’ll know you’ve found your Australian guy”
_{not sure if this counts as a quote}

Omg- wtf-
XDDDDD

XDDDDDD

The friend who said the thing is- very attracted to Australian accents. It’s hilarious and my group makes fun of her for it every chance we can :}

Slay XD

Me explaining to a friend how cicadas work, entering a car with a couple more friends: “Cicadas scream when they look for a mate”
Friend in the car: “I scream when I mate”
(Next part a bit of an inside joke)
Me: “Well when we hear you screaming we’ll know you’ve found your Australian guy”
_{not sure if this counts as a quote}

Omg- wtf-
XDDDDD

XDDDDDD

The friend who said the thing is- very attracted to Australian accents. It’s hilarious and my group makes fun of her for it every chance we can :}

Lol, I mean. . . They are hot- XDDDDDD
Anyways walks away whistling You heard nothing.

Me explaining to a friend how cicadas work, entering a car with a couple more friends: “Cicadas scream when they look for a mate”
Friend in the car: “I scream when I mate”
(Next part a bit of an inside joke)
Me: “Well when we hear you screaming we’ll know you’ve found your Australian guy”
_{not sure if this counts as a quote}

Omg- wtf-
XDDDDD

XDDDDDD

The friend who said the thing is- very attracted to Australian accents. It’s hilarious and my group makes fun of her for it every chance we can :}

Lol, I mean. . . They are hot- XDDDDDD
Anyways walks away whistling You heard nothing.

Heard what? I didn’t hear anything 🤔

Me explaining to a friend how cicadas work, entering a car with a couple more friends: “Cicadas scream when they look for a mate”
Friend in the car: “I scream when I mate”
(Next part a bit of an inside joke)
Me: “Well when we hear you screaming we’ll know you’ve found your Australian guy”
_{not sure if this counts as a quote}

Omg- wtf-
XDDDDD

XDDDDDD

The friend who said the thing is- very attracted to Australian accents. It’s hilarious and my group makes fun of her for it every chance we can :}

Lol, I mean. . . They are hot- XDDDDDD
Anyways walks away whistling You heard nothing.

Heard what? I didn’t hear anything 🤔

Exactly.

"Would you like some marshmallows to roast with your burning home?"

"The puppet is only 13 apples tall"

NO he's 12 apples tall.

I'm sorry I was mistaken sadness

"The puppet is only 13 apples tall"

NO he's 12 apples tall.

I'm sorry I was mistaken sadness

Nooo don't be sad

"The puppet is only 13 apples tall"

NO he's 12 apples tall.

I'm sorry I was mistaken sadness

Nooo don't be sad

Okay is not sadness

"The puppet is only 13 apples tall"

NO he's 12 apples tall.

I'm sorry I was mistaken sadness

Nooo don't be sad

Okay is not sadness

Yay

m o r e

“I’ve found that everything about our friendship has just turned into us annoying each other. Like, I annoy you with sparkles and rainbows, and you annoy me with your lack of sparkles and rainbows!”

“Oh, look! Two of my males are right next to each other!” “That totally doesn’t sound possessive…” “facepalm “Let me rephrase this… clears throat Oh, look! Two of the people I have inside jokes about, which both happen to be males, with the inside joke about them literally being based on them being males, are right next to each other!”

“Wait. So, we could be in a Geico Commercial, just because of our friendship?!” “Well, yes. That’d be correct, unless I snuck into your house tonight, and murdered your family. Then we would not be friends, and would not be in the commercial together!”

“Geico’s motto should be “Geico brings friends together!”’ “Hm… I guess.”

“Ugh. They don’t match at all!” “Yeah, they do! They look the same! I mean, if you close your eyes and imagine they look the same, they do!”

“There’s a fireman in my closet!”

“THE RAIN IN SPAIN.”

“Look at the wispy ghost coming out of the AC!”

“Mom! Look what I made!” “Oh, that looks cool!” “Do you know what it is?” “Um… a parachute?” “NO! It’s a shark taped to a paper!” muttering “sorry for being creative…?”

“To show depth and distance…and OOO! The Jesus book!”

“It’s. About. PEOPLE.”

(“The Twelve Side Effects of Christmas”, to the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas”) “On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee… Debilitating Headaches, Nightsweats and fevers, DRYYYYY, FLAKY SKIIIIN! Sudden swings in mood, blurred vision. And a rare form of kidney diseaaaaaase!”

“…woke trek” Answers phone “ NO!”

“What are you guys doing?” “ Being traumatized by kids shows.”

“Seven is a rainbow… I hope they find what they’re looking for.”

“Heeeey, this is my best friend” shows mini cactus “Ow! Stop being abusive!”

“This a frying pan? Want me to beat the stupidity out with it?” “You can’t beat it out when it’s permanent” “that’s fair. My mom tried that when I was younger, as you can tell it didn’t work.”

“Hey! Nice violin!” “HEY! THAT’S INSTRUMENT RACISM!!!” “What do you mean…?” “How do you know it’s not a viola?” “…I don’t, I guess…?” “IT'S A VIOLA UNLESS PROVEN OTHERWISE!!!!!!” silence “Is that your new life motto?” “YES.”

from the point of view of a dog “Since being adopted, I’ve learned a lot. Like names. You use them to get each other’s attention, and everyone has their own! My human is named Ethan, and my name is BaileyBaileyBaileyBaileyBailey!”

a four year old, yelling at a nonexistent dog “BELLA. BELLA! STAWPIT RIGHT NOW. SIT. SIT!!! SIT OR I ABUSE! SIIIIIIIIIIT!” smacks air

“sTAWWWwWWwwWWP NIBBLING MY SHOULDER!”

“Katrina, can you pass me a fork please?” “French poo” “With their hands?” “Guacamole”

“Who needs flowers? I want cookies and diabetes.”

“Well, at least now you can say that you ate basement fries!”

“When I was like, seven years old, for a very brief moment, I thought the word ✨ta-tas✨ meant ✨toes✨. So I asked my Grandma, “Grandma, do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨ w h a t ✨ ?” and I was like, “Do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨people don’t do that✨” so I was like, “Yeah they do, Mom does it ✨all the time✨!” wHeEzE

“The cat, the cat! Trying to murder the dog. Where did the dog go? There’s a corpse under the couch.”

“Fluffy…” “Butts…” “Contract…” “That’s our sentence! Fluffy butts contract!!! We did it! Yay! Mrs. English Teacher we did it!”

“Stop being sorry and start being responsible!”

“You are now Patricia. I am Bethany. She is Samantha.” “I’m a 57 year old single woman from Ontario, Canada. I’m an ex-smoker and have been divorced and remarried 3 times. I got that ✨rAsP✨. I live in a fancy motorhome!”

“TELL HER I HAVE ACCESS TO VODKA!!!”

“I think a drunk woman is trying to find you, Bethany. I just walked by a lady screaming “👏 BETH 👏 AH 👏 NY 👏 👏 GET 👏 OVER 👏 HERE 👏!” She was also smoking. When in Vegas…”

“You listening to the (interesting) music, Cam?” “Yeah. It’s the best way to lighten the mood when walking down the street, at nighttime, in Vegas, with your crazy family!”

“Aw, that’s sad. The movie’s over. Now, it’s just you and the infinite void. Makes you want to play the saxophone!” proceeds to play Mario Bros. theme

“PISTACHIO GELATO IS SUPERIOR!” “KEEFE!” gasp “YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!”

m o r e

“I’ve found that everything about our friendship has just turned into us annoying each other. Like, I annoy you with sparkles and rainbows, and you annoy me with your lack of sparkles and rainbows!”

“Oh, look! Two of my males are right next to each other!” “That totally doesn’t sound possessive…” “facepalm “Let me rephrase this… clears throat Oh, look! Two of the people I have inside jokes about, which both happen to be males, with the inside joke about them literally being based on them being males, are right next to each other!”

“Wait. So, we could be in a Geico Commercial, just because of our friendship?!” “Well, yes. That’d be correct, unless I snuck into your house tonight, and murdered your family. Then we would not be friends, and would not be in the commercial together!”

“Geico’s motto should be “Geico brings friends together!”’ “Hm… I guess.”

“Ugh. They don’t match at all!” “Yeah, they do! They look the same! I mean, if you close your eyes and imagine they look the same, they do!”

“There’s a fireman in my closet!”

“THE RAIN IN SPAIN.”

“Look at the wispy ghost coming out of the AC!”

“Mom! Look what I made!” “Oh, that looks cool!” “Do you know what it is?” “Um… a parachute?” “NO! It’s a shark taped to a paper!” muttering “sorry for being creative…?”

“To show depth and distance…and OOO! The Jesus book!”

“It’s. About. PEOPLE.”

(“The Twelve Side Effects of Christmas”, to the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas”) “On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee… Debilitating Headaches, Nightsweats and fevers, DRYYYYY, FLAKY SKIIIIN! Sudden swings in mood, blurred vision. And a rare form of kidney diseaaaaaase!”

“…woke trek” Answers phone “ NO!”

“What are you guys doing?” “ Being traumatized by kids shows.”

“Seven is a rainbow… I hope they find what they’re looking for.”

“Heeeey, this is my best friend” shows mini cactus “Ow! Stop being abusive!”

“This a frying pan? Want me to beat the stupidity out with it?” “You can’t beat it out when it’s permanent” “that’s fair. My mom tried that when I was younger, as you can tell it didn’t work.”

“Hey! Nice violin!” “HEY! THAT’S INSTRUMENT RACISM!!!” “What do you mean…?” “How do you know it’s not a viola?” “…I don’t, I guess…?” “IT'S A VIOLA UNLESS PROVEN OTHERWISE!!!!!!” silence “Is that your new life motto?” “YES.”

from the point of view of a dog “Since being adopted, I’ve learned a lot. Like names. You use them to get each other’s attention, and everyone has their own! My human is named Ethan, and my name is BaileyBaileyBaileyBaileyBailey!”

a four year old, yelling at a nonexistent dog “BELLA. BELLA! STAWPIT RIGHT NOW. SIT. SIT!!! SIT OR I ABUSE! SIIIIIIIIIIT!” smacks air

“sTAWWWwWWwwWWP NIBBLING MY SHOULDER!”

“Katrina, can you pass me a fork please?” “French poo” “With their hands?” “Guacamole”

“Who needs flowers? I want cookies and diabetes.”

“Well, at least now you can say that you ate basement fries!”

“When I was like, seven years old, for a very brief moment, I thought the word ✨ta-tas✨ meant ✨toes✨. So I asked my Grandma, “Grandma, do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨ w h a t ✨ ?” and I was like, “Do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨people don’t do that✨” so I was like, “Yeah they do, Mom does it ✨all the time✨!” wHeEzE

“The cat, the cat! Trying to murder the dog. Where did the dog go? There’s a corpse under the couch.”

“Fluffy…” “Butts…” “Contract…” “That’s our sentence! Fluffy butts contract!!! We did it! Yay! Mrs. English Teacher we did it!”

“Stop being sorry and start being responsible!”

“You are now Patricia. I am Bethany. She is Samantha.” “I’m a 57 year old single woman from Ontario, Canada. I’m an ex-smoker and have been divorced and remarried 3 times. I got that ✨rAsP✨. I live in a fancy motorhome!”

“TELL HER I HAVE ACCESS TO VODKA!!!”

“I think a drunk woman is trying to find you, Bethany. I just walked by a lady screaming “👏 BETH 👏 AH 👏 NY 👏 👏 GET 👏 OVER 👏 HERE 👏!” She was also smoking. When in Vegas…”

“You listening to the (interesting) music, Cam?” “Yeah. It’s the best way to lighten the mood when walking down the street, at nighttime, in Vegas, with your crazy family!”

“Aw, that’s sad. The movie’s over. Now, it’s just you and the infinite void. Makes you want to play the saxophone!” proceeds to play Mario Bros. theme

“PISTACHIO GELATO IS SUPERIOR!” “KEEFE!” gasp “YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!”

WAIT WHO'S A KEEPERS FAN!?!?!????

“Aw, that’s sad. The movie’s over. Now, it’s just you and the infinite void. Makes you want to play the saxophone!” proceeds to play Mario Bros. theme

Sobbing because peach literally said "there's a lot of galaxies out there" and

m o r e

“I’ve found that everything about our friendship has just turned into us annoying each other. Like, I annoy you with sparkles and rainbows, and you annoy me with your lack of sparkles and rainbows!”

“Oh, look! Two of my males are right next to each other!” “That totally doesn’t sound possessive…” “facepalm “Let me rephrase this… clears throat Oh, look! Two of the people I have inside jokes about, which both happen to be males, with the inside joke about them literally being based on them being males, are right next to each other!”

“Wait. So, we could be in a Geico Commercial, just because of our friendship?!” “Well, yes. That’d be correct, unless I snuck into your house tonight, and murdered your family. Then we would not be friends, and would not be in the commercial together!”

“Geico’s motto should be “Geico brings friends together!”’ “Hm… I guess.”

“Ugh. They don’t match at all!” “Yeah, they do! They look the same! I mean, if you close your eyes and imagine they look the same, they do!”

“There’s a fireman in my closet!”

“THE RAIN IN SPAIN.”

“Look at the wispy ghost coming out of the AC!”

“Mom! Look what I made!” “Oh, that looks cool!” “Do you know what it is?” “Um… a parachute?” “NO! It’s a shark taped to a paper!” muttering “sorry for being creative…?”

“To show depth and distance…and OOO! The Jesus book!”

“It’s. About. PEOPLE.”

(“The Twelve Side Effects of Christmas”, to the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas”) “On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee… Debilitating Headaches, Nightsweats and fevers, DRYYYYY, FLAKY SKIIIIN! Sudden swings in mood, blurred vision. And a rare form of kidney diseaaaaaase!”

“…woke trek” Answers phone “ NO!”

“What are you guys doing?” “ Being traumatized by kids shows.”

“Seven is a rainbow… I hope they find what they’re looking for.”

“Heeeey, this is my best friend” shows mini cactus “Ow! Stop being abusive!”

“This a frying pan? Want me to beat the stupidity out with it?” “You can’t beat it out when it’s permanent” “that’s fair. My mom tried that when I was younger, as you can tell it didn’t work.”

“Hey! Nice violin!” “HEY! THAT’S INSTRUMENT RACISM!!!” “What do you mean…?” “How do you know it’s not a viola?” “…I don’t, I guess…?” “IT'S A VIOLA UNLESS PROVEN OTHERWISE!!!!!!” silence “Is that your new life motto?” “YES.”

from the point of view of a dog “Since being adopted, I’ve learned a lot. Like names. You use them to get each other’s attention, and everyone has their own! My human is named Ethan, and my name is BaileyBaileyBaileyBaileyBailey!”

a four year old, yelling at a nonexistent dog “BELLA. BELLA! STAWPIT RIGHT NOW. SIT. SIT!!! SIT OR I ABUSE! SIIIIIIIIIIT!” smacks air

“sTAWWWwWWwwWWP NIBBLING MY SHOULDER!”

“Katrina, can you pass me a fork please?” “French poo” “With their hands?” “Guacamole”

“Who needs flowers? I want cookies and diabetes.”

“Well, at least now you can say that you ate basement fries!”

“When I was like, seven years old, for a very brief moment, I thought the word ✨ta-tas✨ meant ✨toes✨. So I asked my Grandma, “Grandma, do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨ w h a t ✨ ?” and I was like, “Do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨people don’t do that✨” so I was like, “Yeah they do, Mom does it ✨all the time✨!” wHeEzE

“The cat, the cat! Trying to murder the dog. Where did the dog go? There’s a corpse under the couch.”

“Fluffy…” “Butts…” “Contract…” “That’s our sentence! Fluffy butts contract!!! We did it! Yay! Mrs. English Teacher we did it!”

“Stop being sorry and start being responsible!”

“You are now Patricia. I am Bethany. She is Samantha.” “I’m a 57 year old single woman from Ontario, Canada. I’m an ex-smoker and have been divorced and remarried 3 times. I got that ✨rAsP✨. I live in a fancy motorhome!”

“TELL HER I HAVE ACCESS TO VODKA!!!”

“I think a drunk woman is trying to find you, Bethany. I just walked by a lady screaming “👏 BETH 👏 AH 👏 NY 👏 👏 GET 👏 OVER 👏 HERE 👏!” She was also smoking. When in Vegas…”

“You listening to the (interesting) music, Cam?” “Yeah. It’s the best way to lighten the mood when walking down the street, at nighttime, in Vegas, with your crazy family!”

“Aw, that’s sad. The movie’s over. Now, it’s just you and the infinite void. Makes you want to play the saxophone!” proceeds to play Mario Bros. theme

“PISTACHIO GELATO IS SUPERIOR!” “KEEFE!” gasp “YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!”

WAIT WHO'S A KEEPERS FAN!?!?!????

ME AND NIGHTMARE ARE

I WAS ON A TRIP AND FOUND A FELLOW KEEPERS FAN

YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!

EEEEE

(chapter 42 of book nine is CHEFS KISS)

m o r e

“I’ve found that everything about our friendship has just turned into us annoying each other. Like, I annoy you with sparkles and rainbows, and you annoy me with your lack of sparkles and rainbows!”

“Oh, look! Two of my males are right next to each other!” “That totally doesn’t sound possessive…” “facepalm “Let me rephrase this… clears throat Oh, look! Two of the people I have inside jokes about, which both happen to be males, with the inside joke about them literally being based on them being males, are right next to each other!”

“Wait. So, we could be in a Geico Commercial, just because of our friendship?!” “Well, yes. That’d be correct, unless I snuck into your house tonight, and murdered your family. Then we would not be friends, and would not be in the commercial together!”

“Geico’s motto should be “Geico brings friends together!”’ “Hm… I guess.”

“Ugh. They don’t match at all!” “Yeah, they do! They look the same! I mean, if you close your eyes and imagine they look the same, they do!”

“There’s a fireman in my closet!”

“THE RAIN IN SPAIN.”

“Look at the wispy ghost coming out of the AC!”

“Mom! Look what I made!” “Oh, that looks cool!” “Do you know what it is?” “Um… a parachute?” “NO! It’s a shark taped to a paper!” muttering “sorry for being creative…?”

“To show depth and distance…and OOO! The Jesus book!”

“It’s. About. PEOPLE.”

(“The Twelve Side Effects of Christmas”, to the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas”) “On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee… Debilitating Headaches, Nightsweats and fevers, DRYYYYY, FLAKY SKIIIIN! Sudden swings in mood, blurred vision. And a rare form of kidney diseaaaaaase!”

“…woke trek” Answers phone “ NO!”

“What are you guys doing?” “ Being traumatized by kids shows.”

“Seven is a rainbow… I hope they find what they’re looking for.”

“Heeeey, this is my best friend” shows mini cactus “Ow! Stop being abusive!”

“This a frying pan? Want me to beat the stupidity out with it?” “You can’t beat it out when it’s permanent” “that’s fair. My mom tried that when I was younger, as you can tell it didn’t work.”

“Hey! Nice violin!” “HEY! THAT’S INSTRUMENT RACISM!!!” “What do you mean…?” “How do you know it’s not a viola?” “…I don’t, I guess…?” “IT'S A VIOLA UNLESS PROVEN OTHERWISE!!!!!!” silence “Is that your new life motto?” “YES.”

from the point of view of a dog “Since being adopted, I’ve learned a lot. Like names. You use them to get each other’s attention, and everyone has their own! My human is named Ethan, and my name is BaileyBaileyBaileyBaileyBailey!”

a four year old, yelling at a nonexistent dog “BELLA. BELLA! STAWPIT RIGHT NOW. SIT. SIT!!! SIT OR I ABUSE! SIIIIIIIIIIT!” smacks air

“sTAWWWwWWwwWWP NIBBLING MY SHOULDER!”

“Katrina, can you pass me a fork please?” “French poo” “With their hands?” “Guacamole”

“Who needs flowers? I want cookies and diabetes.”

“Well, at least now you can say that you ate basement fries!”

“When I was like, seven years old, for a very brief moment, I thought the word ✨ta-tas✨ meant ✨toes✨. So I asked my Grandma, “Grandma, do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨ w h a t ✨ ?” and I was like, “Do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨people don’t do that✨” so I was like, “Yeah they do, Mom does it ✨all the time✨!” wHeEzE

“The cat, the cat! Trying to murder the dog. Where did the dog go? There’s a corpse under the couch.”

“Fluffy…” “Butts…” “Contract…” “That’s our sentence! Fluffy butts contract!!! We did it! Yay! Mrs. English Teacher we did it!”

“Stop being sorry and start being responsible!”

“You are now Patricia. I am Bethany. She is Samantha.” “I’m a 57 year old single woman from Ontario, Canada. I’m an ex-smoker and have been divorced and remarried 3 times. I got that ✨rAsP✨. I live in a fancy motorhome!”

“TELL HER I HAVE ACCESS TO VODKA!!!”

“I think a drunk woman is trying to find you, Bethany. I just walked by a lady screaming “👏 BETH 👏 AH 👏 NY 👏 👏 GET 👏 OVER 👏 HERE 👏!” She was also smoking. When in Vegas…”

“You listening to the (interesting) music, Cam?” “Yeah. It’s the best way to lighten the mood when walking down the street, at nighttime, in Vegas, with your crazy family!”

“Aw, that’s sad. The movie’s over. Now, it’s just you and the infinite void. Makes you want to play the saxophone!” proceeds to play Mario Bros. theme

“PISTACHIO GELATO IS SUPERIOR!” “KEEFE!” gasp “YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!”

WAIT WHO'S A KEEPERS FAN!?!?!????

ME AND NIGHTMARE ARE

I WAS ON A TRIP AND FOUND A FELLOW KEEPERS FAN

YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!

EEEEE

(chapter 42 of book nine is CHEFS KISS)

AAAAAAAA I KNOW!! I literally screamed the whole time I read that chapter
IM GONNA CRY THERE IS ONLY ONE BOOK LEFT AND THEN ITS OVER sob

m o r e

“I’ve found that everything about our friendship has just turned into us annoying each other. Like, I annoy you with sparkles and rainbows, and you annoy me with your lack of sparkles and rainbows!”

“Oh, look! Two of my males are right next to each other!” “That totally doesn’t sound possessive…” “facepalm “Let me rephrase this… clears throat Oh, look! Two of the people I have inside jokes about, which both happen to be males, with the inside joke about them literally being based on them being males, are right next to each other!”

“Wait. So, we could be in a Geico Commercial, just because of our friendship?!” “Well, yes. That’d be correct, unless I snuck into your house tonight, and murdered your family. Then we would not be friends, and would not be in the commercial together!”

“Geico’s motto should be “Geico brings friends together!”’ “Hm… I guess.”

“Ugh. They don’t match at all!” “Yeah, they do! They look the same! I mean, if you close your eyes and imagine they look the same, they do!”

“There’s a fireman in my closet!”

“THE RAIN IN SPAIN.”

“Look at the wispy ghost coming out of the AC!”

“Mom! Look what I made!” “Oh, that looks cool!” “Do you know what it is?” “Um… a parachute?” “NO! It’s a shark taped to a paper!” muttering “sorry for being creative…?”

“To show depth and distance…and OOO! The Jesus book!”

“It’s. About. PEOPLE.”

(“The Twelve Side Effects of Christmas”, to the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas”) “On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee… Debilitating Headaches, Nightsweats and fevers, DRYYYYY, FLAKY SKIIIIN! Sudden swings in mood, blurred vision. And a rare form of kidney diseaaaaaase!”

“…woke trek” Answers phone “ NO!”

“What are you guys doing?” “ Being traumatized by kids shows.”

“Seven is a rainbow… I hope they find what they’re looking for.”

“Heeeey, this is my best friend” shows mini cactus “Ow! Stop being abusive!”

“This a frying pan? Want me to beat the stupidity out with it?” “You can’t beat it out when it’s permanent” “that’s fair. My mom tried that when I was younger, as you can tell it didn’t work.”

“Hey! Nice violin!” “HEY! THAT’S INSTRUMENT RACISM!!!” “What do you mean…?” “How do you know it’s not a viola?” “…I don’t, I guess…?” “IT'S A VIOLA UNLESS PROVEN OTHERWISE!!!!!!” silence “Is that your new life motto?” “YES.”

from the point of view of a dog “Since being adopted, I’ve learned a lot. Like names. You use them to get each other’s attention, and everyone has their own! My human is named Ethan, and my name is BaileyBaileyBaileyBaileyBailey!”

a four year old, yelling at a nonexistent dog “BELLA. BELLA! STAWPIT RIGHT NOW. SIT. SIT!!! SIT OR I ABUSE! SIIIIIIIIIIT!” smacks air

“sTAWWWwWWwwWWP NIBBLING MY SHOULDER!”

“Katrina, can you pass me a fork please?” “French poo” “With their hands?” “Guacamole”

“Who needs flowers? I want cookies and diabetes.”

“Well, at least now you can say that you ate basement fries!”

“When I was like, seven years old, for a very brief moment, I thought the word ✨ta-tas✨ meant ✨toes✨. So I asked my Grandma, “Grandma, do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨ w h a t ✨ ?” and I was like, “Do you ever paint your ✨ta-tas✨?” and she was like, “✨people don’t do that✨” so I was like, “Yeah they do, Mom does it ✨all the time✨!” wHeEzE

“The cat, the cat! Trying to murder the dog. Where did the dog go? There’s a corpse under the couch.”

“Fluffy…” “Butts…” “Contract…” “That’s our sentence! Fluffy butts contract!!! We did it! Yay! Mrs. English Teacher we did it!”

“Stop being sorry and start being responsible!”

“You are now Patricia. I am Bethany. She is Samantha.” “I’m a 57 year old single woman from Ontario, Canada. I’m an ex-smoker and have been divorced and remarried 3 times. I got that ✨rAsP✨. I live in a fancy motorhome!”

“TELL HER I HAVE ACCESS TO VODKA!!!”

“I think a drunk woman is trying to find you, Bethany. I just walked by a lady screaming “👏 BETH 👏 AH 👏 NY 👏 👏 GET 👏 OVER 👏 HERE 👏!” She was also smoking. When in Vegas…”

“You listening to the (interesting) music, Cam?” “Yeah. It’s the best way to lighten the mood when walking down the street, at nighttime, in Vegas, with your crazy family!”

“Aw, that’s sad. The movie’s over. Now, it’s just you and the infinite void. Makes you want to play the saxophone!” proceeds to play Mario Bros. theme

“PISTACHIO GELATO IS SUPERIOR!” “KEEFE!” gasp “YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!”

WAIT WHO'S A KEEPERS FAN!?!?!????

ME AND NIGHTMARE ARE

I WAS ON A TRIP AND FOUND A FELLOW KEEPERS FAN

YOU’RE A KEEPERS FAN?!

EEEEE

(chapter 42 of book nine is CHEFS KISS)

AAAAAAAA I KNOW!! I literally screamed the whole time I read that chapter
IM GONNA CRY THERE IS ONLY ONE BOOK LEFT AND THEN ITS OVER sob

I KNOW THAT OFFICIALLY MADE ME TEAM FOSTER KEEFE I C R I E D

AND I KNOW AHHHHH WE NEED AT LEST 5 MORE PURELY DEDICATED TO EXPLAINING THE GREAT GULON INCIDENT