Actually I think that's kind of normal. I think any time you have a weapon in your hands, you immediately think "what if I shot myself or something lol." It's not normal to consider acting on it.
But I wouldn't know tbh. I've been a 'self harmer' for so long I don't know what's normal and what's not with those thoughts. I mean, I can't even use a lighter. I start shaking. And usually end up burning my wrist.
Ah. Yeah. It happens with other things, too, but I don't self-harm so…idk.
I'm sorry, Mir
Yup intrusive thoughts are normal
still not over the time my brain tried to convince me to throw my chip into the boy's bathroom
I'm sorry, Mir
shrugIt's fine. Usually it doesn't even hurt anymore, if I'm honest.
why is it that when i try to help they just push me away
i cant do this anymore
i cant
i'm thinking about self-harm again
and the butterflies do not help anymore
i just
i cant do this anymore
if i cant help myself
and i can't help my frens either
then what's the point of being here anymore?
what's the point of living?
maybe i'm better off dead
no
i am better off dead
Ahh
my brain tried to get me to throw my phone out of the bus window while we were driving and i'm like ???
Alright Izzy.
If there's one thing you're not gonna do, it's die on me.
What's going on?
Spoiler - click to show.
You wouldn't be able to keep it up.
Yup intrusive thoughts are normal
still not over the time my brain tried to convince me to throw my chip into the boy's bathroom
What chip?
Yup intrusive thoughts are normal
still not over the time my brain tried to convince me to throw my chip into the boy's bathroom
What chip?
potato
Ahh
my brain tried to get me to throw my phone out of the bus window while we were driving and i'm like ???
Oof.
My brain tried to get me to throw myself out of a bus window while it was driving… it succeeded lmao.
Alright Izzy.
If there's one thing you're not gonna do, it's die on me.
What's going on?
^^^
Ahh
my brain tried to get me to throw my phone out of the bus window while we were driving and i'm like ???Oof.
My brain tried to get me to throw myself out of a bus window while it was driving… it succeeded lmao.
okay that's worse, you win
fren 1 and fren 2 = a and b
A offhandedly mentions that she's depressed
I ask if there's anything i can do to help, and she just kinda ignores me
now B is like, i'm depressed too
and it really hurts when they keep saying that there's no hope because
when they say that
everyday
every
single
fricking
day
i worry that i'll wake up and get on discord and realise that they're gone
ill never be able to talk to them again
and it scares me
and it seems as though everytime i try to help
its just a
"there's no hope"
seeing them hurting?
it hurts me too
not like they're ever gonna know that though
i kinda went off on another fren, who we'll call C
and that was probably not a good thing to do
but
it wasn't super bad i don't think
'nd anyways if i can't help myself
(i don't know how many allnighters i've pulled only to sleep 4-6 hours. i don't know how many meals ive skipped or how dehydrated i am)
and if i can't help my friends
then what's the point in living?
i have no idea if that made sense at all
Izzy, do you want to be like me?
Self harming when you're young because you heard it helps you feel better, then getting addicted?
I'm still self harming, Izzy. I started in fifth grade. You know why? Because I can't stop. This is all I know now.
But you have time, and hope. You haven't tried it yet! You haven't given yourself the chance to get hooked! And that's amazing! But you will not give up now.
You know what happens when you cut, or burn, or do whatever you have in mind? You get worse. Because you let your brain win. And now you have to keep dealing with what you're already going through, plus trying to hide the self harm from other people, plus possibly getting addicted to it.
It doesn't help you, Izzy.
It doesn't make you feel any fucking better.
It makes you feel worse.
If I could change one thing about my life, it wouldn't be the CPTSD, it wouldn't be the anxiety or the trauma or the panic disorder or the fucked up childhood or even the general depression; I'd go back to that day in fifth grade when I cut my wrist with scissors because I heard it helped.
You don't want this, Izzy. You don't want to be like me. You don't want to be the 'cutter,' the 'depressed one.'
In addition to that, remember what I said a while back? When you hurt, I hurt. I've told you that you're a huge inspiration to me and if I wake up one day and see that you're gone, what the hell do you think Imma think? Do you think that all of us on here wouldn't miss you?? You really do mean a lot to us Izzy.
If any of us on this site ended up going through with it, I don't think I would be able to get back on. You can't do this to us. We're here being strong for you, so please be strong for us. I know it's hard as fuck and nothing that I say will probably help, but we genuinely care, that much I can guarantee.
Preach.
And that goes for all of y'all in that place.
I just rolled over and it felt like my bed dropped out from under me. Fun
thank you both, mir nd atlas
<33
You better stay alive for me Iz.
Yeah, I'll try my best
and don't worry, because if you do fall again into the dark thoughts, we'll be here to catch you and help you
this also goes for everyone here
Izzy, we may not be close, but if you ever need to talk to someone I'm usually online from 10AM-2AM CST which is a good chunk of a day. :)
sep
Sep indeed