(Honestly I might even work the "asking random philosophical questions to the Uber driver" bit into the story since he 1) is an agnostic philosophy student who generally gets a kick out of philosophical and pseudophilosophical discussions and 2) can't drive and so needs to Uber)
Elijah: I didn't become student council president by being a good person
Elijah: You can tell the gardening club they won't be having a Christmas this year
Darrell: The only reason I stoop to participate in a charity to benefit myself, everyone else is just a freeloader with no job
Lucas to Matthew: Why do you have a knife, there's nothing to carve
Alex to Jax/Jane: Oh, what are you supposed to be, a disappointment?
Random elementary school teacher looking at drawing of Colton
Random: "I'm not sure why this is still hanging up here. He's dead now."
Tabitha: I didn't become student council president by being a good person
Tabitha: You can tell the gardening club they won't be having a Wintersol this year
Elias: I didn't become student council president by being a good person
Elias: You can tell the gardening club they won't be having a Christmas this year
Quill, at a family party: Ugh, why is everyone asking me so many personal questions? Mind your business.
Quill, to her Uber driver: And that might be where my PTSD and trust issues stem from. So anyway, do you believe in God?
Dawn, a closeted lesbian, about Angel: I just think she's neat
Nell, a lesbian mess, about Therese: I just think she's neat-
Kay: At least I'm going to die doing something I love.
The Director: And that is?
Kay: Beating the absolute shit out of someone who deserves it.
Kels: I'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual.
Addie, stepping in a puddle of spilled water at three in the morning while wearing socks: Damn it.
Kay, slamming down the raw carrot they were eating: Let's watch the fucking language, holy shit-
Victor: Henry, I borrowed one of your sweaters.
Henry, looking at Victor wearing an "ok boomer" sweatshirt: Okay.
Kels: You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, huh?
Tabitha: As the defending champion, are you nervous?
Sirens: Go off
Eliot, who's never done anything illegal in his life: Oh no, they've found me-
Kay: You can't expose me, I overshare my entire life.
Imogen: I want Tabitha to wear a huge, beautiful dress and run down a castle hallway at least once, goddamn it! That woman needs to embrace her feminine side.
Kay: People say I can’t use they/them pronouns ‘cause it’s plural, but have you considered that I’m actually thirty rats stacked in a trench coat?
Eliot: Has anyone in your life ever told you they love you?
Tabitha: Do parents count?
Eliot: Yes.
Tabitha: No.
Eliot: Same.
Tabitha: To be honest, I almost think of you all as fr… f…
Imogen: Almost there!
Tabitha: F… fffff… frien…
Eliot: Take your time.
Imogen: Oh, their breadsticks are like crack
Tabitha: I love when people say "like crack" who have obviously never done crack
Imogen: Well, their breadsticks are like what then, Tabby? What can I use?
Imogen: I don't know, something from your world. "The breadsticks are like service work"?
Tabitha: You're a manipulator
The Director: I like to think of myself as an outcome engineer
Eliot: Remember when we didn't solve all our problems with attempted murder?
Tabitha: Stop romanticizing the past.
Kay: I screwed up big time.
Addie: Kay, given your daily life experiences, you're going to need to be a little more specific.
Tabitha: Terrible things happen to good people every day. Consequentially, I am not one of the good people, I'm one of the terrible things.
Imogen: If the plan goes wrong, where should we regroup?
Tabitha: Hell.
Imogen: Could you at least smile? It'll make me less nervous.
Tabitha: Awkward forced smile
Imogen: Okay, that did not help.
The Director: We're facing an enemy we don't know and technology we don't understand. This isn't the time to be asking questions.
Kels: Really sounds like it is.
Kay: I once ate 170 jalapenos under 2 minutes.
Kay: Everyone at the hospital was so impressed.
Eliot: How petty can you get?
Tabitha: I once edited a wiki page to win an argument against Kels
Quill, stepping in a puddle of spilled water at three in the morning while wearing socks: Damn it.
Azazel, slamming down the raw carrot xe was eating: Let's watch the fucking language, holy shit-
Anthony: Dally, I borrowed one of your sweaters.
Dally, looking at Anthony wearing an "ok boomer" sweatshirt: Okay.
Cyrus: You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, huh?
Azazel: As the defending champion, are you nervous?
Karma: We're facing an enemy we don't know and concepts we don't understand. This isn't the time to be asking questions.
Emmett: Really sounds like it is.
Perry: How petty can you get?
Elias: I once edited a Wikipedia page to win an argument against Quill.
Nami: At least I'm going to die doing something I love.
Usopp: And that is?
Nami: Beating the absolute shit out of someone who deserves it.
Sanji: You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, huh?
Zoro: As the defending champion, are you nervous?
Vivi: I want Nami to wear a huge, beautiful dress and run down a castle hallway at least once, goddamn it! That woman needs to embrace her feminine side.
Ac: Has anyone in your life ever told you they love you?
Sabo: Do parents count?
Ace: Yes.
Sabo: No.
Ace: Same.
Law: To be honest, I almost think of you all as fr… f…
Luffy: Almost there!
Law: F… fffff… frien…
Nami: Take your time.
Nami: Remember when we didn't solve all our problems with attempted murder?
Azami: Stop romanticizing the past.
Luffy: I screwed up big time.
Law: Mugiwara-ya, given your daily life experiences, you're going to need to be a little more specific.
Law: If the plan goes wrong, where should we regroup?
Zoro: Hell.
Jackson, stepping in a puddle of spilled water at three in the morning while wearing socks: Damn it.
Seth, slamming down the raw carrot he was eating: Let's watch the fucking language, holy shit-
Tim: Carrie, I borrowed one of your sweaters.
Carrie, looking at Tim wearing an "ok boomer" sweatshirt: Okay.
Sam: You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, huh?
Angel: As the defending champion, are you nervous?
Sirens: Go off
Jimmy, who's never done anything illegal in his life: Oh no, they've found me-
Jimmy: You can't expose me, I overshare my entire life.
Dawn: Has anyone in your life ever told you they love you?
Angel: Do parents count?
Dawn: Yes.
Angel: No.
Dawn: Same.
Angel: To be honest, I almost think of you all as fr… f…
Anthony: Almost there!
Angel: F… fffff… frien…
Anthony: Take your time.
Carrie: Oh, their breadsticks are like crack
Dawn: I love when people say "like crack" who have obviously never done crack
Carrie: Well, their breadsticks are like what then? What can I use?
Carrie: "The breadsticks are like service work"?
Jimmy: I screwed up big time.
Anthony: Jimmy, given your daily life experiences, you're going to need to be a little more specific.
Anthony: If the plan goes wrong, where should we regroup?
Sam: Hell.
Anthony: Could you at least smile? It'll make me less nervous.
Sam: Awkward forced smile
Anthony: Okay, that did not help.
Jimmy: I once ate 170 jalapenos under 2 minutes.
Jimmy: Everyone at the hospital was so impressed.
Jackson: How petty can you get?
Angel: I once edited a wiki page to win an argument against Dawn
Leaoni: I'm going to taco bell, want anything?
Frost: My family back.
Leaoni:
Leaoni: Yeah, I've got like 12 dollars.
Alune, that one time he got drunk: I know what you’re all thinking. Birth is a curse and existence is a prison.
Leaoni: I am willing to do a lot of things.
Leaoni: But admitting to Sana that I’m cold after she told me to bring a jacket is not one of them.
Varian: This is fun.
Leaoni: Seriously, Varian, we're trying to hide a body.
Leaoni: Hey Varian, fuck, marry, kill with Alune, Kallai, and Sana.
Varian, without looking up: Fuck Alune, marry Kallai and kill Frost.
Frost: I wasn't even in the question???
Kallai: I am at a loss for words.
Varian: Despite being lost for words, Kallai managed to yell at us for an hour straight.
Alune: Damn, the power went out.
Leaoni: Don't worry, I got this!
Leaoni: (shakes rapidly until her stomach starts to illuminate)
Alune: What the fuck.
Leaoni: I swallowed a flashlight.
Alune, on the verge of cardiac arrest: WHY WOULD YOU-
Frost: Hey, Leaoni what are you drinking?
Leaoni: The tears of my enemies.
Frost:
Sana: Hot chocolate. She's drinking hot chocolate.
Kallai: After all this time, I almost think of you all as fr… f…
Frost: Almost there!
Kallai: F… fffff… frien…
Frost: Take your time.
Leaoni: If the plan goes wrong, where should we regroup?
Varian: Hell.
Frost: Could you at least smile? It'll make me less nervous.
Alune: (Awkward forced smile)
Frost: Okay, that did not help.
Leaoni: How petty can you get?
Varian: I once edited a Wikipedia page to win an argument against Alune.
Miss Dollon: Could you please sit up straight?
Kels: I'll sit as sapphicly I want.
Miss Dollon: Mx. Carth, can I speak to you for a minute?
Kay: Oooh, someone's in trouble!
Kay: It's me. I don't know why I did that.
Tabitha, to everyone: Okay, let's go around the room and say a secret about ourselves
Tabitha: I'll go first.
Tabitha, still to everyone: I hate you
Kay: Can I get a waffle?
Tabitha and Kels: Throwing hands
Kay: Can I please get a waffle?
Addie: Katya, how do you even expect to pull this off?
Kels: We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it
Addie: …I’m pretty sure it’s we’ll ‘cross’ that bridge when we-
Kels: Not in this case.
Imogen: Well. Uh… it's just that you're not that dynamic.
Tabitha: I can be dynamic. Exclamation point.
Kels: It's not that I like to hurt people, it's just that I'm really bad at not being an absolute asshole.
Eliot: Oh jeez. I’m in so much trouble.
Tabitha: Where’s the body?
Eliot: …What?
Tabitha: I asked you where the body was. I can help you hide it. See, I got some acid from the labs-
Eliot: There’s no body.
Tabitha: Then what the hell are you in trouble for?
Eliot: I like a girl who’s good with money.
Tabitha: The city will bury you for free if they can’t identify your body.
Kay: I fucking love toast. What absolute genius took a bit of bread and said ‘cook it again.’ Incredible.
Tabitha: My greatest weakness is having no rigid exoskeleton. It means I can be easily stabbed.
The Director:
Tabitha: Oh you mean academically-
Kay: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Addie: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Kay: I just forget stuff like a cool person.
Tabitha: Pass the salt.
Imogen: What's the magic word?
Tabitha: Or else.
Imogen: That's two words but point taken.
Kels: So Eire, do you have a crush on anyone?
Addie: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety. Also Kay Carth.
Kels: What’s the worst decision you’ve made while you were drunk?
Kay: I don’t mean to brag, but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Kels: You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
Tabitha: Bold of you to assume I like you anyway.
The Director: I value all my students equally. There's Tabitha, Imogen, Katya, Kay, Addie, and-
The Director: Checks hand
The Director:…Emilio?
Tabitha: We're going to go tempt fate because fate's a bitch.
Miss Dollon: Over my dead body!
Tabitha: That's fine by me.
Tabitha: Draws her knife
The Director: Tabitha is at that special age where she has only one thing on her mind.
Miss Dollon: Romance?
The Director: Homicide.
Queen Andra: It is no concern of mine whether you have- what was it again?
Addie: Food.
Queen Andra: Ha! You really should have thought of that before you became a peasant.
Queen Andra: Ilsa, you have been observing Katya Kels for 48 hours now; what have you discovered?
Ilsa: People fall in love with her very easily.
Queen Andra: …An example?
Ilsa, holding back tears: Me.
The Director: Alright, I called you all to this meeting because some of us don't get along.
Kels: Tabitha and I are literally the only people you called here.
Tabitha: Listen, am I the most attractive girl out there? Of course not. But do I have a good personality? No. But do I wake up every day and try to be the best person I can? Also no.
Kels: You don't have to yell.
Ilsa: I'm not yelling! We just happen to be in a lot of trouble here.
Kels: It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice.
Ilsa: It's not a tone, I'M PANICKING!
Eliot: Guys, I think we have a problem.
Kay: What, the fire?
Eliot: No, the- wait. What fire?
Kay: Forget about it, this sounds more interesting.
Ilsa: Hey! I haven’t seen you in forever!
Eliot: Yes. That’s because I’ve been avoiding you.
The Director: Listen, have I ever put you in an unsafe situation?
Tabitha: All the time.
The Director: Then you should be used to it.
Ilsa: Hey so, I know I’m the new guy here, but I think I can speak for everyone when I say… I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
Eliot and Imogen: Agreed.
Matthew: Just got done cleaning all the dust off of last years Halloween candy to get ready for this year's trick or treaters.
Jack: So I said that if I don't become a rock star by 20, I'll become a serial killer.
Kimin: Cool.
Kimin: Wait, how old are you?
Minwoo: I failed the safety course.
Basil: Why? What happened?
Minwoo: Well, one of the questions was "In case of fire, what steps would you take?"
Basil: And?
Minwoo: Well, apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.
Jaesung: Hyungwon, have you seen the thing?
Hyungwon: What thing?
Jaesung, running about and answering distractedly: You know the thing! I think I misplaced it and it's really important!
Maeng, coming in the room: Yo, Jaesung!
Jaesung: Ah! There it is!
Hyungwon: ….
Hyungwon: You lost Maeng?
[playing Among Us]
Seokju: Why did you call emergency meeting?
Chansung: I missed you guys. ;(
Geneva: Just got done cleaning all the dust off of last years Halloween candy to get ready for this year's trick or treaters.
Kay: I failed the safety course.
Addie: Why? What happened?
Kay: Well, one of the questions was "In case of fire, what steps would you take?"
Addie: And?
Kay: Well, apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.
Ellie-May: Did you know kissing reduces stress?
(idk the name yet): …okay?
Ellie-May:
(idk the name yet):
Ellie-May: I'm just saying because you look stressed. Like really stressed.
(idk the name yet):
Ellie-May: Just wanted to let you know.
Dally: Did you know kissing reduces stress?
Anthony: …Okay?
Dally:
Anthony:
Dally: I'm just saying because you look stressed. Like, really stressed.
Anthony:
Dally: Just wanted to let you know.
Quill: Has anyone in your life ever told you they love you?
Cyrus: Do parents count?
Quill: Yes.
Cyrus: No.
Quill: Same.
Anthony: Remember when we didn't solve all our problems with murder?
Jack, holding a dead body: Stop romanticizing the past.
Quill: If the plan goes wrong, where should we regroup?
Anthony: Hell, I guess.
(
Honestly I might even work the "asking random philosophical questions to the Uber driver" bit into the story since he 1) is an agnostic philosophy student who generally gets a kick out of philosophical and pseudophilosophical discussions and 2) can't drive and so needs to Uber)
(Nathaniel is if Beck wasn’t depressed and had more hobbies. Though technically not a philosophy student, he’s an agnostic with an interest in ethics and religion.)
Kay: People say I can’t use they/them pronouns ‘cause it’s plural, but have you considered that I’m actually thirty rats stacked in a trench coat?
Valid.
(
Honestly I might even work the "asking random philosophical questions to the Uber driver" bit into the story since he 1) is an agnostic philosophy student who generally gets a kick out of philosophical and pseudophilosophical discussions and 2) can't drive and so needs to Uber)(Nathaniel is if Beck wasn’t depressed and had more hobbies. Though technically not a philosophy student, he’s an agnostic with an interest in ethics and religion.)
(True lol, and I stan them both)
Kay: Did you know kissing reduces stress?
Addie: …Okay?
Kay: I'm just saying because you look stressed. Like, really stressed.
Addie:
Kay: Just wanted to let you know.
Ran: I didn't become headmaster by being a good person
Ran: You can tell the second floor they won't be having a Christmas this year
Hikari: The only reason I stoop to participate in a charity to benefit myself, everyone else is just a freeloader with no job
Asumi to Mikoto: Why do you have a knife, there's nothing to carve
Cult leader to Emiko: Oh, what are you supposed to be, a disappointment?
Kiiro looking at drawing of Hikari's tutors
Kiiro: "I'm not sure why this is still hanging up here. She's dead now."
Kosuke: Hey! I haven’t seen you in forever!
Kage: Yes. That’s because I’ve been avoiding you.
Kage: :(
Asumi: Turn that frown upsidedown!
Kage: ):
Asumi: Okay listen here you little shit.
Collin: I have such fond memories of that hospital, It's a loving place of healing except for those who die
Kage: I love the term “partners.” It’s so ambiguous.
Kage: Are we lovers or are we robbing a bank together? Wouldn’t you like to know!
Cavendish: Did you know kissing reduces stress?
Bartolomeo: …Okay?
Cavendish: I'm just saying because you look stressed. Like, really stressed.
Bartolomeo:
Cavendish: Just wanted to let you know.
Vermilion: I failed the safety course.
Coby: Why? What happened?
Vermilion: Well, one of the questions was "In case of fire, what steps would you take?"
Coby: And?
Vermilion: Well, apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.
Coby: …
Coby: Guys, I think we have a problem.
Vermilion: What, the fire?
Coby: No, the- wait. What fire?
Vermilion: Forget about it, this sounds more interesting.
Tegan at Malcolm: Take your cupcake and shove it up your ass
Felix: The only reason I stoop to participate in a charity to benefit myself, everyone else is just a freeloader with no job
Em to Austin: Why do you have a bat, no one has a ball
Jarrod to Felix on Halloween: Oh, what are you supposed to be, a disappointment?
Felix: I'm not wearing a costume this year
Jarrod: I didn't say you were
Felix looking at a picture of Austin that's on the mantle:
Felix: I'm not sure why this is still up here. He's dead now.
Austin, very much alive: I'm right fucking here
Felix: What?
Austin, at a family party: Ugh, why is everyone asking me so many personal questions? Mind your business.
Austin, to his Uber driver: And that might be where my PTSD and trust issues stem from. So anyway, do you believe in God?
Mel, a closeted lesbian, about a cute girl: I just think she's neat
Austin: At least I'm going to die doing something I love.
Mel: And that is?
Austin Beating the absolute shit out of someone who deserves it.
Felix: I'm not interested in being polite or heterosexual.
Austin, stepping in a puddle of spilled water at three in the morning while wearing socks: Damn it.
Felix, slamming the vodka he was drinking: Let's watch the fucking language, holy shit-
Felix: Jarrod, I borrowed one of your sweaters.
Jarrod, looking at Felix wearing an "ok boomer" sweatshirt: Okay.
Austin: You’re really campaigning for bitch of the year, huh?
Mel: As the defending champion, are you nervous?
Sirens: Go off
Em, who's never done anything illegal in her life: Oh no, they've found me-
Felix: You can't expose me, I overshare my entire life.
Felix, probably: People say I can’t use they/them pronouns ‘cause it’s plural, but have you considered that I’m actually thirty rats stacked in a trench coat?
Felix: To be honest, I almost think of you all as fr… f…
Jarrod:
Felix F… fffff… frien…
Jarrod: Take your time.
Jarrod: Oh, their breadsticks are like crack
Felix: I love when people say "like crack" who have obviously never done crack
Jarrod: Well, their breadsticks are like what then, Tabby? What can I use?
Felix: I'd say you could use "These breadsticks are sex" but the same problem applies-
Austin: You're a manipulator
Joseph: I like to think of myself as an outcome engineer
Joseph: I'm kidding of course, you're completely right
Jarrod: Remember when we didn't solve all our problems with attempted murder?
Felix: Stop romanticizing the past.
Felix: I screwed up big time.
Jarrod: Felix given your daily life experiences, you're going to need to be a little more specific.
Jarrod: If the plan goes wrong, where should we regroup?
Austin: Hell
Mel: Could you at least smile? It'll make me less nervous.
Austin: Awkward forced smile
Mel: Nevermind, that did not help.
Felix: We're facing an enemy we don't know and technology we don't understand. This isn't the time to be asking questions.
Austin: Really sounds like it is.
Joseph: I'm going to taco bell, want anything?
Austin: My family back.
Joseph:
Joseph: Yeah, I've got like 12 dollars.
Felix, drunk: I know what you’re all thinking. Birth is a curse and existence is a prison.
Felix: This is fun.
Jarrod: We're hiding a body.
Austin: Hey Varian, fuck, marry, kill with Adam Sandler, Chris Pratt, and The Rock.
Jarrod, without looking up: Fuck Chris Pratt, marry The Rock and kill Felix.
Felix: I wasn't even in the question???
Jarrod: I am at a loss for words.
Lemony Snicket, appearing out of the shadows unnoticed : Despite being lost for words, Jarrod proceeded to yell at Felix and Austin for an hour straight, in the way only a non-biological parent can.
Jarrod: Damn, the power went out.
Felix: Don't worry, I got this!
Felix: (shakes rapidly until his stomach starts to glow)
Jarrod: What the fuck.
Felix: I swallowed a flashlight.
Jarrod, on the verge of cardiac arrest: WHY WOULD YOU-
Jarrod: Hey, Austin what are you drinking?
Austin: The tears of my enemies.
Jarrod:
Em: Hot chocolate. He's drinking hot chocolate.
Felix on trial for murder
Judge: Would you please sit up straight?
Felix: I'll sit as gayly as I please
[Felix immediately gets thrown in jail for contempt of court]
Jarrod: Felix, can I talk to you for a minute?
Felix: Oooh, someone's in trouble!
Felix: It's me. I don't know why I did that.
Austin: Can I get a waffle?
Felix and Jarrod: Throwing hands
Austin: Can I please get a waffle?
Mel: Austin, how do you even expect to pull this off?
Austin: We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it
Mel: …I’m pretty sure it’s we’ll ‘cross’ that bridge when we-
Austin: Not in this case.
Felix: Well. Uh… it's just that you're not that dynamic.
Austin: I can be dynamic. Exclamation point.
Felix: It's not that I like to hurt people, it's just that I'm really bad at not being an absolute asshole.
Austin: Oh jeez. I’m in so much trouble.
Felix: Where’s the body?
Austin: …What?
Felix: I asked you where the body was. I can help you hide it.
Austin: There’s no body.
Felix: Then what the hell are you in trouble for?
Random dude: I like a girl who’s good with money.
Mel: The city will bury you for free if they can’t identify your body, let me save you a few dollars-
Austin: I fucking love toast. What absolute genius took a bit of bread and said ‘cook it again.’ Incredible.
Felix: My greatest weakness is having no rigid exoskeleton. It means I can be easily stabbed.
Interviewer:
Felix: Oh you meant like personality wise-
Austin: Hey, you should run. Going to meetings, writing stuff down. You love that nerd stuff.
Mel: Writing stuff down is nerdy? What do you do?
Austin: I just forget stuff like a cool person.
Austin: Pass the salt.
Paige: What's the magic word?
Austin: Or else.
Paige: That's two words but point taken.
Mel: So Austin, do you have a crush on anyone?
Austin: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.
Austin: What’s the worst decision you’ve made while you were drunk?
Felix: I don’t mean to brag, but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Felix: You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
Jarrod: Bold of you to assume I like you anyway.
Austin: We're going to go tempt fate because fate's a bitch.
Joseph: Over my dead body!
Austin, readying a bat: That's fine by me.
Jarrod: Austin is at that special age where she has only one thing on her mind.
Felix: Romance?
Austin: Homicide.
Felix: It is no concern of mine whether you have- what was it again?
Austin: Food.
Felix: Ha! You really should have thought of that before you became a peasant.
Em: Alright, I called you all to this meeting because some of us don't get along.
Jarrod: Felix and I are literally the only people you called here.
Austin: Listen, am I the most attractive guy out there? Of course not. But do I have a good personality? No. But do I wake up every day and try to be the best person I can? Also no.
Felix: You don't have to yell.
Jarrod: I'm not yelling! We just happen to be in a lot of trouble here.
Felix: It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice.
Jarrod: It's not a tone, I'M PANICKING!
Jarrod: Guys, I think we have a problem.
Felix: What, the fire?
Jarrod: No, the- wait. What fire?
Felix: Forget about it, this sounds more interesting.
Felix: Hey! I haven’t seen you in forever!
Jarrod: Yes. That’s because I’ve been avoiding you.
Felix: Listen, have I ever put you in danger?
Jarrod: All the time.
Felix: Then you should be used to it.
Jarrod: Just got done cleaning all the dust off of last years Halloween candy to get ready for this year's trick or treaters.
Felix, 106 years old: So I said that if I don't become a rock star by 20, I'll become a serial killer.
Austin: Cool.
Austin: Wait, how old are you?
Felix: I failed the safety course.
Jarrod: Why? What happened?
Felix: Well, one of the questions was "In case of fire, what steps would you take?"
Jarrod: And?
Felix: Well, apparently "FUCKIN LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.
Felix: Jarrod, have you seen the thing?
Jarrod, who just got home: What thing?
Felix, running about and answering distractedly: You know the thing! I think I misplaced it and it's really important!
Austin, walking past: Hey Jarrod
Felix: Ah! There it is!
Jarrod:
Jarrod: You lost Austin?
[playing Among Us]
Austin: Why did you call emergency meeting?
Felix: I missed you guys. ;(
Mel, nervously: Did you know kissing reduces stress?
Some girl: …okay?
Mel:
Some girl:
Mel: I'm just saying because you look stressed. Like really stressed.
Some girl:
Mel: Just wanted to let you know.
Collin: I have such fond memories of that hospital, It's a loving place of healing except for those who die
Felix: I love the term “partners.” It’s so ambiguous.
Felix: Are we lovers or are we robbing a bank together? Wouldn’t you like to know!
Nami: Hey Zoro, fuck, marry, kill with Franky, Luffy, and Usopp.
Zoro, without looking up: Fuck Franky, marry Usopp and kill Sanji.
Sanji: I wasn't even in the question???
Dadan: I am at a loss for words.
Garp, appearing out of the shadows unnoticed : Despite being lost for words, Dadan proceeded to yell at Luffy, Ace, Sabo and Azami for an hour straight, in the way only a non-biological parent can.
Law: Damn, the power went out.
Luffy: Don't worry, I got this!
Luffy: shakes rapidly until his stomach starts to glow
Law: What the fuck.
Luffy: I swallowed a flashlight.
Law, on the verge of cardiac arrest: WHY WOULD YOU-
Robin: Hey, Chopper, what are you drinking?
Chopper: The tears of my enemies.
Robin:
Zoro: Hot chocolate. He's drinking hot chocolate.
Vermilion: Listen, have I ever put you in danger?
Coby: All the time.
Vermilion: Then you should be used to it.