forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @HighPockets group

tune

Austin: Sometimes I feel like dying.
Em, panicked: Wh-
Austin: But then I remembered that I wouldn't see you again if I die.
Em: Aw

Felix: Ma~aan blowjobs are a mouthful!
Jarrod:
Felix: That pun was hard to swallow, huh?
Austin: penis
Felix: Thank you for your contribution

Reporter: So let’s talk romance now. Are there any women in the picture?
Felix, pressing his mouth against the microphone: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately

Reporter: So let’s talk romance now. Are there any men in the picture?
Carrie, leaning in to the microphone: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately.

Allison, being a bisexual icon: I'm not slutty because I'm bisexual.
Allison: I just so happen to be both.

Chan: Ren, how's your sandwich
HImari: Sharing is caring, Ren
Ren: Stop, please, I only have one
Himari: You don't need a sandwich
Ren: Okay, I don't need this disrespect, yet here we are
_{(Based on a zoom chat conversation)}

Marcus, letting Oliver hide so he's not killed for treason: Why can't you just sell drugs like a normal delinquent?

Haeil: [falls]
Kimin: Omg, are you o-
Haeil: Better make a wish cause you just saw a falling star.

Minwoo: But who can I trust?
Jack: Yourself???
Minwoo, scoffing: Pssh, no.

[truth or dare]
Matthew: I dare Jaesung to prank call his dad.
Jaeseng: Is that it?
Jaesung, takes out his phone: Google, call dad.
Google: Calling "Daddy"
Jaesung: NO NO NO-
[Hyungwon's phone rings]
Adrian: EXPLAIN-

Seokju: Why are you crying?
Basil, sniffling: Just cutting onions.
Seokju:
Basil:
Seokju: Those are potatoes.

Sebastian: I didn't come here to make friends.
Sebastian, slamming his fist on the table: I came here to make BEST friends.

Hyungwon to Moon Company: Don't do anything stupid until I get back.
[a week later]
Jaesung: Here's a list of all the stupid things they have done.
Hyungwon: …This has 12 page-
Hyungwon: DOUBLE SIDED?

Collin: Kage, what's a uke
Kage: :)
Mikoto: Kage, Don't
Kage: :))
Mikoto: You wouldn't dare
Kage: :)))
Mikoto: I'm begging you
Collin: Is it perverted?
Kage: (deep breath) It's a-
Mikoto: (screams in fujoshi)
Mikoto covering Kage's mouth: short word for ukelele
Collin: Oh (leaves)

Ran @ the shiore twins: Think this straight
Kage: You know we can't we do that

Hanaki: Memes aren't a personality trait, you know
Kage: yeah it is

Eri: So what tf is up, you doing 85 in 25
Kage: I'll kill mfs before I obey them traffic laws
Eri: I can respect that but I thought you were keeping it one hundred

Kage: So of all the people you had pick for a death you picked a group of random troubled teens
Ai: Yes
Kage: Why
Ai: Because curses
Kage: You're a dumbass

Ran: Couple people went missing, you know anything about that
Emiko: About what
Ran: The missing people
Emiko: You did that shit
Ran: I did that shit?!
Emiko: I seen a lot of mfs getting in the principle office, not a whole coming out

Asumi: Remember when we first met
Kage: Nah, I got insomnia
Asumi: Amnesia (zoetrope plays in the background)
Kage: I don't know who that is

Kosuke: I'm such an awful person, may god strike me down
Kage:
Ran:
Yuda:
Minato:
Unzari:
Asumi:
Aiko's ghost:
All of Japan:
All of Aisa:
Earth-chan herself:
Kosuke: No, Kosuke you're wonderful

Kage: The fuck are you on about, mate
Hikari: I said don't call me mate
Kage: The frick are you on about, friend

Eri: If you going embarrass yourself on the internet at least do it for money

Kage puts up a flyer saying: obsession and love aren't the same thing
Ai snatches the paper down: If those kids could read they'll be upset

Cavendish: falls
Bartolomeo: Omg, are you o-
Cavendish: Better make a wish, cause you just saw a falling star.

Law: Why are you crying?
Jax, sniffling: Just cutting onions.
Law:
Jax:
Law: Those are potatoes.

Luffy: I didn't come here to make friends.
Luffy, slamming his fist on the table: I came here to make BEST friends.

Law, to the Straw Hats: Don't do anything stupid until I get back.
a week later
Jax: Here's a list of all the stupid things they have done.
Law: …This has 20 page-
Law: DOUBLE SIDED?

Allison: So what tf is up, you doing 85 in 25
Azrael: I'll kill mfs before I obey them traffic laws
Allison: I can respect that but I thought you were keeping it one hundred

Azrael, to her (unofficial) family: Don't do anything stupid until I get back.
(a week later)
Allison: Here's a list of all the stupid things they have done.
Azrael: …This has 42 pages-
Azrael: DOUBLE SIDED?

^{May I join in and offer you my disaster kids during these trying times? xD}

---

Alune: Toss me my keys.
printer crashes next to him
Alune: I said my keys!
Varian: I thought you said printer.
Alune: Why the fuck would I say printer -

Alune, holding phel: I am a father.
Kallai: It’s a cat.
Alune: He’s my blood.

Frost: Mark the day, Sana. May 18th at 4 pm.
Sana: Oh, honey, we’re well into October.
Frost: Really?!

Varian: When backstreets back-
Leaoni, in the distance: Alright!

Frost: As your best friend-
Alune: Phel is my best friend.
Frost: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND-

Varian: I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out of it.
Alune: What?
Leaoni: No, he’s done it before.

Sana, traumatised: I killed him. I killed him-
Kallai: No, you just shot him, okay? Give me the gun.
Kallai: proceeds to headshot the person bleeding out.
Kallai: See that? I killed him.
Frost: This is not how we fix things.

Varian: I may be trash, but I’m high quality trash. Premium trash. Grade A trash. The kind of trash your mom would look at and say ’should this be recycling?’. Yeah I’m that kind of trash.

Frost: We only know someone in this room is possessed by an owl.
Alune: Who?
Frost: (narrows eyes)

Frost: let’s say, hypothetically, i did the mash, and for the sake of debate, let’s say it was a monster mash. Would that, hypothetically speaking, mean that it would be a graveyard sm-

Alune: Do you want to slow dance?
Varian: Sure! (starts doing the Macarena at 1/3 the speed.)
Alune: (doesn’t know what’s happening and starts copying him)
Zatian: What the fuck is wrong with the youth of today.

Kallai: You need to make a decision!

Frost: (starts crying)

Frost: I’m begging you to see a healer.
Kallai: Oh, I’m sorry, is this our stab wound? Stay out of it.

Varian: Live! Laugh! Love!
Alune: Die. Cry. Hate.

Leaoni: You know what I’m craving?
Leaoni and Frost at the same time: Rice Krispies squares.
Frost: Sometimes I wonder how we’re all still alive.
Leaoni: Yeah. Me, too.

Sana: I’m crying because I’m happy.
Kallai: That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about happiness to dispute it.

Alune: Alright everyone, we will meet here in one hour, sync your watches.
Frost: Mine doesn’t do that.
Leaoni: I don’t wear a watch.
Varian: Time is a construct.
Alune: breathes in heavily

Sana: Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way.
Varian: No, I want my fucking gold.

Zatian: Would you say you’re independent?
Frost:
Frost: looks at Kallai
Kallai: nods
Frost: Yeah, I’d say so.

Varian: Good morning parental figure
Madam Margo, not looking up from her coffee: Good morning, problem child.

Leaoni: Look, I know you’re just deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are, but -
Varian, sobbing: It’s not a joke, I’m a legit snack.

Kallai: The world is broken, and I’m sad because there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
Alune: The world is broken, but there’s an odd beauty In the dark parts.
Leaoni: The world is broken, and I am angry, and I am going to fight to fix it.
Varian: Maybe the world is broken, but I’ve got a flute.

Alune: I’m not getting into anymore stupid arguments with you.
Varian: Mars isn’t a planet.
Alune, storming back into the room: How the fuck is Mars not a planet?!

Law: Toss me my keys.
printer crashes next to him
Law: I said my keys!
Luffy: I thought you said printer.
Law: Why the fuck would I say printer-

Sanji, holding Toko: I am a father.
Azami: She… has a father.
Sanji: He’s my blood.

Usopp: As your best friend-
Nami: Vivi is my best friend.
Usopp: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND-

Rosinante, traumatised: I killed him. I killed him-
Doflamingo: No, you just shot him, okay? Give me the gun.
Doflamingo: proceeds to headshot the person bleeding out
Doflamingo: See that? I killed him.
Rosinante: This is not how we fix things.
If only Doffy was a decent brother

Usopp: I may be trash, but I’m high quality trash. Premium trash. Grade A trash. The kind of trash your mom would look at and say ’should this be recycling?’. Yeah I’m that kind of trash.

Usopp: We only know someone in this room is possessed by an owl.
Chopper: Who?
Usopp: narrows eyes

Usopp: let’s say, hypothetically, i did the mash, and for the sake of debate, let’s say it was a monster mash. Would that, hypothetically speaking, mean that it would be a graveyard sm-

Chopper: Do you want to slow dance?
Usopp: Sure! starts doing the Macarena at 1/3 the speed
Chopper: doesn’t know what’s happening and starts copying him
Brook: What the fuck is wrong with the youth of today.

Law: You need to make a decision!
Jax: starts crying

Sanji: I’m begging you to see a doctor.
Zoro: Oh, I’m sorry, is this our stab wound? Stay out of it.

Shachi: Live! Laugh! Love!
Law: Die. Cry. Hate.

Luffy: You know what I’m craving?
Luffy and Azami, at the same time: Rice Krispies squares.
Azami: Sometimes I wonder how we’re all still alive.
Luffy: Yeah. Me, too.

Jax: I’m crying because I’m happy.
Law: That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about happiness to dispute it.

Mihawk: Alright everyone, we will meet here in one hour, sync your watches.
Estella: Mine doesn’t do that.
Peregrine: I don’t wear a watch.
Shanks: Time is a construct.
Mihawk: inhale

Nami: Would you say you’re independent?
Chopper:
Chopper: looks at Usopp
Usopp: nods
Chopper: Yeah, I’d say so.

Ace: Good morning, parental figure.
Dadan, not looking up from her coffee: Good morning, problem child.

Bartolomeo: Look, I know you’re just deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are, but -
Cavendish, sobbing: It’s not a joke, I’m a legit snack.

Sanji: The world is broken, and I’m sad because there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
Robin: The world is broken, but there’s an odd beauty In the dark parts.
Luffy: The world is broken, and I am angry, and I am going to fight to fix it.
Brook: Maybe the world is broken, but I’ve got a guitar.

Law: I’m not getting into anymore stupid arguments with you.
Luffy: Mars isn’t a planet.
Law, storming back into the room: How the fuck is Mars not a planet?!

Jarrod @ Felix: I need you to think straight for a minute
Felix: You know I can't do that

Mel: Memes aren't a personality trait, you know
Ausrin: yeah it is

Felix, who still has no idea what is happening: So of all the people you had to pick for a possibly deadly experiment you picked a random healthy family
Joseph: Yes
Felix: Why
Joseph: Because I felt like it
Felix: You're a dumbass

Mel: Remember when we first met
Austin, sleep deprived: Nah, I got insomnia
Mel: Amnesia (zoetrope plays in the background)
Austin: I don't know who that is

Felix: The fuck are you on about, mate
Jarrod: I said don't call me mate
Felix: The frick are you on about, friend

Jarrod: If you going embarrass yourself on the internet at least do it for money

Mel: Toss me my keys.
[printer crashes next to her]
Mel: I said my keys!
Austin: I thought you said printer.
Mel: Why the fuck would I say printer -

Austin: Mark the day, Mel. May 18th at 4 pm.
Mel: Austin, we’re well into October.
Austin: What?!

Mel: As your best friend-
Austin: The Rock Obama is my best friend.
Mel: AS YOUR BEST FRIEND-

Felix: I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out of it.
Austin: What?
Jarrod: No, he’s done it before.

Austin: Oh shit I killed him-
Felix: No, you just shot him, okay? Give me the gun.
Felix: [proceeds to unload the gun into the mans head]
Felix: See that? I killed him.
Jarrod: This is NOT how we fix things.

Austin: I may be trash, but I’m high quality trash. Premium trash. Grade A trash. The kind of trash your mom would look at and say ’should this be recycling?’. Yeah I’m that kind of trash.

Felix: We only know someone in this room is possessed by an owl.
Austin: Who?
Felix: [narrows eyes]

Felix: let’s say, hypothetically, i did the mash, and for the sake of debate, let’s say it was a monster mash. Would that, hypothetically speaking, mean that it would be a graveyard sm-

Austin: Slow dance is happening. Want me to dance with you so no boys ask?
Mel: Sure! (starts doing the Macarena at 1/3 the speed.)
Austin: (doesn’t know what’s happening and starts copying her)
Felix: What the fuck is wrong with the youth of today.

Jarrod: You need to make a decision!

Em: (starts crying)

Mel: I’m begging you to see a doctor.
Austin: Oh, I’m sorry, is this our stab wound? Stay out of it.

Paige: Live! Laugh! Love!
Austin: Die. Cry. Hate.

Austin: You know what I’m craving?
Austin and Felix at the same time: Rice Krispies squares.
Felix: Sometimes I wonder how we’re all still alive.
Austin: Yeah. Me, too.

Mel: I’m crying because I’m happy.
Austin: That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about happiness to dispute it.

Jarrod: Alright everyone, we will meet here in one hour, sync your watches.
Em: Mine doesn’t do that.
Felix: I don’t wear a watch.
Austin: Time is a construct.
Jarrod: [inhales]

Jarrod: Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way.
Felix: No, I want my fucking gold.

Mel: Would you say you’re independent?
Em:
Em: looks at Austin
Austin: [shakes head]
Em: No.

Austin: Good morning parental figure
Jarrod, not looking up from his coffee: Good morning, problem child.

Jarrod: Look, I know you’re just deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are, but -
Felix, sobbing: It’s not a joke, I’m a legit snack.

Mel: The world is broken, and I’m sad because there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
Jarrod: The world is broken, but there’s an odd beauty In the dark parts.
Austin: The world is broken, and I am angry, and I am going to fight to fix it.
Felix: Maybe the world is broken, but I’ve got a gun.

Jarrod: I’m not getting into anymore stupid arguments with you.
Felix: Mars isn’t a planet.
Jarrod, storming back into the room: How the fuck is Mars not a planet?!

Allison: I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out of it.
Vozreal: What?
Azrael: No, she’s done it before.

Dima: Toss me my keys.
Printer crashes next to him
Dima: I said my keys!
Lyra: I thought you said printer.
Dima: Why the fuck would I say printer-

Ness, traumatised: I killed him. I killed him-
Lyra: No, you just shot him, okay? Give me the gun.
Lyra: Proceeds to headshot the person bleeding out
Lyra: See that? I killed him.
Dima: This is not how we fix things.

Jackson, in a spot-on Ben Shapiro impression: Let’s say, hypothetically, I did the mash, and for the sake of debate, let’s say it was a monster mash. Would that, hypothetically speaking, mean that it would be a graveyard sm-

Eleanor: I’m crying because I’m happy.
Christopher: That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about happiness to dispute it.

Marcus: Alright everyone, we will meet here in one hour, sync your watches.
Darius: Mine doesn’t do that.
Jon: I don’t wear a watch.
Oliver: Time is a construct.
Marcus: Inhale

Joan: The world is broken, and I’m sad because there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
Margot: The world is broken, but there’s an odd beauty In the dark parts.
Therese: The world is broken, and I am angry, and I am going to fight to fix it.
Jon: Maybe the world is broken, but I’ve got a guitar.

Oleander: I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out of it.
Lavinia: What?
Calla: No, he’s done it before.

Owen: burritos in 3 comforters: I am the blanket taco. The beginning and end of comfort. I am the couch potato, the king of sleepiness, and the superhero of watching cartoons all day.
Lark: You've been wrapped like that for 8 hours, you sure you're okay?
Owen: …I'm stuck and really have to pee.

Alex: I hate losing more than I like winning

Spencer: If Steve Irwin had pinned you down in a headlock, what cool facts would he tell the audience about you and your habitat?
Alex: I don't care. He calls me a beaut, and I really needed to hear it.

Spencer: Lark- …what are you doing?
Lark: Making chocolate pudding.
Spencer: It's 4 in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Lark: Because I've lost control of my life.

Owen: I dare you to-
Lark: Alex isn't allowed to accept dares.
Alex: Apparently I have "no regard for my personal safety".

Lark: I'm leaving for three days. Spencer is in charge. I've left notes for each of you with instructions
Alex: Mine just says “Alex, no.'
Lark: And you can apply that to every possible situation

Spencer: How do I delete the phone function on my phone?
Lark: What?
Spencer: I don't want phone calls or texts, to many distractions

Spencer: Lark, how do I get revenge on my enemies?
Lark: The best revenge is letting go and living your life to the fullest! :)
Spencer: …
Spencer: Hey Alex, how d-
Alex: Bricks.

Watcher: we have your child, come and get them
Spencer: We don't have a child?
Watcher: then whos the short strange child throwing desk chairs at my men screaming “Fck the government”
*loud crashing and screaming in the background
Spencer: You have Alex? I'm impressed that you haven't died yet

Tori: So let’s talk romance now. Are there any men in the picture?
Spencer, dying of laughter: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately

Lark, in a high-speed chase away from a watcher down a highway and Alex, hiding in the backseat Why can't you just sell drugs like a normal delinquent?

Lark: I’m begging you to see a doctor.
Alex: Oh, I’m sorry, is this our stab wound? Stay out of it.

Lark: Live! Laugh! Love!
Alex (under their breath): Die. Cry. Hate.

Owen: I’m not getting into any more stupid arguments with you.
Alex: pluto isn’t a planet.
Owen, storming back into the room: How the fck is Pluto, not a planet?!
Lark: it lost its status as a planet a while ago, back in 2006.
Owen: Viva la pluto fck you all

nicky, groaning as he follows catori through the woods while being pursued by angry cult members: why can't you just sell drugs like a normal delinquent?

---

cisco: i’m begging you to see a doctor.
catori: oh, i’m sorry, is this our stab wound? mind your business

Austin: burritos in 3 comforters: I am the blanket taco. The beginning and end of comfort. I am the couch potato, the king of sleepiness, and the superhero of watching cartoons all day.
Jarrod: You've been wrapped like that for 8 hours, you sure you're okay?
Austin: I'm having a me day okay

Austin: I hate losing more than I like winning

Austin: If Steve Irwin had pinned you down in a headlock, what cool facts would he tell the audience about you and your habitat?
Mel: I don't care. He calls me a beaut, and I really needed to hear it.
(Austin: mood)

Jarrod: Austin- …what are you doing?
Austin: Making hot chocolate.
Jarrod: It's 4 in the morning! Why on earth are you making hot chocolate?
Austin: Because I've lost control of my life.

Jarrod: I'm leaving for three days. Austin is in charge. I've left notes for each of you with instructions
Felix: Mine just says 'Felix, no.'
Jarrod: And you can apply that to every possible situation

Austin: How do I delete the phone function on my phone?
Mel: What?
Austin: I don't want phone calls or texts, to much social interaction

Em: Jarrod, how do I get revenge on my enemies?
Jarrod: The best revenge is letting go and living your life to the fullest.
Em: …
Em: Hey Austin and Mel, how d-
Austin and Mel simultaneously: Bricks.

Kidnapper: we have your child, come and get them
Jarrod: Austin and Em are both right here?
Kidnapper: then whos this short child throwing things at my men screaming “What do you mean you don't have wine”
Gunshots in the background
Kidnapper: Wait what the fuck?
Jarrod: Oh, you have Felix. Good luck.

Jax: I hate losing more than I like winning.

Azami: If Steve Irwin had pinned you down in a headlock, what cool facts would he tell the audience about you and your habitat?
Sanji: I don't care. He calls me a beaut, and I really needed to hear it.

Sanji: Usopp- …what are you doing?
Usopp: Making chocolate pudding.
Sanji: It's 4 in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Usopp: Because I've lost control of my life.

Azami, after joining the crew: I dare you to-
Nami: Luffy isn't allowed to accept dares.
Luffy: Apparently I have "no regard for my personal safety".

Law: I'm leaving for three days. Penguin and Shachi are in charge. I've left notes for each of you with instructions.
Franky: Mine just says “Franky, no.'
Law: And you can apply that to every possible situation.

Pell: So let’s talk romance now. Are there any men in the picture?
Vivi, dying of laughter: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately.

Shanks, dragging Luffy and Azami out of a battle with mountain bandits: Why can't you just sell drugs like normal delinquents?

Gawain: Y'know what I hate? Child murderers!
Sharla: Oh no! Here comes one now!
Aqua (a child, brandishing a knife): Hee hee hee! I'm gonna getcha!

Olivia: Penny, we need to think. How do we usually get out of these messes?
Penny: We don't, we just make a bigger one that cancels the first one out.

Beatrice: I hate losing more than I like winning.

Percy: Ari- …what are you doing?
Aristotle: Making chocolate pudding.
Percy: It's 4 in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Aristotle: Because I've lost control of my life.

Erik: I'm leaving for three days. Oscar and Aristotle are in charge. I've left notes for each of you with instructions.
Percy: Mine just says “Percy, no.'
Erik: And you can apply that to every possible situation.

Reporter: So let’s talk romance now. Are there any men in the picture?
Anne: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately.

Erik, watching Oscar and Percy being put on-trial for treason: Why can't you just sell drugs like normal delinquents?

Anthony: Cy- …what are you doing?
Cyrus: Making chocolate pudding.
Anthony: It's 4 in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Cyrus: Because I've lost control of my life.

Anthony: I'm leaving for three days. Jack is in charge. I've left notes for each of you with instructions.
Cyrus: Mine just says “Cyrus, no."
Anthony: And you can apply that to every possible situation.

Reporter: So let’s talk romance now. Are there any men in the picture?
Cyrus: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately.

Quill, after joining the crew: I dare you to-
Jack: Dallas isn't allowed to accept dares.
Dally: Apparently I have "no regard for my personal safety".

Otori: Hey this body is flawless, Everyone wants a piece of me and I got the creepy fan fiction to prove

Charlie: So I just figured out my dad's trapped inside a bunny what should I do
Lucas: Well at he notices you
Jax: and doesn't treat you like shit
Matthew: and isn't an urn
Charlie: I asked for help, not your daddy issues

Lucas: Word can't hurt me these shades are gucci

Aaron/Kelly @ Charlie: I hate you
Charlie: and I still hate me more

Insato climbs Bonita's computer
Bonita: Holy shit, she coming out the computer, you know what that means
Bonita fastly types
Bonita: DON'T WORRY BUMI I'LL SAVE YOU

Valerie: God, what a priss
Sophie: Valerie!
Valerie: What little miss vice president can't hear
Ava: I said I was mute, not deaf

Skylar: You know if dad was here he'd celebrate by jetskiing in the pool
Matthew: Your dad really did that
Skylar: Yeah, our neighbors didn't like us very much

Thomas: When you have been in politics as long as I have been, you develop thick skin.
Ash: Magenta is not your color.
Thomas: MAGENTA BRINGS OUT MY EYES, YOU PRICK!

Ash: Aaron is choking. I need to call 911, but the 9 button won't work!
Sora: Turn it upside down and use the 6!
Ash: Genius!
Aaron, stops choking momentarily: What the fuck?

Ash: Why are you like this?
Aaron: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a child and haven't felt a single emotion since then.

Aaron: If you're not on a diet, then why are you drinking diet soda?
Ash: So I can eat regular cake.

Sora: That dude wanted to buy you a drink.
Johnny: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?

Ash: When have I done anything rash and irresponsible?
Aaron: I keep a list. It's alphabetized.

Georgie: End of Plan A!
William: Whatever do you mean by "End of Plan A"?
Georgie: You don't fool Georgie!
Georgie: I have been through Plan A too many times!
Georgie: And forget about Plan B!
William: You mean you knew about Plan B?
Georgie: My dear, you cannot have a war without Plan B.

James: How are we going to get rid of Ash?
Thomas: Shoot him!
James: Stab him!
Thomas: Poison him!
Aaron: No, we gotta think this over. We have to give it careful, considerate, intelligent thought.
Aaron: Then we'll shoot him, stab him, or poison him.

Aaron: Don't worry about Ash.
Thomas: I'm not worried. Because you're going to get rid of him. You're going to kill him and you're going to do life for murder and I'll never have to see your face again.

William: Okay, so. . . help us out.
Charles: Wish I could, but I can't. Well, can, but won't. Should, maybe, shorn't.
William: Charles, please. . .
Charles: What part of "shorn't" don't you understand, William?

Ash: The first draft of my wedding vows, which I wrote the day after we got engaged, was about 70 pages long.
crowd groans
Ash: But sadly, I don't have them with me today.
loud cheers

Thomas: I have to quit.
James: To do what?
Thomas: I don't know. I'm just going to live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross.

Georgie: It's not easy being British.
Georgie: The reason being it is impossible for me, as a Brtish person, to walk into any museum, in any nation on the planet earth, without, within five minutes, start to feel guilty.
Georgie: You have no idea how it feels like!
Georgie, to the Americans: You will! Oh, you will!
Georgie: One day, all this shame will be yours, my American friends!

Thomas, about Ash: Can I shoot him?
James: Not in public.

Thomas: You are very smart for a short person
James: . . . .

Thomas: You hate Ash?
James: Yes.
Thomas: And I hate Ash. . .
Thomas: James, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.