Austin: I'm done with society. I'm going to go feral and live in the woods
Jarrod: Kinda tired of you saying they're going to go "feral" and "live in the woods" , you wouldn't last a week without clean water and thermostat. Stop it.
Austin: Oh you think I plan on surviving? Wrong, I'm going to fucking rub dirt on my face and die
Azami: If Kirby ate me, he'd gain no skills.
Azami: Why? Because my most defining trait is my bottomless pit of a stomach.
Austin: If Kirby ate me, he'd gain no skills.
Austin: Why? Because my most defining trait is my bottomless pit of a stomach.
(Jarrod: Well I mean you can also turn into a big wolf so I'm not sure that's true)
Ava: Sophie, look at my face, does it look like I give two shits about what's going on, I'm tired of solving all these crappy incidents, I just want to stay home and sleep all day… JUST FOR ONCE, is that so much to ask
Sophie: Yes that is too much to ask, fuck you
Sophie: A ghost, eh, who ya going call… PACMAN!
Reaper person: We need you to kill a classmate
Blevin: What's in it for me
Reaper: We'll give you five subway coupons
Blevin: Seven
Reaper: Deal
Blevin, internally: Sucker! I would've taken five
Tsumi: You're not going anywhere
Sophie: Yall gotta quit slamming these damn doors
Tyler: No more fucking around (goes ultimate ghost mode)
Sophie: Ah shit
Mason: We're going end this
Sophie: You ain't ending shit, S W E A R O N Y E E Z Y
Annette: You have the right to shut that shit up anything you say or do, it doesn't fucking matter, one of yall getting arrest
Annette: Have any committed larceny
Hunter: No
Elijah:Nah
Annette: Motor-vehicle theft
Hunter: Uh-uh
Elijah: Not recently
Annette: Homicide
Elijah: Nope
Hunter: Once or Twice
Annette: Tax fraud
Hunter: Shit, every year
Elijah: Dam
Sophie: Oh, it's a little… puffier
Micheal: Puffiler? Y O U U N C U L T U R E D S W I N E
Emma: I don't like you anymore
Elijah: Y O U R E C L A P P E D A N Y W A Y
Alex: Gonna let me die
Mavis: Yes
Alex: ok…Peace
Aaron: I'll see in hell
Lucas: K see you there
Crystal to Duke: I know where I saw you before…. I saw you in the old testament
Drake: He's going to Zuckerburg him, he knows Felix doesn't speak the mortal tongue
Valerie chasing after Insato: Get back here you Shojo Beat piece of shit
Sophie: Well the message of the story is if you want super powers, just die
Tori: Barnyard is the most woke movie of all time
Charlie to Claire: If you get the flower problem under check it's going to kill us all and Sophie told me to call you a lazy piece of shit, You're a lazy piece of shit
Micheal: I'd cry too if my favorite game was Madden
Micheal: You know, I'd prefer to be chucked in an isekai than stuck in a time loop where I'm forced to prevent everyone I know and care about from painfully dying
Kam, laying under the Christmas tree: I am the gift
Devi: I'd rather have coal
Jaya lecturing baby Devi: Don't break people's hearts, they only have one
Jaya, handing her a knife: Break their bones, they have plenty of those
Their mother: nO-
Kam: Oh, so you rich people throw the water out after you boil hot dogs?
Kiran: Too good for hot dog soup?
Devi: Sometimes self care is running from the Witches' Council, playing murderous tag and magic lacrosse, and falling in love with Lucifer's daughter
Kam: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying
Kiran, answering the phone: Hey, Dee, what's up?
Devi: Well… I'm sitting in a pool of blood
Kiran: Is it… your own?
Devi: Oh, yeah, definitely
Kiran, under his breath: Merlin give me strength
Kiran: How many puppies did you summon?
Devi: Uhhh… One, two, three… twenty
Kiran: I'm on my way
Kam: I'm invoking the "no judgements" part of our twinship right now
Kiran: Circe's tits, what did you do?
Student: Wait, so you're Indian?
Devi: Yes
Student: But you don't act Indian…
Devi, sarcastically: Oh, sorry, I forgot to bring my favorite cow with me, eh! Silly me! Well, I'm off to get a barrel of curry~
Kiran: It's crazy that Leonardo da Vinci could paint and invent all that stuff and still find time to be a crime-fighting turtle
Kam: And he was amazing in Titanic
Devi: A real renaissance man
Devi, bleeding out: I could really go for some curry and a nap
Kam: In which order?
Devi: Yes
Kam, joking: Hey, why can't you summon the dead?
Devi: legitimately thinking about how she could hypothetically do it
Kiran, smacking Kam: Don't give her ideas!
Devi: It's not that I'm stupid, it's that I can suspend my intelligence
Jude: So what are your guys' plans for Earth day?
Jaya and Devi: Murder
Jude: That's the spirit!
Kam and Kiran: We'd say that we're smart
Devi: Okay, what's the difference between mitosis and meiosis?
Kiran: Don't fall for it Kam, she's just making up words
Kiran: Look, I'm not gonna-
Kam: DO IT!
Kiran: FINE
Kiran, singing in a monotone: I'm Kiran and I was wrong. I'm singing the Kiran wrong song. I shouldn't have taken that chance. Now here's my remorseful dance
~the gang playing Twister~
Kiran: Left foot green
Kiran:
Kiran: giggles that's probably wrong
Devi and Kam: Oh fuck he's colorblind
Cavendish, laying under the Christmas tree: I am the gift.
Bartolomeo: I'd rather have coal.
Shanks lecturing young Azami: Don't break people's hearts, they only have one.
Shanks, handing her a knife: Break their bones, they have plenty of those.
Makino: nO-
Tori: Oh, so you rich people throw the water out after you boil hot dogs?
Sabo: Too good for hot dog soup?
Usopp: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.
Azami, bleeding out: I could really go for some ramen and a nap.
Chopper: In which order?
Azami: Yes.
Azami: It's not that I'm stupid, it's that I can suspend my intelligence
Azami and Luffy: We'd say that we're smart
Robin: Okay, what's the difference between mitosis and meiosis?
Azami: Don't fall for it Lu, she's just making up words
Zoro: Look, I'm not gonna-
Nami: DO IT!
Zoro: FINE.
Zoro, singing in a monotone: I'm Zoro and I was wrong. I'm singing the Zoro wrong song. I shouldn't have taken that chance. Now here's my remorseful dance.
Jackson, laying under the Christmas tree: I am the gift
Geneva: I'd rather have coal
Talia lecturing Jayson: Don't break people's hearts, they only have one.
Talia, handing him a knife: Break their bones, they have plenty of those.
Francesca: Oh, so you rich people throw the water out after you boil hot dogs?
Izzy: Too good for hot dog soup?
Oscar: I'm invoking the "no judgements" part of our twinship right now
Beatrice: Good gods, what did you do?
Jackson, joking: Hey, why can't you raise the dead?
Victor: Legitimately thinking about how he could hypothetically do it
Henry, smacking Jackson: Don't give him ideas!
Okay but if you replace it with "Dr. Flynn, very seriously" that's more or less what happens-
Felix, on the subject of the towns people being eaten by a demon: Austin, look at my face, does it look like I give two shits about what's going on, I'm tired of solving all these crappy incidents, I just want to stay home and do jack shit all day… JUST FOR ONCE, is that so much to ask
Austin: Yes that is too much to ask, fuck you
Em: A ghost, eh, who ya going call… PACMAN!
Joseph: I want you to kill someone.
Austin: What's in it for me
Joseph: I'll give you five cookies.
Austin: Seven
Joseph: Deal.
Austin, internally: I would've taken five
Jarrod @ a newly arrived Austin: You're not going anywhere until you answer my questions
Felix, who has no idea what's going on: Yall gotta quit slamming these damn doors
Austin, trying to figure out their criminal records: Have you committed larceny
Jarrod: No
Felix:Nah
Austin: Motor-vehicle theft
Jarrod: No
Felix: Not recently
Austin: Homicide
Jarrod: Once or twice
Felix: A hundred or so counts of it yes
Austin: Tax fraud
Jarrod: Every year
Felix: Dam
Felix Gonna let me die
Jarrod: Yes
Felix: ok…Peace
(Jarrod: Sike fucker wake up)
Joseph: I'll see in hell
Austin: K, see you there
Joseph: I suppose the moral is if you want super powers, simply commit horrid crimes against humanity
Jarrod @ Felix: If you don't get the demon problem under check it's going to kill us all and Austin told me to call you a lazy piece of shit, You're a lazy piece of shit
Felix, laying under the Christmas tree: I am the gift
Jarrod: I'd rather have coal
Felix lecturing Austin: Don't break people's hearts, they only have one
Felix, handing him a bat: Break their bones, they have plenty of those
Jarrod: nO-
Felix: Oh, so you rich people throw the water out after you boil hot dogs?
Felix: Too good for hot dog soup?
Austin: Sometimes self care is taking on an eldritch horror, taking vengeance on your parents killer, and then eating an entire bag of halloween candy in an hour.
Felix: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying
Felix: I'm invoking the "no judgements" part of your employment agreement right now
Jarrod: What in the hell did you do?
Felix: It's crazy that Leonardo da Vinci could paint and invent all that stuff and still find time to be a crime-fighting turtle
Jarrod: And he was amazing in Titanic
Felix: A real renaissance man
Austin, sleep deprived as usual: I could really go for some candy and a nap
Mel: In which order?
Austin: Yes
Austin, joking: Hey, why can't you summon the dead?
Felix: Good point…
Jarrod, smacking Austin: Don't give him ideas!
Felix: It's not that I'm stupid, it's that I can suspend my intelligence
Felix: I'd say that I'm smart
Jarrod: Okay, what's the difference between mitosis and meiosis?
Felix: I'm not falling for that, you're just making up words.
Felix: Look, I'm not gonna-
Jarod: Do it.
Felix: FINE
Felix, singing in a monotone: I'm Felix and I was wrong. I'm singing the Kiran wrong song. I shouldn't have taken that chance. Now here's my remorseful dance
Percy: Am I going to have to fight a goat? I don't know if I can do that, morally.
Eri: Suck ur mom
Kage: She's dead
Eri: Suck her bones then
Eri: My day was good too if anyone's wondering
Kage: We're not but okay
Eri: Ran says she wants to have a word with me later
Kage: #EriIsJoblessParty
Hikari: #EriIsOnBenefitsParty
Eri: Kage you still use that cheap-ass 2000 flip-phone shut up
Minato: Don't worry, senpai I'll help you pack
Asumi: Wait am I getting kicked out too
Kage: Is no one going to mention that Eri's a murderer
Asumi: Kage, I thought we agree not to mention that
Eri: It was one time
Kage: She was your own damn mother, Eri
Eri: Look I felt like shit when I did it and it was out of self-defense
Asumi @ Mamoru: Get back here you light novel yaoi piece of shit
Minato: I'm not stupid, I just suspend my intelligence
Police: Have of yall any committed larceny
Unzari: Nah
Kosuke: Nah
Police: Motor-vehicle theft
Unzari: Uh-uh
Kosuke: Not recently
Police: Homicide
Unzari: Nope
Kosuke: Once or Twice
Police: Tax fraud
Unzari: Shit, every year
Kosuke: Dam
Kage: Fantastic Mr. Fox is the most woke movie of all time
Kage @ Ran: Hey don't you have an education system to fail
Kage: Dad… do you hate me
Kotone: No son, I just don't care about you
Emiko: Oh, so you rich people throw the water out after you boil hot dogs, too good for hot dog soup?
Kage: So when you said that we should recommend stuff for Collin to watch
Mikoto:
Kage: I accidentally recommended Boku no Pico
Mikoto: YOU DID WHAT!1!!1
Asumi: How did you even recommend that ON ACCIDENT
Mikoto: You goddamn shotacon, what the hell even wrong with you
Kage: A lot of things, look I'll stop him before he can see it
Unzari: Wait did you recommend the manga or anime
Kage:… Yes
Unzari: You sick fuck
(btw don't search up Boku no Pico, for the love just let it die)
Ai accepting game applications: Hello (insert name), I'm Ai and I psychologically torment teenagers on the weekdays, however, I am open to anyone really. Violently. Please submit 2000 word essay on why you deserve to be a participant in this game and the qualities that prove you are suited for the job. Failure to do will result in a sudden kidnapping and painful death. My email is [email protected] and I expect a submission by 12am tonight
Kosuke @ Asumi: You stole my fucking stalker, you heinous bitch
Eri: I'm ace and I own this place
Asumi: KAAAAGE
Kage: What
Asumi: You're pretty, if I were single, I'd let you do me
Kage: Uh-hu
Asumi: I'm your roommate :D
Kage internally: I W A N N A K I L L P E O P L E
Hanaki @ Kage: If you get the Asumi problem under check it's going to kill us all and Mikoto told me to call you a lazy piece of shit, You're a lazy piece of shit
Kage: You're the cause of this
Hanaki: How
Kage: Because to get in the admin's favor you sold us out and I don't like you
Hanaki: Maybe Eri's right, you should go Gaudi and show kindness to your enemies and turn them into a friend
Kage: You're a dumbass and he should join the karate club
Georgie: My day was good too, if anyone's wondering.
Gabriel: We're not but okay.
Casey: My boss says he wants to have a word with me later
Beck: #CaseyIsJoblessParty
Casey: Beckett, you still use that cheap-ass 2000 flip-phone, shut up.
Harper: Don't worry, I'll help you pack
Beck: Wait, am I getting kicked out too?
Samuel: Is no one going to mention that Therese is a murderer?
Nich: I thought we agree not to mention that.
Therese: It was one time! And it was out of self-defense!
Nich: I'm ace and I own this place.
Trix: Lyra, look at my face. Does it look like I give two shits about what's going on? I'm tired of killing all these crappy people, I just want to stay home and sleep all day, just for once, is that so much to ask?
Lyra: Yeah, that is too much to ask, fuck you.
Mr. Flynn: You're not going anywhere!
Jackson: Y'all need to quit slamming these damn doors.
Em: Am I going to have to fight a goat? I don't know if I can do that, morally.
Felix: Suck ur mom
Austin: She's dead
Felix: Suck her bones then
Felix: My day was good too if anyone's wondering
Jarrod: We're not but okay
Felix: Jarrod says he wants to have a word with me later
Austin: #FelixHomelessParty
Mel: #FelixHomelessParty
Austin: Wait am I getting kicked out too
Austin: Is no one going to mention that Felix's a murderer
Jarrod: Austin, I thought we agree not to mention that
Felix: It was one time
Austin: It was a random fucking child Felix
Felix: Look I felt like shit when I did it and in my defense the kid was being a little shit
Felix: Jarrod… do you hate me
Jarrod: No Felix, I just don't care about you
Joseph: Hello (insert name), my name is Joseph Malefique and I psychologically and physically torture teenagers on the weekdays, however, I am open to anyone really. Violently. Please submit 2000 word essay on why you deserve to be a participant in this experiment and the qualities that prove you are suited for it. Failure to do will result in a sudden kidnapping and painful death. My email is [email protected] and I expect a submission by 12am tonight
Felix: JAARROOOOOD
Jarrod: What
Felix: You're pretty, if I were single, I'd let you do me
Jarrod: Uh-hu
Felix: I'm your roommate :D
Jarrod internally: I W A N N A K I L L S O M E O N E
Mel: Maybe Em's right, we should go to Paige and show kindness to your enemies and turn them into a friend
Austin: You're a dumbass and she should learn how to use guns.
Jack: Karma, look at my face. Does it look like I give two shits about what's going on? I'm tired of killing all these crappy people. I just want to stay home and sleep all day, just for once. Is that so much to ask?
Karma: Yeah, that is too much to ask, fuck you.
Anthony: Is no one going to mention the fact that Cyrus is a murderer?
Jack: Kane, I thought we agreed not to mention that.
Cyrus: It was one time!
Anthony: It was a random fucking child, Hecate!
Cyrus: Look, I felt like crap afterwards. And in my defense, the kid was being a little shit
Dally: My day was good, too. If anyone was wondering.
Jack: We weren’t, but okay
Dally: Hey, when’s your birthday?
Anthony: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me???
Jarrod: Hey, when’s your birthday?
Felix: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me???
Jarrod: Nvm, no birthday presents for you.
Felix: WAIT
Harper: Hey, when’s your birthday?
Beck: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?
Kage: You're really quiet for pride
Emiko: I just don't talk to NPCs
Hanaki to Asumi: Sorry about kidnapping you, would you like a drink
Hanaki about Asumi: Is this Asegao
Hikari: Since you're shape-shifting guardians, how old are you
Ai and Dan: Yes
Kage: Who are you?
Mamoru: I'm not quite sure
Dahlia: Who in here doing illegal shit
Minato trying to flex: Hold up, check it, look at this, CARS ON THE PSP
Kage: HEY DON"T LOOK AT THAT I'M HOLDING SPECIAL INFO IN HERE FOR A FRIEND
Chie: Kage, we both know you don't have friends
Yuda after figuring out Kage got involved in the Kami Game: Why can't you just sell drugs like a normal delinquent
Namani: No more fucking around (possesses Asumi)
Minato: Ah shit
Namani!Asumi: I'm going end this
Minato: You ain't ending shit, swear on… M O T H E R
Kage @ Emiko: My middle finger gets a boner every time you're around
Asumi: Unzari, do you ever think of yourself
Unzari: If it helps someone else
Kid!Kage: Dad, Am I your least favorite
Kotone: No son, you're my most useless
Kage: Speaking of which, where's pancake
Emiko coming through the window: What did you just call me, porcupine
Kage: audial confusion
Emiko: So what did you call me for
Kage: Where did you just come from
Emiko: Oh, you haven't seen one before, here in the normal world, in the country of Japan, we call this a window
Kage: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!
Lyra, to Ness: Sorry about kidnapping you. Would you like a drink?
Andor: I'm not slutty because I'm bisexual
Andor: I just so happen to be both.
Ara: I’m on my way, what should I bring?
Andor: A good mood
Ara: I’m not coming.
Jackie: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Holly: Unless life also gives you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna be pretty disgusting.
Cripin: What goes up but never comes down?
Gerard: The amount of stress you bring me.
Ara: Are you high?
Andor: Am I what?
Ara: High
Andor: Hey!
Keyla: Hey, when’s your birthday?
Milo: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me?
Dallas: Ara… do you hate me
Ara: No Felix, I just don't care about you
Holly lecturing Jackie: Don't break people's hearts, they only have one
Holly, handing her a bat: Break their bones, they have plenty of those
Brian: nO-
Milo: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.
Peregrine: I’m on my way, what should I bring?
Estella: A good mood.
Peregrine: I’m not coming.
Jax: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
Law: Unless life also gives you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna be pretty disgusting.
Luffy: What goes up but never comes down?
Law: The amount of stress you bring me.
Law: Are you high?
Luffy: Am I what?
Law: High
Luffy: Hey!
Sanji:: Zoro… do you hate me?
Zoro: No, I just don't care about you.
(Found some ones from the beginning of this)
Azrael: Sometimes I feel like dying.
Hellyn, panicked: Wh-
Azrael: But then I remembered that I wouldn't see you again if I die.
Hellyn: Blushing
Allison, pouting: You're not coming with me?
Azrael: I'm not your mom
Azrael, kissing Arla on the forehead: Here's your sandwich.
Azrael: I'll pick you up at 5!
Azrael: Love you, sweetheart
Vozreal: Ma~aan blowjobs are a mouthful!
Azrael: That pun was hard to swallow, huh?
Allison: penis
Azrael: Thank you for your contribution
Reporter: So let’s talk romance now. Are there any men in the picture?
Azrael, leaning forward seriously: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately
Jesus: Why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would be excited just to have a bunk bed.
Satan:
Jehovah:
Azrael:
Satan: I'm gonna tell him.
Jevovah and Azrael: Don't you dare.
Barry: Why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would be excited just to have a bunk bed.
Claudio:
Padma:
Kat:
Frankie: I'm gonna tell him.
Liz: Don't you dare.
Jarrod: You're really quiet for pride
Felix: I just don't talk to NPCs
Felix to Jarrod: Sorry about kidnapping you, would you like a drink
Felix introducing Austin: And this is Osteoporosis
Austin: You're doing this on purpose
Jarrod: Since you don't age, how old are you
Felix: Yes
Austin: Who are you?
Mel: I'm not quite sure
Jarrod: Who in here doing illegal shit
Mel: HEY DON"T LOOK AT THAT I'M HOLDING SPECIAL INFO IN HERE FOR A FRIEND
Austin, her friend: Mel, we both know you don't have friends
Jarrod finding Austin covered in blood: Why can't you just sell drugs like a normal delinquent
Felix: I'm not slutty because I'm bisexual
Felix: I just so happen to be both.
Austin: I’m on my way, what should I bring?
Mel: A good mood
Austin: I’m not coming.
Jarrod: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Felix: Unless life also gives you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna be pretty disgusting.
Felix: What goes up but never comes down?
Jarrod: The amount of stress you bring me.
Jarrod: Are you high?
Austin, sleep deprived: Am I what?
Jarrod: High
Austin: Hello
Oberon: Since you don't age, how old are you?
Robin: Yes.
Huxley: Who are you?
Fern: I'm not quite sure.
Alec, bailing Louis out from being a political prisoner: Why can't you just sell drugs like a normal delinquent?
Oleander: I'm not slutty because I'm bisexual.
Oleander: I just so happen to be both.
Geneva: I’m on my way, what should I bring?
Jackson: A good mood
Geneva: I’m not coming.
Jon: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Oliver: Unless life also gives you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna be pretty disgusting.
Percy: What goes up but never comes down?
Alessandra: The amount of stress you bring me.