forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @HighPockets group

tune

(Fire Blanket 17- Jone's Barbeque and Foot Massage edition)

David, trying to tell a story: So I was sitting there-
Kevin, Asbjorn and Nathan from various places in the room: -Barbeque sauce on my tiddies.
———————
Nathan: Hey, Kuroko's hungry and wants something to eat. Or at least I think that's what he said. My Japanese isn't that great.
Kuroko, in Japanese: I actually called you a snack, but okay.
———————
Jay: Ez is the best fundraiser. He just doesn't get economics.
Memphis: What do you mean?
Jay: Ez! If you steal $500 from that old lady for us you'll get this free hat.
Eric, thinking for a moment: That is such a great deal!
———————
Zack and Thomas' future kid: would you sing me a song to sleep?
Zackeri: sure
Zackeri: THERE'SANINFESTATIONINMYMIND'SIMAGINATION
Thomas, from the other room: ZACK STO-
Zackeri: THISISNOTRAPTHISISNOTHIPHOP
JUSTANOTHERATTEMPT TO MAKE THE VOICESSTOP
———————
Cashier: and would you like your receipt?
Markus, thinking: if someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi, but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me
Cashier: sir?
Markus: i want to speak to a lawyer
———————
Craig: you know what strength is? it’s forgiving someone who wasn’t even sorry!
Shane: not to be dramatic but i would literally rather die.
Dennis: strength is when Eric asks you to help lift a really heavy couch and he buys you McDonalds after :)
———————
Suka, pointing to an adventure time poster: omg is that marceline?
Psy: yes!
Suka: her dad kidnaps people and impregnates them right?
Psy:
Suka: or was that just the porno?
Phoenix: are you drunk?
Kit: why the FUCK are you in my ROOM?
———————
Felix: anyways, we've gotta go. El and I bought a new tv.
Kira: Oh, you guys gonna set it up?
Eliott: nah, we’re gonna beat the old one with a baseball bat.
———————
Sammy: I just feel as if we're meant to be together. I mean, look how care keeps throwing us at each other.
Sam: it's 3am and you're stuck in my window. how did you even get there?
Sammy: fate. I told you, weren't you listening?
———————
Lance: If you had to choose between Kuma and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you choose?
Daneil: depends. how much money are we talking about?
Kuma: Neil?????
Lance: eleven cents.
Daneil: sold.
Kuma: NEIL?!!!!???
———————
Phoenix: cursing is for those who have a limited vocabulary.
Kira: You’re an audacious, ideologically unsound, captious, presumptuous motherfucker
———————
Memphis: Why do my hands get cold but not the rest of me?
Shane: The body uses your hands as an export to regulate its temperature
Eric: the ghosties holdin' ya hands
Memphis:
Memphis: how romantic

Will: Hey, uh, maybe we need Eira's help for this one?
Kenna: I would literally rather die.
_
Wil: If you were to die, what would your last words be?
Acyn: Finally.
Will: No-
_
Dimitri: Name a way to be nice to people .
Kenna: Don't kill them.
Dimitri: …
Dimitri: Setting the bar a little low, but I'll allow it.
_
Kenna: The real treasue was the memories we made along the way.
Eira: I almost died.
Kenna: That was my fondest memory.
_
Dimitri: Where have you been?
Kenna, arriving in the spiritual realm: Emotional hell.
_
Kenna: I made all of you into Sims, look.
Acyn: Where are you?
Kenna: I'm the grave in the backyard.
Acyn:
Caspian:
Acyn: Put me there to.
Caspian: Oh my god-
_
Verena: I have the sharpest memory. Name one time I forgot something.
Will: You left me in the market square like three weeks ago.
Verena: I did that on purpose, try again.
_
Acyn: Keres, did you know that "thot" means "thoughtful person"?
Keres: Really? I did not know this modern slang.
[later]
Keres: Thank you for helping me with the Wyvrens, Will. You're such a thot.
Will, wheezing: I'm a WHAT?
_
Anahid: You don't think I can fight because I'm a girl.
Sorin: I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Will could fight in that dress either.
Will: Perhaps not, but I would make a radiant bride.
_
Acyn: [choking]
Will: I'm trying to call 911 but the 9 button isn't working!
Kenna: Just flip your phone upside-down and use the 6.
Acyn, stopping his choking fro a second: What the fu-
_
Kenna: [sits in the front seat]
Kenna: Alright, is everyone ready to go?
The Elite: Yup!
Kenna: Okay, let's go!
[looks into the side mirror to see Eira running after the van]
Kenna: [whispers to herself] goodbye you little shit.
_
Acyn: What the hell is going on??
Will: Oh, great, you heard my cry for help!
Acyn: You mean your girly scream?
Will: I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP
_
Kenna: The risk I took was calculated.
Kenna: But holy shit I'm bad at math.
_
Kenna: How come whenever I have fun it's considered wrong?
Dimitri: People die when you have fun.

Azami: If you had to choose between Sanji and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you choose?
Zoro: depends. how much money are we talking about?
Sanji: Marimo?????
Azami: Like, half a Beli.
Zoro: Sold.
Sanji: MARIMO?!!!!???

Azami: Where have you been?
Sanji, arriving in Sabaody again after 2 years: Emotional hell.

Cashier: And would you like your receipt?
Beck, thinking: If someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi, but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me…
Cashier: Sir?
Beck: I want to speak to a lawyer

Peter: Anyways, we've gotta go. My bros and I bought a new TV.
Kate: Oh, you guys gonna set it up?
Peter: Nah, we’re gonna beat the old one with a baseball bat.

Rosalind: Cursing is for those who have a limited vocabulary.
Adalia: You’re an audacious, ideologically unsound, captious, presumptuous motherfucker

Winifred: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.
Nich: I almost died!
Darius: That was my fondest memory.

Mab: Where have you been?
Cordelia, arriving in the spiritual realm: Emotional hell.

Vivian: You don't think I can fight because I'm a girl.
Lucas: I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Iam could fight in that dress either.
Iam: Perhaps not, but I would make a radiant bride.

Joan: What the hell is going on??
Samuel: Oh, great, you heard my cry for help!
Joan: You mean your girly scream?
Samuel: I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP

Nich: The risk I took was calculated.
Nich: But holy shit am I bad at math.

Azami: You don't think I can fight because I'm a girl.
Nami: I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Usopp could fight in that dress either.
Usopp: Perhaps not, but I would make a radiant bride.

Luffy: The risk we took was calculated.
Azami: But holy shit are we bad at math.

Jax: What the hell is going on??
Bepo: Oh, great, you heard my cry for help!
Jax: You mean your girly scream?
Bepo: I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP

Erik: The risk we took was calculated.
Douglas: But holy shit are we bad at math.

Dallas: Ara, what does this say?
Ara: No idea.
Dallas: But it's your writing!

Kit: The risk we took was calculated.
Crispin: But holy shit are we bad at math.

Crispin: What the hell is going on??
Gerard: Oh, great, you heard my cry for help!
Crispin: You mean your girly scream?
Gerard: I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP

Ara: Cursing is for those who have a limited vocabulary.
Holly: You’re an audacious, ideologically unsound, captious, presumptuous motherfucker

Cashier: And would you like your receipt?
Dallas, thinking: If someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi, but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me…
Cashier: Sir?
Dallas: I want to speak to a lawyer

Marco and Asia: getting arrested at civil rights protest
Cop: fake IDs, fake credit card. You got anything that's real?
Marco: My tits
Asia: My ass

Samuel: Nich, what does this say?
Nich: No idea.
Samuel: But it's your writing!

Julianna: Cursing is for those who have a limited vocabulary.
Margot: You’re an audacious, ideologically unsound, captious, presumptuous bitch

Alarms: Go off
Eleanor, who's never done anything illegal in her life: Oh no, they've found me-

Isaac: at the airport
TSA: can you tell me your birthday?
Isaac: July 1st
TSA: July 1st?
Isaac: well I thought so but know I’ve lost all confidence in that answer

TSA: Can you tell me your birthday?
Victor: November 17th.
TSA: November 17th?
Victor: Well I thought so but now I’ve lost all confidence in that answer-

Holly: I was a lifeguard once. We only had one death in the three months I was there.
Holly: Three months. One death. That's pretty good.
Holly: It was a heart attack. It wasn't our fault. The guy died of a heart attack at the top of a waterslide.
Dallas and Andor: (giggling)
Holly: And that is not funny.
Holly: That's not funny even a little bit.
Holly: The discussion on how to get him down appropriately though….

Holly: I was a lifeguard once. We only had one death in the three months I was there.
Holly: Three months. One death. That's pretty good.
Holly: It was a heart attack. It wasn't our fault. The guy died of a heart attack at the top of a waterslide.
Dallas and Andor: (giggling)
Holly: And that is not funny.
Holly: That's not funny even a little bit.
Holly: The discussion on how to get him down appropriately though….

OMG I just lost it

TSA: Can you tell me your birthday?
Quill: August 27th.
TSA: August 27th?
Quill: Well I thought so but now I’ve lost all confidence in that answer-

Cyrus: If you had to choose between Dally and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you choose?
Anthony: Depends. How much money are we talking about?
Dally: Anthony?????
Cyrus: Like, ten bucks.
Anthony: Sold.
Dally: ANTHONY?!!!!???

Cashier: And would you like your receipt?
Quill, thinking: If someone is being murdered right now it would be my alibi, but if someone gets murdered in the store they could pin it on me…
Cashier: Miss..?
Quill: I want to speak to a lawyer

Cyrus: What the hell is going on??
Dally: Oh, great, you heard my cry for help!
Cyrus: You mean your little girl scream?
Dally: I MEAN MY CRY FOR HELP

Quill: The risk we took was calculated.
Quill: But holy shit, are we bad at math.

Jack: Be the villain you were born to be. Stop waiting for someone to come along and corrupt you. Succumb to the darkness yourself.
Quill: …That was weirdly motivating.

Basil: Aren't birds just air fish?
Minwoo: It's 3 am.

Phillip: Hey! Wanna see a trick?
Myung: Last time you showed me a trick, it took two weeks to grow my eyebrows back.

Jungwoo: Have you ever read something so explicit that you felt like you need to go to the holy church and stay there for a year?
Byungho: Show it to me.

Kimmie: I get really offended when people tell me I'm going to hell for being gay, because I feel like they're overlooking all the other perfectly valid reasons I'm going to hell.

Hyungwon: I love my babies.
Sebastian: blowing up a kitchen
Kimin, Haeil, and Minwoo: fighting loudly over a game
Matthew: teasing Sebastian for blowing up the kitchen
Maeng: trying to summon a demon
Basil: lost in a Chanel store
Adrian: peacefully napping
Seokju: ignoring everyone
Jack: also ignoring everyone
Jaesung: trying to calm everyone down
Chansung: crying from the stress
Hyungwon: Oh yeah, I love my babies so much.

Holly: I was a lifeguard once. We only had one death in the three months I was there.
Holly: Three months. One death. That's pretty good.
Holly: It was a heart attack. It wasn't our fault. The guy died of a heart attack at the top of a waterslide.
Dallas and Andor: (giggling)
Holly: And that is not funny.
Holly: That's not funny even a little bit.
Holly: The discussion on how to get him down appropriately though….

OMG I just lost it

I feel like I should share the source because honestly the rest of this bit was equally as hilarious

Marco: Your strongest versus our strongest
Jolene: How about your idiot versus our idiot
Marco: Deal! Alec, get in there
Alec: Hey! Fuck you man
Jolene: Asia?
Asia: Eyyyy alright lets get this party started

Alex, with crazy eyes: In the 1800s if you died in winter they'd store you in a communal vault until you could be buried in spring! :)))
Danny, backing away: Why are you looking at me like that?

Quill: In the 1800’s, if you died in winter they'd store you in a communal vault until you could be buried in spring! :)))
Karma, backing away: Why are you looking at me like that

Jackson: I was a lifeguard once. We only had one death in the three months I was there.
Jackson: Three months. One death. That's pretty good.
Jackson: It was a heart attack. It wasn't our fault. The guy died of a heart attack at the top of a water slide.
Geneva: Laughs
Jackson: And that is not funny.
Jackson: That's not funny even a little bit.
Jackson: The discussion on how to get him down appropriately though….

Victor: In the 1800’s, if you died in winter they'd store you in a communal vault until you could be buried in spring!!
Geneva, backing away: Why are you looking at me like that-

Bee: Have you been yelled at by Kate yet?
Peter: Pfft. I’m not scared of her.
Morgan: So that’s a no

Henry: Is the Kool-Aid Man the jar or the liquid?
Jackson: He’s the liquid
Geneva: It’s obviously the jar…
Victor: Pardon me, but who is the Kool-Aid Man?

Esther: Are you laughing at a video of Oleander falling?
Maia: No
Maia: I’m laughing at the comments

Robin: Tall people, please know that I have small legs. I can’t keep up with you
Oberon: Just grab a pair of roller skates and hold onto my sleeve, we don't have all day

In a groupchat
Victor: Adding “lmao” does not hide your pain
Jackson: Yeah it does lmao

Oberon: Do you have any shaving cream?
Robin: Nah, I don’t like the way it tastes
Oberon: …You eat shaving cream?
Robin: No, why would I eat it if I don’t like the taste?

Victor: I’m not too nice!
Henry: Vic, you apologized–
Victor: I have manners!
Alice: –to the waiter who spilled soup on your lap…

Beck: My talents are looking 17 and saying thank you to the bus driver
Beck: I can also talk for hours about the meaning of life I guess.

Oberon, hoping for a normal day: Good morning.
Robin, dangling upside down from the balcony: I’m gonna try to become left handed!!

Bee: You’re giving me a sticker?
Luci: It’s not just any sticker. It’s a sticker of a cat that says “me-wow”.
Bee: I’m not a child
Luci: Fine, I’ll take it back then
Bee: Back off! I earned this sticker

Jackson: You wanna see how hardcore I am?
Jackson: Punches a wall
Jackson: Take me to the hospital

Dima: People ask me how I handle the rest of my friends so easily
Dima: The truth is I don’t. I have no control over them. I walked into the house today and Lyra shot me in the neck with a Nerf Gun

At a New Years party
Oscar, to the gang: I would like to offer a toast
Oscar, raising his glass: I cannot believe we have already gone through another 12 months of absolute fuckery
Oscar: Cheers!