Last night? Creepiest fucking nightmare I've had. Period. Not even my sleep paralysis episodes with hallucinations can top this. This was about my third dream of the night. By now I've forgotten the others, but this one stuck with me.
I was in a 3-story building in the suburbs. I was there observing a rare phenomenon, writing on my tablet completely absorbed in my work analyzing previously- recorded audio files. Suddenly, I begin to feel unusually warm, the corners of my vision hold orange flickers, and the audio file I'm listening to cuts out. There are screams. So many screams. The voices of the dying yelling out in their final moments as the flame engulfs them, trapped in this building with me. My teammate rushes to my side, asking if I heard something, to which I reply "The screams and crackling of fire?" He says no, the man in the next room over is calling out "Fire me feels alive… finally," as he's consumed by the flames. It's almost joyous, like after so long of living and feeling nothing, he finally feels something in his dying moments and he loves it. That realization chilled me to the bone, even though I was slowly being surrounded by flames. My teammate runs off to check the upstairs, and I walk along the ground floor. I come across a room with three kids playing together, trails of tears mark their soot-stained faces as they play pretend one last time. There is a window in this room, unbroken and unyeilding. The kids can see the outside, they can see freedom and safety, but they are trapped here just as I am, with no one coming to our rescue. They force laughs and make a grand story, knowing it will be their last. My body grows warmer as the smoke clogs my lungs. I've collapsed in a hallway, alone, listening to the dying screams of those around me as I fade out. I distinctly remember thinking "I'm coming to," as I leave the dream and awaken in my dark, quiet bedroom. I didn't open my eyes to the jump of my heart as I usually do with nightmares. I didn't feel a malicious force anywhere in my room. Just cold, dark silence.
It felt real. I felt no confusion, no indifference, nothing that would emotionally suggest I was in a dream. I felt awake and present. I was able to accept my demise easily and without question, but the realization that others are also facing the same fate, that hit me like a truck. I could care less about when and how death comes for me. It'll happen eventually, so why worry about it? The problem occurs when others face it as well, the inevitability of death. We all face it eventually, there's no running from it. Some revel in it like the first guy. Some go out kicking and screaming like the people upstairs. Some make the best of their final moments like the children. Some help ease others into it before succumbing to it themselves, like my teammate did. And then there are some like me, alone as silent tears clean paths down our cheeks, thinking ourselves as failures as we were unable to save anyone, not even ourselves.
tldr I had a hyper-realistic dream last night and now my mind feels unusually heavy