forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Replaying Arkham Asylum since it has been ages since I last played it. The part where you're in Killer Croc's lair is super annoying!

Y'know when your cat leaves you for a spot of sun on the floor and they do it all the time but this time it feels different because you're already so lonely and just slowly spiraling and that small thing that's usual not a big deal has you close to tears and you just want to go lay down in some grass and wait for the earth to reclaim you? Yeah that.

I know that Cloudy and I are like, the only ones on this site who give a flying flip about MCYT but Eret, Illumina, Punz and Krinos won MCC 13 and I'm so proud of them because they ended Season 1 with a bang and I can say that I was there

I said it in the DM, I'll say it again:

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

dang im away fom my pc cause some idiot brought the pc but forgot the bag of cables and missed the stream, Eret's my fav mcyt of the group q-q

Do you ever assume a fictional character's trauma onto yourself because you immerse yourself in the world of story so much it's damn near impossible to not? I figure other writers might struggle with this too.

Tbh the closest thing to that that I've experienced is when one of my favorite characters died in a really grotesque and gorey way and I was absolutely horrified, wound up not being able to get that out of my head for like a week and a half. I kept thinking about how helpless it would feel to find one of your friends in that situation and knowing that you couldn't do anything for them. I wound up slowly getting over it, but it still fucked me up for a little while. Wasn't something that I wrote either, btw.

Oof. Yeah, some movies/books with really gorey or helpless deaths are difficult for me too.

my heart's in a million pieces.

the other thing is, if you're sad or mourning or grieving you need to take time to process and take care of yourself, but how do you do that when you blame yourself?

Oy Charlotte. You cannot blame yourself for someone else’s death unless you were a direct cause of it.

you're right dom. and if i blame myself for "not stopping him" i'm indirectly blaming all our friends who "couldn't stop him" and i don't think it was their fault at all. i don't think it was anyone's fault, and clearly there's nothing we can do now. i just wish i had somewhere to put all these feelings, something actionable to do

I don’t know what you can do. But you could try exercises, reading, doing things with your mind. Maybe convince your parents to let you hang out more? And remember to hydrate and sleep.

i just can't believe he's gone

I’m sorry.

oh god charlotte i'm so sorry ;;
i feel you, i really do

ethan hasn't even done it yet because it's planned

but i have no energy
there are all these little things that i blame myself for
and the things ill know ill blame myself for when it finally happens

remember that its okay to cry. it's okay to not want to do anything at all.
keep going through a routine, though.
i find it helps to have something familiar going, even if it isn't your favourite thing in the whole world.

and as for putting your feelings?
i write.
i write google docs to ethan, to trina
or to both of them.
of course, i never send them.
but it helps me to get my feelings down, no matter how bad the writing is.

sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesnt.
but it always makes everything just a little bit easier to bear.

and if you need someone to talk to, i'm here, okay?
and yeah i'm not really online much anymore, mostly bc of lack of energy but i try my best to be on at least once a day

Maybe you should send them.

thanks izzy <3

i sent him a bunch of texts this morning begging him to tell me it was some kind of sick joke. maybe now that i’ve processed it a little more (though “processed” is a strong word) i’ll try writing a letter to him. there’s a lot i wish i could have said. i never thought the last time i saw him would be the last time i ever saw him

nah it's good enough for me just to get them all out

and yeah i feel that part.

and yeah, we never think that do we?

i like to think that they're all listening to us.
watching over us.
making sure we're okay.

Oh Charlotte, I can't even imagine what you're going through…. I blame Covid-19; a lot of people that have mental health issues are suffering due to "social distancing" and everything else. It's a terribly tragic thing to go through, and my prayers are being sent. Try writing him a letter or texting him, it might help you through the grieving process.

When we see people that we've sadly lost in our dreams that's them visiting us.

i know i’m going to dream about him tonight, i just know it. and yeah, he was stuck at home with his family which i know was making it worse. but he was supposed to come back to the city in the spring and i thought i would see him then

We're all here for you if you ever just need to talk or something.

i didn't talk to him enough over the past few months he probably died mad at me

i'm going to quote a friend here:

wishing you could change the past won't help
future actions are all that matter

because yes
we all feel guilty about something or another when these things happen

so maybe he was mad at you, i think not, but thats just how i like to see things
but either way, the only thing you can do now is make peace with yourself over this particular scenario (what you described)

it won't be easy
it won't be fun
but it is necessary
to learn to forgive yourself
on something you can no longer try to fix

i'm so mad at myself for noticing he was withdrawing and noticing something was wrong and not checking in and assuming it was just because he didn't want to talk to me, i'm so mad that i didn't follow that hunch and listen to that feeling, i don't feel like i have the right to mourn now i feel like i need to punish myself. other people kept closer tabs on him, other people at least tried, i was too insecure and too wrapped up in my own issues and i didn't do that. i wasn't a good friend, i'm not a good friend, i don't take good care of people because i don't take good care of myself but i don't know how to and i don't think i ever will