“The fetus doesn’t think he’s ok”
—
“EAT THE SHRIMP, STUPID”
—
“I identify as a highlighter”ah yes, the new gender. highlighter.
Yes. Highlighter pride! I said that because my teacher said the phrase “if you’re a highlighter…” meaning if you like to highlight the Vocab words, but the working sounding like she was saying if you are a highlighter
ugly wheezing sounds
YES
"Firm up and blow hard" Thank you band director
“OR, I could sit here with my iced coffee and wait for my girlfriend like a proper gay.”
"Lesson learned: 18+4 is not 20."
(We have a whole section of the whiteboard devoted to these things in my Algebra class)
(I'm intrigued. Who writes on it? Everyone when they mess something up or the teacher when they see someone mess up?)
(anyone can write on it whenever they miss an obvious part of a problem)
(I'm imagining a bunch of people just singing dramatically as they make the walk of shame up to the board to write that 2 times 4 isn't 6 and I don't want you to tell me that's not what happens)
“Turns out, it‘s just a poorly disguised Nazi, just like everything else.”
“That lizard over there? Nazi. But don’t tell him that.”
"They call me the octopus because I have so many legs"
Me: I'm so lonely.
Me 2: Well, maybe if you talked to people you wouldn't be.
Me: Hey, I didn't ask your opinion on this!
Me 3: Yeah, you know she's too much of a coward to have social interactions!
Me: Is that supposed to help, bitch?
Me 3: Not particularly, no.
Me 4: Kids, stop teasing your sister.
Me 2: We're all the same person…
Me 5: DIE FUCKERS!!! * Proceeds to kill all other me's with a machine gun *
Me: ·.·
Me 5: -_-
Me: Thanks.
Me 5: Bye, bitch. * Kommits sudoku *
Me: Wot.
(that's pretty much my Sides in my head at just about any point in time)
"She bit it?!"
"She bit it?!"
"Oh, nevermind."
“IF I THROW A BABY IT WILL BOUNCE??”
“Yes, but-"
“WHO WANTS TO THROW A BABY WITH ME?”
omg my friend meant to say snot but she said 'nose drool' and i just can't she says i'll make fun of her for the rest of the day and she underestimates me. i will remind her of nose drool until the day she dies.
"I HAVE LEARNED NOTHING THIS YEAR. I MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. EVERY MORNING, I WAKE UP, AND I BREATHE. I'M DONE."
(ok so these just happened)
"Welcome to learning… With Lizzie!"
"What are we learning?"
"WE'RE LEARNING."
Me: "I am a broken woman."
Friend A: "You're a woman?"
Me: "I can't tell if you're implying that I'm a child, or that I'm a man."
Friend B: "Probably the latter."
(I’m not a sure how to put this whole thing into a quote but I was describing soufflé but I couldn’t remember what it was called and I said something along the lines of “it’s supposed to rise and stay there but sometimes it doesn’t” and the teacher who wasn’t listening at first said “I think there’s a pill for that.” And it took me a minute to get the joke then four periods later I yelled “soufflé!” In the middle of class and so now I’m kind of dying inside)
"In the confusion, I smacked a pig."
discussing the coronavirus.
"What if we're in Plague Inc?"
My jokebook: How do you keep a person with OCD in suspense?
Me: By not answering this question. But I'm not that cruel. Also I hate you. * Burns book *
Me 2: There was no reason for that.
Me 3: WHY THE BOOK??!!
Me 4: It's just a video game, kids. Calm down.
Me: …I thought you died???
All: …
Me 2: We did. But we're all you, remember?
Me 5: Damn it. They're back.
Me: ?
Me 4: No.
Me 5: * pull blowtorch out of nowhere *
Me 3: HOE, DON'T DO IT! 😲
Me 5: * Burns everyone *
Me: OMG…
Me 5: Welp, I'm gonna go drown now. LATER ASSHOLE!
Me: wtf ·.·
Mom: * Outside my bedroom door * WHAT ARE YOU DOIN IN THERE??
Me: 😓 shit she caught me
“I wish I could just eat my textbooks and gain knowledge.”
“So I’m used to doing the equation like this because as you know everything in Australia is upside down” -My Australian math teacher
"Why are you all running to him?"
"Because he's a decent person."
"Well, you're not."
"I can't even argue. I terrorize small children for fun."
"53% VORYERISUM?! MICHAEL WHAT?!"
"Three does not come after three, four comes after three, this is what happens when you're recovering from a cold."
-My History Teacher, just now
"And they're really proud to say, 'my ancestor was a murderer.' 'my ancestor was a bank robber'."
-Also my History Teacher, just now
I'm back in History my guys more updates will follow.
"If you can't be the sharpest tool in the shed, then you can be the hoe instead."-Someone on the bus