Share things nobody asked you to share

I'm sleepy and bored, my left knee hurts and I'm pretty sure I did something to it, I've been having seizures again, it's midterms time, and my period starts soon. Woo-hoo.
The good news is that I get to see my guinea piggie this weekend, and my mother's dog, whom we call the "rat dog" because he's been shaved and looks like a little rat. When he's hairy, he looks like Chewbacca with the face of an Ewok.

Noice

@Space

I decided I want to get my heart surgery done

Nice, what procedure?

Cardiac ablation to burn out some extra pathways in my heart

@ElderGod-Winter-The-Renegade-Legionnaire

I decided I want to get my heart surgery done

Nice, what procedure?

Cardiac ablation to burn out some extra pathways in my heart

Better blood flow right?

@Space

When I went to the ER I was in SVT and going into heart failure at 214ish beats per minute. My heart has extra pathways that sometimes trigger and start looping the signals like crazy

@Space

Life update✨
Marked as a spoiler because it's depressing and most people don't care

Spoiler - click to show.

I'm having a very hard relapse into depression. I have no energy, can't/won't eat. I cut myself off from most people. I'm uninterested in the things that used to bring me joy and when I try to start something or do a hobby my mind always tells me "what's the point it's worthless," So I immediately stop, give up, and cry.
I feel unlovable. I recently started dating my best friend but I feel like it's just fake and it kills me that life can give me something good, make me feel like I accomplished something, and then takes it away and makes it all come crashing down.
I just stopped talking to people, I carry that tighness and heaviness in my chest and throat like I'm always on the verge of crying and it never goes away. I keep having intrusive thoughts saying I'm worthless, I ruin everything, I should just kill myself.
As much as I want this feeling to go away I'm also so apathetic and zombie like (Possibly because of my meds?) that I literally just shutdown and don't care. What's the point? Nothing matters. I'll just die one day and nothing I do or say will matter. I'm not living for anything. I've been nonstop crying all day and I can't stop, I feel so angry and I need to scream. Someone gave me a pity look and it made me even angrier.
Nothing goes right for me. I'm not smart, I'm not talented in anything. I just give up on trying to achieve anything I'm just gonna live this sad little life until my never ending pain and health problems naturally kill me

@just_gabs_needs_coffee

@SpaceCat446
replying to your spoiler

Spoiler - click to show.

on that "most people dont care"; I care and I want you to know that even if you don't believe it, you have a purpose and a reason for living. You are not worthless, you are priceless, you matter, and it's okay to not be okay.
If you feel like you're in a season of failure, please know that failure is not final! Failure is an event, it is never a person.
you are worth so much more than you can ever know.
I know that some people aren't open to recieving prayer for one reason or another, so I'm gonna ask; is it okay if I post/pm a prayer for you?

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred

I feel bad for ghosting one of my friends. However, we talk to each other just about every day and I need a break every now and then.

@catnap

i (currently) really want to go to ringling college of art and design but im afraid i may not be good enough :( of course right now im only a freshman in highschool and have plenty of time to improve but i cant help thinking that i may never get there
well besides feeling doubtful (which i admittedly often feel lmao) i actually feel pretty inspired and motivated to improve my art as much as i can, i really would love to one day get into that school

@just_gabs_needs_coffee

@Bunny you got this! You'll be surprised at how much improvement you can see in four years if you practice. I am also often doubtful about my own dream (publishing a novel) but sometimes spite is the best motivator. prove yourself wrong!
I believe in you and I'm rooting for you!

@murphysgirl

I found out that apparently I'm over halfway done with my degree, and I can graduate in three semesters if I work real hard. YEET

@murphysgirl

And here is a picture of my doggo (Archie) to cheer you all up.

@SupernaturalSyGuyIsTIred

Awwww, he's a little cutie!

@FanfictionFanatic-The-Elder

Absolutely adorable little puppy! 😍

@just_gabs_needs_coffee

Cute Boi <3

@catnap

@Bunny you got this! You'll be surprised at how much improvement you can see in four years if you practice. I am also often doubtful about my own dream (publishing a novel) but sometimes spite is the best motivator. prove yourself wrong!
I believe in you and I'm rooting for you!

thank you so much, ill definitely work hard to reach my dream!! rooting for you too, youve got this!! when you publish your novel, just remember to drop the title here hehe >:D

@just_gabs_needs_coffee

@Bunny you got this! You'll be surprised at how much improvement you can see in four years if you practice. I am also often doubtful about my own dream (publishing a novel) but sometimes spite is the best motivator. prove yourself wrong!
I believe in you and I'm rooting for you!

thank you so much, ill definitely work hard to reach my dream!! rooting for you too, youve got this!! when you publish your novel, just remember to drop the title here hehe >:D

YAS! get it! YOU GO!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!! >:D (this is my new fav emoticon lol)
haha will do, thanks :) hoping to be published by the end of the year :P

@ElderGod-Winter-The-Renegade-Legionnaire

Alright Space. It’s 1 am and I was asleep and that never happens. I woke up in a cold sweat and something said check Notebook. And by Jove it’s you. Imma say this once so you better listen. You know what I look like homie. See me in your mind’s eye. I’m not joking with ya. Here goes.

Spoiler - click to show.

Space. You are a wonderfully beautiful and unique person. Depression sucks and it’s hard and meds can Jack you up big time. I’m not here to offer you pity bc it’s the last thing you need right now. I offer you a choice, and you’ll know the right one. Number one. You can give up and live in despair and feel pity for yourself and struggle though every day barely functioning. And this is a valid choice. I’ve been there. Number two. Use yourself. No one on this planet has your kind of perseverance and your type of grit. There’s only one you, and you know how to protect yourself. I’m not giving you pity bc you don’t need it. Use everything that comes at you as an opportunity. You’re not weaponless nor are you defenseless. Are you still alive? Are you breathing? Then, and this is important, you’re still fighting. By Jove you’re still on your own two feet and as you look around at everything that is coming your way you’re just as surprised as it, because you’re still standing. You as a human, have humanity. And with humanity comes horrible feelings, bad decisions, and pain. But humanity is also a weaponized gift. Humanity makes you feel. It lets you know that you still live. With bad decisions comes the knowledge in how to make good ones and how to learn and thrive. And with pain comes the heart to love and stop pain from hitting others as it hit you. Humanity sucks but it’s all you have. Space you’re human. You’re not expected to feel one thing at a time. You’re complex. You’re beautiful. You may be broken and shattered, but and remember this too, the broken pieces get put back together and sealed with gold. I’m no therapist, but if you choose, and I’m giving you the option, message me every day until you don’t need too. Tell me about your day. Tell me about your thoughts. About your feelings. About you. One thing I will not tolerate is negative self talk and self harm. You’re worth infinitely more than your mind tells you that you are. Trust me. And that’s all I ask. For you to trust me, and I’ll trust you. Start with small milestones, and then go for larger ones. I’ll try to be there every step I can. I’m not going to let you walk the road I walked alone. I can’t. I’ve lost too many, and I’m not going to lose you too. So. That’s that. Space, I believe in you. I trust you. I respect you. My wish is that you try to believe, trust, and respect yourself as much as I do.

@ElderGod-Winter-The-Renegade-Legionnaire

Listen up- I would go to war and fight the monsters that you faced if it meant that you could be rid of them. And that goes to all of you. I mean it.
Now Imma go back to sleep and fist fight my own demons. I’ll see you all in the morning.

@Relsey

And just one more thing, not just for Space but anyone.

The most important person in your life, is you, the opinion that matters the most in your life, is your own. That's not to say you shouldn't also take other people into consideration, because you should. It's saying out of all the people in the world it's the most important that you care about you. Figure out how to do that and life get's just a tad easier.

@Relsey

On a less serious note, I was productive today and I'm quite proud of my self, the short but still important, list of achievements is as follows

Signed up for all of my classes for next semester, right when registration opened so I have a really good schedule set up.
Made my bed
put away all three baskets of laundry that have piled up over the weeks of depressive nope energy
made a smoothy

@just_gabs_needs_coffee

@Relsey Nice! I also signed up for classes today (after procrastinating that or 2 days lol)
YOU GO!!! WOOOO

@just_gabs_needs_coffee

what kind of smoothie?

@Relsey

Thank you! On every day but Monday I don't start classes until 10am. As for Monday I got a seat at the 9 am class, which is the only class that happened after 8 am, and It's a mandatory course for my major. All the other sessions are at 7:45 am, so yeah, I'm pretty proud of that actually.

@just_gabs_needs_coffee

oh wow

@ElderGod-Winter-The-Renegade-Legionnaire