forum Share things nobody asked you to share

Started June 15, 2020 by @Knight-Shives group

tune

Okay. 👍

Remember Sy, show not tell. Show that his eyes are green. Don't straight out tell that they're green.

How can you /show/ that his eyes are green?

Here, I'll rewrite the entire little snippet by the showing portion.
Here's the original.
Oliver relaxes upon realizing that the other guy is listening to a Fall Out Boy album, and noticing that his eyes are a bright emerald green.
Here's the show version.
Oliver relaxed upon hearing the familiar tune of Fall Out Boy (granted you could leave it vague here, and give the readers a chance to connect to the character) and he noticed that his eyes mirrored the emeralds of the far east in the sunlight. (Thus, making the comparison that his eyes are emerald green. It shows instead of straight up saying his eyes are green)

I don't know, I'm not sure if it's really necessary to be that wordy just to say that someone's eyes are green. I think Sy did it fine, there's no need to paint every sentence, in my opinion. Watching paint dry is quite a mundane activity. But I suppose it's all up to a matter of opinion.

Plus, trying to be wordy and use descriptive language when you're dead-ass tired or distracted by other things (which I was when I wrote that portion) is an extraordinarily difficult task to do! Would y'all like to see more of these two if I were to write something for them though?

Remember Sy, show not tell. Show that his eyes are green. Don't straight out tell that they're green.

How can you /show/ that his eyes are green?

Here, I'll rewrite the entire little snippet by the showing portion.
Here's the original.
Oliver relaxes upon realizing that the other guy is listening to a Fall Out Boy album, and noticing that his eyes are a bright emerald green.
Here's the show version.
Oliver relaxed upon hearing the familiar tune of Fall Out Boy (granted you could leave it vague here, and give the readers a chance to connect to the character) and he noticed that his eyes mirrored the emeralds of the far east in the sunlight. (Thus, making the comparison that his eyes are emerald green. It shows instead of straight up saying his eyes are green)

I don't know, I'm not sure if it's really necessary to be that wordy just to say that someone's eyes are green. I think Sy did it fine, there's no need to paint every sentence, in my opinion. Watching paint dry is quite a mundane activity. But I suppose it's all up to a matter of opinion.

Plus, trying to be wordy and use descriptive language when you're dead-ass tired or distracted by other things (which I was when I wrote that portion) is an extraordinarily difficult task to do! Would y'all like to see more of these two if I were to write something for them though?

Sure. But I would like to mention that it doesn't have to be all the time. It's used mainly for appearances, foreshadowing, and more of like fantasy geared writing to make it more fanciful. It does all matter on opinion, and the professors you have grading papers. Mine love the show not Tell aspect. So it's really your decision, but it's nice to throw in some different comparisons. It gives readers the chance to visualize something different.

Reading through the rp that snippet is from…. I forgot that there's some pretty good material in there!

And the playful gay fluff! 😍

… Sy, December has 31 days and it's the 30th.

I got excited, I guess. Lol

You're good, I just got really confused for a moment.

I am not ok.
I will be eventually, but right now I'm not and I am unable to fix it. When you are in an unstable or unsafe environment you either need to get out or find a way to fix it. I can do neither. So, so I just wait, wait and wait and wait until I can get out of this place or until I can fix it.
Except my dumb brain keeps thinking it can fix it now even though that makes it even more dangerous for me and I know it will and I know it wont work I just keep trying to fix it and it keeps not working and I'm just so sick of waiting for opportunities to make it better and begging to leave the house with one of my siblings. But an hour outside of the house has enough time to fix half an hour of being in this house so, those one hour trips out can't really do much. and they are few and far between.
I used to get out more often but then the sister I would go with all the time got a boyfriend so she goes to see her boyfriend and so I lost my out card.
It's like summer vacation but longer. I hate summer vacation.

I sincerely wish I could help you with a way to escape, Rels…. (I do have something that I would like critiqued; maybe that would help, at least for a little while?)

Hey keep your head up. I'm gonna make this offer, because it sound like you need it. I'll be 18 next month, and I'm going to a nice college in North Carolina. If you can hold out one more year, until I can get an apartment, you may come and stay as long as you desire. But I am not gettting charged with kidnapping. So you gotta be 18, and idk how old you are. But the offer will stand.

Id love to take you in but I can count on one hand the females I would be okay with living with. No offense but as much as I like you we are no where near close enough for that. But good luck, dude. I empathize.

I have 6 more months until I can go to collage so, I'll try to survive until then, thank you guy's for support. I will make it. I will. Just gotta keep living till then.

Okay my offer still stands. Think about going to college in NC. I gotchu.

Of course, maybe in my off semester instead of going home I can go see you, that sounds fantastic.

I love The Breakfast Club

I love The Breakfast Club

What's The Breakfast Club?

I have 6 more months until I can go to collage so, I'll try to survive until then, thank you guy's for support. I will make it. I will. Just gotta keep living till then.

I have no doubts that you wouldn't; you're a fighter!

I love The Breakfast Club

What's The Breakfast Club?

It's a movie that's older than I am that's known for the song Don't You (Forgot About Me).

A REALLY GOOD MOVIE I CAN RELATE TO!

Hyped for tomorrow night because I think my parents might actually get Jackbox on our Playstation so we can play with our friends who would usually come over also I get to have one of my all-time favorite foods which is literally just dates wrapped in bacon

I love The Breakfast Club

What's The Breakfast Club?

It's a movie that's older than I am.

Ah. Course I didn't know. I guess you could say I'm pretty uncultured in movies and such.
…Except the movies that I love. I'm an expert in those. lol

Hyped for tomorrow night because I think my parents might actually get Jackbox on our Playstation so we can play with our friends who would usually come over also I get to have one of my all-time favorite foods which is literally just dates wrapped in bacon

Dates wrapped in bacon? Interesting