forum Personal Venting Chat, New and Improved! (Without Jerks)

Started November 14, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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Hmm. I have a tendency to do that too. I'm usually just feeling down and then my brain just says "hey, remember this fuck up?" So I get that kinda.

It's just that usually when I'm down I don't quite go to "I don't deserve anything".

I'm totally not the best person and I know it, though I think some past instances have screwed me up to the point of thinking even worse of myself. I would talk to my best friend about some of those instances but every time I try to she just blows me off in a way that hurts.

Doesn't sound like a very good friend, but that's none of my business. You do you.

Doesn't sound like a very good friend, but that's none of my business. You do you.

She's actually great and we get along most of the time. She thinks her problems are way worse than they really are at times, which does cause arguments. I'd love to vent about her but I don't think you'd really care to hear about the most recent instance.

I mean, this is the Venting Chat. If other people do or do not care to hear it doesn't really matter. They can just ignore it, so if you want to vent go right ahead. Besides, it doesn't bother me anyhow.

True. Dunno if this is gonna be underwhelmingly short or overwhelming long so here we go.

my brain seems to view any small heck up as an excuse to self-destruct
I remember one time I pronounced a word wrong during a conversation with my mother, which confused her, but she eventually caught on, no big deal

…after the conversation I had to go back to my room to cry for a moment because oh look i made a pronunciation error, welp guess i really am just a useless sack of flesh that does nothing but hurt the people around me and deserves to perish for her mistakes

And that a surprising amount of people seemed to have gone to sleep at a decent time.

weak

I was watching Lion King. Glorious.

Which version? Life-action or animated?

Wow, Nutella, your bad thoughts are weak because they are trying so hard and yet there are times when that is what they pick to make you feel terrible.

Which version? Life-action or animated?

Ah, okay. The animated version is the best.

Agreed.

To set some background up for this, my friend and I own a Discord server which most of our close internet friends (most of which we've met through games) are in. The first member was this dude she was too afraid to invite so basically I ended up talking to him until I felt comfortable enough to ask if he'd like an invite without it being awkward. He joined and things were okay, lots of jokes about dating/marriage towards me (which ofc irked me because he wasn't serious at all), I ask him to stop, he moves it to my friend. She laughs it off at first, they gradually become friends. Nature is balanced in a way nobody minds.

Now we fast forward maybe three months and my friend comes to me saying "Guess what?". Per usual, I say "Just tell me," and she says "I like someone on the server." I go through a list of names (initial dude OFC being my first guess cause flirtatious jokes and she's always responding with blushy emotes n shit) she says no to all of them, then after some pushing she admits it's the first dude who joined the server. Naturally this sets off something protective in me. Dude is 17, she's 15. It's obvious to me he isn't serious about any of what he says in terms of dating, just kidding. I care about them both and if they were to actually get together dude might get in some trouble since he's almost a legal adult and my friend could be super grounded if her parents found out.

(This is obnoxiously long so I'm gonna post n continue writing so you can absorb what's been said so far, assuming you want to read it all.)

Okay.

Two years difference is nothing though. Just don't be having sex. I would think that would be easy enough bc Discord friends.

She doesn't even know dude-mans face (nor his voice at that point in time) so I tell her "Yeah no definitely try to get over that. He obviously isn't serious in any of what he says about you in a romantic way." Cue whole talk where I try coaxing her into telling him to stop with the jokes to make things easier on her which she tries to justify with "That'd just be mean." I'm getting fed up with her at this point so I just shut the conversation down.

Then in about October, the final straw; dude-man has been getting on my nerves non-stop. He started teasing me for the most meaningless of things. My friend has joined in because obvious crush is obvious. I'm totally over her whole crush excuse, I go off on her and dude-man, then talk to her in DMs about going too far. She gets pissed at me (which was justified because I kicked him from the server in a blind rage). Still no remorse for the things she's done on her side, even after I've shown a lot of guilt about kicking her crush.

Come December, I finally grow a pair and invite him back which he amazingly accepts. Things have resumed as normal for the most part, except for the fact he's teasing me less.

(Another pause, the worst best part comes up next.)

Mhmm.

Wow, Nutella, your bad thoughts are weak because they are trying so hard and yet there are times when that is what they pick to make you feel terrible.

well you could see it that way
or maybe they’ve grown so strong that every little part of my life is affected
or i’m just weak as hell
you never know

Hmm. Try to see it the way I pointed out. Because even if you do get so affected, the thoughts are still worthless in themselves. As depressing thoughts go, they have no intellectual punch. Hopefully knowing that you can call them to submission.

(Even then some people could overreact and dude makes some inappropriate jokes (not targeted at anyone) which still might raise some eyebrows.)

Inappropriate as in sexual?

Anyways, earlier this month, my friend messages me on Discord at 1 :))) freaking :))) A.M. and decides to have a meltdown about not being able to get over her crush on the dude because only just now will she admit that she knows it'd never work out and he isn't serious. We literally sit there for an hour and since she's refusing all of my advice, I suggest she talks to someone newer to the sever who had already proven himself to be trustworthy and a great listener. She freaks out on me, gets pissy because I'm not helping by suggesting that, then totally flips a switch and goes back to pitying herself. I understand her not wanting to talk to the dude but it was pretty unfair of her to spring that on me all because I'd went online for like 5 seconds rather than going to her closest friend who was still online and has a freaking boyfriend so is therefore much better for that kind of advice.

So that's the situation thus far. Meanwhile, I'll come to her about more pressing issues (like being very worried someone I'd known had killed themself because they'd always talk about feeling worthless and wanting to die then proceeded to disappear for over a year only to recently to Instagram like one day ago) and she'll say like 1-2 sentences before trying to change the topic because she "Isn't good at comforting people".

(Even then some people could overreact and dude makes some inappropriate jokes (not targeted at anyone) which still might raise some eyebrows.)

Inappropriate as in sexual?

Yup. I'm guilty of doing the same far more often, but my friend doesn't always recognize that he's joking because he's not a walking clown like I am. I guess when I say it could raise some eyebrows I mean that he's generally pretty serious when speaking so jokes might go over some people's heads as serious.