children can get you a lot on the market tho

But honestly, being made in a lab is a lot grosser to me. Spawning in the ocean from someone's chopped off d*ck, on the other hand… Nevermind, that's almost as gross

height dyspohria

Someone mentioned children laughing from joy or something and it reminded me that
I really hate the sound of laughter
And clapping
And jumbled conversation (this is the worst sometimes)
And general happy noises it seems…
They make me want to yeet myself out the nearest window or scream or tear out my eardrums

So my binder is in the wash so I was stuck wearing a low, skin-tight shirt today (it was hot out). I was doing fine (then again I was wearing a black, baggy sweater indoors on campus). But when I got home and looked in a mirror without my sweater, I just couldn't stop staring. And the more I stared, the more dysphoric I got. I hate it, I hate this form so much. I want it to change. I'm different in my dreams. I'm different in my mind. I'm different in my fantasies. My internal self is not the same as my external self and I hate it.

Essentially my day went from "okay" to "horrible" in 5 seconds and I'm not happy about it.

I. fucking. relate.

This person isn't me.

It is though. Unless you think there is another physical way to define yourself.

But when I think about myself then look in the mirror, the person I see is not me.

It is though. Unless you think there is another physical way to define yourself.

I agree. It is me, it's just not an accurate representation of the internal me. Ya feel?

I didn't think today would get any worse, and yet I have been proven wrong. Completely unrelated too. I was just trying to study for a Psych exam tomorrow when my brain went on a tangent and well… that train of thought didn't lead to good places.

I'm stressed, and tired, and three weeks off of my medication damn judgemental pharmacy clerk dipshit. I think it's fair to say that I'm not doing too well.

I probably need sleep more than anything. Damn time change has me all sorts of screwed up…

Good night. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

It is though. Unless you think there is another physical way to define yourself.

I agree. It is me, it's just not an accurate representation of the internal me. Ya feel?

You have a personal mental image of how you should be but actually aren't. But even more than most people.

Sleep well, Red.

God damn can my brain stop convincing me to push away all my friends, like I don't really want then to have to see me or deal with me in this kind of mental state but I know pushing them away isn't the right thing to do

In other news my laptop should be delivered tomorrow which is fabulous but nerve wracking and I made a poster for the game I made which is also being printed tomorrow

I hate this girl at school she is such a bitch and she is so sarcastic and she literally climbs trees during sport and goes on piggy backs with her friend i hate her rreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I hate being depressed…. Why am I depressed? I don't have anything to be depressed about!

i'm starting to think somethings wrong again but i'm not sure what :/
i just,,,, don't wanna get up in the mornings anymore again
i don't wanna do anything but sleep
but the more i do that, the worse i feel
'nd that's why i failed a grade twice already, i just,,,, didn't want to do ANYTHING except sleep. so that's what i did.
i know i have to go to school no matter what, but it's getting really really hard again
but like,,, things have been getting a bit better?? i've readjusted to life again, i get art therapy on fridays, i no longer have toxic friends, and i've been trying to get more into my hobbies again
and yet, i want to do nothing but sleep.
_{i'm mostly just disappointed in myself more than anything tho. i know i can be better than this bUT HERE WE ARE-}

Me: sees a tumblr post on pinterest
Me: me too dude
Another tumblr person responding to said post: this is a symptom of depression
Me: 👀

Aaaand I just realized I forgot my lunch. I'm already hungry

Oh no

Oof. That sucks, Pickles.

I've adapted to not eating breakfast or lunch.

I eat half my lunch before 10 am this is a problem. But I texted my parents so hopefully one of them can bring it to me. I'm 90% sure I forgot it because I'm wearing nice clothes. Something bad always happens when I dress nice. It's colder than I thought it would be oops

i. am. not. okay. and i would talk to my brother but he has a funeral tomorrow and then is taking fri-mon to recover from that. so i'm feeling kinda alone and i wish i could help him but he won't let me.

Oh me oh my oh heck I'm staying at school until 6. Well I usually go without a snack after school so maybe I'll be fine?

FLIP IT'S THE NECKLACE NOT MY CLOTHES. I SWEAR THIS NECKLACE IS CURSED. BAD STUFF HAPPENS WHEN I WEAR IT. EVERY TIME

i. am. not. okay. and i would talk to my brother but he has a funeral tomorrow and then is taking fri-mon to recover from that. so i'm feeling kinda alone and i wish i could help him but he won't let me.

That sucks. I spent a whole twenty seconds trying to figure out what a frimon was

i. am. not. okay. and i would talk to my brother but he has a funeral tomorrow and then is taking fri-mon to recover from that. so i'm feeling kinda alone and i wish i could help him but he won't let me.

That sucks. I spent a whole twenty seconds trying to figure out what a frimon was

this isn’t the first time i’ve been scared to talk to him. i feel like i can’t tell him stuff because he doesn’t actually care about me…
friday to monday aha