forum Personal Venting Chat, New and Improved! (Without Jerks)

Started November 14, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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I'm sorry for not agreeing with Eris 24/7 and not just brushing it off when people are being bitches but this is honestly unbelievable at this point, I am literally sitting in my room sobbing and trying to resist returning to some bad coping mechanisms {yes, I'm talking about goddamn cutting} and this is not what I want to deal with right now.

MMkay but how did I get pulled into this bullshit.

Keep me out of your drama Miriam. I wont tell you again.

edit: Im not being aggressive so don't take it that way. take a chill pill.

And you say you have no cuteness Eris.

offended

yeah, we still cant find ruby, it's nina aha

You may have a disorder but you are still in ruby's body!!!! Therefore that is ruby!!! And I will be calling you ruby because I cannot keep track of who the hell all of you are!!!!!

GENTLY pointing out that this is a little insensitive to say. Considering you also 'have' DID…wouldn't your alter be upset over being called something they are not?

yeah, we still cant find ruby, it's nina aha

You may have a disorder but you are still in ruby's body!!!! Therefore that is ruby!!! And I will be calling you ruby because I cannot keep track of who the hell all of you are!!!!!

GENTLY pointing out that this is a little insensitive to say. Considering you also 'have' DID…wouldn't your alter be upset over being called something they are not?

first of all, Ruby wasn't offended by it because she knew what I meant. It wasn't supposed to be offensive. And yes, I have DID, so don't put it in quotes. I've been diagnosed. How petty do you have to be to accuse someone of faking a disorder? I don't think Leo or Jay would be offended because they would most likely understand that it was simply me stating that when I don't know who is fronting, I will refer to them as Ruby.

I'm sorry for not agreeing with Eris 24/7 and not just brushing it off when people are being bitches but this is honestly unbelievable at this point, I am literally sitting in my room sobbing and trying to resist returning to some bad coping mechanisms {yes, I'm talking about goddamn cutting} and this is not what I want to deal with right now.

MMkay but how did I get pulled into this bullshit.

Keep me out of your drama Miriam. I wont tell you again.

Then don't tell me again.

edit: Im not being aggressive so don't take it that way. take a chill pill.

hey I know you just got here, but the conversation has been ended. Please respect that.

yeah, we still cant find ruby, it's nina aha

You may have a disorder but you are still in ruby's body!!!! Therefore that is ruby!!! And I will be calling you ruby because I cannot keep track of who the hell all of you are!!!!!

GENTLY pointing out that this is a little insensitive to say. Considering you also 'have' DID…wouldn't your alter be upset over being called something they are not?

first of all, Ruby wasn't offended by it because she knew what I meant. It wasn't supposed to be offensive. And yes, I have DID, so don't put it in quotes. I've been diagnosed. How petty do you have to be to accuse someone of faking a disorder? I don't think Leo or Jay would be offended because they would most likely understand that it was simply me stating that when I don't know who is fronting, I will refer to them as Ruby.

I wasn't accusing you. Never did I say so. I pointed out that since you also 'have' or 'are' DID you should understand why someone would react the way they did.

Apologies for no knowing the proper terminology. Christ–no need to get upset over every little thing.

I emphasized gently for a reason.

So today was fucking weird. It's been raining all week and today was the only day it wasn't, but it was still overcast. And instead of heading straight home, I actually walked around campus and felt good with little to no anxiety? While all alone? And then when I did go home, I was actually motivated enough to create something?
Might be the cold moon effecting me, but yeah. That was my weird rant.

I wasn't accusing you. Never did I say so. I pointed out that since you also 'have' or 'are' DID you should understand why someone would react the way they did.

Rubes wasn't offended though?
She literally just said "righto dearie" lmao

So today was fucking weird. It's been raining all week and today was the only day it wasn't, but it was still overcast. And instead of heading straight home, I actually walked around campus and felt good with little to no anxiety? While all alone? And then when I did go home, I was actually motivated enough to create something?
Might be the cold moon effecting me, but yeah. That was my weird rant.

Hey, that's a good thing though! Congrats!

I'm sorry for not agreeing with Eris 24/7 and not just brushing it off when people are being bitches but this is honestly unbelievable at this point, I am literally sitting in my room sobbing and trying to resist returning to some bad coping mechanisms {yes, I'm talking about goddamn cutting} and this is not what I want to deal with right now.

MMkay but how did I get pulled into this bullshit.

Keep me out of your drama Miriam. I wont tell you again.

Then don't tell me again.

edit: Im not being aggressive so don't take it that way. take a chill pill.

hey I know you just got here, but the conversation has been ended. Please respect that.

you brought me into it despite no one else mentioning me. I'm telling you to stop. so I'm saying my piece, this is a new conversation about YOU respecting that I don't want to be apart of your drama with other people.

again I emphasized that I wasnt being aggressive for a reason.

This conversation is now over.

t'was over a long time ago but mkay boomer

I wasn't accusing you. Never did I say so. I pointed out that since you also 'have' or 'are' DID you should understand why someone would react the way they did.

Rubes wasn't offended though?
She literally just said "righto dearie" lmao

if you took it that way then sure.
This conversation is now over as well.

I'm telling you respectfully, Miriam, to let your beef with me go.

That is my vent. Now I'm done.

Goodnight. ✌

I do not have beef with you??

Please leave me alone. Respectfully.

What beef do you think I have with you????

Well, you did say "I'm sorry for not agreeing with Eris 24/7" so honestly, I'm confused because I thought you had beef with her.

I didn't?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I'm confused fam

_{I'm sorry for not agreeing with Eris 24/7 and not just brushing it off when people are being bitches but this is honestly unbelievable at this point, I am literally sitting in my room sobbing and trying to resist returning to some bad coping mechanisms {yes, I'm talking about goddamn cutting} and this is not what I want to deal with right now.}

^^
See?

Yeah…?

You're just like . . . always disagreeing with her. And multiple times you've talked about how annoyed you are that people "worship" her. And then you were venting and you mentioned her in your vent.
Idk I totally thought you did because of that stuff.

_{yes hi hello smol rant called 'my mother won't wake me up in the morning for school like she always does, and yet expects me to get up on my own???? even though 1. my pills make it hard for me to wake myself up. and 2. i end up sleeping til like 3-4pm if she doesn't wake me up'}

_{i'm really trying my best
but my mom continues to amaze me with these new problems she's making}

_{still love her tho}

You're just like . . . always disagreeing with her.

Genuinely it isn't her, I just speak up when I don't agree with something and we clearly have different opinions shrugs

And multiple times you've talked about how annoyed you are that people "worship" her.

Heh. Yeah, that annoys me.

And then you were venting and you mentioned her in your vent.

People tease me for not agreeing with her and it gets kinda hurtful after a while.

Idk I totally thought you did because of that stuff.

I didn't think I did but apparently I do?? According to her?? I'm not gonna question it anymore ig

(Edit: I realize now that I’m a bit late and it’s been hours. Whatever. What I get for writing an actually long vent instead of just a vague, short message hinting that I’m not doing well before disappearing-)
THIS.
THIS IS MY EXACT PROBLEM-

deep inhale

…
I’m so sick of watching my friends fight…

I don’t want to pick sides
I don’t want to have to choose between you
I don’t want to see my friends hurting
I don’t want to have to watch them leave
I don’t want any of them to feel like they aren’t welcome here
I don’t want the drama anymore
I just want to give everyone a great big hug and make sure they’re all okay and fed and happy and never sad cause when they’re sad I’m sad and I don’t want to be any more miserable than I already am-

You’re my friends… I shouldn’t have to feel bad just for caring about you.
I don’t care what you’ve said.
I don’t care what anyone says.
You’re still humans, and you deserve to be treated as such…

Of course, some of these people I can’t really call “friends” as much as “beans I’ve spoke to like once but somehow managed to become overly attached to”…
It’s like puppies, you know? You see them for like 5 seconds, you immediately know they’re a good boi, and next thing you know you have 58 new puppies roaming your house, yet even though there’s so many and they cause so many problems you couldn’t imagine your life without even a single one of them and would murder anyone who dares to hurt them?
That’s how I feel about you beans, so when you hurt each other, I- I… It just tears me apart???

And no matter what happens, this fighting never seems to go away???
Friend group #1 will tell me that group #2 is toxic/only cares about me cause I’m not myself
Friend group #2 will tell me that group #1 is toxic/only cares about me cause I’m easily manipulated
Both groups are full of amazing people who are always so kind and helpful and I could never imagine life without them-
And neither groups are anywhere close to those titles they’ve been given.
They’re all incredible, lovable beans and I-

I just don’t get it.
How the hell does a worthless little shit like myself deserve forgiveness even after everything I’ve said/done, but my other friends don’t, despite not only having clearly learned their lessons and grown past it but are also like, a million times better humans than I’ll ever be?
It’s not fair…
Either forgive them or hate me too. I don’t care…
_{not at all}

_{i don’t need you guys}

_{…i’ll be fine…}

It’s really upsetting, this is supposed to be a site for writers/roleplayers/worldbuilders to learn, get feedback, make some friends, have fun…
And now some people are too scared to even speak here because they know it’ll just cause drama.
I’m not making that up or exaggerating. Some of my beans have started only replying to my vents/appreciation in PMs out of pure fear that they might say something wrong and that no one will forgive them.
Is this really the community we’ve become???
How can I continue to call notebook this non-toxic happy place while this shit is going on as we speak???

Some of the people who have been caught up in these arguments are really, truly hurt, and when my beans are hurt, I immediately feel this need to give them all the supports because they need to know that I’m there for them, but I can also never give them that support because if I do, people might hate me, plus I absolutely suck at it, but I can’t just watch from the corner without feeling like a complete and total piece of shit, and…
I don’t know.
I’m not making any sense anymore so why do I even bother?
I’m being pathetic again, just ignore me.
There’s nothing I can do about this except grow the fuck up, so it’s not like saying it will change anything.
_{I’m being a baby.}

_{I’ll shut up now.}

_{Sorry for wasting time…}

I think I'll go on a little hiatus from Notebook and clear my head. Just had a blowout with my "parents" so I'm kinda at a low. Noting the recent arguments I'd like to just take a little break and try to relax, so see you guys on the flip side. Peace.