forum Personal Venting Chat, New and Improved! (Without Jerks)
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@saor_illust school

Pfft of course not–

Mir, if there's anything, anything at all that's bothering you I want you to feel like you can tell us about it without fear of judgement. And if you really feel like it'd be better suited for the PMs, I'm always free to chat!

@HighPockets group

"I want to be a Yo-Yo Man!" Dom cried. "Can you make me a Yo-Yo Man?" But the Yo Master did not respond, he just kept on yoing.

And thus, a supervillain was born…

Would your villain name be Dom-ination?

@StarryWolfy flash_onCrazy Procrastinator

Have any of you ever felt trapped before?
And I don't mean physically, I mean mentally and emotionally trapped.
Like… Like you can't speak to anyone without getting judgement or punishment back, because someone's looking over your shoulder? Or you just have no safe, truly safe way to communicate anything to anyone?

I feel like that's been me lately. Just.. just everything in general has me trapped. I can't talk to my friends at school without being overheard by people I don't want hearing me. I cant text my BFF's IRL because my mom moniters my phone and a lot of this is due to her, and lately I feel like even here is no longer a safe place. But as it's LITERALLY my only outlet here I am.

So… Here's for a really long fucking ride.

I guess it starts with the fact that my mom, while a very good parent, I guess has just never been reliable. I mean, I remember my 13th? birthday, she took me out to a Cafe just me and her and she gave methis workbook, promising we'd spend an hour on it every week, That never happened.

There have been other broken promises too, but the one that hurts the most, is the fact that my mom has always, always explicitly promised never to read my writing.
Well, guess what I added that to my list of broken promises back in September and I physically cannot trust her with anything personal anymore.
What's worse is that the thing she read was personal, and she decided to text me about it the next morning while I was on my way to school. SHE HAD AN HOUR TO CONFRONT ME ON IT FACE TO FACE. I spent the entire day in tears on and off. And that's just the beginning.

Because that's when I started the diary document.

Now, that also isn't the only major issue in my life, another one I've had is with my old Cadet Corps. Just the general exclusion and belittling tactics among my peers. But it still hurt. It hurt so bad that on an FTX I was so messed up that I sat in my tent shivering in my pjs after lights out crying my eyes out trying not to wake the juniors beside me.
I ended up waking up one junior, this small girl, who was just so so sweet…. I wish I had talked to her more,but I didn't wanna risk getting in trouble since my peers were in the next tent over, and they were the reason I was crying.

Then I add in about two-3 weeks ago. I was at a youth retreat, and I start thinking about how messed up my life is, and I spend a good fifteen listening to music, and the word hit me hard and I started crying again. MY friend had to drag me off my butt to get to the next session because I literally didn't wanna move.

Then I add in last month,when I spent an afternoon working on worldbuilding, as I hadn't done so in awhile. I was typing away ost of the afternoon, I had nothing horribly major, and I needed a break to do something relaxing.

My mom blows up at me for not prioritizing my homework and chores, (The latter I had legitimately forgotten as I often do) and threatens to delete five years worth of hard work of my remaining web accounts, (My documents ect.) and toss all my hard copy notes, and BAN all my writing till I'm eighteen.
And she KNOWS I'm trying to make it a career. SHE KNOWS HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO ME. WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE TRY TO CRUSH ME LIKE THAT?????
I don't know…. I just don't.

Also, one other thing I found out about myself in the past few months… and kinda terrifies me…

So, My mom met my former stepfather when I was about two? And married him about three years later. (When I was five) So, at first, everything was nice and happy, but then things got bad. And they got real bad. I remember one time, I was maybe eight, when my mom was screaming one night at home, because my stepdad had pushed her. I barely remember it, but the police were called. And my stepfather and my mom were separated for I think it was almost a year. So, long story short, the guy was abusive. Very abusive.
I didn't notice what he did to mom, though I read her blog posts on it all a few months ago, and I realized somthing I hadn't before.
I Act Just Like He Acted Towards Me To My Sisters All The Time.
And this terrifies me.
He used to critize me on literally everything. How I walked, How I talked, How I wrote, How I fidgeted, (Which I couldn't help cause ADHD (AND YES HE KNEW I HAD IT)) how I did my schoolwork, (Because I was homeschooled) how I breathed.
I do the same thing to my sisters without even thinking about it.
Hell, I can't even do anything myself without self critism.
I hate it. I hate that I act just like that monster and there's nothing I can do to change it.
I asked my mom and all she said was to just keep my mouth shut and nt to talk to anyone. Even if they were hurting me. And that hurt more.
I don't know what to do about it….

Honestly my life feels like a mess, and I know others have it worse, but I'm not them, so while this may seem like a piece of cake, I honestly feel like shit, and my diary document, which I made when my mom betrayed me by breaking that promise, Looking back through it, and what I've written there, I've seen that I've written notes basically asking the world if anyone would care if I either ran away or died. And that's scary. I just don't know what to doanymore and I can't take it much longer because every day makes it feel like I'm gonna break…

@Relsey-TheElder

I can understand feeling trapped, not to your extent but I understand the feelings. I promise you people would care if you went missing, Parent's can be, rough some times, really really rough, not nice, cruel and evil seeming, most of those emotions comes from not understanding and fear. I think you mother probably doesn't understand that Writing as a career can be fruitful if you do it right. She's probably afraid of you putting all of this effort into something only for it to fail, Schooling is so important to her because for her generation schooling and an education was everything, it determined the rest of their lives. You are completely valid in your emotions and in your dreams, if you want to be a writer do it, I'll look for your books on the shelves.
This next part isn't really asked for but I hope it helps. When ever you catch your self thinking about criticizing you siblings stop the thought, stop the words and purposefully change them into positiveness and compliments. For example if your sister is singing and you think it sounds awful, stop the thought and change it, it's amazing that she likes to sing and she feels comfortable to so so. You were young, really young when you were exposed to bad behavior, it's a habit that you picked up from him, but habits can be broken. I hope this helps you out. You are not worthless.

@Pickles group

Oh boy, he's the magic man

Hell yes I'm the magic man.

Excuse me sir thats a bad word, you can't say that

me every time Dom says a bad word

@StarryWolfy flash_onCrazy Procrastinator

I can understand feeling trapped, not to your extent but I understand the feelings. I promise you people would care if you went missing, Parent's can be, rough some times, really really rough, not nice, cruel and evil seeming, most of those emotions comes from not understanding and fear. I think you mother probably doesn't understand that Writing as a career can be fruitful if you do it right. She's probably afraid of you putting all of this effort into something only for it to fail, Schooling is so important to her because for her generation schooling and an education was everything, it determined the rest of their lives. You are completely valid in your emotions and in your dreams, if you want to be a writer do it, I'll look for your books on the shelves.
This next part isn't really asked for but I hope it helps. When ever you catch your self thinking about criticizing you siblings stop the thought, stop the words and purposefully change them into positiveness and compliments. For example if your sister is singing and you think it sounds awful, stop the thought and change it, it's amazing that she likes to sing and she feels comfortable to so so. You were young, really young when you were exposed to bad behavior, it's a habit that you picked up from him, but habits can be broken. I hope this helps you out. You are not worthless.

Thank you so much… that actually does help a little,
Though I have to ask, how did you know on of my sisters likes to sing?

@Fraust

My kittens won't eat their lysine and they need that because it'll make them heal quicker
They also hate their eye drops

@Jay-Marae-is-in-an-emotional-maze

@Wolfheart I feel trapped because of a different reason, but the feeling is basically the same. I'm glad you could turn to here at least for now and I'm sorry I can't do more but I'm here to listen and occasionally try to help always.

@Pickles group

My kittens won't eat their lysine and they need that because it'll make them heal quicker
They also hate their eye drops

You could try hiding it in some treats although that might not work and they might just start refusing to eat treats. Worst case scenario, get them each on their own (so the other doesn't see and have time to hide) and hold them down and force it on them. They're pretty small so you shouldn't need more than two of you max, depending on energy and wiggle factors. A small room with a door or easily blocked exit would be best but it's not necessary. And don't forget to hug them and pet them after so they know you don't hate them. They eye drops you'll probably have to hold them down cause they can't just do it on their own