forum Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

Started May 20, 2020 by @CinnamonRoll

tune

Okay, ringing in the night with @polkadots11!! Round 2 on Nessa - top down…

As a little note: I LOVE doing round 2's, but sometimes, I forget what I brought up in previous critiques. If I remember, I'll draw from them, but if not, sorry if I get redundant!

I'll start with small things! One, I notice that you mention Nessa is apathetic a couple of times. This feels… a touch out of place. I think I'm starting to understand what you're saying, but apathy as a word confuses it. Nessa very clearly cares about the world around her, specifically how it sees her, acting quiet and guarded in social situations, caring about art, and deeply caring about not hurting anyone. ACTING apathetic makes sense, but to insinuate that Nessa is apathetic feels wrong.

I like the inclusion of how her parents see her!! It's a solid outside perspective. However, I feel like my previous note about adding more about how Nessa acts around close friends still stands. There is DEFINITELY more here–like she's open but softspoken, she loves to read and consume other art, so don't think I missed that! But it's still not a lot. I'm starting to see Nessa as more and more of a character, but I would really encourage you to keep going!!

And I don't know if I mentioned the single origin point for many of Nessa's traits last time, so I'll just be safe and say it again! Right now, huge amounts of Nessa's personality stem from her trauma (UNDERSTANDABLE!!! It makes sense that such an event would've impacted most of her personality!) But at the same time, there are small things that remain the same, since they're from totally different origin points. Her love of art is a good example. It was slightly dampened by her depression after the incident, but still continued. I feel like more of her personality should be impacts rather then direct results. For example, maybe she was soft-spoken before the incident, acting more like she does with her friends now in public. Since the incident, she's become withdrawn, but her old public persona now is more fitting as a private expression of personality. Does this make sense? I hope that makes sense. I kind of went off the rails there. POINT IS, when writing traumatized characters, it's SUPER helpful (and honestly super sad, so beware) to examine who they were pre-incident to see how it changed them. That way, you base who they've become solidly in their previous personality, PLUS you have traits that can start to show again on the road to recovery, should you choose to write one.

Okay, backstory! So I understand the idea of 'love breaks down her walls' and honestly, as a FIRM believer in the power of friendship, such a thing is RIGHT up my alley. But to really make it work, you need to address other points of Nessa's personality. I mean, even looking at a human reminds her of what she's done. So how did Demitri even get close enough to her to start breaking down her walls? Love breaks down all walls is SOLID. But make sure you can make their connection realistic first!

you added some of your own art!!!!!! i love it!!!!!!!! and I'm like 80% sure I own that same shirt with less color but that's a whole different topic

The idea of cross immunity over time is REALLY cool. I don't know if I've ever seen that used, so it's super original! But make sure to address this in her religion. If they're just using Catholicism for the immunity buildup, is there any genuine connection to the faith? Or is it just a combo platter of building appearances and allergy meds?

Okay!! That is all I have for you tonight! Nessa has already progressed so much as a character since last time, and I have no doubts that she'll just continue to get better!! If you choose to keep coming around, I'm excited to see you! And for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

All right, @stolenbrocoli's turn!! Top down on Cult…

So! Nature is generally pretty solid, and for a side character (even an important one) it doesn't have to be SUPER deep. I don't have a ton of worries here, but there are a couple threads here for me to pull on. One: controlling. Somehow, even if Cult WANTS control, I cannot see him as a controlling person, simply because he doesn't have the capacity for it. He's closed off, aloof, and liked to avoid conflict. If someone challenged him for control, why wouldn't he simply back down? And would anyone support him, given his lack of leadership qualities?

Two, quick-tempered. Cult is motivated by avoiding conflict and he's extremely introverted. So where does this temper come from? This issue can be pretty easily explained away if you go into where the temper manifests itself. Exploding in public seems wrong, but if you paint his temper as something that boils over in passive-aggressive gestures or explodes when he's alone, that could make more sense!

Backstory is SOLID, weirdly so for a side character. I don't usually go so hard on SC backstories, but there are points here that are impressive. Like, prejudice against little kids? Well, his life started going bad when he got a little brother, so there you go. Like… that's well done. Although as a point of plot resolution: how did he end up joining the group/adopting the mentalities of the group that kidnapped him? And why did they kidnap HIM? That point is kind of sticky, but the rest is nicely done.

And that's not a ton, but it's all I have for you tonight. Cult is a well-developed side character who honestly sounds pretty fun, so long as he doesn't go to the dark side. I hope to see you around again soon! But for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Hey there! I submitted a character towards the beginning of this thread. Would it be okay if I submitted another one? I find your critiques more helpful than most I have received! :)

thank you ! he probably is one of my most developed characters and (at risk of sounding cocky) i kinda figured you wouldn't find much lol but i figured you might see something i didn't, which you did. i'll definitely come back with other characters once they're ready :)

hai hai :D issa me again
With the two daemons i promised uwu
Umbrella Daemon and Zither Daemon, numbers 2 and 3 in their batch :D Their designs are a bit outdated, im so sorry y-y

Okay, ringing in the night with @polkadots11!! Round 2 on Nessa - top down…

As a little note: I LOVE doing round 2's, but sometimes, I forget what I brought up in previous critiques. If I remember, I'll draw from them, but if not, sorry if I get redundant!

I'll start with small things! One, I notice that you mention Nessa is apathetic a couple of times. This feels… a touch out of place. I think I'm starting to understand what you're saying, but apathy as a word confuses it. Nessa very clearly cares about the world around her, specifically how it sees her, acting quiet and guarded in social situations, caring about art, and deeply caring about not hurting anyone. ACTING apathetic makes sense, but to insinuate that Nessa is apathetic feels wrong.

I like the inclusion of how her parents see her!! It's a solid outside perspective. However, I feel like my previous note about adding more about how Nessa acts around close friends still stands. There is DEFINITELY more here–like she's open but softspoken, she loves to read and consume other art, so don't think I missed that! But it's still not a lot. I'm starting to see Nessa as more and more of a character, but I would really encourage you to keep going!!

And I don't know if I mentioned the single origin point for many of Nessa's traits last time, so I'll just be safe and say it again! Right now, huge amounts of Nessa's personality stem from her trauma (UNDERSTANDABLE!!! It makes sense that such an event would've impacted most of her personality!) But at the same time, there are small things that remain the same, since they're from totally different origin points. Her love of art is a good example. It was slightly dampened by her depression after the incident, but still continued. I feel like more of her personality should be impacts rather then direct results. For example, maybe she was soft-spoken before the incident, acting more like she does with her friends now in public. Since the incident, she's become withdrawn, but her old public persona now is more fitting as a private expression of personality. Does this make sense? I hope that makes sense. I kind of went off the rails there. POINT IS, when writing traumatized characters, it's SUPER helpful (and honestly super sad, so beware) to examine who they were pre-incident to see how it changed them. That way, you base who they've become solidly in their previous personality, PLUS you have traits that can start to show again on the road to recovery, should you choose to write one.

Okay, backstory! So I understand the idea of 'love breaks down her walls' and honestly, as a FIRM believer in the power of friendship, such a thing is RIGHT up my alley. But to really make it work, you need to address other points of Nessa's personality. I mean, even looking at a human reminds her of what she's done. So how did Demitri even get close enough to her to start breaking down her walls? Love breaks down all walls is SOLID. But make sure you can make their connection realistic first!

you added some of your own art!!!!!! i love it!!!!!!!! and I'm like 80% sure I own that same shirt with less color but that's a whole different topic

The idea of cross immunity over time is REALLY cool. I don't know if I've ever seen that used, so it's super original! But make sure to address this in her religion. If they're just using Catholicism for the immunity buildup, is there any genuine connection to the faith? Or is it just a combo platter of building appearances and allergy meds?

Okay!! That is all I have for you tonight! Nessa has already progressed so much as a character since last time, and I have no doubts that she'll just continue to get better!! If you choose to keep coming around, I'm excited to see you! And for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Thank you so much, again! These are really helpful notes, and I'm glad to hear she's progressed!

Here is Marco, Asia, Alec, Jolene, Isaac, and Amara. Do whichever you'd like or multiple :)

This is my mc, she really needs some work :)

Good evening, everyone!! Late again, but let's round up for the night…

Tonight's critiques are for @JokerOfTheDeck and @NotSoBeautifulDiseaster!

Tomorrow, it's time for @QUABSTIX and @Josephine!

Day after that (the 30th) they go out to @JuniperDreams and @Kinarymo! ( @JuniperDreams - slipped you in here, since it's technically when you requested a critique! Drop a link by the 30th and of COURSE you can have a critique! :D)

Then on the 31st, slots are for @Kinarymo and @GameMaster!

For the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th, and 6th, first slot goes to @GameMaster, but there is room for one more person on each of those days!

On the 4th, I intend to have a break night!

@stolenbrocoli - glad you enjoyed!!! And I'm happy I could offer another perspective! :D

@polkadots11 - Of course!! Glad you liked it! And she has progressed quite a bit, seriously. It's so fun to watch development unfold! :DD

Ah, lovely!

Okay, starting off with @JokerOfTheDeck! Top down on Colby…

First note on personality is an overview. I know you're aware that it's sparse here, based on your little note under personality type. But the big thing I'm missing is explanation. If bullet-list style works for you, that's great–don't change on my account! But at least consider the WHY of each trait, even if you choose not to write it down. What pisses her off? Why does she like the action genre so much, but also enjoy stargazing? How far does her stubbornness carry her? Stuff like that!

Beyond that, you'll be happy to know that I don't see too many overt contradictions! There are a couple things to nit-pick at, of course. First up is her knack for strategy. This really boils down to explanation again, because you have to explain what basically holds her overarching personality traits BACK while she strategizes. I mean, she's stubborn, fiery, and, on top of that, easily angered. Colby is REALLY at risk of throwing out all her plans and opting for recklessness the second she gets too emotionally loaded. And whether or not you go for that, you need to explain WHY.

Then the cluelessness about others' feelings. This is another explanation thing, but for now, it feels jarringly out of place. Colby is mostly motivated by her friends, and above that, she loves talking to people, hanging out, and making people laugh. If you love doing all that, you WILL pick some stuff up. You'll gain experience and therefore be less out of touch. So unless there's a reason why Colby doesn't understand the feelings of others, know that it feels out of place.

Politics!!! politics!!! i love ranting about politics!! Okay, so I FIRMLY believe that every character deserves a political stance. Even for apolitical characters like Colby, a solid trick is to rate them on a scale of generally liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. For apolitical characters, this will probably mostly be based off their response to social issues, since they're not, like, reading about tax bills. But it's a SUPER helpful vehicle to show audiences how open your character is to change!

Backstory is mostly solid, but it raises a couple questions. First is a plot-related one. Why did they WAIT to kill the reincarnations if they wanted them dead so badly? Why did it have to be public? Why did it have to be non-disturbing? I mean, everyone wanted these people gone. Second is an overarching note as backstory connects to personality. HOW is Colby such an upbeat, determined, stubborn, fiery person? She was constantly chased for three VERY formative years of her life. She lives her life now basically hated by everyone around her. I don't see the weight of that reality playing out across her personality as it should. She can still be a happy person, but the fire and determination would probably be dulled a little from years of living in fear.

(Also, um, I don't drink on principle, so I don't know much about this, but why would you be an alcoholic if you can't get drunk? Like, is it even a bad thing at that point? Science-wise, not getting drunk means your blood and liver are also fine. Does alcohol taste good? I have not heard great things about the actual taste. And if she can't get drunk, it's not like it's 'solving' any of her problems.)

Okay! That is all I have for you!! Colby is generally a well-developed character, and just a bit more depth to her personality (which was already your plan) will have her in great shape!! I hope to see you around again, but until then, I hope that these notes are helpful to you! :DD

All right, @NotSoBeautifulDiseaster, here we go!! Top down on Insato…

Nature right now is a solid backbone, but it needs more branching. You've established that Insato has a public persona of 'doormat heroine,' but she actually possesses great capacity and desire for vengeance. But what's missing is the WHEN and the WHY. When is Insato a doormat, and when is she vengeful? Why does Insato mask her vengeful nature with passivity, and is she good at it? I understand who she is, but I have no idea where those traits came from or how they actually play out in her head.

Other than that, Nature is quite sparse. I'd really encourage you to fill in more of the fields here! But before you do that, I do see one slight contradiction. Insato wants a peaceful life, but she's also quite violent and willing to tear the world apart for revenge. Is the peace her endgame, like an ends-justify-the-means? If not, know that wanting peace makes little to no sense here.

(oh hey mannerisms page is great for humanizing her some!! this is cool!)

I would rant about religion and politics, but if I'm reading this right, she is technically a video game character. So I'm going to leave that alone, because unless a god was programmed in, our girl isn't going to be religious.

WOW. This is a REALLY cool story concept, playing on a LOT of disturbing media that is upsettingly prevalent. It's such a cool idea and it's so well thought out. Very nice job!!! I'm just wondering about one thing, and it's a small plot point. Where did Insato get the murder skills to kill all five of her abusers so easily? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it happened, but she was programmed to be a doormat and likely had no fighting skills. Did she get a training montage in between or something?

AAaaaaand that's all I have for you!!! Insato is a great character with an AWESOME story around her. I hope to see you back around the thread sometime!! But until then, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

All right, @NotSoBeautifulDiseaster, here we go!! Top down on Insato…

Nature right now is a solid backbone, but it needs more branching. You've established that Insato has a public persona of 'doormat heroine,' but she actually possesses great capacity and desire for vengeance. But what's missing is the WHEN and the WHY. When is Insato a doormat, and when is she vengeful? Why does Insato mask her vengeful nature with passivity, and is she good at it? I understand who she is, but I have no idea where those traits came from or how they actually play out in her head.

She typically act passive when unprovoked though if she I she slowly turns passive-agressive to violent and vicious, She's good with playing the "good girl"

Other than that, Nature is quite sparse. I'd really encourage you to fill in more of the fields here! But before you do that, I do see one slight contradiction. Insato wants a peaceful life, but she's also quite violent and willing to tear the world apart for revenge. Is the peace her endgame, like an ends-justify-the-means? If not, know that wanting peace makes little to no sense here.

Yeah she's kind of the ends justify the means type of gal, She wants a peaceful life for her and people just like, even it means hurting people
(oh hey mannerisms page is great for humanizing her some!! this is cool!)

I would rant about religion and politics, but if I'm reading this right, she is technically a video game character. So I'm going to leave that alone, because unless a god was programmed in, our girl isn't going to be religious.

WOW. This is a REALLY cool story concept, playing on a LOT of disturbing media that is upsettingly prevalent. It's such a cool idea and it's so well thought out. Very nice job!!! I'm just wondering about one thing, and it's a small plot point. Where did Insato get the murder skills to kill all five of her abusers so easily? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it happened, but she was programmed to be a doormat and likely had no fighting skills. Did she get a training montage in between or something?

She wished to be strong enough to escape and defeat her abusers

AAaaaaand that's all I have for you!!! Insato is a great character with an AWESOME story around her. I hope to see you back around the thread sometime!! But until then, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Anyways, thanks for this, your advice is really helpful

Thank you! Here's the link :) Amalie Chevalier

Can you check out mine please? :D

Okay, starting off with @JokerOfTheDeck! Top down on Colby…

First note on personality is an overview. I know you're aware that it's sparse here, based on your little note under personality type. But the big thing I'm missing is explanation. If bullet-list style works for you, that's great–don't change on my account! But at least consider the WHY of each trait, even if you choose not to write it down. What pisses her off? Why does she like the action genre so much, but also enjoy stargazing? How far does her stubbornness carry her? Stuff like that!

Beyond that, you'll be happy to know that I don't see too many overt contradictions! There are a couple things to nit-pick at, of course. First up is her knack for strategy. This really boils down to explanation again, because you have to explain what basically holds her overarching personality traits BACK while she strategizes. I mean, she's stubborn, fiery, and, on top of that, easily angered. Colby is REALLY at risk of throwing out all her plans and opting for recklessness the second she gets too emotionally loaded. And whether or not you go for that, you need to explain WHY.

Then the cluelessness about others' feelings. This is another explanation thing, but for now, it feels jarringly out of place. Colby is mostly motivated by her friends, and above that, she loves talking to people, hanging out, and making people laugh. If you love doing all that, you WILL pick some stuff up. You'll gain experience and therefore be less out of touch. So unless there's a reason why Colby doesn't understand the feelings of others, know that it feels out of place.

Politics!!! politics!!! i love ranting about politics!! Okay, so I FIRMLY believe that every character deserves a political stance. Even for apolitical characters like Colby, a solid trick is to rate them on a scale of generally liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. For apolitical characters, this will probably mostly be based off their response to social issues, since they're not, like, reading about tax bills. But it's a SUPER helpful vehicle to show audiences how open your character is to change!

Backstory is mostly solid, but it raises a couple questions. First is a plot-related one. Why did they WAIT to kill the reincarnations if they wanted them dead so badly? Why did it have to be public? Why did it have to be non-disturbing? I mean, everyone wanted these people gone. Second is an overarching note as backstory connects to personality. HOW is Colby such an upbeat, determined, stubborn, fiery person? She was constantly chased for three VERY formative years of her life. She lives her life now basically hated by everyone around her. I don't see the weight of that reality playing out across her personality as it should. She can still be a happy person, but the fire and determination would probably be dulled a little from years of living in fear.

(Also, um, I don't drink on principle, so I don't know much about this, but why would you be an alcoholic if you can't get drunk? Like, is it even a bad thing at that point? Science-wise, not getting drunk means your blood and liver are also fine. Does alcohol taste good? I have not heard great things about the actual taste. And if she can't get drunk, it's not like it's 'solving' any of her problems.)

Okay! That is all I have for you!! Colby is generally a well-developed character, and just a bit more depth to her personality (which was already your plan) will have her in great shape!! I hope to see you around again, but until then, I hope that these notes are helpful to you! :DD

Thank you!! These are the types of flaws that I was looking for in my character. Also, I do have reasons for the majority of things, but I didnt write them down yet. Thanks again!

Hello, everyone! I feel like I'm even LATER tonight, but no matter! Let's round up for the evening…

Tonight's critiques are for @QUABSTIX and @Josephine!

Tomorrow, they go out to @JuniperDreams and @Kinarymo!

Day after that (the 31st) it's time for @Kinarymo and @GameMaster!

On the 1st, spots are for @GameMaster and @Mynamex714!

The 4th is my break night!!!

And first slots on the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, and 6th also go to @GameMaster!

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster - glad I could help!!! And seriously, the story premise is AWESOME.

@JokerOfTheDeck - I'm glad I could give you another set of eyes!! If you ever do write them down and want some more advice, come back for a round 2! :D

All righty, first for the night is @QUABSTIX! Top down on Akecheta…

Starting on Nature! Everything was going very well until I hit flaws. The two flaws listed violently contradict each other: incapable of controlling emotion versus bottling up emotion. Given some previous stuff I read (bottles up until he can't) I think I see what you may have been saying. However, what you currently have under flaws does not line up with the idea spelled out under personality. Akecheta is somehow both a person who bottles up his emotions until he MUST let them out… and a person who's constantly spilling his anger and emotions all around him. And as a further problem, both have narrative roots. Akecheta was forced to be silent as a child, so he (a) lashed out and threw emotions everywhere as soon as he could, and it got out of hand, or (b) allowed that trait to become ingrained and never fully adapted to healthy emotional expression.

Right now, the problem is that both are written as dominant flaws. You can always use explanation to delineate which instances Akecheta bottles vs. expresses emotions in. That way, you have no need to scrap anything entirely. Both of these can exist in a person! But they'll never both be dominant, you know?

A smaller issue follow from that same vein. He seems to have fairly healthy outlets for his anger–namely, working out. Exercise is really great for stress and anger, so that's great! But it would definitely cut down on the emotional outbursts, since smaller things can be worked away. Deeper issues would persist, of course.

And real quickly here - motivations. What are Akecheta's actual motivations? And why is he lying to himself?

What you currently have for backstory is great!!! I'm afraid I can't offer much advice here, though. With backstory critiques, I mainly deal with how well personality seems to arise from experience. But most of that deals with events that happen in later years, and the fire is one, but that's all. So it's definitely awesome, but I'm afraid I can't help you here!

One more thing before I go - in notes, it's specified that Akecheta, while acting tough, is actually a big baby. I didn't see a huge amount of this duality playing out over his personality page. I'd encourage you to explore that more!!

Okay! I think that's all I can offer you tonight. Akecheta is an excellent character who just needs a touch more explanation of personality to be amazing. I hope you come back around the thread sometime! But for tonight, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

And now it's time for @Josephine! Top down on Bellance…

Social is on top, so I'll start there! I notice a religion-sized hole here. If you've read any of my other critiques, you may know that I ADORE yelling about religion. I feel like every character deserves to have this filled in, since it can tell you so much about a character's worldview!! For example, characters who value stuff like appearances, structure, tradition, a group, etc. will fall into organized faiths. Characters who care less about those things are more likely to avoid organized religion. There's decentralized faiths (like many animistic faiths, and to some extent religions like Hinduism and Buddhism) or even no faith at all. And for non-religious characters, it's also nice to distinguish between atheistic and agnostic, since that can paint their worldview as more nihilistic or hopeful!

Nature is… sparse. I don't feel like I know anything about Bellance from this sheet. She's quiet, reserved, and she likes art. That's great!! But that's also something I could learn from a classmate by glancing at the margins of their math notebook. I'd really encourage you to go deeper into Bellance's strengths and weaknesses, flaws and virtues, prejudices and motivations. Make sure to have a WHY for everything, and use explanation to navigate contradictory characteristics! For example - why does she care so much about making her mother proud? Does her mother love her so much that Bellance strives to reciprocate, or are her mother's eyes turned on someone else, and Bellance desperately craves her attention? There are a lot of places to go with traits like these.

Backstory for now is well-done. It explains the 'why' of the mother proud thing I used as an example a moment ago (and now I feel bad because her mother is dead). There's a foundation here for large parts of Bellance's personality, which is good, but remember, the personality itself is sparse. As you keep going with that personality, keep grounding it in her backstory!! Pull on specific incidents or long-running mentalities to explain why Bellance is the person she is.

And I'm sorry that's not a lot, but it's all I can offer you tonight! Bellance is a strong backbone of character who would benefit greatly from a deep dive into her personality. If you choose to come back for a round two, I'd love to see you again!! But until then, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Hello, everyone!! Easy enough round-up for tonight:

Tonight's critiques are for @JuniperDreams and @Kinarymo!

Tomorrow, it's time for @Kinarymo and @GameMaster!

On the 1st, spots are for @GameMaster and @Mynamex714!

The 4th is my break night!!!

And first slots on the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, and 6th also go to @GameMaster!

Let's start with @JuniperDreams !! Top down on Amalie…

First impressions of nature are that this is a well-developed character!!!! Lot of good stuff going on here. Anything I poke at WILL be a nit-pick, so if it doesn't actually make sense, sorry!

Actually, just one thing sticks out at me: her motivations. Unlike a lot of the character that's been laid out thus far, Amalie's motivations have a large amount of selfishness. They're not SELFISH selfish - like, there's nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself - but they feel slightly out of place for her. Caring mainly about her success is fine, but when she also cares greatly about what others think of her, it throws her altruistic nature into question. Does Amalie do some things for the appearance, just to make sure people don't THINK she's letting her fans down? It's slightly grating as is, but I'm sure this is an issue you could explain away.

Backstory is solid! Again, only one little thing sticking with me here. This self-confidence issue!! I know it was mentioned already that Amalie can't take criticism too well, but beyond that, I didn't see her self-confidence issues manifesting in her personality. Although that's an interesting angle to pursue when looking at my previous note on motivations!!

And that is NOT a ton, but it's actually all I can offer you!! Amalie is a VERY well-developed character who I would die to meet for real. Come back around any time! And for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

All right, now for @Kinarymo!! Top down on Hikari…

YOUR ART. You know, when you told me this was some outdated stuff, I was like, 'Okay, like the trash I drew in fourth grade!' NOPE. NOPE. This is still better than ANYTHING I can draw and you should be PROUD of yourself

Nature is generally solid, but sparse. I'm not going to yell about that, since they're a side character, but there are a couple areas I think could be fun to explore!

One is taking orders with a personality. Hikari is snarky, silly, sometimes obnoxious. But they have to take orders from Mahiru, and believe it impossible to cross her. Does their personality come out at all when they take orders? How does Mahiru address Hikari's unprofessionalism or complaints? How does this affect Hikari?

Also, following the same vein… loopholes. Since they're first gen, with a real personality, I feel like Hikari would've taken some… creative liberties… while following orders. If Mahiru's order was a LITTLE too vague, Hikari may have interpreted 'stop that person from following me' as 'Okay, so set the city on fire and block the gates.' For a daemon with so much raw personality, loopholes could be REALLY fun to mess with.

(also I'm using they/them for Hikari since that's what it says up top. You're using she/her tho. so I'm sorry if I'm using the wrong ones!!)

History is SOLID solid, especially for a side character!!! One small, small, SMALL (literally so small) point here. Following Rin from afar: how does Hikari do in that situation? They're volatile and at times immature. Is there any recklessness present, especially as time passes and the sting of defeat wears off?

Okay!! That's all I can offer you tonight! And I know it's not a lot, but Hikari is a very well-written side character!! Always a pleasure to have you on the thread, and for tonight, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll i drew her in like 11th grade i think?? so by my standards its old art because i figured out how to draw whamen like a month ago??? 😂😂😂 Thankie tho yvy ❤

Honestly, i dont think Hikari ever gets orders from Mahiru directly - if she would, she'd probably toss in a harmless comment before getting on with it; she is careful with the shenanigans when Mahiru is around, but at this point, with her being a Gen 1 daemon, shes handed down to someone else subordinate to Mahiru, with whom she is a lot snarkier. Her mood kinda depends on how she's treated by her master and what she has to do - with Mahiru she's anywhere between a chad and a "im sorry, but orders are orders y-y" type of person, especially if she's being forced to do something she wouldnt want to do otherwise. If she opposes, she gets switched on "Auto" and she becomes a puppet basically (usually signaled by eyes turning entirely blue, scleras and all).

And you bet she's taking creative liberties with the orders she gets. Especially with new masters - she's the ultimate troll among Daemons. (Dw about pronouns, im not pretentious at all, use whatev u want).

As for following Rin from afar, remember she is teamed up with Shiranui, who is the more mature one here. That's how she does it. Tho most of the time Hikari is like, busy doing anything else and very distracted by anything while Shiranui does the actual watching. She's that one airheaded friend in the squad, if u know what i mean.

Thankie :D

:O wow these analysis are so detailed and awesome!
Could I please throw some characters at you? I'm doing a super update to all my main crew and would love if you could look at a few :D
Isra: Isra Aisling
Eteri: Eteri
With my main party they tend to be in pairs (mage and familiar), so these two are a pair and would probably make more sense together than separated. They're also my sad childhood characters, so I apologize if they seem a little over-the-top in the tragic backstory department.

Hi, everyone!!! I think late is my new normal, but let's round up for tonight!

Tonight's critiques are for @Kinarymo and @GameMaster!

Tomorrow, spots are for @GameMaster and @Mynamex714!

Day after that (the 2nd) it's time for @GameMaster and @Katastrophe (I'm so happy you like my analysis!!!!! And don't worry about 'too tragic' - nothing is too tragic if you play it right)!!

And on the 3rd, same lineup: @GameMaster and @Katastrophe!

The 4th is my break night!!!

And first slots on the 5th, and 6th also go to @GameMaster!

@Kinarymo - glad you liked it!! I like the idea of her 'opening up,' so to speak, the further she gets from Mahiru. As always, wonderful explanations here!