forum Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

Started May 20, 2020 by @CinnamonRoll

tune

First up is @GoldenCreator!! Top down on Aylon…

Okay. This is really, really hard for me to say, but I cannot help you at all with this character sheet. The most filled out area is Looks, which I rarely critique at all, since I'm here to examine personality and character growth. That means the most important areas are all of Nature, backstory under History, and most of Social (especially religion and politics). All I know about Aylon is that she wants to save her mother. Which is fine! It's great! But without basis built into backstory, I can't tell you if I think that's a logical character progression. And without more fields filled in under Nature, I can't dissect contradictions to let you know if this character makes sense.

I'm so sorry I can't help you tonight, but that's just for today!! I really encourage you to take a little bit and type up more of Aylon's personality and swing by the thread again so I can offer you a full critique. I really do want to meet her, and help you develop her, and I'm so sorry, but I can't do that with the page you've provided. Please come back soon!! :DD

Hi @CinnamonRoll! I would really appreciate any critiques you could give my character.
Thanks!

Oh, hello, @Stone_King_2931!!! I'll add you to the lineup right away. I'm book through the 19th, but the first spot on the 20th goes to you!! :DD

Thanks a tone!!

All right!! Now it's @ami_neh's turn–top down on Erica!!

Personality is overall quite solid. Just a couple little things I'd like to touch on here. First up is a question of worldview. Erica's prejudices make me see a fairly black-and-white view of the world, where all criminals are bad because no matter why they do things, they're hurting someone else. But her sensitivity tells a different story. The clash between "sensitive but judgy" is a little confusing, but I get how they coexist. I understand it as 'judgy inside, but actively tries not to judge and instead to be sensitive' because that's kind of like me!! Anyway, the struggle to be sensitive presents a greyer worldview, where everyone can be understood and empathized with. So why does Erica refuse to extend her grey worldview to criminals of ALL kinds? Or is it just some crimes (big ones, like murder, assault, maybe burglary?) This has to be explained. Otherwise, these two worldviews are shakily put together.

(To the above: If everyone deserves safety and security, how does she feel about crimes like illegal immigration or some manslaughter charges (like killing an abuser))?

Okay, politics!! I would really encourage you to add something to this field. 15 is an age where people really start to enter the political landscape, and Erica, with her views on criminal justice, should be no exception!! At the very least, I find it useful to rank your characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative. This works for even the most apolitical of characters, and bonus: it can be used as a vehicle to define how open your characters are to change!

Backstory is good, but a bit sparse. I know a little bit of Erica's childhood, but that's just the bare bones of who she is. Are there any other major events in her past or even plot points that influence her personality greatly? There definitely should be, whether or not you choose to type them out. And there's one major issue I'm facing here. If Erica hates criminals so much, and her mother is a criminal, why does she care so much about making her proud? Why wouldn't she just shrug her off (with difficulty, obviously, that's still her mom) because she's a criminal, the worst of society, and not worth Erica's efforts?

Okay! That is all I have to offer you!! Erica is overall a solid and smoothly written character. The main issue is the crisis of worldview, and once that's been addressed, I think it's smooth sailing for you! Please come back any time, and for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Also - I plan to take a quick breather on the 21st!!! But I'll be right back in action on the 22nd, and there's still one slot open on the 20th for anyone who drops by! :D

Um- i hav a child

Day after that (the 19th), both slots are taken by @TheGuardian and @polkadots11 (both new here–thanks for swinging by the thread!!)

Of course! Thank you for having me.

Hi folks!! Slightly later than last night, but here we go with tonight's round-up!

Tonight's critiques are for @kiley_arrants and @zims!!

Tomorrow, it's time for @TheGuardian and @polkadots11!

Day after that (the 20th), places go to @Stone_King_2931 and the lovely @Kinarymo!!

And on the 21st, I'll be taking a break! :DD

All righty, @kiley_arrants, party time!! Top down on Kenna…

First impressions are that nature is, for the most part, solid. One umbrella critique before I get into little stuff: be careful not to let hotheaded anger override her personality. It's absolutely fine to have that as a major side of her, but Kenna is motivated by her friends and those close to her. If she's ALWAYS snippy, rude, hard to work with, intimidating, etc., why would her friends stick around to ground her? And if they stay, would it be a healthy friendship? You already mentioned that Kenna PHYSICALLY loosens up when she's comfortable. Does she have a softer side to her demeanor as well? Bluntness as jokes instead of jabs, dry humor, playful touch, etc., etc.? Things like that go a LONG way to round out a character.

Getting into the nitty gritty here, let's talk briefly about her recklessness. So Kenna seems to be willing to put her own life in danger, either for the sake of others or just for fun (pit fighting, baby). That's all well and good, but her most major motivation is regaining her birthright for the sake of others. So why is she so careless with her life? Being willing to throw her own life away is one thing, but she's motivated by her ability to help OTHERS, so letting herself die would equate to letting those people down. How does she rationalize that? Does she realize she's doing it?

And then we have good leadership. So from what I see here, Kenna may have the capacity to be a decisive person, potentially even a good strategist, but she does NOT strike me as a good leader. Hard to work with, impatient, stubborn, selfish… and she craves the ability to make her own choices, which, when put together with 'stubborn' and 'hard to work with' hints that she may not take into consideration the advice of others. That isn't a good leader. If she can't learn to listen to people around her and be more rational and less hotheaded in her decision making, leadership really isn't a position for Kenna. At best, I could see her leading by fear. Of course, as she arcs over the course of your story, maybe she'll change!

Okay, backstory is generally really, really solid!! There isn't a ton for me to say here, other than this: why is Kenna still full of so much rage? She got out of the bad situation at 14, and she's had 2 years in an environment she loves. Why did she remain stuck in the mentality she gained while with Galan? Why couldn't she shake that?

And that, my dear, is all I have for you!! Kenna is a very well-developed character, and it was a pleasure to meet her!! Come back any time!! And for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

All right, @zims!! Let's do this!! Top down on Jason (take two)!!!

First impressions: WOW. THIS is a nature page I can GET behind. Allow me a moment to nit-pick, but if I manage to find any contradictions, they'll probably be small.

Okay, there's just one that jumps out at me: charisma! The ability to schmooze and negotiate is a touch contradictory with anger issues. At least until Jason gets those worked out, a LOT of issues would arise from his emotional responses. He's not just described as 'guy with anger issues'–he's overcompensating for being walked all over as a child. Negotiations are about compromise. Until he relaxes that overcompensation, he's likely to push too hard for his side of the deal, potentially harming some deals in the process.

man I gave you one religion note and now you have the most FIRE religion sections I have EVER read. Literally every single one of yours is iconic. that's not a critique. I just love them.

Background is excellent!!!! I'm actually really glad you played up the wealth side of this character, since it adds a really interesting dimension. But I wish there was a bit more expansion on that Judge confrontation. Is that the first time his friends have heard about Judge? First time they met him? First time they fully understood how awful he is?

And that's NOT a lot, but it's all I have for you!!! This is a KILLER rework of Jason. I would love this character in any plotline, honestly. Sorry I can't offer more, but as always, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll Dude! First off, thank you so much!!! So the basis for Jason's character was really just rich dude who comes off as an asshole who has a brother who's an even bigger asshole. And I was trying to think what gives characters that rich cool suaveness and the first thing to come to mind is charismatic dude who can always get his way with a smile. But the anger issues and overcompensating would definitely get in the way. So I'll definitely make some changes to that! And thanks again! I feel like as touchy of a subject as religion is it's also a big big part of who people are. Whether you attend some sort of service every day or you just have personal beliefs. Cause for a lot of people it's not just the beliefs, it's also the community that comes along with it. And for Jason I just thought it really fit to be raised in these strict beliefs that he doesn't agree with and for it to add to the divide between him and his dad. I'll definitely expand on Judge's whole little episode. I feel like it's a big part of Jason's story and showcases a lot about his life to his friends. Anyways, thank you so much for the critique! And as always these notes are awesome! Like with the last one you pointed out to me like hey this isn't really a character it's just trauma, which really helped me see that it was time to take a step back and get some fresh air. And this critique is awesome too! I get stuck a lot so it's really helpful to have someone look and go "hey this doesn't really fit" or "hey maybe expand on this", so thanks!!! :))

All righty, @kiley_arrants, party time!! Top down on Kenna…

First impressions are that nature is, for the most part, solid. One umbrella critique before I get into little stuff: be careful not to let hotheaded anger override her personality. It's absolutely fine to have that as a major side of her, but Kenna is motivated by her friends and those close to her. If she's ALWAYS snippy, rude, hard to work with, intimidating, etc., why would her friends stick around to ground her? And if they stay, would it be a healthy friendship? You already mentioned that Kenna PHYSICALLY loosens up when she's comfortable. Does she have a softer side to her demeanor as well? Bluntness as jokes instead of jabs, dry humor, playful touch, etc., etc.? Things like that go a LONG way to round out a character.

Getting into the nitty gritty here, let's talk briefly about her recklessness. So Kenna seems to be willing to put her own life in danger, either for the sake of others or just for fun (pit fighting, baby). That's all well and good, but her most major motivation is regaining her birthright for the sake of others. So why is she so careless with her life? Being willing to throw her own life away is one thing, but she's motivated by her ability to help OTHERS, so letting herself die would equate to letting those people down. How does she rationalize that? Does she realize she's doing it?

And then we have good leadership. So from what I see here, Kenna may have the capacity to be a decisive person, potentially even a good strategist, but she does NOT strike me as a good leader. Hard to work with, impatient, stubborn, selfish… and she craves the ability to make her own choices, which, when put together with 'stubborn' and 'hard to work with' hints that she may not take into consideration the advice of others. That isn't a good leader. If she can't learn to listen to people around her and be more rational and less hotheaded in her decision making, leadership really isn't a position for Kenna. At best, I could see her leading by fear. Of course, as she arcs over the course of your story, maybe she'll change!

Okay, backstory is generally really, really solid!! There isn't a ton for me to say here, other than this: why is Kenna still full of so much rage? She got out of the bad situation at 14, and she's had 2 years in an environment she loves. Why did she remain stuck in the mentality she gained while with Galan? Why couldn't she shake that?

And that, my dear, is all I have for you!! Kenna is a very well-developed character, and it was a pleasure to meet her!! Come back any time!! And for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Thank you sm this was extremely helpful! With Kenna's recklessness that is supposed to change late on in the story/series as part of her character arc because she doesn't want to be an heir or a queen at first but she slowly begins to grow into her role and leaves her carelessness for her own life behind as she would purposefully try to throw herself into dangerous situations before hand. And for a lot of the other stuff, I hadn't really thought of it haha. Her time with Galan was extremely traumatizing for her especially since she started training at such a young age, and he made her feel worthless, and she believed it. So she was angry at him and at the world, I guess if that makes sense but I'll definitely add more detail into that part of her story.

Again, thank you so much! I'll probably come back at some point with her edited

Ivan Ivanov I'd really appreciate it if you critiqued my main char!!

Hi everyone!!! Time to round up for the night!!

Tonight's critiques are for @TheGuardian and @polkadots11!!

Tomorrow, they go out to @Stone_King_2931 and @Kinarymo!

Day after that is the 21st, which means I will be taking a break!!

And then first spot on the 22nd goes to @Kebs (welcome to the thread!!)

@zims - I am so glad you liked it!! And thank you for your words at the end there. I really love doing this, and it's always nice to know that comes across on the receiving end :DD

@kiley_arrants - Super happy you enjoyed!!! That carelessness/recklessness arc is excellent!! And I'd love to see Kenna back for a round two sometime! :D

All right, first up is @TheGuardian!! Top down on Howl…

(for starts - did you draw that????? that's amazing!!!!!)

Nature is generally quite solid!! I'll have to nitpick here, but a thing or two does stand out to me.

One - honesty versus fame! Obviously gaining fame isn't really… the most honest path. And it is stated outright that Howl will do anything for fame and renown. So how does this work with her strong belief in honesty? Is Howl willing to compromise honesty and integrity for fame, and if so, is she able to do so without guilt or remorse?

Two is a little bigger, but not catastrophic - Motivations versus prejudice. So you've specified that Howl's prejudice is very important to her character arc, and her story is structure around her learning to appreciate humans for their own strengths. However, her motivation is to prove that beings who are different aren't inherently bad. So how do those work together? Because humans ARE different to Howl. Now, these two things can absolutely coexist if Howl recognizes her prejudice and actively works against it. However, that would put you at a narrative starting point where you don't get the chance to lay the foundation of Howl's ingrained ignorance.

Backstory is solid for the most part, but one MAJOR question is raised, also about her prejudices. Now, I'm certainly not calling for Daddy Issues, the staple of DnD backstories, but the super-healthy relationship with her stepfather feels wrong. If they'd met later, once more of Howl's worldviews had solidified and she could look down on him, sure! Prejudice makes sense. But here, he's basically her father, raising her from a young age and teaching her the ways of her class. With such a deep relationship with a human, I find it hard to believe that Howl would see humans as boring or average. She's seen the kindness of the species firsthand, after all, and she knows how they can change a life.

And that, my dear, is all I can offer you!!! I admit it's still tricky for me to critique PCs (so many phrases that I don't fully understand yet, ahh!!) but I sure can critique characters, and I did my best here!! Come back any time, and I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

All righty, @polkadots11's turn!! Top down on Nessa…

First impressions I glean from Nature is that it's a little sparse. I feel like I've met Nessa briefly at a party–I know she's quiet and mysterious, maybe looking a little fearful, but I know little to nothing about HER. I would really encourage you to add more specifics about how she acts around the people closest to her, how she handles herself in a royal court, how she treats her enemies, how she treats those beneath her station-wise, etc., etc. A LOT of what you currently have is public persona vibes, which is definitely necessary, just with some more stuff to round it out!

(Also, there's a very interesting idea of self-loathing at work here that I feel needs to be explored more. So she hates violent vampires, but a lot of her motivation is based in an instance where she was a violent vampire. Is there any self-loathing or fear of self there? Even mild? If not, you NEED to explain that. It would take a very strong person and quite a bit of time to fully get over and recover from such an incident.)

That being said, there is an issue or two I can spot in here. First up is her prejudice against humans. This is a touch confusing, given that she was in love with a human man. Is it more of an aversion to humans given what she did in the past? Is it an ingrained thing that she's working past? Whatever the explanation is, make sure to think it up/write it down!!

Okay, politics!! For starts, I really encourage you to delve deeper into Nessa's political views, given that she's going to inherit a throne. It's highly likely she would've received education in this kind of thing. But if you don't want to do that, a nice baseline I recommend to everyone is rating your characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world!! This is super helpful, as it works for even the most apolitical of characters. Also, politics can be used as a vehicle to define how open your character is to change! (And if you spice in her level of libertarianism, it can also describe how much your character likes the government!)

Backstory is very interesting and generally quite solid!! Couple things. One, the prejudice again–how would Nessa fall in love with another human after her first experience AND her prejudice against the species? Two, let's talk about her emotional availability. Nessa is secretive, closed off, and fearful–and given what I have to see on her Nature page, she's basically like that around her friends as well. So even if she feel herself falling in love, why does she act on it? Why is she suddenly willing to let someone in, even though it's dangerous and ended disastrously last time?

And that is all I have for you!!! Nessa is overall quite a well-developed character who just needs a touch more depth to make her great. Swing back by the thread any time, and for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll I don't even have a character for you to do your fantastic critiques on, I just think what you're doing is wonderful, I send so much appreciation and love your way honey!!!

All right, first up is @TheGuardian!! Top down on Howl…

(for starts - did you draw that????? that's amazing!!!!!)

Nature is generally quite solid!! I'll have to nitpick here, but a thing or two does stand out to me.

One - honesty versus fame! Obviously gaining fame isn't really… the most honest path. And it is stated outright that Howl will do anything for fame and renown. So how does this work with her strong belief in honesty? Is Howl willing to compromise honesty and integrity for fame, and if so, is she able to do so without guilt or remorse?

Two is a little bigger, but not catastrophic - Motivations versus prejudice. So you've specified that Howl's prejudice is very important to her character arc, and her story is structure around her learning to appreciate humans for their own strengths. However, her motivation is to prove that beings who are different aren't inherently bad. So how do those work together? Because humans ARE different to Howl. Now, these two things can absolutely coexist if Howl recognizes her prejudice and actively works against it. However, that would put you at a narrative starting point where you don't get the chance to lay the foundation of Howl's ingrained ignorance.

Backstory is solid for the most part, but one MAJOR question is raised, also about her prejudices. Now, I'm certainly not calling for Daddy Issues, the staple of DnD backstories, but the super-healthy relationship with her stepfather feels wrong. If they'd met later, once more of Howl's worldviews had solidified and she could look down on him, sure! Prejudice makes sense. But here, he's basically her father, raising her from a young age and teaching her the ways of her class. With such a deep relationship with a human, I find it hard to believe that Howl would see humans as boring or average. She's seen the kindness of the species firsthand, after all, and she knows how they can change a life.

And that, my dear, is all I can offer you!!! I admit it's still tricky for me to critique PCs (so many phrases that I don't fully understand yet, ahh!!) but I sure can critique characters, and I did my best here!! Come back any time, and I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

(It is amazing, and no I didn't draw it. It's currently being used as a placeholder piece of artwork to show the concept of her. I plan on either eventually drawing her myself, commissioning an artist to draw her for me, or taking the lazy and cost-effective route of utilizing Picrew.)

That's very true. I couldn't think of what other word would fit for what I'm going for with her character, but honesty was definitely a bit out of left-field. The word I was looking for was genuine, at least when it comes to her intentions, both good and bad. Being truthful and honest was pounded into her from a young age, being raised by a Wood Elf mother and all. Even though she doesn't realize it, deep down, she holds honesty above fame. If she gets forced into a situation where she must choose, she'll almost always choose honesty over fame, no matter how much she wants it. However, I can understand situations are more nuanced than that, and there may be a possibility she'll choose fame instead, but she will hate herself from doing so.

I did manage to work myself into a corner there, didn't I? Her prejudice is fueled by her jealousy of humans, and her motivation is fueled by her desire to be accepted as just another humanoid. This paradox could be from her treatment in the public eye during her time as an impressionable kid, that's how the world worked to her (monkey see monkey do, you know), and that belief subconsciously stuck around in her head. I plan for her to recognize her prejudice rather quickly after being called out on it, but I still would like to showcase just how detrimental her ingrained ignorance is, not only to others but also to herself.

Yeah, that's a bit tricky, especially since I like to avoid giving characters daddy issues. She's inherently biased against humans, but views her father figure as an exception. I can guarantee though, she definitely butted heads with him a lot during her teen years, but he was willing to put the effort in to sew their relationship back together as she matured. To her, Connak is a special case, the Golden Standard for all humans ever. She's essentially placed him on a really tall pedestal and expects all others to meet her impossible standards. Though, even that simple justification feels weak. I'm definitely going to have to deeply re-evaluate her prejudices in relation to her relationship with her father.

Thank you so much, @CinnamonRoll. I really appreciate the feedback you gave me. She's still in the rough draft period of being a PC, so this was extremely helpful in revising her and getting her to the next level.

please please please critique my girls kacey, nabila and karuko!!! don't be afraid to be tough, i want them as realistic as possible!! thank you so much in advance :)))

All righty, @polkadots11's turn!! Top down on Nessa…

First impressions I glean from Nature is that it's a little sparse. I feel like I've met Nessa briefly at a party–I know she's quiet and mysterious, maybe looking a little fearful, but I know little to nothing about HER. I would really encourage you to add more specifics about how she acts around the people closest to her, how she handles herself in a royal court, how she treats her enemies, how she treats those beneath her station-wise, etc., etc. A LOT of what you currently have is public persona vibes, which is definitely necessary, just with some more stuff to round it out!

(Also, there's a very interesting idea of self-loathing at work here that I feel needs to be explored more. So she hates violent vampires, but a lot of her motivation is based in an instance where she was a violent vampire. Is there any self-loathing or fear of self there? Even mild? If not, you NEED to explain that. It would take a very strong person and quite a bit of time to fully get over and recover from such an incident.)

That being said, there is an issue or two I can spot in here. First up is her prejudice against humans. This is a touch confusing, given that she was in love with a human man. Is it more of an aversion to humans given what she did in the past? Is it an ingrained thing that she's working past? Whatever the explanation is, make sure to think it up/write it down!!

Okay, politics!! For starts, I really encourage you to delve deeper into Nessa's political views, given that she's going to inherit a throne. It's highly likely she would've received education in this kind of thing. But if you don't want to do that, a nice baseline I recommend to everyone is rating your characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world!! This is super helpful, as it works for even the most apolitical of characters. Also, politics can be used as a vehicle to define how open your character is to change! (And if you spice in her level of libertarianism, it can also describe how much your character likes the government!)

Backstory is very interesting and generally quite solid!! Couple things. One, the prejudice again–how would Nessa fall in love with another human after her first experience AND her prejudice against the species? Two, let's talk about her emotional availability. Nessa is secretive, closed off, and fearful–and given what I have to see on her Nature page, she's basically like that around her friends as well. So even if she feel herself falling in love, why does she act on it? Why is she suddenly willing to let someone in, even though it's dangerous and ended disastrously last time?

And that is all I have for you!!! Nessa is overall quite a well-developed character who just needs a touch more depth to make her great. Swing back by the thread any time, and for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Oh wow I missed this earlier somehow! Thank you so much, this is such a detailed and helpful critique! I definitely need to give more detail about her inner thoughts and feelings. Right now I have the focus on how her outward mannerisms changed after her trauma, and it's definitely sparse on her inward mannerisms for the time being.

If you could critique Richard pretty please? That would be great! Also if you need any help with historical context or how the magic works, let me know and I can answer any/all questions

Hello, everyone!! Let's round up for the night here…

Tonight's critiques are for @Stone_King_2931 and @Kinarymo!!

Tomorrow is the 21st, which means break night for me!! No critiques then, although I will probably drop by for a round-up, just for the sake of my own organization.

Day after that (the 22nd) it's time for @Kebs and @kingnocedas!!

Then on the 23rd, critiques go out to @kingnocedas and @Icefire (welcome to the thread, guys)!!

24th, first spot is also for @kingnocedas!! (To explain here–when someone drops 3/4 links, which has happened I think once before, I give them one slot a day for however many days it takes. This way, you don't dominate a whole night, and I still finish up in a fairly timely fashion!! Also, I remember you from the appreciation thread–thank you so much for your words and for stopping by!! :DD)

@LaniGirl - THANK YOU!!! That's so sweet of you to say!!!! Knowing that these critiques have an impact beyond the people they are aimed at means the world to me. If you ever have a character for me, please don't hesitate to swing by–I'd love to meet anyone you throw my way!! :D

@TheGuardian - I'm really glad you enjoyed it!!! 'Genuine' is a lovely way to describe it. And I love it when characters have moral codes that they don't even fully realize!! I'm happy I could make you think deeper about your character. Come back around sometime!! :DD

@polkadots11 - Happy to see that you enjoyed it!! Focusing on her change after trauma is certainly important as well, and you've obviously done a great job communicating her changing personality!! If you ever want a round 2 or just want to drop off more characters, please come back anytime! :D

And everyone - thank you so much for blowing this thread up again!! It was slowing down for a bit there, and I was kind of resigned to letting it go. But y'all have brought it back, which means the world to me–I love being able to do this!! :D

All right!!! First up tonight is @Stone_King_2931!! Top down on Astragon…

(disclaimer: I am riding a wave of validation tonight, so there might be a couple more quippy asides in here!! hope you don't mind!)

First thing I notice is more of an overarching issue that I see very often when critiquing. From what's provided here, I know a decent amount about Astragon's public persona, but not so much about who he IS. What makes him open up to people? How does he behave around friends? What kind of humor makes him laugh a little? Does he fail to relax around peers, but show his kindness around kids and pets? Stuff like that that gives you insight into a character's personality is KEY to depth.

And then a couple small things. These are so little that you can pretty much resolve them with explanation, rather than scrapping one of the traits. First up is with his motivations. From what I understand, this is a traumatized man trying to move on and find a safe place to call home. So why does he choose to become a leader? How does the cause that he leads coincide with or surpass his desire to find a home?

Second one is his defensiveness versus pacifism. Astragon is described as someone who doesn't like arguments and rarely even raises his voice. So what is it about defending others that overrides that passive nature? Why can he leap past his non-confrontational nature to defend? Sure, his trauma and life experiences have hardened him, but in that case, it's just the other way around: why is he generally passive if life has made him so defensive and confrontational?

Politics!!! Politics. Okay, so I STRONGLY believe that every character needs to have politics filled out. As an absolute baseline, I would recommend rating your characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. This is a cool vehicle to show how open your characters are to change! And if Astragon is going to be a leader, and the thing he's leading is a country, or a rebellion, or a movement, I would REALLY encourage you to delve more into the politics there. It's actually really fun!

History is pretty solid (and I'm including the Notes info here). There is just one point that's kind of sticky. Vladimir is PRETTY CLEARLY THE WORST, but his first introduction doesn't carry that vibe. He hides his girlfriend (??) and child. He kills her when drunk (still VERYYYYY bad, but slightly less so). The idea of hiding his son hints that he cares for him. So why does he go full Evil Dad and start torturing him to make him strong?

And that is all I can offer you!!! Astragon is a very interesting character premise who just needs a touch more of his inner self exposed to be amazing! Thank you for coming by the thread–please come back whenever!! And for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

All right, party time, @Kinarymo!! Top down on Tanis…

(I jumped ahead and skimmed backstory for the nickname you use since BOY am I a lazy typist)

Okay! So, Tanis is obviously very young, which means I don't expect his personality to be shaped by the forces at work in his life. He's little, he's naive, that's okay! But I don't feel like I know a lot about Tanis from this page. He seems like a nice kid, based on his willingness to act as emotional support and his kind nature. But huge swaths of this page are built off his sister. Motivations - his sister. Prejudice - sister. Flaws - sister. She's even integral to his personality type. And that's all well and good, except Tanis is labeled as a main character. Here, I see more of a support for his sister, the real MC. If Tanis truly is a main character, I would urge you to build more blindspots, flaws, motives, etc. that don't revolve around his sister at all. She can still be his priority, but most of us have little dashes of selfishness mixed in with our caring for others. Where is this for Tanis?

Other than that, there's only one little thing of note. He's described as naive, but the information under prejudices confuses that somewhat. He USED to believe the world was all wonderful. Now, he doesn't. What happened there? And HOW did it leave him some naïveté? I can understand how he would be careless sometimes, but to maintain true levels of naïveté, he would probably also have to maintain a rose-colored-glasses view of the world.

Not going to rag on politics because this is an eleven-year-old kid! (but i am TEMPTED)

(OKAY WAIT. wait. WAIT. wait. I fully believed Narion was he/him. Did I just go illiterate when I critiqued Narion? What is going on here)

Backstory is just fine, but again, it's all based around his sister. There's a touch at the beginning about his ambitions in fighting and becoming a spy–I wish there was more of that in Nature! It's just another origin point for traits, which is SO important. Right now, with this backstory, Tanis is basically defined by Narion (at least on this page) which is not ideal. I would recommend going for multiple trait origin points and making sure that Tanis has his own goals and interests outside of his sister, even if she takes priority.

(oh!!! OH!!!! this is the elf friend!! that's so cool! I remember this!! Still go for more traits, don't disregard everything I said before, he should still be able to stand alone, but that's really cool!)

And that is all I can offer you tonight!! Tanis is a solid backbone of a character, and once he can stand alone, without his sister propping him up, I have no doubt he will be incredible. As always, thank you for coming by and I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD