forum Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

Started May 20, 2020 by @CinnamonRoll

tune

@CinnamonRoll :D

(yea tis fine, no one calls him by his full name in the whole story, so dont worry XD)

Of all characters, Tanis is kinda meant to be the main MC, although all of them are mains and ever since i went on a detailing spree, the main cast is kinda bland compared to the villains now :")))) At this point, the main characters are metaphors of the various sides of me. The four horsemen of Kina's messy personality :D Tanis is basically the less problematic of the other 3, who are a bit less ideal and have more issues, or in other words he's the facade personality masking the other personalities (yes hello, this is Tanis typing, how are u today? :D). There, now u know what my mains are based on @-@

But now that that's done, i will make a mental note to add more depth to Tanis ^^ His view of the world changed through the story, i didnt specify what changed it since its something that happens later, but now reading it again it sounds a bit weird so imma make sure to explain things here. Politics wise, Tanis knows as much politics as i do - next to zero, and im fkn 19 xd

(Nop, ur not illiterate. Narion is a Morphidae, you know that, and general pronouns are kinda 'they/them' cuz they have no real gender. The reason why Narion is a 'he' in their personal profile but a 'she' in Tanis' profile is because Tanis' family perceived them as female and thus stuck with that, while Narion is considered male by their own kin. They're a child, a very smol one, so gender wise no one's opinion is right or wrong - until they hit maturity and gain the gender distinctive characteristics Narion will just keep juggling with their pronouns)

Mmm, ye, his story needs more juice, poor boi's a sock puppet rn. One reason Tanis is there just for Narion's support is cuz irl that's what's going on: the happy facade is keeping the big sad in check. But eyy this aint irl, the boy still needs his own build :D (esp with that plot point there, he's a frikin reincarnation of someone else, he's gotta have more depth)

Thx for the overlook, it really made me realize how flawed he is atm :"))

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You pointed out a lot of loose ends and flaws. I have written down all your questions and will work on filling them out tonight! Again I am in your debt.
Thanks!

Okay, everyone, here we go!! It's break night, so no critiques tonight, but I will be rounding up just to keep my thread (and thoughts) in order.

Tonight - I rest!

Tomorrow, it's time for @Kebs and @kingnocedas!!

Then on the 23rd, critiques go out to @kingnocedas and @Icefire!!

24th, first spot is also for @kingnocedas!!

@Kinarymo - The idea of a facade personality is awesome!! I am very excited to learn more about what exactly he's masking. And I think we all base characters off little parts of ourselves (at the very least, I certainly do). But in any case, I'm glad you enjoyed my notes!! :DDD

@Stone_King_2931 - Oh I'm so happy you liked it!!! You certainly aren't in my debt, but thank you for taking my advice to heart!!! Hope to see you around again soon! :D

Absolutely no rush, because I see you're taking a break right now, but I thought I'd add my lil guy to the waitlist because when you said you were very comprehensive I just couldn't resist uwu
Here he is! tear him apart >:)

Pls check out dis messy pile of mine? :'D

Hi! I have a new character I would love you to critique. He's not completely fleshed out yet and I would really like some advice on his backstory. Unfortunately, I can not for the life of me link a character ( I tried the @ trick but it just gives me a list of actual people on this site ) so just look on my profile as he's one of the only characters I have made public. His name is Zane btw. This is actually my first critique so, show no mercy! And of course no rush :)

If you go to your character's profile, and find the red edit button, the pencil? Right at the top. Don't click it, but look at the button farthest from it, kinda a triangle thing. Click that,, then just copy/paste the link into this thread <3
Hope that helps!

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL GOING STRONG WITH THIS!? you're literally so great with your critques and your energy is so great!
I've had some insecurities with Abel given that allegation and actually made me think about how that moment in his history affects his mentality and his love of art came into his life. I seemed to completely just forget that everyone starts somewhere. HECK EVEN ME AND I DRAW LOL started off with anime and gradually just said " hey wanna get better at this bc i love it and it makes me happy" yk? but thanks so much for pointing out the obvious and even the hidden stuff
now i bring you his best friend, hopefully it's a little more merciful with the religion/politics part since you go hard on that with every of I've given you hahaha

Hello, everyone!!! My break night was wonderful and much-needed, but I am back and completely ready to critique!! Here's tonight's round-up:

Tonight's critiques are for @Kebs and @kingnocedas!!

Tomorrow, it's time for @kingnocedas and @Icefire!

Day after that (the 24th) critiques go out to @kingnocedas and @AloeVera!!

And then on the 25th, they're for @/ Kitty Writes and @/ Destinee (thank you!!! I really love doing this, it's so fulfilling and fun!! :D)

Good luck bro!! Glad you got a good break in and remember not to overwork yourself!

Oh no!!! @Kebs - your character is private! To fix this, go to the icon on your character's page near the editing pencil (it's three dots joined in a nearly-finished triangle). Make sure the your character is set to public before copy-pasting the link!!

If the link isn't here when I finish critiquing for @kingnocedas, that's okay! I will bump up @Icefire tonight and you'll have first dibs on that spot for tomorrow. I'll keep rearranging for a couple days, but if you decide not to swing by at that time, I'll have to put you back at the bottom of the lineup for the sake of my mental organization. I hope to meet your character soon! :D

That means we're starting tonight off with @kingnocedas!! Top down on Kacey…

(first off – is that your art???????? your art??? that's some good art!!!! i like that art!!!)

First impressions that I get from the Nature page is that this is a little sparse. I don't feel like I know Kacey well at all, and the most telling part of this page is the flaws section. Although you should obviously be giving each character plenty of believable flaws, without a handful of positive traits to balance them out, your character will come across as an unlikeable person. I feel like she IS a good person, based on the 'protag' label, but that's not shining through. There are a couple positives tossed in (idealist, helper) but they're not explained extensively, and can also lead to contradictions.

Biggest issue is with 'helper.' The vast majority of Kacey's flaws (and even her primary motivation of 'herself') are contradictory to this. Kacey is aggressive, prone to jealousy, rude, and ambitious. She seems more like the kind of person that would step on those around her to move up in the world. If that isn't true, you need to explain how she pushes down her 'step on people' flaws and helps those around her. Or do those flaws only spike at certain times? These things CAN coexist, but you have to explain them carefully so they aren't clashing so obviously.

Then let's discuss prejudices. I'm a touch confused–are these PREJUDICES prejudices or just dislikes? Does she dislike her shortness, mixed heritage, and femininity? Or does she look down on people of mixed race and see women as lesser? Because the first set is dislikes. The second is prejudices. Now, Kacey can HAVE all those prejudices, perhaps ingrained from her upbringing. Whether or not she recognizes and works against them is up to you. But make sure you're giving Kacey real, deep, ingrained prejudices, because they're vital when considered in conjunction with backstory.

Backstory is sparse. I know you're aware of that, since it says 'to be filled,' but I really want to stress that Kacey, as an MC, needs a TON more. You need strong backstory roots for her personality, especially her flaws, prejudices, and motives. Right now, I understand where her ambition comes from, and little else. Where did her rudeness arise from? Why does she house self-loathing? Where did her aggression come from if she's constantly trying to please her parents? Consider these questions, and honestly, "Where did ___ come from?" with almost any major personality trait. It doesn't have to be a laundry list, but who she IS should be swirling around in your mind as you examine how she got there.

And that, my dear, is all I can offer you!!! I hope this is a good intro to the thread! I can tell Kacey is an excellent character, based on details put into specific fields, but for me to really get a sense of that, more detail is needed. But for now, I hope that these notes can help you!! :DDD

Okay! @Kebs, looks like you're on for tomorrow night! It's @Icefire's turn. Top down on Richard…

(did you draw that???? that's some cute art!!!!!)

So! I get this first impression from a lot of characters, and Richard is no exception: a little sparse. I don't feel like I know much about Richard from his nature. Most apparent is his public persona (strategy, upper-class mannerisms, wants to reclaim the crown). I feel like you need a lot more about his more personal self. Does he have friends? Family? S/O? I would encourage you to go into more detail about how his personality changes around them, when he's more relaxed. Right now, there aren't a ton of contradictions, but that's just because there's not a lot of meat here.

I do notice one thing–his planning versus his flaws. Richard is very much a long-game guy, who plots out events well before they happen. So why is he overconfident on the abilities of the people around him? If anything, I would expect him to be 'distrustful' of the people around him (not really DISTRUSTFUL, but like… the kid who does all the work in a group project because they're scared the others will mess it up). At the very least, it doesn't make too much since that he would be overly reliant on the abilities of the people around him… until, perhaps, he trusts them TOO much and begins banking on their powers/abilities to an extreme degree. That's something you can play around with, but whatever direction you decide to go will require some more explanation.

Politics!! I love doing the politics rant!! Okay, so I do this so much because I basically believe politics should be a Nature field. It has huge weight on personality and can be used as a vehicle to show how receptive the character is to both change and the establishment if you play it right. As a baseline, I like to rate all my characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. This is great because it works for even the most apolitical of characters. But for an heir apparent, I would also encourage you to dig deeper into Richard's political stances on issues like poverty, the power of the Church, foreign relations, etc., etc.

(sidebar here: I googled Medeis madness because I thought it might be a 1400s name for something and I got "Medeis mask" and was like, ''oh, cool, like Greek theater masks!" nope. wrong. medical masks. I was NOT expecting that since this sounds like PEAK high fantasy/Greek theater language and then… out of the blue… medical masks)

Backstory is also pretty sparse. I understand the baseline of where Richard comes from, but not a whole lot about how he became himself. How did his desire for revenge grow? Where did he learn his skills of strategy? Why does he hate the house of York with such passion? Details like this that provide origin for personality traits are key in backstory, and I would love to see more of them.

And that is all I can offer you tonight!! Richard is a strong character foundation who just needs a bit more detail to shine. Come back for a round 2 sometime, or even with another character to introduce!! But for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll thank you so so much!! i really appreciate these tips and the fact that i need to flesh out kacey's character WAY more. hopefully i'll have an improved character sheet by the end of today or tomorrow. also, that's not my art i just made a bunch of picrews skdhdjjd

:O thank you so much! @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull

No problem! :D Glad to be of service <3

Okay! @Kebs, looks like you're on for tomorrow night! It's @Icefire's turn. Top down on Richard…

(did you draw that???? that's some cute art!!!!!)

Haha nope, it's a picrew of him! I wish I could draw that good

So! I get this first impression from a lot of characters, and Richard is no exception: a little sparse. I don't feel like I know much about Richard from his nature. Most apparent is his public persona (strategy, upper-class mannerisms, wants to reclaim the crown). I feel like you need a lot more about his more personal self. Does he have friends? Family? S/O? I would encourage you to go into more detail about how his personality changes around them, when he's more relaxed. Right now, there aren't a ton of contradictions, but that's just because there's not a lot of meat here.

djfsg alright! I'll definitely work on that

I do notice one thing–his planning versus his flaws. Richard is very much a long-game guy, who plots out events well before they happen. So why is he overconfident on the abilities of the people around him? If anything, I would expect him to be 'distrustful' of the people around him (not really DISTRUSTFUL, but like… the kid who does all the work in a group project because they're scared the others will mess it up). At the very least, it doesn't make too much since that he would be overly reliant on the abilities of the people around him… until, perhaps, he trusts them TOO much and begins banking on their powers/abilities to an extreme degree. That's something you can play around with, but whatever direction you decide to go will require some more explanation.

I was thinking that like he's a little overconfident in their abilities because he knows he could do it, so he's like "they can do it too" and then it turns out they can't and he's like "What the fuck". But thank you! I'll definitely keep that in mind

Politics!! I love doing the politics rant!! Okay, so I do this so much because I basically believe politics should be a Nature field. It has huge weight on personality and can be used as a vehicle to show how receptive the character is to both change and the establishment if you play it right. As a baseline, I like to rate all my characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. This is great because it works for even the most apolitical of characters. But for an heir apparent, I would also encourage you to dig deeper into Richard's political stances on issues like poverty, the power of the Church, foreign relations, etc., etc.

Okay yeah, I really should dig into his politics, especially since he's wanting to be king and all

(sidebar here: I googled Medeis madness because I thought it might be a 1400s name for something and I got "Medeis mask" and was like, ''oh, cool, like Greek theater masks!" nope. wrong. medical masks. I was NOT expecting that since this sounds like PEAK high fantasy/Greek theater language and then… out of the blue… medical masks)

(OH okay so "Medeis Madness" is my own term, not medical masks lmao. So the magic system I came up with, at least the part that's pertinent to this, can inflict madness. Basically, some objects absorb magic, and this absorbed magic can often have the side effect of driving those not strong enough to handle it insane. Richard's brother died of it, and Richard is doing his best to hide that it has inflicted itself on him)

Backstory is also pretty sparse. I understand the baseline of where Richard comes from, but not a whole lot about how he became himself. How did his desire for revenge grow? Where did he learn his skills of strategy? Why does he hate the house of York with such passion? Details like this that provide origin for personality traits are key in backstory, and I would love to see more of them.

Will definitely work on fleshing that out some more!

And that is all I can offer you tonight!! Richard is a strong character foundation who just needs a bit more detail to shine. Come back for a round 2 sometime, or even with another character to introduce!! But for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

:D Thank you so much!!

Hello everyone!! Time to round up for the evening…

Tonight's critiques are for @kingnocedas and @AloeVera!

Tomorrow, hopefully @Kebs gets a spot with an updated link, but if not, it'll be time for @kingnocedas and @/ Kitty Writes!

Day after that (the 25th) first slot is for @/ Destinee!

@kingnocedas - I'm glad you liked it!!!! If you want a round 2, I will have to ask you to re-upload a link in another post. If the thread were less busy, I'd just hop on and do it, but alas, it's packed at the moment. And I've never heard of picrew!! Is it like… fun?

@Icefire - again with the picrew!! Is it THAT fun? But that aside, I'm glad you liked my notes! And Medeis Madness–I only looked it up in the first place because I FULLY believed it was a 1400s term. So great job there!! :D

@Icefire - again with the picrew!! Is it THAT fun? But that aside, I'm glad you liked my notes! And Medeis Madness–I only looked it up in the first place because I FULLY believed it was a 1400s term. So great job there!! :D

Dude Picrew is awesome, especially for visualizing characters! :D yeah thanks! :O that's great! Tells me I'm doing something right lmao. Thanks again!

All right, @kingnocedas, let's do this! Tonight it's Nabila's turn! Top down…

So I will try not to repeat myself too much here, but a couple of my general notes on Kacey carry over to Nabila. The sparseness of her sheet, predominance of her flaws, and confusing nature of her prejudices all also apply here. I won't type the whole thing out again, but just be aware of that!! I'm pretty sure that it's just how you do your sheets, which is totally fine if it works for you!! Don't change on my account if you don't want to. But I can probably offer a better critique with more information–that's the only reason you might consider expansion.

Much like with Kacey, there aren't a lot of overt contradictions (partially because this is a good character foundation and partially because of the sparseness) but there is one thread I'll pick at a little. Nabila's goal is to become a leader, but although she has force of personality, her flaws seem contradictory to this goal. She'll be able to hold power, I'm sure, but people probably won't LIKE her as a leader since she's condescending and selfish. And a snarky, selfish debater archetype is a good leader, but not a good LEADER, if that makes any sense.

With backstory, it's pretty much the same critique as with Kacey. If she had such a generally stable life, which is all that I'm made aware of here, how did she become selfish, condescending, and motivated to lead? The most usual route I see for characters with those traits is a backstory where they were constantly looked over, second best, never on top. It doesn't have to be that, but you get what I mean–Nabila needs an origin point for her traits. As a deuteragonist, you don't need as many trait origins as with an MC, but I would still encourage you to dig deeper into where her traits come from!

(She converted to Islam!! That's a religious and spiritual journey, and it could've been hard depending on her parents, friends, school environment, etc.! build on that!!)

And that's all I have for you!!! I'm so sorry that this is basically a repeat of Kacey's, but alas, notes are notes and they must be said, no matter how redundant. I guess I would recommend that you actually focus on your third character before tomorrow night, so I can offer the best critique possible!! But that's completely up to you. And I'm digressing here–I hope that these notes are helpful to you, and see you tomorrow!! :DDD

All righty, on to @AloeVera!! Top down on Jean…

(oh my GOD that's your art??? that's amazing!!!!! and even a gif!!! god DAMN–)

i–you listed out his entire class schedule for 4 years. this is going to be the hardest critique ever isn't it

holy GOD this is a well-done personality. Good lord. At the first read-through, I've got absolutely NOTHING, but give me a second–I will find at least one thread to tug!

I actually ended up finding a couple small things while frantically digging through the 'additional questions' section!! The fact that you have one of those is SUCH a testament to this character, and let me tell you, these are tiny, nit-picky issues. First up is a slightly bigger fish–the emotional attachment thing. Reading through nature, I was under the impression that Jean is character who is capable of emotional attachment, albeit rarely. But by saying that Jean couldn't care if Anubis left, all of that depth makes little to no sense. The one example of his rare emotional openness means nothing to him? It's just confusing and merits further explanation.

Second is this idea of preferring things to be out in the open and dealing with issues head-on. This is highly confusing given what we've covered in nature and other Q and A's - Jean bottles up his emotions, doesn't have healthy forms of release, stifles his PTSD, all that. So clearly, getting issues in the open isn't a priority for him. I don't know how you would explain this one exactly, but just know that it is VERY confusing to paint this mess of bad coping methods as a straightforward guy.

holy MOTHER OF GOD this is an RP character???? jesus CHRIST I assumed this was your main project my god man (although I guess to be fair my main project was originally an RP character so that's neat)

Backstory!! I do have one thing, and it's literally SO TINY I don't even know why I'm bothering. The gas pipe break!! The gas pipe break. Was Jean already a handyman? Was he just a wildly overqualified millennial? How did he find the gas pipe in his parents' house so easily? And how did the resulting fire/explosion not kill him, assuming he was right next to the gas-filled pipe at the time?

And that, my dear, is all I can offer you!! Jean is one of the most mind-blowingly well-developed characters I have EVER had the pleasure of meeting, so thank you for that!!! I'm so sorry I couldn't offer more! But in any case, I hope that these notes help you!! :DD

Omg thank you so much!
Yeah he's pretty thorough, going back and looking at his character made me realize how proud I am of him :') he was such a minor character with no personality like five years ago :')
Anyway omg i can't believe I said he deals with confrontation omg i constantly make fun of him for being a professional emotion bottler so I'm definitely actually altering that. Thank you! You helped a lot and I really appreciate that!!

@kingnocedas - I'm glad you liked it!!!! If you want a round 2, I will have to ask you to re-upload a link in another post. If the thread were less busy, I'd just hop on and do it, but alas, it's packed at the moment. And I've never heard of picrew!! Is it like… fun?

yeah!! it's this totally cool character creator with tons of different artists!!

@CinnamonRoll again, thank you so much for this detailed critique of nabila!! i think my problem is that my characters are already fleshed out in my head but when i start typing, nothing comes out. i apologise also, because i kinda lied and said i'd be done by tomorrow. truth is because i'm so sloe i'll be spending a day on each character to today is kacey, tomorrow is nabila etc. again thank you so much, i'll definitely keep these in mind!

Hey!! I have another character I'd like critique on Taysali Alyamora

She's not done yet, VERY not done, but I figure you've got enough of a list going that she'll be a lot closer by the time you get around, so no rush xD I'm just too excited about her NOT to share <3 Thanks! Cannot WAIT to see what advice you have!