forum Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

Started May 20, 2020 by @CinnamonRoll

tune

Okay, @GameMaster, last one!!! Top down on Amara…

For Amara, I would also offer the umbrella critique I've given to most of your other characters. I won't repeat it, though, because I feel kind of bad just saying the same thing a lot.

I do notice a couple smaller contradictions as well. One, her decision-making. Amara is first described as someone who relied on intuition to guide her, which hints at more impulse-based decisions - gut feeling, stuff like that. But later, she's described as someone meticulous, who carefully weighs facts and opinions to make choices. Clearly, these are two contradictory traits IF they both exist in the same areas. If each applies to different scenarios - say, impulsive with little things, like making plans, taking day trips, and buying clothes, and meticulous with big things - then this can begin to make sense.

One of her flaws also sticks out to me. It says that Amara often sticks her opinion into other people's problems. This is a valid flaw, but it seems to clash with her tentative, timid nature in social situations. She's also described as friendly but serious - something that I understand to mean somewhat detached, although not mean. Someone reserved and somewhat aloof in social situations certainly wouldn't be the first to inject her opinion into people's issues.

As for history, it's the same critique as always: I desperately want to know more about Amara!! Everything you currently have is good, and I can see basis for her drive to gain success and respect from others, but I don't understand much else.

and DAMN those are some VERY different languages'

Okay!! That's all I have for you tonight. It's been a pleasure getting to know your characters over this past week, and I hope to see your series one day!!! Thank you for acknowledging all of my words with kindness, and, as always, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

And now, let's move on to @tiredandconfused! Top down on Kydrei…

Okay, first off: WOW. This is not a side character. This is a HIGHLY well-developed main character. I mean… WOW. I'll be INSANELY lucky if I can find a single thing here, but I'll try my best!!

I guess there's just one thing, and it's a clarification of her public persona. Kydrei is described as someone somewhat extroverted and charismatic. She's kind, outgoing, and willing to start conversations and keep them going. That was cemented in my head as her public persona, but then she's described as someone who generally tries to be serious, and this extroverted nature is more of a break in the persona. That's fine, but it's also confusing, since it hints that Kydrei wants to hide her personality, which is different than avoiding connections. So that was a touch confusing about Nature, but literally everything else is stunning.

Backstory… my god. I can't find a SINGLE thing in backstory. Perhaps there is something, but I'm not skilled enough to root it out. This is such an incredible story, my god.

Okay!!! That's, like, next to nothing, but it's all I have to offer you today. Kydrei is an INSANELY well-developed character who I can't help but love. I really am sorry I couldn't offer more, but in any case, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll Thank you, I'm so glad you like Kydrei! For her personality, I think she's probably naturally fun loving and outgoing but understands when she needs to become serious and will reword it as such. I'm so glad to hear she's a solid character, she's one I'm really attached to.

@CinnamonRoll aa qvq thamkie
i uhh- made Lilly like, a year or two ago, so its ok if things dont tie :")) most dont
I should also prolly mention i suck at making female characters, so knowing you consider her well developed with that little amount of mistakes makes me happy :D I figured the verbal manipulation thing is something she does in a cold manner, like, she entangles them in their own words that they say stuff they otherwise would not - but i think thats something from the old version of Lilly, where shes a figurative icicle because how do u write whamen?? :"D

I think in my rush to develop every single character i have down to the smallest NPC made me write down a lot of things that don't really make sense when you look at them from afar :"D Like how shes a bit fearful of being a mom - now that i look at it it seems a bit unjustified, especially since having children is one of the most important things for Morphidae, made even more important by the fact she's royalty. Sure she may be a bit timid because she was never around an infant and there's no other species living at the north pole whose young she could have learned to raise; that was also a bit influenced by the fact her kin is a bit harsher than continental Morphidae, but her straight up fearing it might be a bit unjustified.
I guess those mistakes are also because i never gave her a physical representation like everyone else and therefore i could not exactly pinpoint her personality (as i do with most of my kids - seeing them makes it easier to decide what they're like ^^)

But overall, im glad u like her :D even tho she will probably never show up in the story, partly cuz i havent decided if shes dead or missing :")) _{(what would u think would be best? o3o)}

Also, i'm approaching the end of my character list yvy, Here's one i dug up :"D

Hi, folks!!! Back again to round up:

Tonight's critiques are for @Icefire and a private critique!!

Tomorrow, they're for @Kinarymo!

@tiredandconfused - she really is incredibly solid!! Your attachment to her has clearly paid off. I like that explanation for her personality, too!

@Kinarymo - She really is great!! Making female characters doesn't have to be so hard. For me at least, I just focus on core personality. Some of my characters have changed gender as I continue development without really losing what makes them who they are. And I think she should be missing, just so we can get a chance to meet her!

All right, @Icefire, let's do this!! Top down on Henry…

The most major critique I have on nature is an umbrella critique. This is SPARSE. I know a few things about Henry, but not a lot about HENRY. You know? I understand bits and pieces of his public persona, private self, and inner drive, but no one side of him is completed in full. I would really, really encourage you to fill out his sheet more. With what is currently available, I can't actually offer much help, since there isn't enough material and branching traits to lead to contradictions.

I will poke at one little thing: motivations. Of COURSE Henry can be motivated by loyalty and money, but you have to explain where those two traits exist. In what situations does Henry choose loyalty over money, or vice versa? Is there a learning curve as he shifts from selfishness to selflessness?

History has the same issue as nature overall. I can't really pick at individual pieces here, since there's not a lot to work with. As above, I'd encourage you to put more here! But I will pull at a thread or two. One, his selfish nature. So Henry has a secondary motivation of money, but to make that low on his priorities seems wrong, knowing that he was a bastard child raised on the streets. His sense of self-preservation would logically be MUCH higher.

Two, his relationship with Richard. No arguments that they become friends and get together - awesome!! But I feel like the curve there should be a LOT longer than "fast friends." If this is just something you didn't feel like writing out, disregard!! But if you didn't consider it, make sure to think about how social standing would impact their relationship. Like you noted in Henry's bastard prejudice, there were a LOT of stigmas at the time. Richard having no prejudices against prostitutes, bastard children, street kids, thieves, etc. seems a touch unrealistic.

Okay!!! That's all I have for you tonight. Henry has strong bones, but I'd love to see a lot more nuance added to his character!! If you ever choose to come back for a round 2, I'd love to see you! But for tonight, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DDD

This is my most fleshed out character Rolan, I would love for you to critique him!

All right, @Icefire, let's do this!! Top down on Henry…

The most major critique I have on nature is an umbrella critique. This is SPARSE. I know a few things about Henry, but not a lot about HENRY. You know? I understand bits and pieces of his public persona, private self, and inner drive, but no one side of him is completed in full. I would really, really encourage you to fill out his sheet more. With what is currently available, I can't actually offer much help, since there isn't enough material and branching traits to lead to contradictions.

D: yeah I realized that, and I've been kinda slowly filling him out

I will poke at one little thing: motivations. Of COURSE Henry can be motivated by loyalty and money, but you have to explain where those two traits exist. In what situations does Henry choose loyalty over money, or vice versa? Is there a learning curve as he shifts from selfishness to selflessness?

OOH yeah I should work on that

History has the same issue as nature overall. I can't really pick at individual pieces here, since there's not a lot to work with. As above, I'd encourage you to put more here! But I will pull at a thread or two. One, his selfish nature. So Henry has a secondary motivation of money, but to make that low on his priorities seems wrong, knowing that he was a bastard child raised on the streets. His sense of self-preservation would logically be MUCH higher.

Yeah. Thanks for pointing that out, apparently logic has deserted me lmao

Two, his relationship with Richard. No arguments that they become friends and get together - awesome!! But I feel like the curve there should be a LOT longer than "fast friends." If this is just something you didn't feel like writing out, disregard!! But if you didn't consider it, make sure to think about how social standing would impact their relationship. Like you noted in Henry's bastard prejudice, there were a LOT of stigmas at the time. Richard having no prejudices against prostitutes, bastard children, street kids, thieves, etc. seems a touch unrealistic.

So the thing with that is that they become friends before the book even starts, and by the time the book starts they're really good friends. So there is that. In addition, Richard was raised by his aunt as her "Ward", with no one knowing his actual identity, and most assumed he himself was a bastard, so yeah. But I definitely should work on that, thank you

Okay!!! That's all I have for you tonight. Henry has strong bones, but I'd love to see a lot more nuance added to his character!! If you ever choose to come back for a round 2, I'd love to see you! But for tonight, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DDD

Thank you!! I was just a bit stuck on his character and needed some ideas on where to go from here. I'll probably bring him back for a round two sometime :D

Hello, everyone!! Back again for a quick round-up!!

Tonight I'll be critiquing @Kinarymo!!

Tomorrow, it's time for @/ Dibbobulous!

@Icefire - I'm glad you liked it!! And I'm glad I could help you through a little writers' block. I'd love to see him back for a round two anytime! :D

Okay, @Kinarymo, let's do this!! Top down on Elwin…

As you know, I don't mind sparse personalities so much for side characters. What you currently have for Elwin is excellent for a side character!! We know just enough about him to get invested, but not enough for him to confuse the plot. I would ask one little thing here: does Elwin have a temper as a parent? I feel he would definitely be a good dad, but like… how would he react if one of his kids broke a rule? Would he revert to severity for the 'disappointed dad' face? I feel like his work side should bleed a little bit into his home life, even if not in that way specifically.

History is also solid!!! It's especially detailed for a side character, which I love to see! One question here, and it's not a huge deal. Why was Elwin so apprehensive when he found Narion? Why did he choose to keep the baby only after his wife and son got attached? We know that his soft spot is family and kids. Even though he's a spy and naturally cautious, this is a baby. Why was he a little hesitant?

Okay!! That's all I have for you tonight!!! Well-developed side characters, man, they get me every time. But in any case, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Hey! I was wondering if you'd look at Reid. I'm worried he feels less developed than Kydrei and Yllmadaya, although that is a bit unfair since they both have 200 years of backstory. Still, it would really be helpful to get another perspective on him. Reid Iobel

Hi, guys!! Back again for a round-up, and it's a short one:

Tonight's critique is for @/ Dibbobulous!

Tomorrow, it's time for @tiredandconfused!!

@/ Dibbobulous - crap!! I can't see your character sheet! To switch the settings, go to the unfinished triangle button on the character page. It's three points with two lines, and should be next to the editing pencil. There, switch the privacy settings from "private" to "public." I'll check up on the link again tomorrow night!

And I'm not going to shift stuff around a bunch tonight. There isn't a big wait, so I'll just push things back. Honestly, I've had a LONG week at work, so this is kind of a blessing in disguise!! See you guys tomorrow! <3

@CinnamonRoll Aye :D thankie once again qvq <3

Well, depending on the gravity of the broken rule, he could be anywhere from a gently scolding father to full out serious/disappointed face. Point is he wants them to understand what they did was wrong/potentially dangerous and not do it again. Sure, he will be using the disappointed face with Tanis more, since its his biological kid and wants the best for him, but he will be a bit gentler with Narion, cuz he isnt as likely to get into trouble as often as Tanis, being blind and all. Should they break a very important rule, he will be disappointed and may even apply punishment, but all because he cares about them - it hurts him to do so, but its for the kid's good. He won't yell at them or anything, just use the same tone he does at work - he is not someone to mess around with, so you bet that severity of his is pretty scary for a kid.

As for his hesitation in adopting Narion - thats a baby yes, but you can't just insta yoink every child you find. His hesitation mainly stemmed from the fact he was trying to return it to wherever it belonged, and while he was asking left and right for the parents or even species, Narion was left home in his wife's care. Don't imagine he walked around holding the kid, it was freaking January, it was already bad enough the kid probably spent a whole day out in the cold all by itself so he wasnt gonna take anymore risks.
He most likely asked around for several days until his wife suggested they keep Narion and he reluctantly accepted it but only because by saying yes, it meant he was abandoning his search for the kid's family. It wasnt a problem for them to accept another child, but Narion was a different species from them, one they most likely never met before, so they were right to worry about raising him properly, especially with the slew of illnesses the poor kid had.

Thamkie for looking at my kids, again :D <3

Hello, everyone!! Still quiet on the thread, and honestly? I'm enjoying it! This has been nice! Here's the round-up:

Tonight, I'll be critiquing @/ Dibbobulous, since the link is once again functional!!

That means that tomorrow it's @tiredandconfused's turn!!

I hope you guys don't mind me taking it slow. Since there's no huge backlog of people, I hope y'all won't mind! It certainly is nice for me (and my sleep schedule).

@Kinarymo - Glad you enjoyed!! Honestly, he sounds like a really good dad, which is SO RARE in stories. I love him infinitely.

Okay, @/ Dibbobulous!! Top down on Rolan…

First impression of Nature: this is VERY sparse. Most of my critiques deal in contradiction and confusion, but issues like that only tend to arise when character sheets are filled out in much more depth. Without fleshing out this page significantly more, there isn't a ton I can offer you. But as some suggestions, I would recommend that you go further in depth to the sides of Rolan's personality. How does he behave around friends versus around strangers versus around authority figures versus… etc., etc. It's the sides of personality that allow you to start exploring nuance in your character.

Everything you have under social is good, but it's time for a nice, old-fashioned religion and politics rant!! I do this… a lot. Ha. Too much. Anyway! To me, religion and politics are the most important social fields, and large parts of me consider them nature fields. I'd really encourage you to fill them out, since they can act as vehicles to tell a LOT about your character. Religion can define openness to structure and tradition (organized religion followers tend to like structure, tradition, and appearances, whereas those things are less important to people who do not follow organized religion), and it can define worldview for non-religious characters (atheistic tends nihilistic, agnostic tends hopeful). Politics is cool to use to explore a character's openness to change! For even the most apolitical of characters, it works to rank them on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world.

History. So I cannot offer you any critiques here, only suggestions again. It's the same as nature: without explanations and narrative, I can't really get into this character's head. For backstory, you need to focus more on origins for traits than background information. For example, explain what his father's expectations are, and why he wants to defy them. Explain why he doesn't trust outsiders. Explain why he's distrustful in general. Things like that are SO important, since they shouldn't just happen in a vacuum - traits should be strongly rooted in backstory.

Okay!! That's all I have for you tonight. I'm sorry I couldn't say more!! Rolan has strong bones, but he needs much more explanation and nuance to grow as a character. If you'd ever like to come back around for a Round 2, I'd be happy to have you!! But for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll Alright, Thanks for the Ideas! This is the first character I've made and I was really curious how this would go. I'll definitely come back for a round two later on when I develop him more, but for now I'll just keep tinkering with specifics of his character.

Hello, folks! Rounding up early (kind of?) this evening…

Tonight's critique is for @tiredandconfused!

There is no one scheduled further than that !! This thread will still be considered active, and I will check and post regularly!

@/ Dibbobulous - Glad you liked it!! I'm excited to see that round 2! :D

All right, @tiredandconfused, let's do this!! Top down on Reid…

For starts, I don't know where you're getting an impression of underdevelopment from. Reid seems very well-developed, nearly as if not as developed as the other characters I've met! Don't worry too much! :D

There is one thing that I feel needs more explanation: Reid's recovery time. Here's what I mean. Reid loves to ask questions, pestering people with curiosity and naïveté. But he's also insecure and prone to embarrassment. Someone like that would probably shut down quickly from an offhand negative comment or even an exasperated expression. How does Reid bounce back from things like that? How long does it take him?

Backstory is solid and excellent!!! (also - mad props for non-binary representation in a fantasy setting!!!) One tiny thing, and it's more a plot note than anything. How did Reid manage to run away and find Kydrei with his limited life experience? Given that he retains his naïveté even through now, I'd expect that nothing happened to make him lose it. So how did he avoid dangers of nature and people on the road?

Okay!! That is all I have for you tonight! Leave your insecurities behind - Reid is a wonderfully well-developed character!! Thank you for coming by, and as always, I hope these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

It's pretty rough and I've done most of this while extremely tired but I was curious and think a second opinion will help smooth things out so I'd love a critique of this antagonist. I'm aware that I haven't explained things too well so just whatever areas I need to work on

@CinnamonRoll I think that once Reid feels hurt by a person, he immediately shuts down and it takes a long time for him to be receptive. Only when he feels sure they won't do something like that again will he begin to open up again. Reid was able to find Kydrei probably through a lot of luck. Kydrei was nearby around the time he left Izoran and he ran into people who knew Kydrei well and could help him find her. And growing up nearby he knew a bit about the area, he was careful to avoid places that he'd heard were dangerous. Thank you for the critique, I'm glad to hear that he's well developed.

Could you please give a critic to one of my main characters Medea? Medea Norrington

Heyy!! I'm back after much time! Remember my oc Rick? (I know it's been a while lol) I was wondering if you could critique his brother Johnny as well > Johnny Stonehand
I whipped his sheet up today so I'm not sure how well it all fits together. I'd greatly appreciate some feedback on him! :D

Hello, everyone!! Let's round up for tonight…

Per a rule I made several weeks ago (more to keep myself sane than anything) I don't do critiques the same day I see the links. So that means nothing from me tonight!

Tomorrow, though, it's time for @Reblod and @DragonSunGod!

And day after that, first spot is for @Young-Dusty!

@tiredandconfused - Glad you liked it!! And per the usual, your explanations are great and super helpful! :D

So I kinda went all out and I think I'm ready for a round 2 on Rol.