CW// SWEARING, GUN MENTION
(BASED OFF THE PLOT OF BRUTAL)
Griff: Suck it up
Charlie, in a hospital bed: I was fucking shot
Griff: ANd? Im high off my ass and i still drove here to see you
Charlie, bursting with rage: you'RE HIGH?? WHAT THE FUCK GRIFFIN! YOU'RE 16!
(BASED OFF THE PLOT OF PRESS START)
Griffin: -texts his crush-
Griffin: I regret nothing
-10 minutes later-
Griffin, texting: hey lmao sorry my brother stole my pho-
Daisy: I can't walk :(
Mycie: Then limp.
I know I wrote this like 5 years ago but it's still so fucking funny-
Daisy: I can't walk :(
Mycie: Then limp.I know I wrote this like 5 years ago but it's still so fucking funny-
It has no right to be so funny
Noah: how did the oyster get away from the crawfish
Aiden: I wanna get a divorce…
Noah: It- it used clam-afloge!
(Based off of a Tik Tok)
Ed: Hey Aiden i got u some tea since i thought it might help with your headache
Aiden: I’m in love with you- i mean what haha i didnt say that!
Jane: I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much.
Nich: I look back on being seventeen and think “holy shit, how did I not die?”
Algernon: Nobody cared what I thought when I was a kid. They’d say “What do you think you’re doing?” but that just meant “stop.”
Hank: I wonder what it feels like to know what the hell is going on.
Prof. Alden: You have illegal contacts?
Algernon: You don’t?
Ceza, to the rest of the squadron: And remember, if I get harsh with you, it’s only because you’re doing it wrong.
Everett: Let’s not jump to any conclusions.
Clyde: I didn’t jump. I took a tiny step, and the conclusions were there.
Alyssa: Are you okay?
Everett, looking off into the distance: In theory.
Everett: I apologize for behaving like a dick
Jane: We weren’t going to say it.
Clyde: I was.
Beck: There’s no need to ever ask me how I’m doing; it's safe to assume I'm crashing and burning at any given moment.
Algernon: Walked into a liquor store bleeding, that kind of night.
Jude: Ghost 101. One, knock book off shelf. Week two, uh, hold a candlestick in the middle of a hallway. Three… sheets.
Violet: You’re just going through the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.
Jude: No I’m not!
Alexei: Is that why you keep calling him “Fox”?
Carrie: That’s his last name.
Alexei: Is it?
Nich: Yes! You never bothered to find out?
Percy: Old people are so dramatic
Simultaneously
Erik: Who are you calling old?
Leda: I am not dramatic!
Everett: Sometimes when you intensely dislike a person, you just have to take comfort in the fact that one day, they will be dead.
Clyde: See, this is exactly why I sweep things under the rug. So people don’t get hurt.
Jane: Yes, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you have a lumpy rug, which creates a tripping hazard, and then you open yourself up to lawsuits. Wow, you can go a really long time without blinking.
Hazel: Clyde, what I’m about to tell you is so strange, no one in their right mind would believe it.
Clyde: Then I’m your guy.
Prof. Alden: Call me cynical, but is it entirely without the bounds of possibility that you have an ulterior motive?
Algernon: James, I hope you know me better than that. At any given moment I never have fewer than seven ulterior motives in play.
Robert: What’s going on?
Jane: Do you want the long version or the short version?
Robert: The short one.
Clyde: Shit’s fucked.
Dottie: Well I did go to summer camp. For two weeks. I got kicked out.
Hank: Kicked out?
Dottie: Yeah. It’s a long story. Suffice it to say I don’t like liars who steal nail polish and then pass out when you slap them a little bit on the back of the head.
Jane: Sorry, I think I need to be alone right now.
Later
Jane: Thanks for being alone with me, Clyde.
Georgie: My opinions don’t have to be consistent. I think whatever makes me feel nice at the time and there’s no law against that.
Sybil, doing her makeup: Some people say ‘don’t make the wings too big.’
Sybil: I like to make my wings big enough that one day, hopefully, I’ll be able to fly away from all my problems.
Alyssa, raising her voice slightly so she can speak to Hazel down at the other side of the grocery store aisle: Do you want any chips?
Hazel, at full volume: I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DORITOS.
Jane: It’s stupid.
Clyde: Hey, nothing we’ve done so far has been un-stupid, and we’re still alive, aren’t we?
Jane: I can’t really argue with that, but I feel like I should.
Dottie: What's my responsibility here? To comfort insecure men? That can’t possibly fall to me.
Clyde: One day I’m going to say “fight me” and someone is just going to fucking deck me.
Mike: Believe me, that day is closer than you think.
Tabitha: I’m fine, thank you for asking. But lately there has been this darkness growing within me.
Beck: I’m just a kid and life is a nightmare. No, really, I wake up every morning with existential terror.
Everett: I literally cannot decide who I am sometimes. It’s frustrating
Everett: Like am I an asshole? Do I really care a lot? I don’t know!
Dallas: How do you say saboteur in French?
Ara: Saboteur.
Dallas:
Ara: It's a French word, Dallas.
Nina: I'm a great dancer. I'm actually known as the Dancing Diva.
Ella: Is that true?
Nina:…No
Calidor: *sighs* Taven, I feel like you only understand 20% of what I'm saying.
Taven: Thanks!
Dallas: I'm glad you were there. If it had just been me, Andor probably would have died.
Ara: He wouldn't have died.
Dallas: You seem to be underestimating my incompetence.
Nina: Potatoes are the most versatile of foods. Not only can you make a variety of tasty dishes from them, but they're also solid enough that you can put a few russets into a sock to make a pretty effective weapon.
Nina: What’s going on?
Ella: Do you want the long version or the short version?
Nina: The short one.
Ella: Shit’s fucked.
Ravina: Call me cynical, but is it entirely without the bounds of possibility that you have an ulterior motive?
Milo: Ravina, I hope you know me better than that. At any given moment I never have fewer than seven ulterior motives in play.
Dallas: Andor, what I’m about to tell you is so strange, no one in their right mind would believe it.
Andor: Then I’m your guy.
Crispin: Sometimes when you intensely dislike a person, you just have to take comfort in the fact that one day, they will be dead.
Gerard: There’s no need to ever ask me how I’m doing; it's safe to assume I'm crashing and burning at any given moment.
Catalina: Let’s not jump to any conclusions.
Ella: I didn’t jump. I took a tiny step, and the conclusions were there.
Adelia: Are you okay?
Gerard, looking off into the distance: In theory.
Crispin: I apologize for behaving like a dick
Eva: We weren’t going to say it.
Kit: I was.
Ara, to the rest of the gang: And remember, if I get harsh with you, it’s only because you’re doing it wrong.
Dallas: I wonder what it feels like to know what the hell is going on.
Jackson: How do you say saboteur in French?
Victor: Saboteur.
Jackson:
Victor: It's a French word, Jackson.
Hazel: I'm a great dancer. I'm actually known as the Dancing Diva.
Alyssa: Is that true?
Hazel:…No
Christopher, sighing: Georgie, I feel like you only understand 20% of what I'm saying.
Georgie: Thanks!
Kay: I'm glad you were there. If it had just been me, Eliot probably would have died.
Imogen: He wouldn't have died.
Kay: You seem to be underestimating my incompetence.
Louis: Potatoes are the most versatile of foods. Not only can you make a variety of tasty dishes from them, but they're also solid enough that you can put a few russets into a sock to make a pretty effective weapon.
vibrates North Molar
–
Rose: I’m sick of this. Ice cream reminds me of my childhood.
Lila: You didn’t have a happy childhood?
Rose: My favourite toy was a hammer. You finish the puzzle.
————————————–
Zackery: so, what is Beth to you?
Lila: The reason I wake up every morning.
Zackery: …That’s adorable.
Beth earlier that morning, barging into Lilas room, banging pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!
————————————–
Rose: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Zackery: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.
————————————–
MC: hey, can I vent?
Zackery: like among us?
————————————–
Rose: So.
Rose: I'm in love.
Rose: with MC.
Rose: I'm in love with MC.
Michael:
Michael: Our MC?
Rose: Yes?
Rose: . . .thoughts?
Michael: And prayers.
————————————–
Isla, when Zackery is being nice to her: I have never met you in my life. You bastard. You fiend. Stop this at once.
Isla, when Zackery is busy and can't be with her right that second: Where are my kisses from brother? Where is my snuggles and cuddles that I crave so dearly? You are cruel and unjust, brother, and I am going to scream.
————————————–
Fraser, age 14: Can I come to the active crime scene?
Rose: Yeah, sure. Why not?
————————————–
Zackery: Damn girl, you a virgin?
MC: no
Zackery: Wanna change that?
MC: what
————————————–
Zackery: what does “baka” mean
Isla: moron
Fraser: idiot
Will: stupid
Zackery: ??? what did I do??
————————————–
Beth: The term “girlfriend” implies the existence of a “girlfoe”.
Beth: This is a service I am willing to provide.
————————————–
Colin: Hey- I didn’t catch your name.
MC: I didn’t throw it :/
————————————–
Rose: If I kill someone, would you tell on me?
Will: No, but I'd use it against you all the time.
Will: Like "Are you washing the dishes today or do I have to make a phone call?"
Carrie: I’m sick of this. Ice cream reminds me of my childhood.
Ayla: You didn’t have a happy childhood?
Carrie: My favorite toy was a hammer. You finish the puzzle.
Maura: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Jimmy: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.
Eliot: So.
Eliot: I'm in love.
Eliot: With Tabitha.
Eliot: I'm in love with Tabitha.
Imogen:
Imogen: Our Tabitha?
Eliot: Yes.
Eliot: . . .thoughts?
Kels, under her breath: And prayers.
Kels, age 14: Can I come to the active war zone?
Anton: Yeah, sure. Why not?
Sybil: The term “girlfriend” implies the existence of a “girlfoe”.
Sybil: This is a service I am willing to provide.
Jackson: If I kill someone, would you tell on me?
Morgan: No, but I'd use it against you all the time.
Morgan: Like "Are you washing the dishes today or do I have to make a phone call?"
Ara: What is you favourite literary vampire?
Andor: The Count from Sesame Street.
Ara: He doesn't count.
Andor: I can assure you he does.
Andor: Let’s have a drink to celebrate!
Dallas: I’m actually still underage
Andor: Oh right
Andor: Here’s a silly straw
Ella: Do you think lava would taste spicy?
James: Please do not eat lava.
Catalina: Actually, since Lava is Molten Earth, it would probably taste very bland and dusty.
Ella: Catalina, you're the only one here who understands me
Frank: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.
Crispin: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.
Catalina: I am a simple woman. I enter the kitchen. I eat four servings of carbs. I leave
Ella: It’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself at once.
Catalina: I like the way you think, friend.
Ara: See? This is my "I don't care" face
Andor: That’s your normal face.
Ara: Exactly.
Crispin: Okay, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea. Gerard’s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out.
Keyla: Do you have a plan to get us out of here alive?
Milo: Sort of. The idea starts with “run for it” and generally goes downhill from there.
Gerard: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Caleb: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.
amy (the most wonderful woman in the world): Who's you favorite literary vampire?
Erica: The Count from Sesame Street.
amy (the most wonderful woman in the world): He doesn't count.
Erica: I can assure you he does.
Algernon: Let’s have a drink to celebrate.
Tabitha: I’m actually still underage
Algernon: Oh, right.
Algernon: Here’s a silly straw.
Alice: Do you think lava would taste spicy?
Henry: Please don't eat lava.
Victor: Actually, since lava is molten earth, it would probably taste very bland and dusty.
Alice: Victor, you're the only one here who understands me.
Phebe: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.
Byron: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.
Alice: I am a simple woman. I enter the kitchen. I eat four servings of carbs. I leave
Jackson: It’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself at once.
Alice: I like the way you think, friend.
Tabitha: See? This is my "I don't care" face
Imogen: That’s your normal face.
Tabitha: Exactly.
Everett: Do you have a plan to get us out of here alive?
Clyde: Sort of? The idea starts with “run for it” and generally goes downhill from there.
[talking about the no-bones dog on tiktok]
Daedra: Is it just when a dog gets a bone?
Hyo: No.
Caliga: Do not word it like that.
Geobi: what
Daedra: Don't you want the dog to bone?
Caliga: That's even worse wording.
Hyo: Not those bones. their walking bones.
Daedra: HA! You fools. I found an NYT article explaining it to me!
Erica: "Bones Day." Is it just when a dog gets a bone?
Teagan: No.
Della: Do not word it like that.
Teagan: What.
Erica: Don't you want the dog to bone?
Della: That's even worse wording.
Teagan: Not those bones. their walking bones.
Erica: HA! You fools. I found an NYT article explaining it to me!
Eris: Let’s have a drink to celebrate.
Kaz: We're actually still underage
Eris: Oh, right.
Eris: Here’s a silly straw.
Kaz: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.
Eris: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.
Skyke: Are you okay?
Artimae, looking off into the distance: In theory.
Eris: My opinions don’t have to be consistent. I think whatever makes me feel nice at the time and there’s no law against that.
Kaz: So.
Kaz: I'm in love.
Kaz: With Eris.
Kaz: I'm in love with Eris.
Skyke:
Skyke: Our Eris?
Kaz: Yes.
Kaz: . . .thoughts?
Skyke, under her breath: And prayers.
Clyde: I'm gonna look back on being seventeen and think “holy shit, how did I not die?”
Sybil: Are you okay?
Ozzie, looking off into the distance: In theory.
Algernon: My opinions don’t have to be consistent. I think whatever makes me feel nice at the time and there’s no law against that.
Aleander, writing a letter: Dear Matthew, I hope this letter finds you a broken husk of a man.
Calidor: You don't have to agree with me to make me feel good.
Savona: Well, I hope you don't feel good.
Taven I love sleepovers
Farli: This isn’t a sleepover, you’re in the infirmary
Taven: Then what is this sweet party drink?
Farli: That’s a blood transfusion. I’m giving it to you so you don’t die
Taven: Truth or dare
Farli:
Farli: Dare
Catalina, whose first language isn’t English: Hello! I’m sorry if my English isn’t very good.
Ella, whose first language is English: Hte fuckign.
Taven: A girl could slap me on the head and I still wouldn't realize she was into me.
Keyla: *Slaps Taven across the back of his head*
Taven: Ow! What was that for!
Farli:…. I mean, he did tell her that wouldn't work for him specifically.
Catalina: I'm gonna look back on being sixteen and think “holy shit, how did I not die?”
Milo: My opinions don’t have to be consistent. I think whatever makes me feel nice at the time and there’s no law against that.
Byron, writing a letter: Dear Edgar, I hope this letter finds you a broken husk of a man.
Titania: You don't have to agree with me to make me feel good.
Oberon: Well, I hope you don't feel good.
Kels, whose first language isn’t commonspeak: Hello. I’m sorry if my commonspeak isn’t very good.
Kay, whose first language is commonspeak: Hte fuckign.
Percy: A girl could slap me on the head and I still wouldn't realize she was into me.
Alessandra: Slaps Percy across the back of his head
Percy: Ow! What was that for!
Aristotle:…. I mean, he did tell you that wouldn't work for him specifically.
Kels: I'm gonna look back on being eighteen and think “holy shit, how did I not die?”
To Byron
Isolt: It's okay to ask for help!
Erik: You're not a burden!
Phebe: Murder is okay!
Leda: Your feelings matter!
Douglas: Can you get me something to drink please?
Phebe: Unless you're literally dying, I'm not moving an inch.
Douglas, to Miette: Ask Byron and tell him we'll die if we don't stay hydrated.
Byron: Then perish.
Miette: You're not coming with me?
Erik: I'm not your dad.
Erik: Anyways, here's your sandwich. I'll pick you up at 5!
Erik: Love you!
Launce: Algie, why is our fridge full of Girl Scout cookies and vodka?
Algernon: You told me to go shopping.
Algernon: What are you writing?
Launce: Well, the Director wants to know what kind of weaponry we keep in the apartment. I'm just letting her know that's private information.
Algernon: …
Algernon: This just says "fuck around and find out."
Launce: Mmmhmm.
Launce: You're blocking the view.
Algernon: I am the view.
Byron, about Isolt: I'm sorry, can you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?
Oscar: Do you mean crying?
Alyssa: How many popsicles have you had today?
Hazel, lying in a bed of popsicle wrappers: Now is not the time to talk about my personal flaws as a human being.
Isolt, to Byron: Are you a writer? You have such an interesting vocabulary.
Oscar: No, he's just pretentious
Phebe: So, what are we doing?
Byron: Just existing, I guess.
Phebe: No, I—I mean for work tomorrow.
Byron: Oh. Be up by five.
Oberon: Do you have anything important to add? What was the most difficult thing y-
Robin: If I eated soap. I don't eat it bc I did. No I didn’t. ❤️
Hank, banging on the door: Open up!
Niklos, from the other side of the door: Sometimes I get sad…
J.B.: I wasn’t hurt that badly. The doctor said all of my bleeding is internal, and that’s where the blood is supposed to be.
Clyde: The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.
Clive: Hey, Dottie, what does ‘y/n’ mean?
Dottie: Your name.
Clive, going back to reading: Clive stared into Clive's eyes-
———
Jay: Any news?
Doctor: Im just waiting for your x-ray
Jay: I've never dated anyone named ray.
Doctor: and we might do a brain scan
————————————–
Colton: [standing outside holding a sign that says 'prom?']
Eric: Omg yes!
Colton: No- tell Memphis!
Eric: Memphis, I'm going to prom with your boyfriend!
————————————–
Jay: Im not STUPID Runner- my general knowledge is better than yours!
Craig: Spell orange.
Jay: The fruit or the colour?
————————————–
Officer: What are your names?
Jack: Don't tell 'em Dennis !
Officer: So you're Dennis?
Dennis: Nice one, Jack
Officer: and this is Jack, great.
————————————–
Craig: One day, you'll be a father.
Eric: I am a father.
Craig: Dennis doesn't count
Eric, slamming his hands on the table: He is MY SON !
————————————–
Colton: Do you want some tea?
Shane: What are the options?
Colton: yes or no.
————————————–
Craig: Firecracker thinks you can't stand him
Shane: Thats because I can't.
————————————–
Markus: Nice doggy you got :)
Officer: yep, he's my drug sniffing dog
Memphis: Ah, still in training, huh?
Markus: huh?
Officer: what??
Memphis: hm??
————————————–
Jack: [crying]
Dennis: Jack,, c'mon,,
Jack: …
Dennis: You're making my sandwich sad.
Jack: [cries harder]
————————————–
Jay, after bring a nuisance for 5 hours now: music is just wiggly air.
Craig, on the verge of tears: Please. don't do this.
————————————–
Memphis: Hey, Shane. What are some things that turn on?
Shane:
Shane: Did you forget the word "you", or do you really want to learn about the wonders of electricity from me?
————————————–
Eric: Christmas is cancelled.
Markus: You cant cancel a holiday.
Eric: Keep it up, FightClub, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Markus: What ??
Eric: Dennis, take New Year's away from Markus.
I’M ALIVE
~
Ethan: Oi, I just found a snake and I’m keeping it, what should I name it?
Reese: yOU WHAT??
Minnie: Barack Cobrama
~
Ethan: Eh, I’d have to think about that one.
Minnie: (patting him on the back) Well don’t think too hard, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself!
Ethan: >:O
~
Minnie: I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I’m under.
~
Ethan: You must be pretty desperate to come to me with this, but I’ll consider helping. Here’s my card.
Ethan: (slides wanted poster across the table)
~
Minnie: I’ve been dropping the most insanely obvious hints for, like, a year now. No response.
Sage: Wow, they sound stupid.
Minnie: That’s the thing, though! They’re actually really intelligent, just dense.
Sage: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Just straight up say “Hey, I love you.”
Minnie: Maybe that would work…
Minnie: Hey Sage, I love you.
Sage: See, just say that!
Minnie: Holy fucking shit-
Sage: If that flies over their head then, sorry Mina, but they’re too dumb for you.
Minnie: Sage-
~
Sage: Two pals!
Minnie: Chillin’ in a hot tub!
Sage: Five feet apart cuz’ we’re not gay!
Minnie:
Sage:
Minnie: (tearing up)
Sage: Babe, c’mon-
Minnie: AND HERE YOU REALLY HAD ME THINKING WE HAD SOMETHING.
Sage: Baby-
~
Minnie: Do you want to know your gay name?
Sage: My… my gay name??
Minnie: Yeah, it’s your first name-
Sage: Oh, very funny Minnie-
Minnie: (gets down on one knee) And my last name.
Sage: Oh- oh my god-
~
Sage: So, you like cats?
Minnie: Yeah, why?
Sage: Oh… no reason…
Sage: (slowly pushes glass of water off the table)
~
Minnie: (sneezes)
Reese: (down the hall) Bless you.
Reese: Go to sleep.
Reese: We have training.
Barry: Any news?
Doctor: I'm just waiting for your x-ray
Barry: I've never dated anyone named Ray.
Doctor: And we might do a brain scan.
Helena: What are your names?
Nell: Don't tell her, Joan.
Helena: So you're Joan?
Nich: Nice one, Nell.
Joan: Leave her alone, Nich.
Helena: Okay, Nich and Joan, got it.
Henry: Do you want some tea?
Victor: What are the options?
Henry: Uh, yes or no?
Aristotle: Isolt thinks you can't stand her
Byron: That's because I can't.
Henry, texting: Hey, Vic. What are some things that turn on?
Victor:
Victor: Did you forget the word "you", or do you really want to learn about the wonders of electricity from me?
Richard: Christmas is cancelled.
Everett: You can't cancel a holiday.
Richard: Keep it up, Everett, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Everett: What?
Richard: Sarah, take New Year's away from Everett.
new characters incoming
Blaze: I’m hardcore, made of steel, and haven’t felt an emotion since 2004.
Qili: I caught you crying over baby seals just two hours ago.
Blaze: Of course I care about all of you equally!
Qili: We were attacked while you were away.
Blaze: Is Riyah okay???
Evaryx: Observe.
Evaryx: EVERYONE, The floor is lava!
Ceryn: [helps Qili onto the counter]
Nova: [pushes Blaze off the sofa]
Evaryx: As you can see, there are two types of people–
Blaze, writing a strongly worded letter: Dear The Force, when I asked if my day could get any worse - it was a rhetorical question, not a goddamn challenge
Blaze: How did you get pass the guards?
Nova: I flirted with them.
Blaze: Why am I not surprised?
Nova, smug: Because it works on you.
Blaze, blushing: Wha-
Nova: Don’t kill me, I have a wife!
Enemy: You think I care about that?
Nova: No, this isn’t a plea for mercy. It’s a warning.
Enemy: Wha-
Blaze: [kicking down the door] ARE YOU READY TO DIE?!
Riyah: Do you know what true strength is? Forgiving a person who isn’t sorry.
Blaze: Not to be dramatic, but I would much rather die.