forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @HighPockets group

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Abel: How do I look?
Rhyda, a blind woman: Like a cheap harlot from New Jersey.
Abel: From New Jersey?!

Drew, texting Grace: I just walked into a bar and somebody yelled dibs.
Felix, texting Rhyda: HELP I'M DRUNK AND I JUST SAW DREW COME INTO THE BAR AND I YELLED DIBS

Danny and Cole: In a hot tub
Shea, walking by: Two bros chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart 'cause they're not–
Danny and Cole: [Start making out]
Shea: …

Shea: Am I a bad girl?
Bianca: Yeah, you're a bad girl.
Shea, pulling her closer: Oh yeah? So, how bad am I?
Bianca, remembering Shea saying she didn't want dessert and then eating hers: You're a nightmare to be honest.

Paisley: Don't say anything. Just act cool.
Grace, starting to shiver: Like this?
Paisley: No, I mean act calm.

Drew, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

Paisley: You're a loose cannon, Felix.
Felix: No I'm not. I'm a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Grace: I think you play by your own rules.
Rhyda: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken.
Shea: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Felix: Nah, I'm just a reckless renegade. Abel is a loose cannon.
Abel: [Breaks a chair]

Paisley: I’ve created a map of all the places where Shea could be.
Grace: That’s…a map of the whole world.
Paisley: I have no idea where she is.

Abel: In short; wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like you've been sent to assassinate some sort of important CEO.

Rhyda: Oh, don't worry! I don't bite!
Felix: ….
Rhyda: Actually, I did bite a kid once-

Grace: If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same.
Abel, mouth full of takeout: Kill two.

Grace: Have you ever been told your tenacity can be a bit intimidating?
Paisley: Yeah, every day of my life since I was eleven.

Paisley, walking in on Shea and Rhyda trying to light Felix on fire: I am at a loss for words!
Grace, narrating: Despite being at a loss for words, Paisley lectured them for the next half hour.

Shea: What is love?
Paisley: A neurochemical reaction.
Grace: An emotional minefield
Felix: Baby don't hurt me~

Donovan: So, what are all of your skills?
Abel: I can turn into water vapor molecules at will and possess you.
Paisley: I can manipulate glass and travel through it.
Shea: I can trigger your amygdala to go into overdrive and kill ya.
Felix: I can manipulate light to make illusions.
Rhyda: I can see anything and everything within 20 miles using vibrations.
Grace: I make good life decisions.
Donovan: That’s not really-
Felix: No, trust us. She’s our most important member.

Izzy, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.
Fantasia: You're eight-

Kalif: May I please have your attention?
Everyone: …
Kalif: Thanks for the attention.

Emily, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

Lilly: In short; wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like you've been sent to assassinate some sort of important CEO.

Kyla: Ozzie, shut the fuck up
Lilly: Kyla! Language! Ozzie, shut the fuck up.

[phone rings]
Paisley: [reaches for it]
Felix: [grabs her arm without looking and death glares into her soul]
Felix: No phone calls during American Idol.

Grace: Pais, you don't have to stay, you've done enough.
Paisley: Nah, it's fine. I'm a workaholic.
Paisley: [leaves]
Rhyda:
Rhyda: YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING THE WORKAHOL?

Felix, drunk: Y'know I love your style. You both chose to wear purple.
[Abel and Paisley, look down at their clearly not purple clothes]

Paisley: You’re really pushing all my buttons, Felix!
Felix: Which one is “mute”?

Donovan, being threatened by Felix: Y'know what, I have age, experience, a beard, what do YOU have, baby?!
Felix: … A gun?
Donovan: Yeah, that beats all those things.

Abel & Felix: [coming back from the game store, arms full of games & merch]
Paisley: How did you pay for all of that?
Abel: We may or may not have mortgaged the Compound.
Paisley: What!?

Grace: The real treasure is the friends we made along the way!
Abel: No, I want my fucking gold.

Paisley, to the Six: You guys are not making my life easy right now.
Abel: Do we ever?
Paisley: Good point.

Grace: Man, I don't feel too well. You got anything for a stomach ache?
Abel: Uh… [places a knife on the table]
Grace: Ok… not quite what I'm looking for, but we'll keep that as a plan B.

Phone rings
Geneva: Reaches for it
Jackson: Grabs her arm without looking and death glares into her soul
Jackson: No phone calls during American Idol.

Helsie: Sal, you don't have to stay, you've done enough.
Sal: Nah, it's fine. I'm a workaholic.
Sal: Leaves
Shep:
Shep: HE'S BEEN DRINKING THE WORKAHOL?!

Algernon, drunk: Y'know I love your style. You both chose to wear purple.
Kitty and Lydia: Look down at their clearly not purple clothes

Trix, being threatened by Lyra: Y'know what I have? Age, experience, underlings. What do you have, baby?!
Lyra: A gun.
Trix: Yeah, that beats all those things.

Nich: Man, I don't feel too well. You got anything for a stomach ache?
Joan: Uh…
Joan: Places a knife on the table
Nich: Okay. Not quite what I'm looking for, but we'll keep that as a plan B.

Matthew: Sometimes I have to remind myself that the British don’t measure time differently than us.
Bobby: Wait, they don’t?

Dima: The Employer is going to kill us!
Lyra: Not if we kill her first!
Ness: NO ONE IS KILLING ANYONE!

Shep: Sal, shut the fuck up
Helsie: Shep! Language!
Helsie: Sal, shut the fuck up.

Shep: How petty can you get?
Sal: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Bobby: Kate has delicious lip balm.
Kristi: Wait, did you two kiss?!
Kate: No, the asshole just ate all my lip balm.

Ulla: Is it okay if I swear?
Kitty: Yes. To be a part of this rebellion, you must learn how to cuss.
Ulla: F
Kitty: Yes, go on!
Ulla: I’m nervous!

The Director: Let me just play devil's advocate here-
Algernon: Self-advocating? Bold move.
The Director: Fuck off.

Safie: I know everyone sees Static as the edgy one because she's all dark and broody or whatever.
Safie: But I do crazy things that can result in bad health too.
Safie: Eats raw cookie dough
Safie: See? I'm the real bad boy.

Martin: I brought reinforcements.
Rosa: You brought Swift?
Martin: Uh, no, but I brought the next best thing.
Dally: Hey.
Rosa: You brought Ganymede? The next best thing would have been Static!
Dally: Normally, I'd be offended, but you're not wrong.

Martin: I’d like a coffee and he’ll have a juice.
Dally: Escalus, I’m 16 years old.
Dally: I can order my own juice.

Shep: I'm five-ten, but I tell everyone that I'm five-eight so that Sal will stop telling people he's five-eight.

Sal: We did it. We won.
The Director: Slowly stands back up
Shep:
Sal:
Shep: Starts to point
Sal: No. We won. I'm not turning around to look at her. We won.

Launce: Send dudes.
Algernon: … do you mean ‘send nudes’?
Launce: No, I’m literally in a fight. Send backup.

Helsie: I've spent the last two hours worried that you were bleeding to death in a ditch. Now that I know you're okay, I just want you to be bleeding to death in a ditch.
Sal: Aw, you missed me.

Samuel: We can’t guard against every act of malfeasance. We have to do what we can when we can.
Nich: Malfeasance. Damn, Shafton, do you read the dictionary for fun?
Samuel: I also know the words "nuisance" and "irritant."

Clive: I don’t need to be gay and do crimes, because it’s already a crime to be gay on a few planets, and therefore in breach of my contract.

Helsie: Someone's coming. Someone you don't like and who doesn't like you.
Sal: Stars, Helsie, that could be anyone!

Bobby: Do you want to hang out this weekend?
Graham: Generic excuse
Bobby: Did you just say "generic excuse" out loud?
Graham: Passive rebuttal.

Byron: Thanks, dad.
Byron: …Why is everyone staring at me?
Percy: You just called Erik 'dad'. You said 'thanks, dad'.
Byron: What? No, I didn't. I said 'thanks…man'.
Erik: Do you see me as a father figure, Byron?
Byron: What? No! If anything I see you as a bother figure, because you're always bothering me.
Percy: Hey! Show your father some respect!

Aristotle: It's Byron's birthday today!
Alessandra: Oh. Happy birthday, Byron.
Percy, jokingly: He's turning 49.
Byron: Gods, it sure does feel like that.
Aristotle:
Alessandra:
Percy:
Aristotle: He's turning 23.

Rhyda: Sometimes I have to remind myself that the British don’t measure time differently than us.
Felix: Wait, they don’t?

Paisley: Donovan is going to kill us!
Abel: Not if we kill him first!
Grace: NO ONE IS KILLING ANYONE!

Felix: Paisley, shut the fuck up
Rhyda: Felix! Language!
Rhyda: Paisley, shut the fuck up.

Shea: How petty can you get?
Paisley: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Shea: Bianca has delicious lip balm.
Crimson: Wait, did you two kiss?!
Bianca: No, the asshole just ate all my lip balm.

Grace: Is it okay if I swear?
Felix: Yes!
Grace: F
Felix: Yes, go on!
Grace: I’m nervous!

Donovan: Let me just play devil's advocate here-
Shea: Self-advocating? Bold move.
Donovan: Fuck off.

Grace: I know everyone sees Shea as the edgy one because she's all dark and broody and abandoned us all on a rebellious phase or whatever.
Grace: But I do crazy things that can result in bad health too.
Grace: [Eats raw cookie dough]
Grace: See? I'm the real bad boy.

Grace: I brought reinforcements.
Rhyda: You brought Paisley?
Grace: Uh, no, but I brought the next best thing.
Felix: Hey.
Rhyda: You brought Felix? The next best thing would have been Abel!
Felix: Normally, I'd be offended, but you're not wrong.

Paisley: I'm five-ten, but I tell everyone that I'm five-eight so that Abel will stop telling people he's five-eight.

Felix: We did it. We won.
Shea: [Slowly stands back up]
Paisley:
Abel:
Grace: [Starts to point]
Felix: No. We won. I'm not turning around to look at her. We won.

Abel: Send dudes.
Felix: … do you mean ‘send nudes’? Because absolutely not bro-
Abel: No, I’m literally in a fight. Send backup.

Paisley: I've spent the last two hours worried that you were bleeding to death in a ditch. Now that I know you're okay, I just want you to be bleeding to death in a ditch.
Felix: Aw, you missed me.

Paisley: We can’t guard against every act of malfeasance. We have to do what we can when we can.
Shea: Malfeasance. Damn, Pais, do you read the dictionary for fun?
Paisley: I also know the words "nuisance" and "irritant."

Felix: I don’t need to be gay and do crimes, because it’s already a crime to be gay in a few countries, and therefore in breach of my contract.

Grace: Someone's coming. Someone you don't like and who doesn't like you.
Paisley: God, Grace, that could be anyone!

Shea: Do you want to hang out this weekend?
Paisley: Generic excuse
Shea: Did you just say "generic excuse" out loud?
Paisley: Passive rebuttal.

Guard: What’s your name?
Shep, whispering to Sal: Can I tell him my real name?
Sal: No!
Shep: I’m…Sal Bryhme
Sal, whispering to himself: The one time someone gets my last name right…

Ness: Let me get this straight, you think that killing those guys is funny?
Lyra: I do, and I'm tired of pretending it's not.

Launce: I feel like I'm always saving your ass.
Algernon: It's an ass worth saving.

Jane: I would honestly be happy just lying in a pile of paper shreds.

Helsie: Do you like cilantro? Some people can’t taste it properly.
Sal, taking a piece of cilantro: Pfft, imagine being some kinda loser who can’t taste cilantro properly-
Sal: Puts it in his mouth and immediately spits it out in disgust

Erik: Is it okay if we stay with you tonight?
Ginny: Of course. Our door is always open.
Byron, delirious from blood loss: Is that why you don’t have any furniture?

Echo: Smirks
Draiden: Why are you so chirpy today?
Echo: Can't I just smile when I want?
Draiden: No, no, something defiantly happened
Mic: pops out of sewer She tripped Kip in the parking lot, causing him to fall on his face, loose his teeth and drop the potion he was working on!
Echo: burst into laughter IT TURNED HIS UGLY FACE PINK!!
Draiden:
Draiden: You have many issues.
Echo: Jealous?

Sal: I only feel one emotion and it's anger.
Helsie: Last night you drunk texted me a thousand heart emojis.
Sal: Out of anger.

Hank: Why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would be excited just to have a bunk bed.
Simon:
Oona:
Niklos:
Clive:
Dottie: I'm gonna tell him.
Grady: Don't you dare-

Shep: You were happy once, you know.
Sal: I was never happy. I was just less pissed off.

Dottie, doing makeup: Some people say "don’t make the wings too big"
Dottie: I like to make my wings big enough that one day, hopefully, I’ll be able to fly away from all my problems.

Helsie: It’s bad for you to eat after 9 pm
Sal, eating cereal at 3 am: Thank the stars that time's an illusion

Shep: I can't seem to do anything right now.
Sal: Huh. I never thought I'd have to say this, but there is only space in this family for one unstable relative, and I've held that title for a very long time, so you're gonna to have to get it together.

Livia: Honey bun?
Grady: Yes?
Livia, blushing: I meant, would you like one?
Grady: Oh. Yes, sure. Sugar?
Livia: Yes?
Grady, also blushing: I was just asking if you wanted sugar in your coffee.
Livia, flustered: Oh! Yeah. Sure.
Both: Completely flustered
Dottie, from a distance: Even I’m getting embarrassed from watching them.
Niklos: I think I know what you mean.

Tabitha: To be honest, I think of you all as fr… f…
Imogen: Almost there!
Tabitha: F… fffff… frien…
Eliot: Take your time.

Bastian: Oh, their breadsticks are like crack
Isaak: I love when people say "like crack" when they have obviously never done crack
Bastian: Well, their breadsticks are like what then, Is? What can I use?
Isaak: I don't know. "The breadsticks are like money laundering"?

Tabitha: You're a manipulator
Algernon: I like to think of myself as an outcome engineer

Rista: Does something dramatic
Isaak: I don’t know her.
Rista: He’s lying, we're siblings!
Isaak: -twice removed.

Isaak: Why does this salad taste so bad?
Bastian: Hey, I worked hard on that.
Isaak: Did you at least wash the lettuce?
Bastian: Of course! I even used soap.

Sal: Remember that time when you dared me to lick that swing set?
Helsie: No, I said “Sal, don’t lick that swing set” and you said “don’t tell me what to do, Helsie!” and then you licked the swing set.

James: Are you going to help, or are you too pretty?
Algernon: I’m too pretty

Shep: What the hell is wrong with you?!
Sal: I have this weird self esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I'm better than almost everyone else

Sal: I trust Shep.
Helsie: You think he knows what he's doing?
Sal: Well, I wouldn't go that far

Helsie: My boyfriend has…a challenging personality.
Helsie: He's mostly a brat, but every once in a while, he can be a bitch.
Sal: I'm standing right here.

Shep: I could get killed! Or worse, Helsie will give me the responsibility lecture again!

Algernon: I hate it when I’m hot and someone tells me to ‘take your jacket off’. No, this is my outfit.

Cyrus: Remember, Quill, you can't have witnesses if they're dead!
Quill: That's a neat trick.

Dally: New phone just dropped!
Anthony: Well, pick it up.

Quill: It's almost Valentine's Day, and love is in the air!
Quill: But so is covid, so I'm staying inside.

Dally: Do you remember?
Anthony: Remember what?
Dally: The twenty-first night of September
Anthony: No, what happened?
Dally: Love was changing the minds of pretenders
Anthony: What the hell are you talking about?
Dally: While chasing the clouds away-ayy

Quill: Please allow me to work at this pharmacy. I am definitely cisgender and can very much be trusted around estrogen

Quill, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

Cyrus: I fucking hate fruit flies. Seriously, get out of my face, I'm not a fruit.
Cyrus:
Cyrus: Wait

Cyrus: Are you going to help, or are you too pretty?
Jack: Hmm.
Jack: I’m too pretty.

Dally, putting on eyeliner: Some people say "don’t make the wings too big."
Dally: I like to make my wings big enough that one day, hopefully, I’ll be able to fly away from all my problems.

Joey: Remember, Baroque, you can't have witnesses if they're dead!
Safie: That's a neat trick.

Jackson: New phone just dropped!
Victor: Well, pick it up.

Jane: Please allow me to work at this pharmacy. I am definitely cisgender and can very much be trusted around estrogen.

Cyrus: Believe it or not, I’ve got a driver’s license.
Cyrus: I made it myself!

Quill: Who was Michelangelo again?
Dally: He’s a fucking turtle, dumbass.

Jack: I'm trying to be like Willy Wonka. You know, a kind and mysterious mentor figure!
Emmett: Who is directly responsible for the probable deaths of several children.
Jack: Ah, technicality.

Quill: I've always wanted to see the inside of a water tower. You just know they hide some good stuff in there.
Anthony: …Water. They hide water.

The Devil: So, hey, I bought your soul last month, and-
Anthony: No refunds.
The Devil: Please. It's making me sad.

Felix: Hey, wasn't the world supposed to end in 2012? That was a great plan, who fucked that one up?
Quill: Some cartoon protagonist with the power of friendship, probably.

Quill: Why do we have to get all dressed up for church, anyway?
Anthony: To show God that we have our act together.
Quill: But he already knows we're lying!

Dally: I'm going to defeat you with the power of friendship!
Dally: Oh, and this gun I found.
Cyrus: Maybe the real treasure was this gun we found along the way.

Cyrus: Hope everyone's having a fucking day.
Anthony: Easily one of the days I've had all week.

Mariam: You're cute, but you're also selfish and narcissistic to the point of near delusion.
Mariam: Leaves
Luc: She thinks I'm cute!

Annette: Would you sleep with Mariam for $100,000?
Luc: Hmm. Would I have to pay her all at once or could I pay by installments?
Luc, five seconds later: oH-

Mariam: Luc, what do we do?!
Luc: I don’t know!
Annette: You're the oldest!
Luc: Not mentally!

Luc: What can I say? I'm charming and irresponsible.
Luc: I meant irresistible-
Mariam: No, you were right the first time.

Rista: They call me coffee ‘cause I grind so fine.
Bastian: Stars, why are you like this?
Cath: They call me coffee because I keep you up past 2 am.
Bastian: Ew, stop.
Isaak: They call me coffee because I’m really bitter and people don’t like me without changing some aspect of who I am.
Bastian:…Oh.

Mariam: Accept your flaws, you'll feel better. It worked for me.
Luc: You accepted your flaws?
Mariam: No, I accepted yours.

Mariam: Are you decent?
Luc: Morally? No. But I am wearing pants if that's what you mean.

Bastian: So, are there any men in the picture for you?
Cath, leaning forward: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately.

Mariam: Do you have any sort of plan to get us out of here alive?
Luc: Sort of. The idea starts with "run for it" and generally goes downhill from there.

Annette: Why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would be excited just to have a bunk bed.
Luc:
Mariam:
Luc: I'm gonna tell her.
Mariam: Don't you dare-

Annette: Here’s a concept. Me, eating strawberries and peaches on a hillside where I am far from everything I know.

Hazel: What's your blood type?
Alyssa: Don't worry, I'm not picky, I can drink any kind.
Hazel: What?
Alyssa: What?

Mariam: Fugitive or not, it's nice to be wanted.

Ara: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren

Milo: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

Richard: I raised a perfectly sane and helpful family.
Matthew: You have another family we don’t know about?

Ella: This is… So dumb.
Catalina, standing on Ella's back: The higher I am, the better I can see.
Ella: You can- You can fly with your gift.
Catalina: Hush now Ella, I am searching.

Crispin: Something’s off.
Gerard: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.
Crispin: No, but that’s funny.

Taven: So you like cats?
Keyla: Yeah.
Taven: *tries to impress him by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

Gerard: Everyone else's tragic backstories gave them mad skills, but all I got were trust issues and anxiety.

Crispin: What doesn't kill me should run because now I'm fucking pissed.

Keyla: Do you have any sort of plan to get us out of here alive?
Milo: Sort of. The idea starts with "run for it" and generally goes downhill from there.

Taven: What can I say? I'm charming and irresponsible.
Taven: I meant irresistible-
Keyla: No, you were right the first time.

Crispin: I'm going to defeat you with the power of friendship!
Crispin: Oh, and this knife I found.
Leo: Maybe the real treasure was this knife we found along the way.

Dallas: Who was Michelangelo again?
Andor: He’s a fucking turtle, dumbass.

Pietyr: You’re under arrest!
Tabitha: No I’m not.
Pietyr, under his breath: Damn it.

Dima, after winning a fight: It’s like we just cleared a video game on easy!
Trix: Real combat is NOT like a video game.
Lyra, in the background: Look! Coins!

Lydia: Where’s Tereza?
Kitty: She went out.
Lydia: She's grounded!
Kitty:…is she not allowed out when she's grounded?

Blaze and Nova: Reach for the last chicken nugget at the same time. Their fingers touch as they gaze into each other's eyes
Qili and Tern: reach for the last chicken nugget at the same time
Qili: Get the fuck off my chicken nugget

Blaze: I kinda wanna go to the gym. So I can get super strong and punch Tern in the face!
Ceryn: Yes! We should all do it!
Qili: Yeah! Let’s all punch Tern in the face!

Draiden: (walks into room with blood on his hands)
Circe: Saints of Lore what the hell happened to you!?
Draiden:
Draiden: The important thing is no one died
Circe: WHAT-
Draiden: Let me rephrase…
Draiden: No one significant died
Circe: WHO-
Draiden: Kip.
Circe: Ohh…
Circe: (walks out of room and comes back 2 minutes later with balloons) FINALLY!

Felix, sarcastically: Well, look at this rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Let me guess, you’re out to save the world!
Quill: Yeah, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Cyrus: Jack, this morning, I called you 'abhorrent' and 'reprehensible', and I’d like to withdraw that statement-
Jack: Oh, uh, thanks-
Cyrus: -but I can't. Those are just the two words that best describe you.

Anthony, at the slightest inconvenience: I'm going to kill someone.
Quill: Now, don't quote me on this, but I believe that murder is illegal.

Anthony: What the hell's going on in here?
Dally: Well, it's kind of complicated, but Cyrus-
Anthony: Got it. Forget I asked.

Quill, writing in her diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. There's blood on my hands. God is dead

Anthony: I just want someone to take me out.
Cyrus: Like…on a date, or with a sniper gun?
Anthony: Surprise me.

Felix: C'mon, guys, how many times do I have to apologize?
Cyrus: Once.
Felix: No.

Dally: Do you ever think? Because I, personally, do not.

Quill: We all have our demons.
Quill, grabbing Azazel: This is mine.

Nich, sarcastically: Well, look at this rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Let me guess, you’re out to save the world?
Jon: Yeah, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Mariam: Luc, this morning, I called you 'abhorrent' and 'reprehensible', and I’d like to withdraw that statement-
Luc: Oh, uh, thanks-
Mariam: -but I can't. Those are just the two words that best describe you.

Kels, at any inconvenience: I'm going to kill someone.
Algernon: Now, don't quote me on this, but I believe that murder is illegal.

Tobias: What the hell's going on in here?
Giulia: Well, it's kind of complicated, but Trinculo-
Tobias: Got it. Forget I asked.

Alyssa, writing in her diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. There's blood on my hands. God is dead

Joey: I just want someone to take me out.
Cameron: Like…on a date, or with a sniper gun?
Joey: Surprise me.

Barry: C'mon, guys, how many times do I have to apologize?
Giulia: Once.
Barry: No.

Jonah: Do you ever think? Because I, personally, do not.

Levi, writing in his diary with a glitter gel pen: IM losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. There's blood on my hands. God is dead.

Loren, sarcastically: Well, look at this rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Let me guess, you’re out to save the world!
Haven: Yeah, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Rossaine: What's your blood type?
August: Don't worry, I'm not picky, I can drink any kind.
Rossaine: What?
August: What?

Lo: Remember that time when you dared me to lick that swing set?
Haven: No, I said “Lo, don’t lick that swing set” and you said “don’t tell me what to do, Haven!” and then you licked the swing set.

Quill: Jack, Emmett won’t come out of his room.
Jack: Just tell him that I said something.
Quill: Said what?
Jack: Anything factually incorrect.
Quill: Got it!
Emmett, arriving moments later: Did you just tell Quill that the sun is a planet?

Murderer: Any last words?
Cyrus: Do you think I'm cute? Be honest.

Cyrus: When I said you should try being friendlier, this isn't what I meant.
Anthony, aggressively stirring a cup of tea: Oh, so now I'm too friendly? There's no pleasing you!
Dally, who broke into their apartment an hour ago: Two sugars, please.
Anthony: Coming right up.

Anthony: You broke up with her for a reason.
Cyrus: I know, I know. I’m just so tired of missing her. Tired of wondering why she hasn't called. Why hasn't she called?
Anthony: Maybe because you told her not to?
Cyrus: What are you, the Memory Person?

Dally: When do you usually go to sleep?
Anthony: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods.

Anthony: Thanks for opening my messages and not responding.
Felix, responding for the first time in weeks: All good, bro, any time.

Quill: I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck? No one ever asked me if I want to be a duck!

Anthony: You're an idiot.
Dally: That's the charm!

Emmett: No more making fun of me when I misuse dated cultural references, alright? Are we cowabunga on this?
Quill, sighing: Yes, okay, fine. We're cowabunga.

Officer Langely: What’s your name?
Midge, whispering to Dahlia: Can I tell him my real name?
Dahlia: No!
Midge: I’m…Dahlia Rose.
Dahlia:

Grace: Let me get this straight, you think that killing those guys is funny?
Abel: I do, and I'm tired of pretending it's not.

Rhyda: I feel like I'm always saving your ass.
Felix: It's an ass worth saving.

Drew: I would honestly be happy just lying in a pile of paper shreds.

Avon: Do you like cilantro? Some people can’t taste it properly.
Midge, taking a piece of cilantro: Pfft, imagine being some kinda loser who can’t taste cilantro properly-
Midge: [Puts it in their mouth and immediately spits it out in disgust]

Midge: Is it okay if we stay with you tonight?
Ransom: My door is always open.
Howie: Is that why you don’t have any furniture?

Paisley: I only feel one emotion and it's anger.
Grace: Last night you drunk texted me a thousand heart emojis.
Paisley: Out of anger.

Grace: Why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would be excited just to have a bunk bed.
Paisley:
Abel:
Shea:
Rhyda:
Felix: I'm gonna tell her.
Drew: Don't you dare-

Shea: You were happy once, you know.
Paisley: I was never happy. I was just less pissed off.

Grace, doing makeup: Some people say "don’t make the wings too big"
Grace: I like to make my wings big enough that one day, hopefully, I’ll be able to fly away from all my problems.

Paisley: It’s bad for you to eat after 9 pm
Felix, eating cereal at 3 am: Thank god that time's an illusion

Cagney: I can't seem to do anything right now.
Drew: Huh. I never thought I'd have to say this, but there is only space in this family for one unstable sibling, and I've held that title for a very long time, so you're gonna to have to get it together.

Bianca: Honey bun?
Shea: Yes?
Bianca, blushing: I meant, would you like one?
Shea: Oh. Yes, sure. Sugar?
Bianca: Yes?
Shea, also blushing: I was just asking if you wanted sugar in your coffee.
Bianca, flustered: Oh! Yeah. Sure.
Both: [Completely flustered]
Jeb, from a distance: Even I’m getting embarrassed from watching them.
Crimson: I think I know what you mean.

Paisley: To be honest, I think of you all as fr… f…
Grace: Almost there!
Paisley: F… fffff… frien…
Felix: Take your time.

Shea: Oh, their breadsticks are like crack
Abel: I love when people say "like crack" when they have obviously never done crack
Shea: Well, their breadsticks are like what then, Is? What can I use?
Abel: I don't know. "The breadsticks are like money laundering"?

Drew: You're a manipulator
Donovan: I like to think of myself as an outcome engineer

Felix: [Does something dramatic]
Santana: I don’t know him.
Felix: She’s lying, we're siblings!
Santana: -twice removed.

Rhyda: Why does this salad taste so bad?
Felix: Hey, I worked hard on that.
Rhyda: Did you at least wash the lettuce?
Felix: Of course! I even used soap.

Abel: Remember that time when you dared me to lick that swing set?
Grace: No, I said “Abel, don’t lick that swing set” and you said “don’t tell me what to do, Grace!” and then you licked the swing set.

Rhyda: Are you going to help, or are you too pretty?
Felix: I’m too pretty

Shea: What the hell is wrong with you?!
Felix: I have this weird self esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I'm better than almost everyone else

Paisley: I trust Abel.
Grace: You think he knows what he's doing?
Paisley: Well, I wouldn't go that far

Drew: My boyfriend has…a challenging personality.
Drew: He's mostly a brat, but every once in a while, he can be a bitch.
Felix: I'm standing right here.

Shea: I could get killed! Or worse, Paisley will give me the responsibility lecture again!

Felix: I hate it when I’m hot and someone tells me to ‘take your jacket off’. No, this is my outfit.

Shea: Believe it or not, I’ve got a driver’s license.
Shea: I made it myself!

Grace: Who was Michelangelo again?
Rhyda: He’s a fucking turtle, dumbass.

Donovan: I'm trying to be like Willy Wonka. You know, a kind and mysterious mentor figure!
Drew: Who is directly responsible for the probable deaths of several children.
Donovan: Ah, technicality.

Howie: I've always wanted to see the inside of a water tower. You just know they hide some good stuff in there.
Dahlia: …Water. They hide water.

The Devil: So, hey, I bought your soul last month, and-
Drew: No refunds.
The Devil: Please. It's making me sad.

Midge: Hey, wasn't the world supposed to end in 2012? That was a great plan, who fucked that one up?
Howie: Some cartoon protagonist with the power of friendship, probably.

Jeb: I'm going to defeat you with the power of friendship!
Jeb: Oh, and this gun I found.
Crimson: Maybe the real treasure was this gun we found along the way.

Bianca: Hope everyone's having a fucking day.
Shea: Easily one of the days I've had all week.