"I don't like to take drugs often. But when I do, there is something wrong."

"Cracking a cold guinea pig open with the boys"

W h a t

"Cracking a cold guinea pig open with the boys"

W h a t

…Even with context it doesn't make much sense but that's the top comment from this video ^

Ah I've seen it! Yeah not much sense

"aRE YOU BEING A TOILENORT?"

"What weirdo just subjected themselves to following this account?"

Guy on radio- to anyone celebrating a birthday today we have an interesting fact for ya.
Other person - ooh what?
Guy on radio - you share a birthday with a celebrity.
Other person - who?!
Guy on radio - o.j Simpson
Other person -complete and utter silence…

"Look at all the eyeballs!"
"Don't…"
"No seriously, look at all the black spots on the ends of these things"
"I like to call it pepper"
"Oh yeah, well then look at the pepper! Look at the perfectly placed pepper on each one of these BABY EELS"

My friend: So I ate five pieces of chicken and then I came-
My other friend: Kinky!
Me: You know that's not what they meant.
My other friend: Buuut you were thinking it too, weren't you?
Me: ….
Me: Maybe a little….
My friend: I hate you both.

"Spider nipple, that'd be a good superhero!"

"Les poissons. Les poissons. Hee hee hee. Hon hon hon."

"I pulled something in my leg from kneeling to King Henry."

"Les poissons. Les poissons. Hee hee hee. Hon hon hon."

That From the little mirmaid?

Yep. Now imagine a baritone saying that in a deadpan voice

Creepy as all hell…

"You're trash and trash should stay in the trash, trash."
"Wow, that got really aggressive really fast."

"Hey! Stop eating the garden!"

"Is that…toast?"
"No, it's the ten commandments"
"Huh? Oooh"

“I’m going to scream either way if he makes it or falls”

"Everyone likes to run in polyester and parachute pants"

“He’s literally soup on the ground”
“Tomato soup”

"Oh yeah, the ones with the uh… the… the uh… the face dongles!"

"Heck it's tails why I wanna know!!"

"Cats are kind of like kids."
"How so?"
"If you stick your foot in front of their face, they might lick it."
"NO!"

"Have you swallowed yet?! It's AMAZING after you swallow it! It's like a whale has washed up and someone as a prank stuck your open mouth in its cavity. Then the whale goes BOOM! It's like the juices that come out of that whale."

singing "ripping it out and putting another one in!"

"it only counts if it screams at you." Also
"That is a superior one"

"coVER THE BUNNY'S EYES!!"

"My sleep paralysis demon"

“I’m going to climb that.”