forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Just tell your cousin that it's not him maybe? That could be awkward but probably not as awkward as the current situation

we've moved on from that lol i said it wasn't him idk if he heard me but ya im just hoping he doesn't hate me more

my cousin doesn't even look like wilbur
maybe it's the hair or smth idk

Today I found out that my eight-year-old cousin's favorite movie is Bee Movie.
I've never been more proud to be related to her.

so i'm bullshitting my way through an assignment that's 90% of my grade and due two days ago. it's 11:15 right now, so i have to get it done in 45 minutes to at best get an 80% on it(assuming it's up to her standards)
um. it's stressing me out lmao

Askjdnskjdfnksej I'm really annoyed because I just feel so distant and empty. When I'm hanging out with my friends, I'm there physically, but I'm not there mentally and emotionally. All of my responses are automatic and I'm not really in the moment. I'm just on an empty autopilot mode and I'm not really me. Woot woot.

Work was hecccctic.

okay so happy vent
so on my way back from whidbey island (after leaving the ferry) today i swear a quarter just dropped out of the air my direction
at the time, i thought nothing of it and kept the coin

later in the car i was thinking of six
and i was really missing her
but then i was like
what if?
what if, say

when we die
our bodies may be gone but our spirits? those are immortal
and when we die our spirits leave the body to watch over all those who mourn them
and this is a special coin
i believe it was a coin sent to me from six, a small token
something to use to remember her with
to remember that im not alone
because she is with me
to make sure that i'm okay

and even though i cried a bit
i was missing her
i was in pain
it really really helped to have some belief that there was more than just nothing out there after you die
that somehow
she was still able to be with me, even if i cant see her

six is still with you because I personally believe that the universe works in weird ways and sends reminders sometimes and I think we can choose to believe it true that this is simply another reminder from the world that you are not alone. you are never as alone as you think you are. six is there, dear, and she's gonna be watching you grow and she's wanting you to keep going and I know that I don't know her but I know you and I think that you'll soon become someone she'd be proud of you.
oh god this got a lot more longer than i meant it to be, i'm so sorry
in a weird mood ig aksjdnka

thank you <3

Me: Has been having an existential crisis every other night for the past week
Me: Goes to watch some funnee videos
This fuckin video at 1:10(CW: discussion of death): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEmg8p0mwrg

Me: Has been having an existential crisis every other night for the past week
Me: Goes to watch some funnee videos
This fuckin video at 1:10(CW: discussion of death): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEmg8p0mwrg

. And I was going to take a mid-day nap-

Oh jeez I'm sorry Mosis–

Oh jeez I'm sorry Mosis–

Naw Ill be fine. It did say 30+ and I'm much younger than that.

TW- SH// Relapse

okay im so sorry I've just been rambling and i'm pretty sure there's small mistakes that i don't care to correct rn

irony of relapsing days before my psychiatry appointment tho
yes, logically i should tell them that happened however that means telling my parents as well and I would rather Not

aw i'm sorry aft ;;
please do tell them
it's important so that you can remember that there are 100% much safer coping methods okay?

welp
today is my next therapy session
hopefully I’ll be able to come up with a good enough excuse so I don’t have to come out yet
If word gets out I-
I’m in so much trouble?!
My friends would never speak to me again, I’d be put through conversion therapy, all my mental heath progress could vanish and I’d be back to square one, there’s so much that can go wrong and essentially nothing that could go right
I’m just so numb at this point I don’t know what to do
and to think this was the exact situation I used to make fun of people over…

If you've come out to your therapist, let them know that. If they force you to out yourself, they're breaking confidentiality between the two of you that should only be broken if someone poses a significant safety threat to themself or others.
They don't get to decide to out you and potentially ruin your relationships. Only you get to decide to come out.
If I were you, I would check out what your legal rights are concerning confidentiality. They're a bit more limited because you're a minor, but there's got to be something to it.

hahah why am i like this
its an endless cycle of fren feels bad, i feel bad bc i cant do anything to be there for them physically but i gotta do smth and then i just lose energy for awhile-

but like i shouldnt feel bad bc idk y but aaa

Take a rest if you need to, your friend probably doesn't want you to over-stress over them. Be easy on yourself, alright?

oh
silly me
right
logical thoughts
think logical thoughts izzy

i… can't promise that but i'll try, i guess

hi old friends my psychiatrist just cancelled our appointment that was supposed to be tomorrow and postponed it until january 29th and i wanted to get adhd meds before finals were finished but now i likely won't even get them before next semester starts, that is, unless i do what i always have to do and call his office and ask "can you prescribe me (insert medication here)" and go through his nurses as middlemen for a few days because i have to do everything myself because my psychiatrist doesn't do his job and the issue this time is that i don't even know what medication i need because vyvanse is too expensive and concerta makes my tourettes so bad i can't function and i have a few in mind so i can't just go "prescribe me all three and let me sample them like charcuterie!!!" because that's not how that works and aaaaagggghhhhhhh i've been struggling so much and waiting eagerly for this appointment for weeks and nope! no nothing can ever just be simple "yes let's make the mentally unstable 20-year-old try to navigate our bs healthcare system on her own because she's in such a good place to do that and her mental health isn't my priority even though i'm a psychiatrist and she's my patient"

welp
today is my next therapy session
hopefully I’ll be able to come up with a good enough excuse so I don’t have to come out yet
If word gets out I-
I’m in so much trouble?!
My friends would never speak to me again,

Would they though? Bc I still hang with you.

hi old friends my psychiatrist just cancelled our appointment that was supposed to be tomorrow and postponed it until january 29th and i wanted to get adhd meds before finals were finished but now i likely won't even get them before next semester starts, that is, unless i do what i always have to do and call his office and ask "can you prescribe me (insert medication here)" and go through his nurses as middlemen for a few days because i have to do everything myself because my psychiatrist doesn't do his job and the issue this time is that i don't even know what medication i need because vyvanse is too expensive and concerta makes my tourettes so bad i can't function and i have a few in mind so i can't just go "prescribe me all three and let me sample them like charcuterie!!!" because that's not how that works and aaaaagggghhhhhhh i've been struggling so much and waiting eagerly for this appointment for weeks and nope! no nothing can ever just be simple "yes let's make the mentally unstable 20-year-old try to navigate our bs healthcare system on her own because she's in such a good place to do that and her mental health isn't my priority even though i'm a psychiatrist and she's my patient"

Sounds like you should have someone help you look into finding a different psychiatrist, a psychiatrist that's willing to listen to and work with you.