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Got Philip to school at 7:55, he didn't want to be there. He clung onto my hand and said he didn't want to be at school. Honestly, I understand him, I don't want to be at college most days either because wow it's just energy that I don't have. Speaking of college, yes, I know I'm still on report for Art, and I'm working on it, but half the time I don't have the motivation to do anything because I'm so freaking drained. Not gonna lie, I'm angry at myself, probably why I hate myself all the time, and while I'm working on it, it's hard. I feel so sad all the time, mum, and I just don't really know what to do. I know I'm supposed to wash up every day, but when I have had a full day at college or a full day at work, I want nothing more than to just relax because I'm so drained all the time. Something that I don't understand is why we can't alternate jobs?? Like Andy doing the washing up and I do the laundry. It would make my life easier and I would be a lot happier if something like a rotation could be put in place at home. As for my room, I've let it get out of hand because I just don't have the motivation to keep it tidy and perhaps if my mood was better then I would actually want to keep it clean and tidy. I'm not lazy, I'm just severely unmotivated… I wear makeup a lot because I hate my face, I'm so conflicted about my appearance because half the time I want to be feminine, while the other half I want to be masculine, and only one of those I can do. I am so very confused about my identity, and I find it hard to want to talk to you about it because last time I mentioned something like this you all thought I was looking for attention, and I know it's a hard concept for parents. But it's something that affects me, it is me, and I just don't feel like I can be myself because I'm scared you'll think I'm seeking attention. I'm not, I just want to be myself, and I'm confused. I'm sorry this is a lot, but I really just wanted to get out what's been troubling me.