forum Share things nobody asked you to share

Started June 15, 2020 by @Knight-Shives group

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“I am not paper towel racist” -my little brother

Words spoken right there

Oh I have some of those, by my little sister

"Your mama is so fat that if you slapped her on the back she'd get sunburn"
"An alien took off his own eyeballs and said "Look I have a souvenir!""
"You will always have 5-9 problems in one of your lives"
(Whilst sitting on couch) "Get off my stinking lawn this is my pooperty"
"My legs have eyes in them so I can watch you in your sleep"
(Playing Scrabble) "I can add more to that!" (Looking at letter tray) "What can I do with all of these?"

And my personal favourite:
"When I sit on chairs, I wait for it to rain"

I’m betting your sister is under the age of ten…?
(My brother is thirteen and quotes like, “I am not paper towel racist” are common in this house…. My family’s weird….)

Most of those took place when she was nine and ten, yes.
Also, when my brother was thirteen, he was doing the dishes, took the bowl thingy out of our rice cooker, wore it as a hat, and did a tap-dance routine in the kitchen for me and my other brother at like 10 at night.

Yep, sounds like my family, except our bedtime (the offspring) is 8. (Even me, though I’m an adult….)

I mean my brother's idea of humour is to name our WiFi "FBI Surveillance Van"

Lmao, accurate

Nobody:
Me:

absolutely obsessed with this image

i just woke up
and from the moment i opened my eyes i knew things were gonna go wrong
and as i was heading downstairS,,,
i fell-

being up at 4 am sucks but apparently my brain wants to be awake at this time

IM BI AND IM PROUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm lesbian and i'm proud but also quite dead inside

I’m Gender Fluid and Pansexual and possibly Polyamorous, and as you can see I have never made a decision in my life! Lmao. I’m not entirely proud of it. Except for my Gender Fluidity. That I am proud of.

i just remembered how my math teacher called me a name i haven't even gone by before

so, i have my math teacher for study hall as well
and a girl was in the seat i sat in during math class so i sat in a different seat
and my math teacher looks at me and says "hey dakota"
so I'm just sitting there staring at her like she was some sort of alien creature
then i mumble "i'm…damian…"

god my math teacher's weird-

a lot of the shenanigans i get involved in at school nowadays normally happen in math class or study hall

i'm like just realizing this wtf

It’s because the universe knows that’s when you need them most, and it pities you at those times.

that might just be true whshahwhsahwhshw

My Spanish teacher said I could make as many Day of the Dead drawings as I wanted to, and I could bring them in

I have 22 days, I'm gonna start as soon as I get home
We have a three-day weekend, so that'll help me as long as I don't procrastinate

I'm tired and that's all I know.

To inaccurately quote a tik tok I saw in a compilation on YouTube last night:

“The sexual tension between me and dropping out of college has never been stronger than this moment.”

What? 😂

I’m dropping out of college. Sorry, college but this relationship we have is abusive and we just don’t have the chemistry. This was an arranged marriage. I demand a divorce.