So… I actually had a really good day… like.. actually. i had some bad moments, and about an hour ago things were coming to a close on a high note.
Until things went to pure hell. And now I'm up in my bed trying not to start sobbing and trying not to play with my bottom lip as it is a little swollen with teeth indents because I was biting down on it for about 15-30 minutes straight trying not to start sobbing on the way home from Cadets.
As much as I really really do love Cadets.. I may just make this my last year.
UPDATE:
the teeth marks on the inside of my lip are still there….
Okay, I have to go soon, but what happened that made you feel this way if you're willing to share? Also, please stop biting your lip, crying is okay ya know.
Okay, I have to go soon, but what happened that made you feel this way if you're willing to share? Also, please stop biting your lip, crying is okay ya know.
i had a really really good night at cadets, made a new friend, finally got my tunic, and was given an opportunity to lead my platoon (Group) for clean-up duty while our platoon commander was doing a crash course on drill with his new pacestick. (Basically he had to learn how to do drip while holding a decent sized pole under his arm so he wouldn't hurt anyone.)
So me.. I was put in charge of finishing a job I'm not familiar with because of the fact that I'm still really new to the corps. I was really happy with this because it wasn't something that would've happened back at my old corps, so I was eager to make sure it got done right.
I also had to go down to the supply office so I could get badges for my tunic, something I've been trying to replace since the beginning of the year since my old one got too small.
so.. long story short it took me about 20 minutes longer than normal to get out of the building, and I wasn't able to tell my mom via text because I was busy directing people ad worrying about my own crap.
So.. I finally escape the building and I'm heading to the car with a huge-ass grin on my face.. and not five minutes later I'm trying not to have a meltdown because the instant I opened the door my mom started almost screaming at me for being late and not texting her saying I had been very disrespectful and that if it happens again she'll pull me out…
Thing is… it's likely to happen again… because that's how Cadets works…
and if that keeps happening… it's not worth it to my mental health to come home from cadets and literally start sobbing as soon as I get in the house. so… I love the program… but if my mom won't let me participate without having her hanging over my like a black stormcloud it's just going to turn into stress.
Also the teeth marks are from me biting my lip all the way home so I wouldn't try to defend myself to my mom… because that was absolutely pointless and would've caused more problems… like always… I did it for the entire ride because I kept getting random comments like (And I paraphrase) "What if you had gotten kidnapped coming out the door? I wouldn't have known because you didn't text me."
then there's also the fact that I want to do extra curriculars for Cadets, (marksmanship, and possibly drill) but Marksmanship is on tuesday and my sister will want me to drive her to her cadets that day… almost half an hour away…
So now if I do marksmanship… (which i've wanted to do since I joined 3-4 years ago) I'm going to feel guilty because ALL of her extras are on tuesday.. so if i dont take her she won't be able to do and…
and now I'm crying again…
Ahh. I see. I'm sorry that this happened, Wolfheart. I understand what you are going through as far as stress and all that and I encourage you to make the choice that you feel is best at the moment. I'm sorry that you feel like you have to leave Cadets, but if you think that is best, then I say you should go for it. I'm here for you, Wolfheart. Remember that.
i really don't want to leave it though.. especially since I literally switched corps so I wouldn't have to quit.
i'm torn and I don't…
I just don't…
Then don't leave it. Maybe you could explain to your mom why you were late and why you weren't able to contact her about it. You clearly enjoy it a lot, and your mom being pissy about you being late shouldn't force you to quit. Do what you love, hon <3
At this point if I bring it up again it'll be called out as disrespect and then I'll get yelled at again….
Her big three are Disrespect, Disobedience, and Defiance….
I'm often guilty of all three, and if i bring it up again the last two will be on my list…
I wish I could give you some advice but I'm pretty sure my way of reacting to such things would only put you further down a hole. ^^;
On my end, my best friend and I are worried that we're losing both a close online friend and a real friend all because they started to date. It's a sucky situation tbh, but I won't go into it unless someone asks. Feels better already just saying the most basic part of it.
Someone new joined my DnD club in school yesterday and the discord along with it and for some reason i hate her and am just pissed off and i feel like a dick or a jerk since the only reason I don’t like her is because she joined the club and the campaign I’m in
Someone new joined my DnD club in school yesterday and the discord along with it and for some reason i hate her and am just pissed off and i feel like a dick or a jerk since the only reason I don’t like her is because she joined the club and the campaign I’m in
I wouldn't worry about it too much for now-sometimes your initial feelings towards somebody end up being right because the person turns out to suck-but if these feelings continue for more than a week or so and she's done absolutely nothing wrong, you're probably the one at fault.
My best advice is to avoid interaction whenever you can without seeming rude, try to get to know her just a little, and don't actively look for any reasons to further hate her.
The thing is that i did know her like a year ago she came back to this school. She’s in my last mod and i felt nothing towards her until she joined my club. Every time someone new joins i always get ticked off and start feeling rage/hatred sometimes jealousy along with that and its always for no reason other then they joined the club/campaign/discord and i suppose it might possibly be because i think that we were just fine they way we were before they came
The thing is that i did know her like a year ago she came back to this school. She’s in my last mod and i felt nothing towards her until she joined my club. Every time someone new joins i always get ticked off and start feeling rage/hatred sometimes jealousy along with that and its always for no reason other then they joined the club/campaign/discord and i suppose it might possibly be because i think that we were just fine they way we were before they came
Oof that’s probably jealous from her getting a lot of attention from the other members and dms. I’ll never treat you like that though, I’ll be here in the corner, come get me when you want. I kinda felt like that towards Jazzy, but only in 8th grade because Emi gave her all her attention and I didn’t like that because I was extremely attached to her, and well you as well, but not as much. Now I’m great friends with Jazzy because I told myself stop and yeet
Quick vent or whatever:
I’m passing most of my classes with 80’s, YEAH FUCK YOU DEPRESSION I’M GONNA MAKE MY MOM AND DEAD GRANDPA PROUD FUCK YOU DOUBTS AND ANXIETY EVEN THOUGH I STILL BULLY MYSELF!
Oh last night was a thing, I started my bullying my brain thing again, telling myself how worthless I am and how no one deserves my presence and that I should just kill myself. Yeah I stayed up most of the night crying to myself quietly as I through self doubts at myself repeatedly, I really need hugs.
Kylee. None of that is true. You shouldn't kill yourself and your presence is just fine. You are a star and I know you can shine bright just like anyone else in this world can. I offer you my support, and hell, take one of my awkward-ass hugs too.
I’m literally shaking with anger right now and I’m bouta cry in class…
Kylee i’ll give you a hug at the end of the day if i don’t leave early
Destiny my bean you are extremely jealous and I feel that. Just know I’m not going anywhere, if you need me I’ll drop literally everything for you, and if you cry I’ll go more crazy then when doctors try to give me blood work.
Also thanks everyone, it’s nice to see people who care, I met a lot of people care about me, and it makes me happy.
I’d rather you not see me cry, and i may or may not have already had two mini cry’s during this class period… idk if i should ask to just go home today or not…
Kylee, great job with your classes! If you ever see me through the day, you have permission to steal a hug from me lmao
BRO DESTINY I WILL FIND YOU AND GIVE YOU A HUG I HATE WHEN MY FRIENDS CRY IT HURTS MY SOUL
Also thanks, I’ve been a good girl and have been working hard. I will get a job I will help my mom you cannot stop me unless you kill me.
It may have moved up to three
Fuck depression up kylee
Hell yes.
You’re worrying me a lot Destiny, I think you should call home and see if your mom will pick you up, maybe relaxing at home will help more.
