forum Personal Venting Chat, New and Improved! (Without Jerks)

Started November 14, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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I HAVE ANXIETY OVER AN EXAM AND I FUCKING HATE IT AND I SHOULD BE STUDYING AND I'M NOT AND I DO NOT CARE AND JuSt
Incoherent screaming into the void

It seems like you do care of you have anxiety about it. Go study or stop complaining and don't complain if you don't do well.

I stabbed my fucking hand with a pencil.
It is bleeding.

I stabbed my fucking hand with a pencil.
It is bleeding.

I read this while eating a chip and proceeded to bite my lip, which is now bleeding :'(

A semi-long rant fueled by 4 cups of coffee and a lot of self-doubt that I needed to get out of my system before I go completely crazy:

I wish to see myself through a stranger's eyes, I want to see what im doing wrong, somedays I wish people were completely honest with me, but its a rarity nowadays. honest enough to tell me who I am and if I impacted them in any way. I fear being judged but I so desperate to hear their honest judgment and to change myself to the person people want me to be, I want to hear peoples thoughts when they look at me, I want to see what im doing wrong or right, but I know if people could read minds then I would be hated. I pretend im a nice person when deep down I know im horrible, the bad thoughts about all the people I consider friends swirl through my head constantly, some days are quieter than others, but they are never completely gone. 

but whats better then, the truth or lies?
it might not make sense to any of you but it makes sense to me, ignore it if you want ig 

Hi and I'm having a lot of depression thoughts with suicide involved. I don't know what to do.

For once I’m consistently not depressed and want to fucking kill myself. Yee

It seems like you do care of you have anxiety about it. Go study or stop complaining and don't complain if you don't do well.

I had anxiety over it because if I somehow manage to fail the class I have to do it again and I DESPISE that subject.

It seems like you do care of you have anxiety about it. Go study or stop complaining and don't complain if you don't do well.

I had anxiety over it because if I somehow manage to fail the class I have to do it again and I DESPISE that subject.

So study.

The exam is over.
And I did study.
Just let me have my adrenaline/anxiety-fueled vents…
(There will be another on wensday.)

im so tired of always trying to just be there for someone and then they dont appreciate me and
everyone is tearing me down
and im so sick of everything and trying to be happy for others
everyone leaves me behind and im just
UGGGGH

The exam is over.
And I did study.
Just let me have my adrenaline/anxiety-fueled vents…
(There will be another on wensday.)

… _Wednesday

The exam is over.
And I did study.
Just let me have my adrenaline/anxiety-fueled vents…
(There will be another on wensday.)

… _Wednesday

_{Never could spell it right…}

Listen up, my friends:
« Taking your own life. Interesting expression, taking it from who? Once it’s over, it’s not you who’ll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it. »

Sherlock?

whaaaaat nooo

I don’t usually use this chat for my own negative thoughts, but here’s this for a thought in my mind today.

I’m so sick today. I’m so sick of it all.

I’m sick of being a student, I’m sick of being a friend, I’m sick of even existing where people can even begin to see me today.

Not to the point where I’d want to do anything to myself.

Just to the point where I’d want to go somewhere secluded and take care of myself physically for a while.

I’m tired of having my thoughts somewhere else, somewhere where they won’t be heard by anyone, even if I tell them. I’m supposed to be the “therapist” of the group. I’m not supposed to have my own mental problems or frustrations or road blocks.

I’m just better off, huh?

They don’t know what to do for me, but I’m the one they can tell everything to, and I have a solution, for I TELL THEM WHAT I THINK

I can’t tell myself what I think, the damn hard truth.

Because that’s what I can’t accept.

it pisses me off.

I can tell myself anything, but today, nothing’s working. Nothing’s going right, no one’s acting right, life just isn’t right today.

Mood

The exam is over.
And I did study.
Just let me have my adrenaline/anxiety-fueled vents…
(There will be another on wensday.)

… _Wednesday

_{Never could spell it right…}

Just do your best. Study for it between now and then when you can. I'm sure you'll do fine!

so now i have a vent and another thing to say

vent: hhhhhh i hate being sick

thing: actually, I realize that this is more of a vent but bear with me okay? it honestly really annoys me when people ask for help from strangers because they're just so confused about life and everything but then people ignore them. that's why im going to be replying to those ones right now

Hi and I'm having a lot of depression thoughts with suicide involved. I don't know what to do.

hello! i actually experienced some of this last night. what helped me was that I had people that cared about me. it really scared me at the time, to have such… well, suicidal thoughts but you will get through this. you are a strong person. and how do I know that? you're still living. yay! you've made it this far, and you can still keep going. just don't give up because Life has mood swings. Life sometimes is on a good mood and everything is going great but then Life is in a bad mood and sends its very worst at you. Nevertheless, you can get through this! I believe in you!

im so tired of always trying to just be there for someone and then they dont appreciate me and
everyone is tearing me down
and im so sick of everything and trying to be happy for others
everyone leaves me behind and im just
UGGGGH

sounds like you're having trouble with friends. perhaps these friends are toxic? if they are suppressing your feelings, that means that they aren't real friends. real friends accept your feelings as they come and will be there for you when you need it. it is okay to not be happy all the time. if they're telling you you have to be happy all the time, ditch them and get new friends. they can't tell you what and when to feel.

so i actually don't know if that will make any sense, but i tried. i just had a big word vomit so…

Hi and I'm having a lot of depression thoughts with suicide involved. I don't know what to do.

hello! i actually experienced some of this last night. what helped me was that I had people that cared about me. it really scared me at the time, to have such… well, suicidal thoughts but you will get through this. you are a strong person. and how do I know that? you're still living. yay! you've made it this far, and you can still keep going. just don't give up because Life has mood swings. Life sometimes is on a good mood and everything is going great but then Life is in a bad mood and sends its very worst at you. Nevertheless, you can get through this! I believe in you!

Or
Or tell a responsible adult in your life or call a suicide hotline

im so tired of always trying to just be there for someone and then they dont appreciate me and
everyone is tearing me down
and im so sick of everything and trying to be happy for others
everyone leaves me behind and im just
UGGGGH

sounds like you're having trouble with friends. perhaps these friends are toxic? if they are suppressing your feelings, that means that they aren't real friends. real friends accept your feelings as they come and will be there for you when you need it. it is okay to not be happy all the time. if they're telling you you have to be happy all the time, ditch them and get new friends. they can't tell you what and when to feel.

so i actually don't know if that will make any sense, but i tried. i just had a big word vomit so…

the thing is they aren't even toxic im just always trying to be a good friend and when im moody or crap they arent used to it and they back off
and i missed a week due to a concussion and i have no phone so all this drama happened and they couldnt tell me and everyones talking aboutshitandimjustfeelingsoleftoutwhyisthisfriendsthingsohard

My arm hurts like hell.

…hi
my hiatus isn't over, i just…
heeded to be heard for a moment.
so hi.
i feel like shit.
i just need a hug.
end post, return to notebook hiatus

big hugs @ mezzo