This is completely unrelated but I just got slapped in the face with the realization that something is almost certainly seriously wrong with me and I'm low-key panicking over it
Yikes what’s up Bats?
So I was trying to explain a concept I've been grappling with for quite a while over on the philosophical chat and all of a sudden I realized that the feelings I am feeling are Absolutely Definitely Not What Normal People Feel… I don't want to straight up copy and paste what I typed out over there, but basically I've… stopped seeing other people as people. They just seem like 3-D printouts spliced into my life to be background characters, caricatures of what 'normal people' are. I look at them and I can't see a light behind their eyes, I can't picture them thinking or feeling the same way I can, and I can't connect with them in any way. I wonder to myself if they're even conscious at all or if I'm really one of the only sentient people in the world. In the past few years I've really only met two or three people who I could really, GENUINELY see as a human being Just Like Me, and I loved them all so much, and… due to personal reasons none of them are in my life anymore, and I'm beginning to doubt I'll ever be able to really connect with anybody again. Like, I have friends, I just… don't really feel much for them, I guess. And this isn't a Thing That Normal People Feel and I'm suddenly trying to grasp the fact that I'm Not A Normal Person and as I said there's most likely something seriously wrong with me to make me not be able to feel the way they do and… yeah? I sound like an absolute lunatic but it's all good
Is it the thing you mentioned in the philosophy chat?
Whoops. I just saw this but yeah, you get the picture, it's just Bats Being Weird Again
Oh boy I managed to miss like 10 pages in my suffering what happened
was there drama again or are you guys just having a really interesting conversation without me
don’t worry Ella I didn’t care either lmao
guess you got lectured again
I'm having an existential crisis don't mind me
(Hey, uh, thanks to ya'll who encouraged me. It really means a lot and I have a feeling today is going to be better. Love ya'll <3)
So I was trying to explain a concept I've been grappling with for quite a while over on the philosophical chat and all of a sudden I realized that the feelings I am feeling are Absolutely Definitely Not What Normal People Feel… I don't want to straight up copy and paste what I typed out over there, but basically I've… stopped seeing other people as people. They just seem like 3-D printouts spliced into my life to be background characters, caricatures of what 'normal people' are. I look at them and I can't see a light behind their eyes, I can't picture them thinking or feeling the same way I can, and I can't connect with them in any way. I wonder to myself if they're even conscious at all or if I'm really one of the only sentient people in the world. In the past few years I've really only met two or three people who I could really, GENUINELY see as a human being Just Like Me, and I loved them all so much, and… due to personal reasons none of them are in my life anymore, and I'm beginning to doubt I'll ever be able to really connect with anybody again. Like, I have friends, I just… don't really feel much for them, I guess. And this isn't a Thing That Normal People Feel and I'm suddenly trying to grasp the fact that I'm Not A Normal Person and as I said there's most likely something seriously wrong with me to make me not be able to feel the way they do and… yeah? I sound like an absolute lunatic but it's all good
It's ok to think differently, Bat. Everyone's brains work differently, and if that is the way your brain works, no matter how strange it may be, it's normal and you are normal. You are a completely normal human being (exept for the fact that none of us are normal really) and there's nothing wrong with you.
Okay, so here's a vent.
This person asked me if I wanted to Roleplay with her and a couple of her friends, and I was like "Yeah, sure." (my exact words.) So she decides she wants to have character forms and all that stuff, which is fine. So I was expected a nice decent roleplay, not too much to ask for, right? As soon as the roleplay started all I saw was uncapitalized, grammatically incorrect, unpunctuated, meaningless one-liners. They by no means progressed the plot and it was basically just filler-material. In some sentences, the person who the pronoun was being used for was not identified, so I just had to assume who "she" was. The actions of each character by no means tie into each other and they are pretty much just typing sentences. It's so frustrating to deal with. I want to leave the RP, but I don't want her to be upset and butthurt and hound me in my PMs.
I have to have a website made by tomorrow and I've barely started the research. And I have a bunch of other stuff due tomorrow and a flute lesson and I wanna cry
Another vent
My bus driver is a stupid asshole and I hate him. He plays favorites, letting people miss the bus so he can go pick up his favorites, who forgot their hair straightener at their house, were late because they were doing their makeup, or some other dumb reason.
When one of the donut places was run by a drug dealer, he got us donuts from there. When it changed ownership, he stopped. I don't want to say anything because I dont know for sure, but…
He literally calls people (STUDENTS) bitches, unironically, in front of little kids.
When a kid threw up, he complained LOUDLY that he didn't get paid enough, and I don't like that kid, but after he threw up and was miserable and embarrassed in the grass, that's not something I would EVER say, no matter how little I got paid. Maybe in my head, but definitely not where he or other kids could hear.
He whines (and I do mean whines) when someone comes to observe him and we aren't even allowed to talk those days.
He complains to all of us about the other bus drivers.
He gets mad when we're not the first ones at the high school and comes five minutes earlier the next day.
I also have more stuff but my fingers are cold
Okay, so here's a vent.
This person asked me if I wanted to Roleplay with her and a couple of her friends, and I was like "Yeah, sure." (my exact words.) So she decides she wants to have character forms and all that stuff, which is fine. So I was expected a nice decent roleplay, not too much to ask for, right? As soon as the roleplay started all I saw was uncapitalized, grammatically incorrect, unpunctuated, meaningless one-liners. They by no means progressed the plot and it was basically just filler-material. In some sentences, the person who the pronoun was being used for was not identified, so I just had to assume who "she" was. The actions of each character by no means tie into each other and they are pretty much just typing sentences. It's so frustrating to deal with. I want to leave the RP, but I don't want her to be upset and butthurt and hound me in my PMs.
(Would you mind saying the name of the roleplay? I'm kinda curious now)
Maybe you could politely ask them to try to use proper grammar and spelling and capitalization and stuff? Idk man, I'm a huge wuss, so I just stayed in my roleplay with a terrible roleplayer until they randomly ended it, so…
Another vent
My bus driver is a stupid asshole and I hate him. He plays favorites, letting people miss the bus so he can go pick up his favorites, who forgot their hair straightener at their house, were late because they were doing their makeup, or some other dumb reason.
When one of the donut places was run by a drug dealer, he got us donuts from there. When it changed ownership, he stopped. I don't want to say anything because I dont know for sure, but…
He literally calls people (STUDENTS) bitches, unironically, in front of little kids.
When a kid threw up, he complained LOUDLY that he didn't get paid enough, and I don't like that kid, but after he threw up and was miserable and embarrassed in the grass, that's not something I would EVER say, no matter how little I got paid. Maybe in my head, but definitely not where he or other kids could hear.
He whines (and I do mean whines) when someone comes to observe him and we aren't even allowed to talk those days.
He complains to all of us about the other bus drivers.
He gets mad when we're not the first ones at the high school and comes five minutes earlier the next day.
I also have more stuff but my fingers are cold
It might be good to report him to whatever school you go to. That's obviously not acceptable behavior for anyone, especially someone who's at their job and who works with children. If you're lucky, he could get fired. I'm sure other students on the bus would vouch for you
I would but everyone else loves him?? Like, I'm the only one that thinks he's not amazing because he lets us eat. Why?? I love food, but I also don't like old men calling me a bitch or an asshole
Not exactly a vent, but how do I stop procrastinating? I've tried setting little goals for myself, but I just… don't do them. I've also had many a bad experience with procrastinating but that doesn't stop me either? I need helpppp
. . .I wish I could tell you, but I am the ultimate procrastinator.
When you take your pills without water and now you can't fricking breathe
. . .I wish I could tell you, but I am the ultimate procrastinator.
I still have work to do that was meant to be handed in over 4 months ago.
Fight me.
I’ve been so unmotivated to draw lately due to all the mental health stuff that I’ve actually managed to drag one art project out into over two months but I actually think I might finish it this week and I’m very excited
I would’ve given up but this was a request for a friend I really care about and I wanted to show my appreciation even if it took forever
