forum Personal Venting Chat, New and Improved! (Without Jerks)

Started November 14, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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i know i probably cant help much but please maddie
anyone i know here dying is my worst nightmare
you need to tell your therapist, your parents
someone who can help more than we can

I'm not gonna die guys
I'm fine
Like I said, I'm still taking in food and only losing weight slowly

You really don't get it.
Someone tag me when y'all are done with this. I can't right now.

But I gotta feel better about my body and this is just about the only thing

no. forget about "feeling better" just because you wanna look skinnier. hearing about people being underweight brings me back to when i was admitted to the hospital. i was put in with the eating disorder unit because they didn't have enough space and let me tell you the shit that i saw. first of all, feeding tubes. if you get any skinnier, someone's gonna have to bring you to hospital and stick a feeding tube through your nose, down your throat. they'll make you eat or else you're not getting out of the hospital. on top of this, you can't use the bathroom without supervision. you have to ask someone to unlock for you because that's how extreme things are.
i know that you hate looking at yourself in the mirror everyday and seeing that part of your body, but sweetheart, i promise you it's just your mind tricking you into thinking that you're "fat". you're not. i know this because i'm going through the same thing. just at the beginning of this year i weighed 110 and now im going down. doctor's are keeping an eye on me, but if you go any lower than where you're at now- i don't even wanna think about it. we care for you. i care for you. you can think it's bullshit or whatever but my feelings stand.
also, you may still technically be eating, but you're limiting yourself. it's what i'm doing and it's not okay. if you're hungry you should eat. it's hard, trust me, especially when you've gone for so long with only a certain amount of food a day. but you need to start increasing it back again slowly. please, it's for your own good. we want you to be healthy. this is no joke.

You really don't get it.
Someone tag me when y'all are done with this. I can't right now.

Same here.

Someone tag me when y'all are done with this. I can't right now.

But if I tell my therapist, he'll tell my parents and that's no beano

well fuck it’s as if this is a serious mental problem that, again, can literally fucking kill you. Maddie, sorry for my French, but I really care about you, and you having this mindset over getting professional help is horrible for you and your family.

Someone tag me when y'all are done with this. I can't right now.

I don't wanna interrupt but I have my own little thing to talk about that'll make some of y'all feel emotions so lemme know when it's a good time–

Please do :)

I thought you unfollowed, though.

Sorry to change the subject but you wanna know what was funnnn
Durning graduation mass I started to feel baddd
I felt like I couldn't stand anymore, right before communion I got really dizzy, and could barely see, the barely seeing thing went away soon so I could see when I went up for communion, but my ears were still ringing
_{I started my period today so that explains why I was feeling bad}

But it was still weird

Head rush, probably
They happen to me a lot

It was also pretty hot in there
At least I was hot

Were you locking your knees if you were standing for a while? Were you dehydrated?

anyone in dms wanna give me opinions on my letter
i threw the first attempt of actually putting it on paper away, but I’m now writing a second version of the text to put on it and I don’t know which one to use
soft, emotional one straight from the tired feels with more detail
or clear, overly punctuated one with less clutter and still very tired but easy to understand

Okay, I was told this has died down, and clearly it has
so here's what I was gonna say
I was just downtown for like 30-45 minutes, without my phone or any other electronics
and it honestly reminded me how much I want to live
And it reminded me that I promised myself that once quarantine is over, I'll do it
And I remembered how serious I am about it
And tbh?
when I was there
even though I wasn't doing much
I suddenly wasn't afraid to die. Because just being there and not having any technology to distract me reminded me how happy I can be and how happy I am without these goddamn screens.
and I guess I for some reason that just reminded me that I could live a life I wanted and die happily
So I mean, I guess the point is: Just know that when quarantine is lifted, I will be leaving the site for sure, as already established. I don't know if I'll be deleting my account or just not logging on, but I'm leaning towards deleting it tbh.
but also, other than Reed, I don't know how many people I'm going to stay in touch with.
Like I said, Reed is 100% because I absolutely fucking love them so much and we need each other and we have other connections that make us really close.
but I think Reed might be it.
I still love you all and will miss you all. But when we're out and life is normal again, I want to focus on the amazing life I have/could have, and the amazing people who are already here with me. I want to stick to my small circle of extra close friends who I can see every day if I want.
This means that once I leave, a lot of you won't hear from me either a. ever again (if I delete my account) or b. very rarely (if I keep it and check in every now and then.)
so…
yeah.

anyone in dms wanna give me opinions on my letter
i threw the first attempt of actually putting it on paper away, but I’m now writing a second version of the text to put on it and I don’t know which one to use
soft, emotional one straight from the tired feels with more detail
or clear, overly punctuated one with less clutter and still very tired but easy to understand

I won't be on for too much longer, but I can.

awww…
bye mir
you will be missed
i hope you get the happy life you deserve-

I wish you well fren <3<3<3

I'm not leaving yet you nerd
not until quarantine is over
_<3

oki good i don’t have to say goodbye goodbye yet
phew-

_{i love you <3}

anyone in dms wanna give me opinions on my letter
i threw the first attempt of actually putting it on paper away, but I’m now writing a second version of the text to put on it and I don’t know which one to use
soft, emotional one straight from the tired feels with more detail
or clear, overly punctuated one with less clutter and still very tired but easy to understand

I won't be on for too much longer, but I can.

I think I'll send them to the Safe Beans™️ chat

anyone in dms wanna give me opinions on my letter
i threw the first attempt of actually putting it on paper away, but I’m now writing a second version of the text to put on it and I don’t know which one to use
soft, emotional one straight from the tired feels with more detail
or clear, overly punctuated one with less clutter and still very tired but easy to understand

I won't be on for too much longer, but I can.

I think I'll send them to the Safe Beans™️ chat

que?

Technically called the Church Kitchen Children
it’s my own ckc remake but very tiny and consisting of only people I feel safe around even during my terrified of everyone and everything episodes
so like 6 active users
it does not mean people I like more than everyone else, just people paranoid me likes more than everyone else
very few

one of my favorite people, who i've talked to almost every day during this whole mess, is up in a cabin in the mountains for a week with another friend so we probably won't be talking much this week. they literally just left today and i already feel ~lonely~ which i'm sure everyone knows is Fun and Sexy™. i generally don't post on here but i desperately needed to vent :,))