forum Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

Started May 20, 2020 by @CinnamonRoll

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Could you go top down on Annike? Your critiques are the best around, and you’re quick too! Annike Allaidh

Hi everyone!! Nightly round-up here…

@/ Destinee - thank you for taking my notes so seriously!! It means a lot to me when people think through what I have to say :DD I'm so so so excited to meet Seraphina (thank you!!!!) and she'll be first up tonight!

@PaperCraneEnthusiast - sounds good!! whenever you're ready–it is not my job to rush your creative process!

@stolenbrocoli - of COURSE I'm up for it!! You'll be after @/ Destinee tonight (or perhaps very, very early tomorrow morning by my time. I feel like staying up… late).

Oh dear @PaperCraneEnthusiast I missed your second post there! And here I thought my refresh button was good for something. Absolutely I can!! (and THANK YOU!!!!!!!! :DDD) Since there were two links ahead of you and I finish two critiques a night, you'll probably have to wait until tomorrow. But I don't work tomorrow, so maybe I'll meet Annike in the morning sometime, rather than at midnight! :D

Okay, @/ Destinee, it's the moment we've all been waiting for!! Or at least, I have. Thank you so much for letting me see her!!!!! Before I spaz too much, top down on Seraphina…

(yeah I can guarantee this is the TV show character I'd fall in love with. but also i hate racism and she's a wee bit racist. everything hurts)

Nature!! Just like with Ruuben, everything here is astoundingly well-developed. There's honestly only one thing I don't fully understand about Seraphina's personality, and it's pretty small. You characterize her as uptight under flaws, but that doesn't feel right. Seraphina clearly believes she's above everything around her–her siblings, the law, etc. She's a two-faced public speaker. She appears refined, but is actually controlling. Case in point… she's a politician. Everything about her character screams that she's constantly at ease in tense situations, not uptight. Seraphina's interesting because she's a controlling character so self-assured in her position that she lacks a lot of the paranoia that usually comes with that nature. That paranoia is generally what causes controlling characters to act reserved and uptight, so that's why I think it feels out of place for Seraphina.

Also, mini-tangent (I said I only had one nature critique, so this is like a half-note? Who knows). Good at management–from her own perspective? Or from others'? Because I feel like Seraphina would be a horribly domineering, control-freak manager… not the kind who's enraged at everyone for being incompetent, but who seems surprised when they don't do EXACTLY what she told them to, and then flips out and takes over the whole project.

Politics!! Okay!! As I believe I said with Ruuben, religion and politics are WILDLY important fields to me. So now you get the politics rant! Here it goes: I think that explaining a character's political stance, even with broad strokes, is insanely important. As a general rule, I try to rank my characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative. This even holds up in fantasy worlds, so long as you explain a bit what 'liberal' means in that culture. Maybe it's basic racial equality; maybe it's full-on anarcho-communism. This explains a lot of things, similar to religion (is your character more traditional or open to change? are they more likely to play it safe or take risks?) For characters like Seraphina, in government positions, it's also interesting to talk about some basic policy–for example, where would her money go? Welfare, military spending, infrastructure, education, trade, something else entirely? How would her society look? Would there be reforms or changes made to existing laws?

Backstory is solid!! I literally only had one note, and you already put it there for me: "(remember to explain Sera's childhood a lil)." Super important!! I think it's here that you can start to lay the foundations for her eventual sense of superiority. But I'm not super worried, since you already have a note to. write that out!!

just now realized she's 170. damn. That's a LOT of time to build rage or develop toxic traits. Remember to have a solid reason as to why she hasn't snapped once up until now, because that's a hot minute to be a kid with a complex. Also, I'm suddenly mildly confused, because I feel like I read Ruuben was 19? But I do a lot of these critiques so that could've been someone else.

And that is all I have!! Thank you so so so much for dropping Seraphina's link–this was really fun!! She's an annoyingly well-written character, much like Ruuben, and I struggled to pick out some critiques. But I sincerely hope that these notes will be helpful to you in some way!! :DD

All right, @stolenbrocoli, party time!! Top down on the lovely Ana…

Ana's nature sheet is a touch sparse, but since she's a side character, that's fine! I only mention it to tell you that my notes may be limited as well.

The most major issue I have with Ana is this internalized sexism. Not the fact that it exists (I actually think it's really interesting to explore the idea of a female character with internalized sexism–it's a real thing and we don't mention it enough!!) but just how it gels with the rest of her personality. Although you never explicitly say that Ana is ambitious, per se, a lot of signs point towards something similar. She's a proud perfectionist, intellectual, dedicated, and stubborn. These are generally traits you'd find in a leader. And she's competitive, which generally hints at a splash of ambition. It's not like you have to rework her whole character or anything–that's the thing with internalized biases–they clash with personality sometimes. The issue is that I'm not seeing that clash communicated in Ana's personality. I would expect a bit more evidence of a conflict between her strong personality and her implicit bias. This is like setting the stage for an arc. I think it could be very helpful to explore what these two traits mean for Ana's personality as a whole.

i've read your character sheets like 5 times and this whole time I fully believed Cult was an actual cult, as in a group of people

oh how wrong I was

Backstory is solid, but I see one point of minor clash. It's VERY small, since you can easily overwrite these issues with the idea of "he's her kid," which is a completely valid excuse. But her parenting style seems a little off. Ana learned the hard way that living for fun can have awful consequences, so why would she coddle her son? If anything, I'd expect her to be a bit more like Neo. Not NO support, but certainly not spoiling her son. Given her introverted and distant nature, I'd see her more as a shoulder to cry on, available when Garret needs her, but not there to coddle him at all times. But like I said, the magic of motherhood can change a person, so it's completely cool to use that as an explanation for her somewhat altered behavior! I think it could also be helpful to make some notes (whether in Nature or somewhere else) about her her personality changes when she's with her son.

(oh! oh! oh! her becoming a leader could be layered with a personality arc where she begins to overcome her sexism!!! you don't have to because my job is by NO means to tell you how to write your plotline but idk just an idea!)

And that's all I have!! Sorry it's a bit sparse, but I hope it's a solid level of detail for a side character! It was also hard because her personality was strong and coherent (the bane of my existence, you know?) But seriously, wonderful job!! I hope my suggestions are helpful to you in some small way! :DD

@CinnamonRoll Thank you !! As always you're so helpful and I'll try my best to tweak things so everything flows together a little bit better :)

Nightly roundup – short one tonight!!

@stolenbrocoli - glad you liked it!!! You've become a bit of a regular for me, so it means a lot to hear (read?) you say that!! :DDD

@PaperCraneEnthusiast, you're my only person on the docket for tonight, so I'll get started right away! :D

Oh shoot!! I can't access Annike's character page!! I'll check in again in a half hour and an hour, but if you don't make her public tonight, no worries at all! I can hop back online tomorrow and write the critique. :D

these are my 4 favorite and most developed characters. they also happen to be the only ones open to the public eye.

it is important to note that all of the artwork and photos in the character gallery were not taken or drawn by me, I found them all on Pinterest. I would give credit if I could. all of these characters are of different fandoms of mine, but I don't think it will really hamper your ability to critique any of them. don't hold back, I am nowhere near sensitive and I promise I won't take anything to offense. I just really need someone else's opinions on them. that's why I gave so many options. just pick whatever one you'd like. or all of them if you're up for it.

also, the characters have few, in most cases no "relations" to any other characters I made so that might explain the sparse character sheet. it shouldn't take long and I'm totally fine if you don't have a lot to say. I get it, there's not much to critique. it's not that impressive. I'm not writing any book, I just like to detail my oc's and this website is fantastic.

Oh my goodness I thought i had made her public! :O my bad! Annike Allaidh
Apologies.

Hi everyone!! Nightly round-up before I get going…

@PaperCraneEnthusiast - no worries at all!! She's first up tonight.

@/ Lauren - Critiquing OCs inserted into pre-existing universes is new to me, but I'm really excited to give it a shot!! If I know the universe/fandom, I feel like I'll be able to give a pretty solid critique, and of course I'll do my best for those I don't know as well. I plan to critique all four of your characters. I'll do one tonight (due to my whole two-critiques-a-night thing). If someone else drops a link by tomorrow night, I think I'll do one of your characters per night, just so you don't monopolize one whole night plus half of the next. But the thread's been a little slow lately. If no one else comes by, I can totally do two of your characters tomorrow night! :D

All right all right!! Top down on @PaperCraneEnthusiast's Annike…

(Question before I get into the real stuff - what are this lady's boot soles MADE of?? Are they metal? Just because of the knife-sharpening. Because that's one hell of an image, but I'm a bit confused).

Nature overall is very well-done and tells a story of a character learning to move past a personality born out of tragedy (which is just WONDERFUL). But of course, my job is to nitpick, and nitpick I shall! The first little problem I see is this idea of Annike picking fights. I get that she's young, but I feel like this is a trait Annike would have/will have grown out of, and here's why. She's a character who's seen tragedy and used it to fuel her own motivations. In doing that, Annike is suffering from trauma and some degree of tunnel vision. So in the initial stages of this, I could see her lashing out, picking fights for the sensation of adrenaline. But as it progresses, I'd expect her to shed some of that, learning to resist her impulses in favor of her ultimate goals.

I feel like something you need to touch on is Annike's regard for life. Since her trauma is based in the death of her parents, part of me feels like she'd obviously value life. But a lot of her characterization says otherwise. She's inherently distrustful, prone to picking fights, and places herself/her goals above others. This paints a picture of someone who's willing to throw people around like nothing, consumed with her own ends and uncaring of who she has to sacrifice to get there. Neither of those some 100% correct. I think you need to consider which side generally wins, or perhaps how Annike's regard for life changes along with her development.

Politics!! A couple things: how does she feel about being the authority when she hates authority? Does this eventually impact how she wants to run her country? Like, does she decrease the power of government in any way? Also, as always, I encourage you to rate Annike on a scale of liberal-to-conservative!! It really helps, especially when writing characters in positions of power. Also, maybe look into some versions of anti-authority ideologies (libertarianism, anarchy, communism, etc) and figure out which points of each work for Annike.

Also, question: If Annike is so distrustful of others, how could she possibly leave leadership to her advisors? I would think she's be too paranoid to trust others with that degree of power.

History caused me indescribable pain. I was so excited to read a long backstory!! But if nothing else, there's one thing I feel needs to be described REALLY well in backstory: Annike's distrustful nature. The only real reason for Annike to be so afraid of trusting those around her that I can think of off the top of my head is that the people who killed her parents were people she knew, perhaps knew well. If that's not it, fine, but something has to be. Raised as royalty, Annike would've had an incredible support system of teachers, servants, and friends, so her paranoia NEEDS a trigger. And of course, I'd encourage you to add more to this field overall!

And that's all I have!! Sorry for such a long wait, with all the issues and me waiting until nighttime and all that! But I really, really hope this was worth the wait! Annike is a very well-thought-out character, and I'm super excited to see her grow!! I hope my notes can help you with that! :DD

@/ Lauren - here we go!! I'll get started with Akane. I'll admit I know nothing about Beastars, but I'll do my best here! Top down…

Okay, sike. Before I get started, here's a little aside: "It's not that impressive." You told me that when you dropped your links, and I think you're wrong. I deeply believe character creation is a form of art, because you're literally making a person from the ground up. And if that's in a pre-existing universe, fine! Whatever! It's still your art, because the magic is in the character, not the setting. However much or little you choose to put on this website is up to you, so don't feel bad about only writing a bit! It's all about how YOU want to organize YOUR thoughts.

NOW let's do this! Starting, of course, with Nature. Like you told me, it's a bit sparse, but everything gels really well! I only have a couple comments. First one is about flaws. A fear isn't really what I'd call a flaw, UNLESS it's debilitating to the point where it affects Akane's ability to function or alters her personality. I'd encourage you to extrapolate some of her other traits into natural flaws–for example, examine how her passive nature harms Akane's decision-making abilities or something along those lines.

Next, prejudices. You may have to disregard this critique, since the quote you have as a prejudice right now might make perfect sense to someone who's seen Beastars. But to the untrained eye, this doesn't look like a prejudice, just a belief. While the two are fairly similar, it's helpful to think of prejudices as negative ingrained beliefs and treat them more like subconscious flaws. For Akane, this could mean something like "thinks all predators who use their power to bully prey are irredeemable."

Politics!! Oh!! Okay, so I have this thing where I feel like explaining a character's political stance is wildly important, even if they're not politically active. Most helpful is rating your character on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. This helps explain if your character is more open to change or more traditional. When you look at it that way, everyone has a political stance, even if they don't really voice it.

Backstory is solid!!! I actually don't have any notes here. Since Akane's main 'thing' is that she is strongly against the casting of predators as evil, the framing of her father is a really good origin point for that belief!

And that's all I've got!! I wish I knew Beastars better so I could be of better help. But as for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you, and I'll be back tomorrow for the next 1-2 critiques!! :DD

Ok, He's not super polished. This Nature page isn't where I want it to be and His Background isn't as fleshed out as I would like it to be… But It's finally to a point where I can share him so here is Eyamir's page for when he is a wee bab. I will finish Adult Eyamir, soon, just not yet.

henlo qvq
can u take a look at my boye? qvq

@CinnamonRoll Thank you so much!!! its pretty boring in quarantine, and i'm so glad i have something to work on!!! i deeply appreciate it!!!! i totally see where you're coming from, and now i can try to really get into the character more!!!

I’m so sorry! i kind of went on a binge of updating her character and completely forgot to update Annike’s history. I’ll make sure to work on that.

Wow! Hi, everyone! Nightly round-up will be slightly longer tonight…

@Urby - wow! thank you!!! That's weirdly high praise, to know that someone completely removed from all the action still respects and admires what I do and the art people bring to this thread. Thank you!!!! :DD And of course, my thread is your thread–drop a link if you ever feel inclined to!

@/ Lauren - glad you enjoy!!!! I TOTALLY feel quarantine boredom. I'm happy I could help! And I'll get to one more of your characters tonight! :D

@PaperCraneEnthusiast - don't worry about it!!! Your character sheet, your business. I'm just a sucker for walls of text, so it's all me, not you, you know? I really hope you liked it anyway, and please don't hesitate to bring more characters around! :D

@Relsey - Welcome back!!! I've been hyped for Eyamir! I'll get him tonight after @/ Lauren's charater.

@Kinarymo - Of course!! Since I already have two characters on the docket for tonight, I'll critique your character first thing tomorrow night! :D

Hey! Here's Azami. I've been chipping away at her character page when I have the time, but it's not finished yet. I'd love to see what I should do next, and what needs improvement. Some parts are specific to One Piece, but for the most part, I think it's understandable.

All right all right, @/ Lauren, let's do this! Same issue as before–I haven't read/watched/listened to Renegades. Unlike with Beastars, I have NO idea what it is, so I'm sorry if that affects the critique in any way! Okay, top down…

I'm tearing myself apart trying to pick at flaws in this nature page. It's really solid!! But of course I must nitpick, so if any of these seem just objectively wrong, go ahead and disregard. First off, I notice that the mannerisms described are of stress or nerves. Which is cool, because all characters get stressed. But this sheet is distinctly lacking in description of what stresses Alexander out. He's impulsive and reckless, focused by revenge and ambition. That's the perfect storm for a character who doesn't have time to stress about his choices before he makes them. So what is it that stresses Alexander out? Is it the afterthought? Does he struggle with plans more complex than 'take them all down in a blaze of gunfire?' I feel like that side of his character needs a little bit more love.

Also, 'calm' seems a touch out of place. Perhaps it would fit in with further explanation, but the level of reckless ambition seen in Alexander doesn't usually led itself to calm. Maybe a front of calm. That word is just a bit confusing.

Another thing I think you may need to explore is how his relationships are impacted by his limited life experience. He's distrustful (likely because someone broke his trust), but young children tend to trust more easily. How does that duality harm Alexander? And what is he like when he forms a relationship? Like children or people with limited experience, does he model his personality based on the influence of those around him?

History is a whole lot of bee talk that I don't understand (I'm just gonna go ahead and chalk that up to my lack of Renegades knowledge). I have one quick question and one critique. Question first: why was he so popular while comatose? Did everyone hear about him somehow? And then critique: what's the origin for Alexander's trust issues? Does it come from the actions of the Queen Bee–was she previously someone he knew and trusted, or a leader he respected? I'm picky, but I feel that characters with trust issues need an origin point for that trait.

(wait a second Renegades is by Marissa MEYER??? oh I gotta order all of these books)

And that is all I have! Solid character, solid story, wildly interesting universe that you may have just gotten me into! In any case, I hope that you enjoy and that my notes can help you with your character development!! :DD

Oh hello @Ash-has-an-arachnid-aversion !! Caught me just after the round-up. There are a couple people ahead of you and I've got a slightly longer thing going with @/ Lauren, so I'll get to Azami in a couple days (on the 14th!) Thanks for coming by the thread!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll As always, thank you!!!! you once again have given me a lot to adjust which I greatly appreciate!!! i understand the confusion, the character went through many passes, and I guess there are just things I missed, thanks for pointing them out!!!! and you should DEFINITELY buy the books!! 10/10 would recommend. a must-read, and will provide ample entertainment for quarantine ;)

Okay, @Relsey, let's do this!! Super excited to meet Eyamir! Top down…

(main character in my heart) -me every time I overdevelop a minor character and end up outlining 3 more offshoot stories

First red flag I see: prejudices!!! So I guess there are a couple schools of thought on this, but I have some strong opinions on character prejudices. I firmly believe every character HAS prejudices. If they're rational and mature like Eyamir is, they might not ACT on those prejudices. But prejudices are ingrained or subconscious feelings that you can recognize and resist, not fully get rid of. If I remember right from Azizia's pages, Eyamir faced a lot of discrimination due to his human blood–you can go a lot of ways with that in developing prejudices!

Another small issue is his bluntness. Eyamir is described as a negotiator and a listener, but that would be dangerously undermined if he were to bluntly voice his opinion whenever asked. But to your point, he's not perfect, and makes mistakes in negotiations. I think it could be interesting to frame his bluntness as the thing that causes these slip-ups. But to do that successfully while keeping his negotiator characterization, I feel that you'd have to rework when his bluntness jumps out. Just an idea, though!! But be aware that bluntness and negotiation skill are conflicting traits. They can work together, but only with a bit more explanation.

OH YEAH BABY BUCKLE UP IT'S TIME FOR THE RELIGION AND POLITICS RANTS

i get way too hyped about these. ANYWAY. For religion, I think everyone needs to note exactly what religion their character ascribes to, even if they're non-affiliated. That's because it can tell you a LOT about how your character sees the world. Are they religious because their parents raised them that way? Probably a character who thinks the world is a lovely and safe place. Religious because of their own beliefs? Probably optimistic, someone who cares about changing the world little by little. Religious for show? Image-obsessed, manipulative, etc. And for non-affiliated, distinguishing atheistic or agnostic helps explain if your character is more nihilistic or hopeful!! Of course, these traits aren't specific to religious affiliation (someone with deep personal beliefs can still be image-obsessed and manipulative), but sometimes you can use religion as a tool to reveal character! Which is awesome. And for politics, I STRONGLY believe every character should be ranked somewhere on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. It's so so so important, because it helps show us how open your character is to change. Plus, for politically involved characters, it's always helpful to define their stance on a few major issues in their kingdom/country.

OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH THAT'S WHAT I CALL A WALL OF TEXT–

give me a moment to soak it in :D

Backstory is GREAT!! Tons of good info here. But of course, I have a couple notes. First and most importantly: why does everyone hate Eyamir? Like, sure, he looks different. But his family is a magical lineage, and he was born as the steward to the Senvien Great Tree. He's the only one who can do it. He lives in the palace. That makes him special, not super different. Why does everyone hate him so much when he's in a position of high esteem? It's a bit confusing.

Next up, let's talk about his pacifism. I'd gotten to know Eyamir as this passive but strong-willed character who cares about his own ideals but won't start a WAR over them. However, his backstory paints him as someone full of pent-up rage, lashing out at the people who'd loudly and quietly acted cruelly towards him in the past. Where does his pacifist nature come from?

And that is all I can offer tonight!! Eyamir is definitely a well-developed character. All you really need to work on is solidly nailing down his characterization in his backstory, and you should be good to go!! For now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DDD

@/ Lauren - I'm glad you still like my critiques!! I like your characters, too, and I'm super hyped to meet two more over the next two days!! :DDDD

(and I think I actually will??? this might be an impulse purchase but WHATEVERRRR)