Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]
Started May 20, 2020 by @CinnamonRoll

Garret De La Cruz my main character. i dont have every field filled out but everything's still in the early stages :)

@CinnamonRoll

Hi everyone!!!! As a general rule, I do two critiques a night. Odds are you'll have to wait until tomorrow, Sammie (sorry!!! I get sleepy) but If I'm seized with passion I'll get your character tonight as well! :D

@CinnamonRoll

All right all right, @champagne_supernovas, let's go! Top down on Dominick…

On this nature page, I'm seeing a lot that doesn't make sense. An honest and caring person who tends towards cruel manipulation and mind games doesn't make sense. Distrustful and faithful are basically opposites. A laid-back person who's also ambitious? A deep and passionate person motivated by sheer spite? There are a lot of contradictions here. But I don't think it's completely blatant contradictions here. I just feel like nothing's fully explained. You have laundry lists of traits here–that's cool, because you write these in a way that you understand–but that makes it hard for us critiquers to delve into your character's mind. I feel like you need to explain how these polar traits Dominick has manage to coexist. That being said, I will go into the contradictions I saw a bit more.

First up is honest-versus-manipulative. Honestly, most of his flaws seem out of place like this one. Because a caring and honest person wouldn't be destructive and manipulative and cruel at the same time. I think what you need to do here is establish some lines. Is Dominick a polar character, kind to his friends but aggressive towards others? Or is he a guarded character, who's kind deep down but lashes out for some reason? Or does he manipulate out of perceived necessity, and he's grown disturbingly good at it?

Then comes the conflict between distrustful and faithful. Again, you need a line–what does someone have to do to gain his trust? And more importantly, what in his past made him distrustful?

Laid-back and ambitious. Is laid-back a front to look cool? Is his ambition to please his parents or some higher-up, and is draining him because it's not what he wants? Really, these are all just explanation complaints. The other option is to rework his traits and scrap some of the conflicting ones, which also works well (or at least it has for me)!

But his motivation of spite isn't something you can explain away so easily. For someone deep, caring, and passionate, it doesn't make sense that Dominick's main motivation in life would be proving others wrong. I could understand how that could be a superficial motivation, born out of his past experiences, perhaps with invalidation. But for him, I would expect something more like stability or love or success. Even fun. Spite seems wrong somehow–as a main motivation. As a petty or secondary motive, I think it works just fine.

Also, real quick, where are his prejudices? Every character has them, whether they realize it or not.

Backstory is solid, but I do have a couple points and questions. First one is a simple clarification: you say that his father died when he was six, then say that he accidentally killed him during his sophomore year. Not sure which one of those is wrong, but one of them must be.

Question: if his parents had been on heroin for so long, how was he born safe and healthy? I doubt his mother would've been able to quit while she was pregnant if she was fully dependent. Another question: How is Dominick… okay? If he grew up in a household with drug-addicted parents and an uncaring father, just to accidentally kill that father and then witness his girlfriend die right after becoming a young father, how in the world has he managed to stay stable? The way he becomes a bad boy is painted as a depressive spiral, but that doesn't play out in his personality. I think it could be cool to explore the impacts of those events a little more!!

Also, before I wrap up, is his mother… okay???? Did she actually have/adopt 15-16 kids?? If her husband died when Dominick was a sophomore, she wouldn't have had the time to do that–biologically speaking.

But hey, that's all!!! I'm sorry if I got a little blunt–I feel like I might have. But I promise I'm trying to be constructive!! You have a well-written character here, I'm sure, but some of his traits just require further explanation. I hope that what I've written helps you with that!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll

Okay, now for @PaperCraneEnthusiast !! Let's go top down on Keyrala…

So hopping straight to nature, I'll admit I'm a little worried about my ability to critique here. I feel like most of what I know about Keyrala is surface-level information. She seems to be lacking a bit of nuance that I'd expect from an MC - for example, a more in-depth explanation of what someone can do to win her trust and how she acts when she grows close to someone. But of course I'll try to critique given what I have access to! Just be aware that it's difficult for me to critique your character with what you have written down (because I'm sure she's plenty nuanced in your head, just not on paper! Which I absolutely understand).

The first thing I notice is her Myers-Brigges: INTJ-T. I don't often critique based on MB types, since I don't want to read through each one to understand it, but surprise! I'm and INTJ-T! So I have some experience in this type. The issue is, the fact that Keyrala is turbulent messes with the rest of her characterization. Fitting in with her turbulence is her motive of revenge and her general anger and distrust. But what separates turbulent INTJs from assertives is they generally act on their emotions more, fueled by past issues. They also second-guess their decisions more often, and their brilliant plans can be stifled by their own self-doubt. So her not telling anyone her plans is understandable, but a few other things aren't.

The biggest issue comes with her anger. Keyrala is described as an angry character, standoffish and snappy. But she acts analytically, assessing situations calmly. I think you need to consider this issue, or talk about how she manages to turn her anger off. If it's just a protective shield against her vulnerability in the first place, cool! If it's real, though, how does she completely dampen those emotions when she needs to?

(Also, such general and far-reaching anger is hopefully rooted deep in backstory!! I'm generally suspicious of characters that are angry all the time, since that's not really how people work unless something has happened to make them that way).

(I looked up 'Haladie' per your request and DAMN that's a cool looking knife)

Wait a moment, she has a penchant for philosophy?? I feel like she deserves WAY more detail about how that affects her personality. What philosophy, specifically, does she follow? How does that affect her other character traits? Does it make her calmer? I'm VERY into this premise, and I want to see more of it!!!!

Backstory is solid and interesting. I do have a quick question–is being an assassin a respected position where Keyrala was born? They have a recognized school to train killers, so I'd assume yes. But why is it held in such esteem?

And I do have one issue with the backstory. Like I said in the parentheses earlier, deep-seated anger like Keyrala's is probably based in something that happened to her in the past (whether the anger is a shield or real; whether the event is short or long-running). I was hoping that the source of her anger would be explained in her backstory, but I didn't see it. Was it her parents abandoning her? Her sister? Was it the whole 'trained to kill since before I knew basic math' thing? Was it treatment or brutal training at the school? Like so many things, I'm sure you have this in your head, and it just didn't make it to Notebook. Alas, I work with what I can!

And hey, that's all! Your character is solid, but I'd like to see more nuanced development on her pages. Those little not-quite-contradictions, like her love of philosophy, make characters so much more interesting!! And if you ever add more to her page and want another critique, come on back anytime!!!! Anyhow, I hope that my notes help you a little bit!! :DD

@jantz

Real quick, for her sexual/romantic orientation - does Alice fall anywhere on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums? I feel like you've probably looked into them (if not, I would highly recommend it!) but I felt like I should mention it just because there's no label given.

That's a good question, but I really don't want to put a label on Alice's sexual-orientation quite yet. I honestly don't know how her story could progress later on so I really don't want to restrict myself when writing it. Alice believes she won't find anyone that she could love like that, but that might change.

The biggest issue I have is when you say that Alice has to become more strong-willed. I can very clearly see how she wouldn't be strong-willed: she's socially awkward, an abuse survivor, and reliant on spellcasting. So it makes sense that she would need to grow a stronger will. But that's NOT what the rest of her character is showing. She's ambitious to become the best witch around. She survived two years of homelessness. She's grounded, with a strong sense of right and wrong. Alice's weak-willed nature seems to be something pulled from her social anxiety more than an actual character trait. Because although she may act weak-willed in social situations, everything else about Alice reads like a very strong-willed character. .

Yeah I've definitely wanted to rewrite her current story a bit and tone down the anxiety. Even I feel like it's a bit overpowering sometimes. I'm really gonna try and make her a more strong-willed character.

I also feel like her sheet is missing something. I want to know a bit more about Alice's more relaxed side when she's around someone she trusts completely (even if that's just a select few people.) I feel like I know her external personality very well, but I'm struggling to fully enter Alice's head. And I think that would really be helpful, not just for critiquers like me, but also for your eventual readers/watchers!

This is a very good recommendation and I really appreciate it! Thank you, adding more calm and relaxed sides of a character to their sheet isn't something I've thought about.

Quick question here: will you be using a phonetic spelling of these magic names? Because I have NO idea how to pronounce a single one, nor how to recognize one from the group. I'd highly recommend using a phonetic spelling (even a stylized one) if you're going for written work.

Yeah most of the time I'll just use the phonetic spellings, though, I'm planning on changing the magic names so they'll be pronounceable.

Backstory is solid and really comprehensive!!!! I do have a couple questions, but they're mostly related to plot points. First: why would Cecilia abandon the child that was the incarnation of her lover's magic? Did she try anything else (charities, government, etc) before this? If not, why? Second: When Camille left, why didn't she take Alice with her? Alice had probably become a part of their family in those three years, and she'd probably grown close with Emma. Plus, if Bobby was behaving so badly, WHY would Camille leave a child in that environment? Third: was Alice just… chill when she found her mom? Was there no issue between them, given that Cecilia's abandonment of Alice led to her abuse and homelessness? Although Cecilia could never have predicted that, Alice must foster some kind of anger (at least for a little while), since her mother abandoned her so young.

The main reason Camille didn't take Alice when she left was that she frankly never really loved her. It was Bobby's idea to take Alice in. Camille was a Catholic woman who though the strange-looking baby with pointed ears was an extremely bad omen.

And that's all!!! Sorry this took me so long to do, but if it makes you feel any better, I greatly enjoyed the break today! (Not sure why that would make you feel better? But perhaps!) Seriously, Alice is a very well-developed character. And your worldbuilding is off the CHARTS. The magic system is so interesting!! And magic lesbians is my new favorite thing EVER. So I hope that you enjoyed my notes, and that something in here can be of use to you in some little way! :DD

(Thank you for critiquing Alice for me, it really means a lot. This is all really helpful advice that I'll try my best to incorporate. I also appreciate the compliment on my worldbuilding and I'm glad you enjoyed your break, take care <3 )

@PaperCraneEnthusiast

Thank you for your critique!! I’ve made some much-needed adjustments to Keyrala’s character. If you could possibly critique another of my characters, that would be amazing. Veda needs some more critique, and you seem to have really good ones! ^-^

(She is by no means completed, so if I could have some suggestions on what to flesh out, as well as regular critique, that would be great.)

Deleted user

Can you critique my character? Invalid Character

@CinnamonRoll

Hi everyone!!! Time for the nightly pre-critique roundup…

@Oppy-is-tired - I'm glad you liked my notes!!! I hope they help! And I mean it–your worldbuilding is so cool!! It reminds me of old-school high fantasy, which I cry over every day.

@PaperCraneEnthusiast - Thank you thank you thank you!! I'm glad you like my critique style!! Of course I'll do another (and I'll do your specific request, too)! It looks like tonight's critiques will be for you and @stolenbrocoli.

@/ justmeagain - Of course!!! (And hi, welcome to the thread!) Since I typically do two critiques each night, it's likely your character won't get done until tomorrow night–but you'll be first in line! :D

@CinnamonRoll

Okay, @stolenbrocoli, let's do this!! Top down on Garret…

First note on his Nature page: it's a little sparse. For a main character, I don't feel like Garret has been given enough love. This could be an issue of time spent typing, but just know that it makes it harder for me to give you the best critique possible. So I would say everything needs a bit more fleshing out, but the most glaring holes are in his hobbies and prejudices. For hobbies: I always feel it's important to flesh out hobbies, since they do a LOT to round our and humanize a character. And for prejudices: every character has prejudices, whether they realize it or not. They're a product of upbringing and experience–people can't just escape them.

Next, I see a couple conflicts. First, Garret is described as awkward in his mannerisms, which hints and insecurities. So how is a character like that narcissistic and manipulative? Particularly the second one. An awkward person would have serious challenges manipulating anyone without the raw charisma required to blindside them in the first place. As someone introverted and awkward, who would listen to what he has to say? How could he convince them without smooth talk and easy lies? It simply doesn't make sense with his character at this point.

I don't often comment on the Social page beyond religion and politics, but I would REALLY encourage you to fill out more fields here. Just like Hobbies, the fields on Social serve to humanize the character, giving Garret a real side that readers can relate to. Considering things like his favorite food and favorite possession may seem unimportant, but they really ground each character!

Not going to lie–history page made me sad. I feel like this might be a case of "didn't have time/energy to type it out" so I'm sure his backstory is swirling around in your head, but I just wish I could read it!!! I feel like each inconsistency in character design can be explained with the backstory. As I used to say a lot, nothing happens in a vacuum. Every piece of personality outside the general "introverted, generally chill" MUST be explained by events or experiences. What happened to his mother? Why does he feel purposeless? What's up with The Trackers? What's the deal with Dominick and Danica???? I feel like that one in particular explains a lot of his negative traits!!! If you ever fill out the backstory, PLEASE come back by the thread, because I'd love to read it!

And I think that's all I can say. The premise you have here is solid, but I think you need more detail in order to make Garret a fully functioning MC!! I wish I could've gotten inside his head to help a little better. But I hope what I said is a little helpful to you!!! :DDD

@stolenbrocoli

@CinnamonRoll Thank you so much! You're right, I haven't spent very much time on him. I really do need to flesh out his backstory a little bit more and I'll get into explaining his relationships with the other characters. Thank you so much for pointing all that out, I honestly didn't think about that very much. I'll be sure to resubmit him when I finish adding all the missing details !

@CinnamonRoll

@stolenbrocoli - thank you!!! I'm glad you liked it!! Please do come around again when everything's filled out, because if there are two things I love, they're walls of text and nitpicking!! :DD

@Musical_Queen

Not the most sound. I created her really late. If you can think of a name that would also help

@CinnamonRoll

And now, @PaperCraneEnthusiast, let's go top down on Veda!!

Nature for Veda is generally very smooth!! Almost everything seems naturally arising, which is great. But I am nothing if not a nitpicker, so here we go!! The main issue I see with Veda's character sheet is how she places herself above others when making decisions. That in and of itself if totally fine as a character trait, but there are little pieces of her personality that call this into question. First is this idea that she listens to all facets of a problem. Fact is, how people feel about each problem is a facet of it. So she listens to what everyone has to say, but doesn't consider their opinions when forming her response. That doesn't really gel with her idea of doing what's best for everyone. I think there's a distinction to be made here: she cares about doing what's best for her kingdom as a collective, but that's different from doing what's best for everyone.

But seriously, nit-picking HARD. And you asked for suggestions on what to flesh out, which I would love to provide!! On nature, here's what I would explore more:

Her PREJUDICES. Everyone has them!! As a queen, she was probably raised away from most commoners, or has a natural response (positive or negative) to people from certain countries depending on their relations to her own.
Explain her hobbies. Once I have hobbies in place to humanize a character, I like to explain when or why they do it. For example, what does she like to read? When does she read? Does she read different genres depending on her emotional state? And for the flute: it's a breath exercise, but has she grown to like it? Does she play before speeches to relax her lungs? Or is that bad for an asthmatic? Extra details go SO FAR in Hobbies.
Describe the type of person she respects. Maybe it's a whole suite of characteristics, but maybe it's just one underlying trait. For character who only trust certain people to give them advice, this is especially helpful. (It's also good for later in stories, if you plan to introduce a traitor–you'll know exactly which trait(s) they'll need to mimic).
Under personality type, consider how Veda acts under different major emotions. Examples are happiness, anger, sadness, stress, love, betrayal, and friendship. Exploring how she acts under different emotional circumstances is SO useful when you start writing your story (or animating, or recording, I suppose!)

Under Social, I think you could stand to flesh out religion and politics. For religion, I would explain why she follows the traditional religion. As a queen, it makes sense that she would have to do things to keep up appearances–is that why she practices? Or does she really believe in what she worships? Exploring why a character is religious in their capacity is kind of a rabbit hole, but it's FUN. As for politics, she's a queen! What kind of queen is she? The kind who follows a traditional, conservative path, happy with her country the way it is? Or does she challenge certain institutions? How? Which ones? Where does her money go–welfare, infrastructure, minimum wage, increasing trade, military spending? This is WILDLY fun to do, because it also forces you to do some deeper worldbuilding for your countries!

Backstory is just fine, but I would like to see this fleshed out a LOT. I think a lot of her personality could be explained by walking us through her early education and how that affected her. Then I would also consider her early years as queen. As someone so young, she was likely manipulated by advisors (whether successfully or not). What did that do for her reign moving forward? Did it contribute to her unwillingness to listen to those around her? Or was that also a product of her education, which raised her to see herself as superior?

And that, I think, is all I have!! I had a TON of fun with this critique, since you gave me free rein to go crazy on what I think is important in a character. I hope you got a little advice from the normal critiques as well! And if/when you flesh out more fields, come by the thread again for another round!!! I'm super excited to see more of Veda. But for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll

@Musical_Queen hello!!! I missed you on my nightly round-up. But since I've finished my two for the night, it is bedtime for me. You and @/ justmeagain are on the docket for tomorrow night. And I'm really excited at the prospect of giving you NAME IDEAS!!! Thanks for swinging by the thread and I'm excited to meet your character tomorrow!! :DD

Destinee

Next up is Destinee's Marie! Here we go, top down…

Now, I very rarely critique looks, but this is bugging me a little. As someone with curly hair (big curls), with a sister with curly hair (smaller, tighter curls), and multiple friends with tightly curled/coily hair, there is NO type of curly hair that I've encountered that's easy to run your fingers through. Wavy, maybe. The curls will hook together and absolutely end your career. It's SO annoying.

(hey, before I get going, did you draw those????? they're incredible!!!!!)

Nature is maddeningly coherent, but I'm going to do my best to tug at some threads here. First and most importantly, the incident where she was taken advantage of. I don't have many details about this, but clearly it impacted Marie's personality, making her afraid of being indebted to a person. While 'becoming indebted' and 'being a good friend' are different things, the line there is fine. Marie seems like a character willing to give herself wholly to the people around her, smothering them, always willing to be helpful and supportive. So where's the line? When does Marie stop being friendly and start being suspicious? I think you really need to rectify that. Else, those two personalty traits clash in a strange way.

Murder mysteries came out of nowhere, I won't lie to you, but book taste is a whole different beast. It tends to hint at the type of person you are deep down. I guess I would ask for a clarification: does Marie like true crime? That doesn't make as much sense, considering she'd be reading about real people who were killed and murderers who went uncaught for years. Or does she like fictional murder mysteries, like classic detective stories? This seems to fit better, since it has the aspect of drama and romance as well as a happy ending. Plus, as a bonus, no one real died! This probably isn't even important to your story, oof. It just got me thinking. Sorry!!

Woah, self-critical? Where did that come from? Marie is open about her feelings, comfortable with her wealth without allowing it to go to her head, never allowing her anxieties to hold her back, willing to try anything. Nothing about that screams self-critical to me.

All right, religion and politics! Woo! I yell at people a lot about these. Maybe too much? Nah. Anyway, for religion, I always try to make a clarification for characters not affiliated with any particular religion: atheistic or agnostic? It helps define their worldview as more nihilistic or hopeful. As for politics, I always find it helpful to rate my characters on a scale of 'liberal-to-conservative.' It works for all characters, even those who don't follow politics. Generally it's framed by social issues for those characters, but hey–still works!

Even as a start, her backstory is solid! I'm not going to be picky, because there aren't any huge personality changed that need to be explained by the backstory right now. The one thing I would be sure you have absolutely NAILED DOWN is the experience where she was taken advantage of. Character-altering moments like that are key–it's a trait that alters her other actions with its gravity, so it needs a solid basis.

Honest question before I wrap up: how in the world is that dress unstained???

All in all, you have a strong character here. You said you worried that she could be seen as a Mary Sue, but I don't think you should sell yourself so short. Caring, warm female characters are not necessarily Mary Sues. A Sue is defined by how the world caves in around her, causing everyone to fall in love with her, everything in her life to go her way, etc. If she has a strong supporting cast with ambitions outside of "win Marie's love" and "make Marie happy" and "support Marie," or if she IS a member of the supporting cast, I think you'll be just fine! Please don't worry about your ability to create amazing characters!! And as always, I hope that my notes are helpful to you as you move forward!! :DD

OMG IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE but thank you so very much ?!
And I did draw them, I've got way more confidence in my art than in my characters but If i don't get help developing them as i did with my art, then who will am i right ^^
BUt THE NATURE WAS COHERENT IM SURPRISED LOL but that really means a lot
I believe that's something i need the biggest help with when determining that. Like marie's not completely devoid of feeling disappointment or anger as she's experienced them before. As for the incident, her sacrifices had brought misfortune onto the people close to her because of the fact she gave herself completely to a person and let them use her despite her gut feeling. So I'd say that Marie could be suspicious whenever she gets feels this gut feeling again whenever they interact around the people around them, including her? Like you said, I need to clarify on said incident, so maybe when i do that , everything would make sense
I hadn't realized that book taste was a pointer for the kind of character that a person could be. I definitely feel like fictional mysteries and the like would be her kind of thing to read. I can see her taking death and the like normally but she wouldn't want to keep reading about it as that kind of thing is depressing and scary when it happens to actual people. I just put it in there since I like to watch murder shows and the like as a pastime haha
I have the craziest time trying not to contradict myself with the self critical part, I had forgotten to take that out when editing her some point in the past as i found out that while virgos can be self critical, Marie's an open person
While not belonging to any religion/practicing, I can see Marie being more hopeful than nihilistic as well, like committing to service or something like that, I'll definitely think more on the liberal vs conservative part of her, that could be interesting

As for your question, let's just say she takes really good care of it lmao, until i have her tear it that is

AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH, THIS REALLY MEANS A LOT. i TRY NOT TO BE SO HARD ON MYSELF but alas u_u I never thought about it that way so thanks
I hope you'll let me come back in the future for another critique of yours. this was so good QWQ

@CinnamonRoll

@/ Destinee - I'm glad you enjoyed!!! It's so cool to look into little things (like book taste) that make each character a little more human. (At least I think it's fun!) Also: don't be hard on yourself!!!! Like I said, Marie's a good character! If anything, recognizing each of your character's flaws is being gentle with yourself, because it allows you to make them even better!! And PLEASE come back in the future with more characters! I have a deep love of meeting as many as I can. :DDD

@CinnamonRoll

And now the quick nightly roundup!!! Not much to say tonight: it's @/ justmeagain and @Musical_Queen 's turn!!

@CinnamonRoll

All right, @/ justmeagain, let's do this!! Top down on Odessa…

First thing I notice on her Nature page is that it's a bit sparse. Everything gels really well, which is generally an indication that there's another level to your character's personality that hasn't been fully discussed. For Odessa, I think this comes in with her 'split personality.' Clearly, Odessa opens up and reveals a bit of her true self when she's alone/away from the people she's generally around. Her inner personality, when expressed, would change her mannerisms and flaws, since she's no longer holding back. It would be really cool to see more evidence of that change on her nature sheet!! Plus, consider what kind of person (if any) can cause Odessa to reach relaxation–is it a certain trait, or just a vibe of openness?

Oh! Yes! The religion and politics rant! Here it is: I think religion and politics are two of the most important fields on Notebook. For religion, it's helpful to explain what, if any, organized religion your character belongs to. If they don't belong to any, I also like to differentiate between atheistic and agnostic. This difference defines a character's worldview as nihilistic or hopeful. If they're part of organized religion, that explains how they feel about organization and authority in general. For politics, I find it helpful to rate my characters on a scale of 'liberal-to-conservative.' How far they are in one direction or another helps explain how open they are to change or how tied they are to traditional values. So I guess I would encourage you to fill those out!!

Backstory is straightforward and explanatory. I can understand the biggest part of her personality: why she shuts off her inner personality in the face of a world that needs an unflinching noblewoman. But I think this raises another small question about her personality: what kind of toll does this take on Odessa? Her life is difficult, with pressure from all sides and an inability to leave her father. That's got to put huge stress on her life, and I'm curious as to why I didn't see more of that on her Nature page. I want to know how Odessa reacts when she has to abruptly return home from a long ride, shoving her facade back down and later feeling inexplicably hollow. I feel like that could be REALLY interesting to explore!!

(after accidentally deleting and re-writing this critique) I'm all done!! The character you have is coherent and interesting, but I think you need to explore both sides of her personality. If you ever want to swing by for another critique, please drop by the thread any time!!! And for now, I hope that my notes can help you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll

All right, @Musical_Queen, let's go top down on [NAME]!! (I'll give name recs at the end I guess??? I'm very excited but I rarely go for names based on ~special meanings~ or anything so be aware of that)

So, nature page!! Kind of understandably, considering you whipped up this sheet last night, my first note has to be: sparse. There are a lot of traits listed, and most of them flow well, but there isn't enough detail for me to feel like I can get into your character's head. And you probably have a lot of her traits swirling around up in your head, but just be aware that I can't give the best possible critique based on this.

That being said, I do notice an inconsistency or two. The most major one comes in with her flaws. Your character is explained as someone with pride and recklessness, but given her mannerisms, that doesn't make much sense. At the beginning, she's awkward and shy–so where does this pride come from? Even if it is a flaw of hers towards the end, it doesn't make a ton of sense. I'm guessing her arc involves gaining confidence through her journey with Miguel, but what pushes her PAST confidence towards pride? Does something happen to shove her over the edge? It seems like going a bit too far, but if you can explain it well, I'm SUPER into that.

Oh yeah, folks, religion and politics time!! I rant about these two fields a lot, so I just copy-paste these days (lazy, I know, but I promise it's good advice!) I think religion and politics are two of the most important fields on Notebook. For religion, it's helpful to explain what, if any, organized religion your character belongs to. If they don't belong to any, I also like to differentiate between atheistic and agnostic. This difference defines a character's worldview as nihilistic or hopeful. If they're part of organized religion, that explains how they feel about organization and authority in general. For politics, I find it helpful to rate my characters on a scale of 'liberal-to-conservative.' How far they are in one direction or another helps explain how open they are to change or how tied they are to traditional values. So I guess I would encourage you to fill those out!!

Backstory is solid and explains her shyness–she lived in a world where everyone thought she was imperfect. I can and will slap them all, but it's solid! However, I would like to know a bit more about why she wants to go to a land with no rules. Having less regulation in life is totally sweet, but I would think that as a noble, she would respect the importance of order and law (even if it's a subconscious thing). I also think it could be cool to discuss, even vaguely, how her journey impacts her personality. You don't have to give details if you're not comfortable with that, but I think even a backbone can give a source for a lot of her traits (which is important!!)

And I think that's all I have for the critique! For a quick write-up, this is a very solid character!! A little more detail is all you really need, and that was to be expected. If you even add more detail and want another round, please hop back on the thread!! I hope that my notes help you for now, even if just a little bit!! :DDD

NOW! Names!!! I'm getting a kind of Spanish-language vibe here, so I think I'll roll with that. And for reference, I'll be using my angel and one true love, https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/. So here's my top 5 (not in exact order), because I had to physically hold myself back:

Iris (I have a thing for flower names)
Vanesa (there's something spicy about this one)
Alma (it means 'soul' if I'm not mistaken, and WOW do I love it)
Eva (I find the name Eva to be weirdly, wildly attractive and mysterious and beautiful??? maybe it's just me)
Ana (it's simple, it's pretty, I LOVE IT)

Deleted user

Hey, could you take a look at Danny? Invalid Character

@stolenbrocoli