Jaq, sighing: The Queen is homophobic.
Bastian: What? Why?
Jaq: I’m gay and they’re inconveniencing me.
Uzula, waking up: Where am I?
Jaq, sarcastically: Heaven.
Uzula: Oh.
Uzula: Didn’t expect to see you here.
Jaq: Alright, motherfuckers, listen up.
Hailey :(
Jaq: Not you, Hailey. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled to have you here.
Hailey: :)
Kit: Habit, you are crazy! Where did you dignity and pride go?
Habit: Make everybody happy
Vess: Damn! That hurts!
Napo: You ok reatard? I am wood
Napo: Stupid
Jouta, to Hachi: Remember what I told you?
Jouta: YOU are the super retard!
Jouta: What's wrong, Kit?
Kit: No.. It's nothing. The rain sounds like Hachi
Hinata: That guy must have slept over clock.
(totally didn't just make a post of my characters as quotes from JJBA: DIU's Duwang scan jfhdjdj)
Casey: Hey, I’m thinking of getting a new phone. Do you guys like yours?
Beck, on his phone: I’ve never used a phone in my life.
Ness: I like the rain. It’s peaceful.
Trix: It would help you clean up after a murder.
Lyra: If you used an icicle as a murder weapon, then you wouldn’t need the rain.
Dima: You'd still need rain. Stabbing someone with an icicle won't keep them from bleeding out.
Ness: What is wrong with all of you?
Therese: Alright, motherfuckers, listen up.
Nell: :(
Therese: Not you, Nell. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled to have you here.
Nell: :)
Flight attendant: Make sure all your small items are secured.
Nich: Looks at Therese
Therese: What?
Nich: Do you feel safe?
Therese: I will murder you.
Or the tables-turned edition
Flight attendant: Make sure all your small items are secured.
Darius: Looks at Nich
Nich: What?
Darius: Do you feel safe?
Nich: Oh, go fuck yourself.
Therese: The moon is really pretty tonight.
Nell, nearly asleep: Yeah, it is.
Nich: When should I tell them it’s a tortilla shell you threw at the window?
Joan: Let’s wait just a little longer.
Therese: I hate you with every inch of my body.
Nich: Hate to break it to you, but that’s not a lot of inches.
Therese: Oh, you're one to talk-
Marisol: Christ on a cracker!
Beck: Please just say fuck.
Kristi: My boyfriend broke up with me!
Bee: I’m so sorry!
Luci: Is there anything we can-
Morgan: Kate?
Kate: His credit card pin, social security number, and password to his Amazon Prime account. He still watches iCarly, which is good blackmail info. Anyway, his password wasn’t too hard to guess, it was the name of his favorite stuffed animal.
Morgan: Excellent.
Tabitha: The name of my first audiobook is THE GODDESS'S TEXTS; READ IN A CONDESCENDING TONE BY A SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD ATHEIST.
Ace: I have a science headcanon
Dax: Can you just say you have a hypothesis like a normal person
Ace: So my science headcanon is–
Trace: Why are my arms so weak?
Trace: It’s like i did that pushup last year for nothing.
Zatian: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.
Trace: I turned out perfectly fine!
Amari: Trace, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.
Trace: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!
Varian: Well, well, well… if it isn’t my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.
Frost: Not all those who wander are lost.
Frost: [looks around]
Frost: But i sure as hell am.
Graham: You know what would be sexy?
Lynn: What?
Graham: Eating food off each other.
Lynn: You didn’t do the dishes?
Graham: I did not.
Varian: Don’t worry, I have a permit.
Desmond, unimpressed: This just says “you need me and I can do whatever the hell I want”.
Lynn: I didn't think you'd help.
Graham: I still might not.
Phel, a cat: [brings in a dead mouse from outside]
Alune: You know, it’s thought that cats bring back mice as gifts for their owners.
Hastur, glaring at Phel: Oh, so when she brings in a dead body, it’s adorable, but when i do it, it’s ‘wrong’ and ‘illegal’?
Takeo: Is no an emotion? Because I feel it.
Takeo: SAY YOU'RE SORRY.
Varian: Okay, okay! I'm sorry!
Takeo: WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?
Varian, hiding behind Alune: FOR SAYING YOU'RE AGGRESSIVE.
Leaoni: You know the plan, right?
Trace: Of course!
Leaoni: Tell me.
Trace: If you ever go down in a fight, I am to sing MM WHATCHA SAY, no matter the circumstances.
Leaoni: Good. I’ll do the same for you, of course.
Nich: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.
Oleander: Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.
Beck: Not all those who wander are lost.
Beck: Looks around
Beck: But I sure as hell am.
Titania: You know what would be sexy?
Oberon: What?
Titania: Eating food off each other.
Oberon: You didn’t do the dishes?
Titania: I did not.
Dally: Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.
Elias: Not all those who wander are lost.
Elias: Looks around
Elias: But I sure as hell am.
Cyrus: You know the plan, right?
Quill: Of course!
Cyrus: Tell me.
Quill: If you ever go down in a fight, I am to sing MM WHATCHA SAY, no matter the circumstances.
Cyrus: Good. I’ll do the same for you, of course.
Erik, a cat: [Brings in a dead mouse from outside]
Magnus: You know, it’s thought that cats bring back mice as gifts for their owners.
Azazel, glaring at Erik: Oh, so when he brings in a dead body, it’s adorable, but when I do it, it’s ‘wrong’ and ‘illegal’?
Ivy, flipping a coin with Bella: Heads I win, tails you lose.
(coin lands on heads)
Ivy: Looks like I win!
Bella: Ugh. Fine.
Bella, 2 hours later, marching up to Ivy in the middle of lesson: “HEADS I WIN, TAILS YOU LOSE?!”
Ivy: I'm getting a brain scan today.
Liv: To check if you have one?
Ivy: Thank you so much for the concern and support.
Ivy: Trust me! When have I ever put you guys in mortal danger?
Liv: Many times. Too many times
Isla: Yeah, we really should be used to it by now
Bella: What’s the height of stupidity?
Liv: How tall's Ivy?
Isla: I’m having problems with a girl
Ivy: Like, her dead body won't fit in her body bag kind of thing or like, liking problems?
Isla: Wh- liking problems.
Ivy: Pity. I could've helped with the other one.
Ivy: So was I on the brink of death?
Liv: Fortunately, we were able to save you.
Ivy: Yes, but was I on the brink of death?
Liv: I wouldn’t say so, no.
Ivy: Damn. Push me harder off the roof next time, Bella. I need be able to say I’ve come back from the brink of death
Ivy: So, what, now I'm just supposed to do whatever Liv does? I mean, what if she jumped off a cliff?
Kara: If Liv were to jump off a cliff, she would've done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes, if you see Liv jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Ivy: You jump off a cliff!
Kara: Gladly, provided Liv did first.
Liv: We’ve got to find a way to cut down on expenses. What can we live without?
Isla: Probably Ivy and Bella.
Ivy: Are you mad at me?
Liv: Take a guess.
Ivy: No..?
Liv: Take another guess.
Bella: You have to kiss the cutest person in the room.
Ivy: Jordan?
Jordan: Y-yeah?
Ivy: Move over, I’m trying to get to the mirror.
Kit: I know a few things about love.
Kit: Horrible, terrible, awful… awful things.
Jouta: I tried. I tried to talk to Hachi and be his friend.
Jouta: But that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail.
Jouta: I feel like I'm dying inside.
Hachi: You wanna hear a lie?
Jouta: What?
Hachi: I… think you're great. You're my best friend.
Hinata: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
Vess, talking about her experience at The Habitat: And I knew exactly what to do.
Vess: But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.
Jouta: Too much change is not a good thing.
Jouta: Just ask the climate.
Napo: Hey Hachi, do you wanna go out for dinner?
Hachi: Wish I could, but I can't. Well can, but won't. Should maybe, but shorn't.
Jouta: Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick.
Minex: Today I saw Cyncis crying for 5-6 min, and then an alarm went off and he just….stopped crying and went right back to normal.
Cyn: It’s called time management, Minex.
Minex: [gently taps table]
Linex: [taps back]
Vix: What are they doing?
Cyn: Morse code.
Minex: [aggressively taps table]
Linex: [slams hands down] YOU TAKE THAT BACK
Vix: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Minex: Okay, but in my defense, Linex bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Vix: No, not that-
Vix:
Vix: YOU DRANK SHAMPOO?!?
Minex: I’ll add on to your “a” to make “at.”
Linex: Okay, I’ll add on to your “at” to make “rat.”
Vix: I will add on to your “rat” to make “biostratigraphic.”
Cyn: [flips table]
Minex: I tried. I tried to talk to Cyncis and be his friend.
Minex: But that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail.
Minex: I feel like I'm dying inside.
Jouta: I'm getting a brain scan today.
Hachi: To check if you have one?
Jouta: Thank you so much for the concern and support.
Kit: We’ve got to find a way to cut down on expenses. What can we live without?
Hachi: Probably Jouta and Napo.
Conner: Taps pen
Robin, sipping her whiskey at nine a.m.: Taps pen back
Saff: Taps pen
Ben: Stop that. I know you're talking about me in morse code.
Conner, rolling his eyes: Oh, sure. We took a hard and grueling class in our very limited free time to learn an old, outdated code just so we could talk about you in front of you.
Robin, later, to Jackie: That's exactly what we did.
Freddy: Gently taps table
Livia: Taps back
Ozzie: What are you doing?
Livia: Morse code.
Freddy: Aggressively taps table
Livia, slamming her hands down: You take that back!
Poplar: I tried. I tried to talk to Oberon and be his friend.
Poplar: But that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail.
Poplar: I feel like I'm dying inside.
Imogen: We’ve got to find a way to cut down on expenses. What can we live without?
Kels: Probably Pietyr.
Ozzie: I know a few things about love.
Ozzie: Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.
Nich: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
Victor: Too much change is not a good thing.
Victor: Just ask the climate.
Kalif: Fellas is it gay to be gay?
Brooks: According to historians? no.
Brooks: It just makes you both really good friends.
Douglas: Fellas, is it gay to be gay?
Nathaniel: According to historians? No.
Oscar: It just makes you both really good friends.
Oh….this hurts in context-
Milo: I didn't listen to you last time.
Ravina, sarcastically: And why start now?
Jackie: *shows everyone a really bad drawing* It's a little art von gard, but–
Holly: Art von gard?
Brian: Art von gard?
Jackie: Obviously that's not the right word because you guys keep saying it, but I'm proud of it, ok?
Andor: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
Ara: Too much change is not a good thing.
Ara: Just ask the climate.
Andor: I'm getting a brain scan today.
Ara: To check if you have one?
Andor: Thank you so much for the concern and support.
Milo: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.
Crispin: SAY YOU'RE SORRY.
Gerard: Okay, okay! I'm sorry!
Crispin: WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?
Gerard, hiding behind Adelia: FOR SAYING YOU'RE AGGRESSIVE
Dallas: Why are my arms so weak?
Dallas: It’s like i did that pushup last year for nothing.
Kirsten: SAY YOU'RE SORRY.
Evelynn: Okay, okay! I'm sorry!
Kirsten: WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?
Evelynn, hiding behind Minto: FOR SAYING YOU'RE AGGRESSIVE
Evelynn: We need to get serious.
Kirsten: I was BORN serious.
Evelynn: I was born easily amused.
Evelynn: I had to work for my seriousness.
Minto: So what’s it like dating Kirsten?
Genesis: Once, I asked her for some water when she was mad at me. She brought me a glass full of ice and said “wait”
Casey: I have an idea.
Evelynn: A good one?
Casey:
Casey: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Casey: It’s weird that you celebrate Christmas, didn’t you say you don’t believe in God?
Kirsten: It’s weird that you celebrate Valentine’s Day, didn’t you say nobody likes you?
Kay: So what’s it like rooming with Tabitha?
Imogen: Once, I asked her for some water when she was mad at me. She brought me a glass full of ice and said “wait”.
Percy: I have an idea!
Alessandra: A good one?
Percy:
Percy: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Miss Dollon: It’s weird that you celebrate the Goddess's Feast, didn’t you say you don’t believe in gods?
Tabitha: It’s weird that you celebrate Heartseve, isn't it clear that no one likes you?
Devon: Shut up.
Jackie: I didn't say anything… ???
Devon: You were thinking. It's annoying.
Takeo: The next person who says “weird flex but okay” is going to get a kick to the shin.
Varian: Preposterous boast but alas.
Leaoni: My life is falling apart faster than a nature granola bar.
Ren: Closure isn't real. Just cut your hair and pretend it didn't happen.
Leaoni, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Trace: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Leaoni: Outstanding.
Leaoni: This is what I’m talking about people.
Varian: HELP! I TOLD ALUNE I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!
Trace, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
Frost: Don't worry, I have a plan.
Kallai: Alright.
Frost: TraitorSayWhat?
Alune: Excuse me?
Frost: What?
Kallai:
Frost:
Frost: No wait-
Varian: I didn't listen to you last time.
Alune, sarcastically: And why start now?
Varian: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
Takeo: Too much change is not a good thing.
Takeo: Just ask the climate.
Graham: I know a few things about love.
Graham: Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.
Kirsten: Don't worry, I have a plan.
Giovanni: Alright.
Kirsten: TraitorSayWhat?
Giovanni: Excuse me?
Kirsten: What?
Giovanni:
Kirsten:
Kirsten: No wait-
(then she subsequently betrayed Giovanni-)
Kirsten: The next person who says “weird flex but okay” is going to get a kick to the shin.
Evelynn: Preposterous boast but alas.
Minto: HELP! I TOLD EVELYNN I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!
Kirsten, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
Trix: The next person who says “weird flex but okay” is going to get a kick to the shin.
Lyra: Preposterous boast, but alas.
Beck: My life is falling apart faster than a nature granola bar.
Tabitha: Closure isn't real. Just cut your hair and pretend it didn't happen.
Therese: Help! I told Nell I'd cook dinner tonight but I can't cook!
Nich, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?
Julianna: Don't worry, I have a plan.
Samuel: Alright.
Julianna: TraitorSayWhat?
Samuel: What?
Julianna:
Samuel:
Samuel: No, wait-
Aspen: I didn't listen to you last time.
Oberon, sarcastically: And why start now?
Barry, showing everyone a really bad drawing: It's a little art von gard, but–
Kat: Art von gard?
Frankie: Art von gard?
Barry: Obviously that's not the right word because you guys keep saying it, but I'm proud of it.
Nich: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.
Kels: SAY YOU ARE SORRY.
Pietyr: Okay, okay! I'm sorry!
Kels: WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?
Pietyr, hiding behind Kay: FOR SAYING YOU'RE AGGRESSIVE