Peter Benjamin Wynters

His original hero name when he joined the League was Matter Man, although his teammates picked fun at him for it since it's a dumb name (hint hint: his power is matter manipulation). Once Madeline brainwashed him, she gave him the name Venom to play into that "treacherous snake" narrative. When he was saved and rejoined the League, he renamed himself Shift to better suit his powers.

Before the League was able to save him, Madeline actually forced them to get married, which seems highly illegal, but it's fine, she has brainwashing powers. His last name was legally changed to Prince, although "legally" is used very loosely. Once he was saved, he changed his name back to Wynters. (He has had to legally change his name three times now, which is just exhausting.)

Simon's taken to calling him Parker, although he just thinks it's annoying at this point.
Dean calls him Wynters because he hates him and doesn't care.

25

bisexual

transgender male

Hero turned Villain turned back Hero

A bit long, but it swoops across his face and is kind of shaggy in the back. Madeline makes sure he keeps it relatively nice so he doesn't ruin her rep.

light brown

Light stubble

Icy blue, but Madeline forces him to wear bright green contacts with snake slits to keep up his "lying snake" image.

5'11"

175 lbs

He has freckles across his face and arms, as well as a few scratches and scars, including his top surgery scars.

He had a large X-Men symbol on his shoulder that Madeline got removed, so he covered up his Aphrodite-required black heart with a new X-Men symbol. He also is the one who convinced Logan to get the “shit happens” tattoo because he has a matching one. Madeline also made him get a ton of piercings but he’s letting all of them close: both ears, two to make a snakebite, & his tongue.

relatively built, especially more so after Madeline

generally pale

Metahuman - mostly human species born with a recessive gene that activates gives them superpowers in their adolescence. People may be carriers of the metahuman gene without it being active, but in this case, Peter has an active metahuman gene that activated when he was 16.

Matter Man/Shift: He doesn't care much about what he wears, usually sticking to what he knows: plain T-shirt, jeans, sneakers, and maybe an open flannel or a canvas jacket if it's cold. Sometimes he'll wear his Marvel shirts, but it's rare.

Venom: Madeline programmed him with a good fashion sense, so he's always overdressed, usually with three-piece suits and dress shoes even if he's not going anywhere.

Matter Man/Shift: He hates getting dressed up, but he does have a suit in his closet. It's a bit old, but since he doesn't wear it much, he doesn't care. He's not a jewelry person, so it's just as basic as he can get.

Venom: Since he's always overdressed anyway, his formal wear isn't much different than his everyday wear, maybe just with more jewelry and more expensive shoes.

Matter Man/Shift Casual Wear: https://shoplook.io/outfit-preview/3391133
Venom Casual Wear: https://shoplook.io/outfit-preview/4251523
Matter Man/Shift Formal Wear: https://shoplook.io/outfit-preview/3391177
Venom Formal Wear: https://shoplook.io/outfit-preview/3212665

He grew up conservative, and he definitely was a gatekeeper when it came to the trans community; he was one of those people who thought nonbinary people, especially genderfluid, genderqueer, or bigender people, don't count as trans.

Surprisingly, his time with the Legion, specifically his time with the antihero sect (being Ava Scarlet Prime, James Cameron Samuels, and their friends), really helped him figure out that people deserve to be people.

Definitely has some trauma, both from Madeline and from his abusive mother. He was basically raised by his older sister and he helped raise his younger siblings. Madeline definitely latched onto those mommy issues and used them to her advantage.

His pre-brainwashing self, referred to as Matter Man, still hung around in his head holding onto the important memories that Peter would need once the League saved him. He refused to believe that he wouldn't be saved. Of course, this did come in handy once Simon was able to break through the brainwashing, although it did take a while for him to gather all of his mental belongings.

He leads with his hips when he walks and no one's really sure if that's a side effect from Madeline or if he's always walked that way.

He tends to scratch at his neck and wrists when he's anxious, both of which are places where Madeline tends to grab him.

He gets really defensive when the truth of his statements gets called into question and he hates being wrong, sometimes coming up with whole arguments for incorrect answers just so he can be correct.

Matter Man: Like his late boyfriend Jack, he's really only a superhero for the popularity and how it'll make him look in the public eye. He doesn't care much about the people he's saving.

Venom: Madeline's the only thing he can think about a majority of the time thanks to the brainwashing, so serving her and making her proud are his only motivations.

Shift: After they saved him from Madeline, he has a much higher appreciation for his team and he's begun caring about the people that they save. He also never wants to go back to the mental place Madeline had him trapped in, so he's fighting for his own freedom.

He has matter manipulation and can make objects out of thin air by changing objects' states of matter. Once with Madeline, he discovers that this power can also be used to mold his surroundings into weapons and even new environments, like stone pillars and new battlegrounds.

Pre-Shift, he had a major tendency to gatekeeper things, especially when he didn't know what he was talking about. He's learned the errors of his ways since then, but he's still extremely defensive.

He's very confident in himself, which would be a good thing if he didn't come off as abrasive and aggressive most of the time instead of open and welcoming.

When things don't go his way, he breaks down immediately rather than trying to amend the situation or find a way around it.

In terms of his powers, he uses his own energy to create things, so if he does too much in too little time, he can quite literally drain his life force.

Matter Man/Shift: He likes playing guitar, and he's really good at it. He tries to sing along with himself, which he's really not good at, but he tries his best anyway. After his arc, he'll allow Simon and Dean to jam with him.

Venom: He doesn't do much of anything. When Madeline's bored with him, he kind of goes into "sleep mode" and trudges around the base mindlessly before passing out in a random hallway and waiting for his queen to find him.

Matter Man/Shift: ESTP & True Neutral

Venom: ESFJ & Chaotic Evil

Chandler Bing (Friends), Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter), Sam Winchester (Supernatural), Hunter (The Owl House)

Venom doesn't have opinions, but Peter himself really enjoys the french fries from a diner in his hometown.

Dogs. They remind him of his childhood when he and his siblings would hang out at the animal shelter to play with the puppies.

From Q&A: If Madeline allowed you to have dogs, how many would you have?
A: If I could have dogs, I'd like to have two. That's a reasonable amount, right? That's never gonna happen though. She wants to be the primary source of my happiness.

He can create any weapon he’d like with his powers, including things that aren’t typically considered weapons, so he’s proficient in many weapons, including handguns, daggers, swords, throwing stars, flamethrowers, and his favorite: missile launchers.
+ When he’s a little less of an asshole (typically when Madeline’s out of town), he and Ava will work together to explore the lengths of her powers and what exactly she can create. The further out of left field item she’s created with his help is a frying pan.

His first acoustic guitar that he got when he turned 16. He'd just saved up enough money that he'd hidden away so his mother wouldn't find it. He took his permit test on his birthday and the second he'd passed, he and his sister drove to the nearest music store.

Dark blue. He's always gravitated toward darker colors but he also has an incessant desire to stick out, so his wardrobe consisted mostly of dark reds and blues, although red seemed too bright for him. Also, later on, it became Simon's color and he wanted to avoid associating with them as much as possible.

Superhero turned supervillain turned back superhero. It's complicated.

Raised conservative, but now he's mostly liberal, especially after living with both teams.

Atheist through and through.

From Q&A:

Q: What is your biggest regret?
A: No regrets! I'm doing just fine. (Bonus - Matter Man: T̴̤͚̉̂͑́͘͝r̸̫̭̣̺͇̫̀́͜͜u̴̧̼̗̦̞͗̑̾̀̂̕̕͜͝š̸̻͆͛̈́t̵̜̙̱̠͇̠̟̭̦̄̔̓̉͗̀̈́͠͝ì̸̼͜n̴̜̩̽̊̐̿̑́͑g̸̺̯̉̅̂̀̑͝ ̸̗̑̚h̷͇̙̺̪̯͚̪͍̭̿̿̉̉̀̈́̕è̷̢̹̗̠̜̬͔̤̀͒̈́̀͘͜ṙ̴͉͍̳̌̋̒͌͂͜.̷̛̛̼͎̥͓̤͉̆̀̈́̈́̂)

Q: Pineapple on pizza or no?
A: Pineapple is disgusting. (Bonus - Matter Man: Pineapple sucks ass!)

Q: What's your greatest achievement?
A: My greatest achievement is…uh…I'm not sure. I wasn't prepared for this kind of question. Learning what my powers can really do, I guess. (Bonus - Matter Man: Greatest achievement is getting a dude who claimed he was straight to have sex with me anyway. And then he cheated on me with my ex, but screw that.)

Q: Where do y'all see yourselves in like, 20 or 30 years?
A: At Aphrodite's side while she rules the world, obviously. (Matter Man: I'd never give up this fame and glory! I don't need this stupid team and I'll be kicking ass until the day I die. VS. Shift: I don't know where I see myself next week, dude. We're taking baby steps.)

Q: If you could, would you save yourself instead of waiting around to be saved?
A: Absolutely I'd save myself if I could, but that's impossible. I hate that I have to just sit here and hope that someday my former teammates will find a way to save me, but Aphrodite has failsafes in her brainwashing, because of course she fucking does.

July 9

He has a high-school education and he went to college and graduated with a degree in Law.

He was raised by a conservative mother and he had three siblings: an older sister, a younger brother, and a younger sister. His mother was not a great parent, and many of the motherly responsibilities fell on his older sister. Although she didn't want him to, he did his best to help her, and he didn't really have much of a social life until he barely graduated high school.

He was 16 when he discovered his powers. He woke up in the morning practically suffocating from the immense amounts of blankets he'd apparently made in his sleep. He knew his room was cold but he didn't think his unconscious brain could even do that. He did love his powers though and he used them often even before joining the League.

More on his Venom storyline in his playlist analysis.

He lost contact with his siblings after he was brainwashed, so he's trying his best to get back in contact with them.

He was one of the founding members of the League. He was kicked out in February of 2020 for being a dick, being promptly kidnapped and brainwashed into joining the Legion. He rejoined the League in March of 2022.

He's killed two people: Marie-Kate and Jack. They were murdered back to back when he was freshly brainwashed, although he just genuinely wanted to kill them.

The public hates him, especially post-rejoining the League.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0S4RdgOGbCcuNqWitjzx9f?si=8111a30453c54531

His playlist covers the beginning of his career as a hero to the fall of his mental stability.

What's My Age Again covers his pre-hero work. He was finally starting HRT and figuring out who he was as a person without losing any of his typical asshole nature. After a bit of doing hero work on his own, he joined the League and in his personal opinion, he was severely underutilized (The Underdog). If you ask Simon, they'll just say it's because Peter's an asshole and awful to work with.

When Madeline came into the picture and ended up brainwashing Peter due to unfortunate circumstances, he did not take well to her screwing with his mind (You Give Love A Bad Name), but she was able to push his buttons and mold his brain to her will anyway.

Slowly, the original Peter still inside him somewhere was able to figure out what they were doing and tried his best to break free from their control (Playing God), but it was no use. He ended up murdering his ex-girlfriend Marie in battle and he felt nothing (Worst In Me).

After Marie's death, his self-preservation kicked into overdrive and he tried to just kill Madeline in the hopes that with her dead, the brainwashing would shatter and he'd be free (The Devil Within). Of course, since she sees all the thoughts in his head, this failed and he started going crazy with all of the gaslighting, unable to tell what was real.

Little Pistol, Venom, and Gypsy Woman showcase the last moments of his heroic nature, mostly just venting about him being stuck in Madeline's trap with no way out.

Once Wolf In Sheep's Clothing hits, he's fallen completely to Madeline, at least for now.

What’s My Age Again? by blink-182
“And that's about the time she walked away from me. Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three. And I'm still more amused by TV shows. What the hell is A.D.D.? My friends say I should act my age; what's my age again, what's my age again?”

Could Have Been Me by The Struts
“Don't wanna live as an untold story, rather go out in a blaze of glory. I can't hear you. I don't fear you. I'll live now 'cause the bad die last, dodging bullets with your broken past. I can't hear you. I don't fear you now.”

The Middle by Jimmy Eat World
“Hey, you know they're all the same. You know you're doin' better on your own, so don't buy in. Live right now, just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.”

The Underdog by Spoon
“You got no time for the messenger. Got no regard for the thing that you don't understand. You got no fear of the underdog. That's why you will not survive.”

Problematic by Bo Burnham
“And I've been totally awful, my closet is chock-full of stuff that is vaguely shitty. All of it was perfectly lawful, just not very thoughtful at all and just really…and I'm really fucking sorry. Bitch, I'm tryna listen. Shit, I've been complicit. Sorry.”

You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi
“An angel's smile is what you sell. You promise me heaven, then put me through hell. Chains of love got a hold on me. When passion's a prison, you can't break free.”

Sarcasm by Get Scared
“Don't mind us we're just spilling our guts. If this is love, I don't wanna be loved. You pollute the room with a filthy tongue. Watch me choke it down so I can throw it up.”

Turbulent by Waterparks
“So fuck yourself and fuck your feelings. I believe, but not in you and me, so. I'd unfuck you if I could. I'd unlove you like I should have months before I did, in the months before I split. It's turbulent.”

Thanks, I Hate It by Simple Creatures
“I don't owe you anything, but I give you everything. Watch you pile it up and sing, ‘Thanks, I hate it’.!No, you're never satisfied. Now you wanna run and hide. Can't you look me in the eyes and say, ‘Thanks, I hate it’.”

Playing God by Paramore
“You say that I've been changing, that I'm not just simply ageing. Yeah, how could that be logical? Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat.”

Worst In Me by Unlike Pluto
“I saw you standing there and I knew I'm done for, it's over, I'm through playing games from the start, sinking your nails in my heart. You bring out the worst in me, you bring out the worst in me.”

The Drug In Me Is You by Falling In Reverse
“I've lost my goddamn mind. It happens all the time. I can't believe I'm actually meant to be here, trying to consume. The drug in me is you, and I'm so high on misery. Can't you see?”

Nicotine by Panic! At The Disco
“Cross my heart and hope to die. Burn my lungs and curse my eyes. I've lost control and I don't want it back. I'm going numb, I've been hijacked. It's a fucking drag. I taste you on my lips and I can't get rid of you, so I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do. Yeah, you're worse than nicotine, nicotine. Yeah, you're worse than nicotine, nicotine, yeah.”

Teeth by 5 Seconds of Summer
“Fight so dirty, but your love's so sweet. Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth. Late night devil, put your hands on me, andnever, never, never ever let go.”

The Devil Within by Digital Daggers
“I will keep quiet, you won't even know I'm here. You won't suspect a thing, you won't see me in the mirror, but I crept into your heart. You can't make me disappear ‘tilI make you. I made myself at home in the cobwebs and the lies. I'm learning all your tricks, I can hurt you from inside. I made myself a promise you would never see me cry ‘til I make you.”

Brave as a Noun by AJJ
“I could go off the deep end. I could kill all my best friends. I could follow stylish trends, and God knows I could make amends. But I've got an angry heart filled with cancers and poppy tarts. If this is how you folks make art it's fucking depressing. And it's sad to know that we are not alone. And it's sad to know there's no honest way out.”

I Deserve to Bleed by Sushi Soucy
“I want to be torn apart excruciatingly. I punish my body 'cause it's not good enough for me. The scary thoughts are spreading like a weed: the thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed.”

Little PIstol by Mother Mother
“Up on my side, where it is felt, I pack a little pistol on my pistol belt. I think it might be fear of the world and the way it makes you feel afraid. Under the skin, against the skull, they put a little chip so that they know it all. I think I might be scared of the world and the way it makes you feel afraid, and how it gets in the way.”

This Is Love by Air Traffic Controller
“You're no good, you're no good, you could kill me and you should. I'm an idiot for thinking this was anything but blood on the wall, on the couch, on the corner of my mouth. You must like being the victim. You've done nothing to get out of this pattern of pain washed away by the rain. You'll forgive me if I promise and do nothing but the same. This is life until death, could be my last dying breath, but this is love, love, shut up, this is love.”

Gypsy Woman by Anarbor
“I think she took my soul but I didn't know. That gypsy woman's got me under control. She fed me lies, yeah, she casts her spells. That gypsy woman's really ringing my bells. And to hell, I will go knocking right on Satan's door, heavens no, this ain't it. Honey, I won't beg, I'll just take it quick. She took me to my knees and now she's got me praying. Save me, she's a liar, and I can't seem to untie the rope. She's got wrapped around her finger, I think I lost the last bit of my self control.”

New Invention by I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME
“Oh, bless my soul, I'm losing control. I'm having bad dreams, and nothing you can do will keep the bad things away from me until I fall asleep, bad dreams. Despite your good intentions, that girl is like an architect and I am just the new invention.”

Venom by Bullet For My Valentine
“Now I'm giving up, I'm never looking back. Here we go again. You keep giving me a taste of your venom. You know I'm never looking back. Here we go again. I don't want another taste of your venom.”

Pit of Vipers by Simon Curtis
“I can almost feel the tick like clockwork, hearing all the voices in my head each time I go. There's a game they play that I'm not part of, tearing at the weaknesses and all the faults they know. It's impossible to navigate around. It's inevitable that you'll fall in. It’s improbable i'll ever come back down. I fell in and now I think I might drown. I'm falling deep into a pit of vipers over me, over me and I can't break free. Secrets run deep when you're in a pit of vipers. Slithering, whispering, feel the venom poisoning me.”

Love Me Dead by Ludo
“And when her edges soften, her body is my coffin. I know she drains me slowly. She wears me down to bones in bed. Must be the sign on my head that says, oh, love me dead! Love me dead!”

Misery Meat by Sodikken
“You want a taste of my brain? Okay, it's yours anyway. A bite of my eye? All right, I won't put up a fight. How 'bout today you try eating someone else for a change? Because the way things are going, I won't last another day.”

Bitch by Allie X
“Steal my blood and steal my heart, whatever it takes to get you off. I’m your bitch, you’re my bitch. Boom, boom. In my bones and in my soul, always be in your control. I’m your bitch, you’re my bitch. Boom, boom.”

Happy Pills by Weathers
“We can go to my house if you wanna, hang out in my bedroom, lose your honour. Even if they find us, we're apathetic and they can't take that away. I take my pills and I'm happy all the time, I'm happy all the time, I'm happy all the time. I love my girl but she ain't worth the price, she ain't worth the price, no, she ain't worth the price.”

One More Night by Maroon 5
“But baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you. Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go. Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo. And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you.”

Dirty Mind by 3OH!3
“I tried to leave the house but she won't let me out. Deadbolts lock got me strapped to the couch. She's got a dirtier mind than my mouth. I hate to say the more you fuck the better for your health. She wants me at the party, she wants me at the mall, she wants me in the bathroom stall.”

Wolf In Sheep's Clothing by Set It Off
"Deceit so natural, but a wolf in sheep's clothing is more than a warning. [...] And if I could kill you, I would, but it's frowned upon in all 50 states. Having said that? Burn in hell!”

The Drug In Me Is You - Falling in Reverse

Matter Man
Jack: And remember, you’re not allowed to fall in love with me.
Peter: Hah. Won't be a problem.
2 DAYS LATER
Peter: THERE’S A PROBLEM.

Peter: I accidentally put my car in neutral and revved the engine.
Peter: And then the guys next to me revved his engine.
Peter: And I’m like “fuck, now I’ve gotta street race”

Peter: Isn’t it weird that people kill mosquitoes cause they’re annoying?
Peter: like damn if people did that to other people I would have been dead years ago

Peter: introducing a new alignment, chaotic lawful
Peter: I have a strict moral code but nobody can figure out what the hell it is

Peter: Why won’t the ghosts talk to us?
Jack: Maybe they’re homophobic
Peter: We’re not gay, Jack
Jack: We’re not?

Jack: I can’t believe we’re stuck in this room together
Peter, swallowing the key: How unfortunate

Peter: Gets down on one knee
Simon: Gasp It’s finally happening!
Peter: Falls over
Simon: The poison is kicking in!

Peter: I’m learning how to play guitar
Dean: Do you take requests?
Peter: Yeah!
Dean: Shut the fuck up

Peter: Over here, old friend! In case you’ve noticed, you’ve fallen right into my trap!
Simon: You can’t trap justice! It’s an idea, a belief!
Peter: Even the most heartfelt belief can get corroded over time!
Simon: Justice is a non-corrosive metal!
Peter: But metals can be melted by the heat of revahnge!
Simon: It’s “revenge”, and it’s best served cold!
Peter: But it can be easily reheated in the microwave of evil!
Simon: Well, I think your warranty’s about to expire!
Peter: Maybe I got an extended warranty!
Simon: Warranties are invalid if used beyond their intended purpose!
Jack, tied to a chair: Girls, girls, you’re both pretty! Can I go home now?

Peter: Hey, no homo, but I love you.
Jack: How is that not homo?
Peter: I'm bi.

Peter: Hey I wrote you a song.
Madeline: What?
Peter: It goes a little something like this. strums guitar twice Fuck you.

Simon: You’re a real sick bastard you know that?
Peter: Thank you. Very much. spits out glass

Peter: You probably don’t have your facts straight
Simon: Motherfucker the facts are the only thing straight about me

Venom
Peter: drunk on his wedding night and burning the marriage certificate: GOOD LUCK TRYING TO RETURN ME WITHOUT THE RECEIPT.

Peter: Girls are so hot
Peter: Guys are hot too, man
Peter: Why is everyone so hot?
Ava: Global Warming

Peter: Honestly, I’m just so evil. So full of darkness. I feed off the souls of the living. I strike fear into--
Madeline: You sleep with a stuffed snake.
Peter: he is mY sEcOnD iN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS

Peter: Look, let’s just agree to say “I’m sorry” on the count of three.
Peter: One, two, three.
James:
Peter:
Peter: See? Now I’m just disappointed in both of us.

Peter: I screwed up.
Madeline: Given your daily experiences, you’re gonna need to be a little more specific.

Peter: Let’s play a game.
James: Sure. I spy with my little eye someone who needs to shut the fuck up.
Peter: Is it me?
James: It’s always you.

Peter: hOLD the fuck up.
Peter: That’s me. I’m the fuck up. Someone hold me please.

Peter: Oh, I know! You’re dumbasses. It’s in my notes.
Peter: No seriously. Look, right here: “The League is full of dumbasses.” Page 3. It’s in cursive and underlined and everything!

Peter: Can I get a HELL YEAH?
Madeline: I don’t know, can you?
Peter: sighs May I get a hell yeah?
Madeline: You should have gotten a hell yeah before we left the base.
Peter: groans But I didn’t NEED a hell yeah at the base.

Peter: yeet
Madeline: ??
Peter: yoot
Peter: yotum
Peter: yute
Peter: yeeten
Peter: yate
Peter: Yeeth
Peter: Yeeted
Madeline: You, stop that right now
Xavier, an intellectual: No, let him finish

Interviewer: Would you say you’re independent?
Peter: looks at Madeline
Madeline: nods
Peter: I’d say so, yes

Peter: Could you be quiet!? I’m trying to think!
Ava: It’s ok, doing anything for the first time is difficult

Madeline: Oh dear, some fool tried fighting a squid at the aquarium.
Peter, covered in ink: Yeah, well maybe the squid was being a dick.

Madeline: I just want boys to say cute things to me.
Peter: Suck my dick.
Madeline: Cute things
Peter: Suck my dick in the rain.

Madeline: I’ve molded Peter into perfection. He’s the perfect mix of weapon and servant.
Peter: throwing up in the corner

Madeline: Compliment me.
Peter: You have eyes!

Peter: Ava says I only have four days to live
James: you’re sick???
Peter: no she just doesn’t like me
Ava, waving a wrench: I WILL FUCK YOU UP ON THURSDAY

Peter: Live fast, microwave a brick

Peter: Just trust me bro
Ava: I wouldn’t trust you to tie my shoes without stealing the laces

Peter: I was going to donate blood but they asked too many personal questions
Peter: Like “who’s blood is this?” And “where did you get it?”
Xavier: Someone donates a kidney and they’re a hero, but I donate five and I get arrested?

Peter: And how do you think you’re going to stop me?
Ava: I’ll tell Madeline
Peter:
Peter: You sick bastard

Peter: it’s going to be expensive isn’t it?
Madeline: Yes
Peter: You don’t like anything cheap do you?
Madeline: I like you

Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Peter: No
Judge:
Jury:
Judge: Whispering What do we do now…?

Ava: Please just go to the hospital
Peter: What is this, OUR stab wound? No it’s mine, mind your business!

Peter: You know, you’re really cute when you’re nice
Madeline: What am I whenever I’m not nice?
Peter, inhales: Hot as fuck-

Peter: What’s the word for horny but not in a sexual way? Like I’m horny for Halloween, but I don’t want to fuck a pumpkin, you feel?
Madeline: ...
Madeline: You mean excited?

Peter: Well what if I don’t want to get a tattoo?
Madeline: What happened to the bland, spineless boy I fell in love with?

Peter: You come here often?
Madeline: This is my fucking house

Peter: Sitting in a tree
Peter: k-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i

Sorting hat: Ravenclaw or Slytherin
Peter: Which one will make people trust me unconditionally
Sorting hat: The answers Ravenclaw but since you said that you’re getting slytherin
Peter: That’s fair

Peter: You played me like a fiddle!
Madeline: Actually, Fiddles are hard to play. I played you like the cheap kazoo you are

Peter: Don’t worry. I’m a very confident driver.
Ava: Last time you drove, you almost ran over Julianna
Peter: But I was confident

Peter: Come on, have a sense of humor!
Madeline: I married you didn’t I?

Madeline: You think that because you love me and love has made you dumber
Peter: I disagree. If anything love has made me smarter
Peter: Remember last week when I boiled that egg?
Madeline:....that was big. I was really proud of you

Doctor: It’s a girl what will you name her
Peter: My child has no teeth
Doctor: yes that’s normal for an infant
Peter: how will she survive

Peter: Change is inedible
James: don’t you mean inevitable?
Peter, spitting out a bunch of pennies: I clearly fucking didn’t

Judge: did your girlfriend commit the crime?
Peter: She can’t even commit to this relationship
Jury: OH SNAP

Peter, answering his phone: Talk dirty to me
James: ….Uh
James: This is James
Peter: ...Ah
Peter: I think it goes without saying that I was expecting it to be someone else

Madeline: Peter, do you have to be so melodramatic?
Peter: sitting in a large throne in his snake themed throne room I’m not nearly as bad as James
James: a spotlight turns on to reveal James draped over a larger throne encrusted with gold, glitter, and neon lights in a throne room with 50 different portraits of himself HOW DARE YOU!!

Madeline: trips
Madeline: Don’t-
Peter: MADELINE HAS FALLEN
Madeline: Peter
Peter: I, PETER
Madeline: Peter, no.
Peter: AM THE NEW HEAD OF THE LEGION!!!!
Madeline: Peter, I swear to god.

Peter: The flaming mountain in my vision!
Xavier: It’s called a volcano, fuckwad

Peter about Madeline: Anyone with hair that perfect has got to be guilty of something.

Peter: Madeline where have you been? You left your phone on your nightstand and I assumed you were dead
Madeline: I would clearly be buried with my phone

Judge: I sentence you to 10 years in prison
Peter, seductively: Well your honor, maybe I can...change your mind~
Judge: 20 years

Madeline: You amuse me. I will make you mine.
Peter: You mean like a partner or like a slave?
Madeline: Yes

Peter: Ok look just because you make me sexually confused does not mean you are intimidating

Madeline: What the hell is that?
Peter with a possum in his jacket: It’s mine is what it is

Doctor: Do you mind telling me what happened?
Peter: I was reading an encyclopedia and I tripped, or “fell over”, and hit my head, or “brain helmet”.
Madeline: Yeah, he sneezed and smacked his head against the wall.

Peter: What would happen if you injected brownie mix into your bloodstream?
Peter: Because your body temperature is like 98 degrees, so they’d bake after a few days.
Peter: Then you’d just have clumps in your arm and you’d just cut it open and eat the brownies.
Peter: I should be a scientist.
James: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Peter: I once forgot to brush my teeth for 5 weeks. I didn’t actually sell my car, I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask. When they say 2 percent milk I don’t know what the other 98 percent is. When I was a baby my head was so big scientists did experiments on me. I once threw beer at a swan and then it attacked my sister, Hannah.

Peter: Most people would say ‘the deets,’ but I say ‘the tails.’ Just another example of innovation.

Madeline: Can you please be serious for five minutes?
Peter: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Madeline: God, give me patience.
Peter: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Madeline: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

Peter: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise
Madeline: I beg to differ
Peter: Then beg.