Kana had managed to work her way towards Jair's room. She peeked in, leaning her torso against the wall outside of his room for balance. She tried not to make a noise as she watched Jair change his bandages.
(So, Kana has stalker tendencies)
Jair hissed between his teeth as one bandage pulled at one of the still healing wounds, blood oozing out. He set the ruined bandages aside, taking deep breaths. There were whip wounds on his back, and burns along his sides. Numerous slashes, cuts, and other wounds scattered everywhere, including over his front.
Kana put a hand over her mouth to silence her gasp. Oh my god. Jair, what happened to you? She felt the need to help him, but she stayed put. It would be rude to just barge in like this anyway.
He cleaned off the wounds, making sure none of them were infected, then started bandaging them back up. I should have let them heal longer before coming…
Kana stopped looking. It's an invasion of privacy, anyway. She did, however, wait outside of his room. It's not like she had anything else to do. Desperately wanting to rest again, she sat on the ground while waiting for him to finish bandaging his wounds.
Jair finished the bandages, and pulled his shirt back on, standing with a soft sigh. He was really starting to wish he had some pain medication.
It's rather comfy down here. Kana smiled internally. I wouldn't mind staying down here for a bit longer. She stood up anyway, and gently knocked on Jair's doorframe, pretending to not have seen what she just witnessed.
Jair looked up. "Oh. Hey, Kana." He greeted with a tiny smile. He adjusted his shirt. I don't want her to see how messed up I am…
Pretending like you didn't just re bandage all of your wounds, huh? Gods, I knew something was wrong. Should I have pressed him for more information? "Hey… You feel any better?" She asked, hesitation showing through her voice. Probably not. But, I don't want it to just let it get worse for him.
He shrugged. "I'm fine." He avoided her eyes. "What do you need?" He asked, looking at her. Is she okay? She doesn't look okay. He bit his lip slightly.
I need you to get better, physically and emotionally. She shook her head. "I just wanted to see if you were alright." Kana's vision started to get blurry and distorted. Oh fu- She pinched her thigh, hoping that would snap her out of it. Crap.
He frowned slightly. "Kana? You don't look okay…" He said slowly. You're one to talk. He thought. You haven't said a word about what happened. She thinks you're okay when you know perfectly well that you aren't!
She closed her eyes and nodded. "I know, Jair." She seemed slightly annoyed. Makes sense. People get agitated when they're hungry.
He backed up a step. "Okay." He said softly. He swallowed. "You shouldn't rehire me." He blurted, looking down at his feet. "You should find a different guard."
Kana looked up at Jair but her eyes didn't focus on him. "Excuse me?" A twinge of anger, an emotion she had practically buried, jolted her. "Are you being serious?"
He nodded. "I can't fight anymore." He said softly. "I freeze up. I panic. I can spar, I can train, but I can't…fight. I-I'm useless." He looked down at his hands, which were shaking slightly.
Kana slowly made her way over to him. "Are you sure? You're not just saying that because…" she trailed off. It would be unwise to mention Aydan. And I don't want to say anything that hints that I'm somewhat aware of his situation. Who knows how he would react to that. "Jair, do you really mean that?" She looked up at him, putting on a poker face. She didn't want to let her emotions effect his answer.
He nodded again. "The only thing I was ever good at, and now I can't do it." He muttered to himself. To her, he said, "Yeah… I-I'm sorry. I just…" There were children. My god I killed children. He swallowed, hands clenching and unclenching by his sides.
Kana looked down at his hands the back up at him. "Well… If I let you go, would you still visit?" She asked with a suddenly quiet voice, a lump forming in her throat.
Jair shrugged. "Would you even want me to?" He asked softly. "I'm not…the same person I used to be." Children, god forgive me. I killed children. Child soldiers. My god.
"I know you aren't. Do you think I can't tell?" She spat, suddenly angry. "You don't think that I've studied you for so long that I know when something is wrong? It's painfully obvious." She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes that only made her vision blurrier. "I saw the wounds you're hiding, Jair. I saw them just now! I saw how you pretended everything was fine when I walked in!" She started to sound hysterical. "You don't think I know?!" She stepped backwards and clumsily sat down on his bed, exhausted from exerting energy to yell at him.
"I didn't want you to know!" He replied, nearly shouting. "I didn't want you to worry about me, I didn't want to explain! I should never have come back, you would be happier and better off without me!" I'm too broken for you. I shouldn't have come back, but I wanted to see you again. I had to see you again.
"Why? Don't you know I care for you?!" Kana was shaking again. "Can't you see that I'm clearly not okay without you?"
Jair sat down. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." He said, covering his face with his hands. "I was trying to keep you from getting hurt. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. I just…" she sighed, starting to calm down. "I want to be there for you." She mumbled, holding her knees to her chest like a kid.