Nessa: Are you going to help, or are you too pretty?
Evangeline: I’m too pretty.
Demetri: Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask yours. Black hair…indigo eyes. You must be my future wife.
Nessa: what
Demetri: what
Demetri: who said that
Demetri: what
Castor: Fugitive or not, it's nice to be wanted.
Kate: Are you going to help, or are you too pretty?
Kristi, not looking up from her phone: I’m too pretty.
Nich: You don't have to be so humble.
Nell: But seriously, I'm not so good at it.
Nich: Well you're the only one here who knows CPR and he's dying so-
Marian: Happy birthday to one of my best friends in the whole world, the amazing Beatrice Mitchell.
Oscar, Beatrice's twin: Wow, okay.
Henry: Can someone just explain French to me?
Alice: Spanish, but you speak in cursive.
Jackson: Latin, but make it fashion.
Morgan: Learn to speak Spanish, then learn to speak Italian. Subtract the Spanish from the Italian. You are left with French.
Geneva: You have eleven letters. You pronounce four of them.
Victor: Je suis sorti pour passer un bon moment et je me sens honnêtement tellement attaqué en ce moment.
The Erl King: I have a lot of followers.
Oleander: What app?
The Erl King: App? I'm the leader of a cult.
Geneva: There is a large rat in the bathroom.
Her Boss: Do you mean-
Geneva: YES. There is a… venti rat in the bathroom.
Samuel: I don’t judge people!
Samuel: Blocked. Blocked. You’re all blocked. None of you are free of sin. See you in hell.
James: You scared?
Oliver: Actually, years of trauma, specifically my fiance being executed and relentlessly fighting to overthrow this shitshow of a government, has pretty much burnt out my adrenaline response in situations like this and left me without the ability to feel normal reactions and emotions.
James: What?
Oliver: You wish.
Nich, about Therese: Look at her eyes.
Nell: I know. They’re so pretty.
Nich: I was gonna say that the look in them is terrifying but okay.
Edgar: Who doesn't want to be king? Who doesn't want blood sacrifices made in their name?
Percy: Wow, okay.
Samuel: I can't take waiting around like this! It's nerve wracking. My nerves are wracked, they're severely wracked.
Therese: I could knock you out and wake you up when it's over.
Douglas, to the rest of the Corps.: We do this not because it is easy, but because we thought it would be easy!
Louis: When there are no royals around, anything is legal!
Jackson: Adventure is calling you!
Geneva: New phone who this.
Nich: You look tired.
Samuel: I didn’t get much sleep last night.
Nich: Were you doing something cool?
Samuel: Does worrying count?
Nich: No.
Nich: The best way to solve your problems is to make more problems until you die!
Henry: Victor, did you sleep okay?
Victor: No but I drank four cups of green tea, so I think I can do this.
Victor: I'm doomed.
Dr. Flynn: Well, you’ve lived a good life, right?
Victor: I'm twenty two.
Dr. Flynn: I said good, not long.
Kate: I hate to say I told you so.
Kate: Wait, no. That felt pretty good.
Peter: Get on my level.
Kate: Unfortunately, to get on your level I'd need a pair of cinder block shoes and a boatride to the Marianas Trench.
Kristi:…….holy shit.
Oscar, sprawled out upside-down on a chaise: So apparently the bad vibes I've been feeling are actually just severe psychological distress.
Percy: Oh, I never brag.
Oscar: You once called your face "proof of the gods' existence."
Kaz: Arti, did you sleep okay?
Artimae: No, but I drank four cups of green tea, so I think I can do this.
Kaz: I can't take waiting around like this! It's nerve wracking. My nerves are wracked, they're severely wracked.
Icarus: I could knock you out and wake you up when it's over.
Eris: Fugitive or not, it's nice to be wanted.
Eris, to Icarus: I think of you the same way I think of our parents.
Eris: Resentfully.
Skyke: I am a sophisticated adult, okay?
Skyke: Last week, I purchased a vegetable.
Kaz: How do you feel about children?
Skyke: Um, they’re okay, I guess. I mean, if I saw one, I wouldn’t throw a ball bearing at it.
Kaz: Why would you throw a ball bearing at a child?
Skyke: I just said I wouldn’t.
Icarus: Why are Kaz and Eris sitting with their backs to each other?
Artimae: They had an argument.
Icarus: Then why are they holding hands?
Artimae: Kaz gets sad when they fight.
Skyke: What’s going on here?
Eris: Teenage rebellion.
Skyke: Fuck yeah! Stick it to the old people.
Icarus: What does coffee taste like?
Artimae, on her eighth cup of the morning: Unfortunately not as good as it smells.
Icarus: Oh, like shampoo!
Artimae: Mother Nature has given us so many bountiful and lush plants… the beauty of nature… To take that away… is to disregard her gifts entirely.
Skyke: Will you just mow the damn lawn like I asked?
(Fire Blank 10 we're back again!)
David: I spy with my little eye, someone that needs to shut the fuck up!
Asbjorn: Oo oo! Is it me?
David, through grit teeth: It’s always you.
———————
Jay: Hey Eric, what gets out Kool Aid stains?
Dennis: We already tried the opposite colour Kool Aid. 'didn’t work.
Eric:
———————
DetLev: Hey, you're bisexual, right?
Kouji: Yup, why?
DetLev: …So are you gay on your mom’s side or your dad’s side?
———————
Zackeri: Hey can I sit here?
Thomas: that’s my lap
Zackeri:
Zackeri: that doesn’t answer my question
———————
Pan-lee: last night I found out that York talks in his sleep
Pan-lee: “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” right in my ear at 3am
Pan-lee: never felt fear like it
———————
Shane: Hey, nice top.
Colton: This old thing? Thanks.
Steven: I have a name
Shane: what
Colton: what
Steven: what
———————
Kira: We're going out in public. I expect you to be on your best behavior.
Kevin: Yeah, listen to our captain!
Kira: I was talking to you.
———————
Oliver: i challenge you to an arm wrestling battle
Markus: sure
Oliver:
Markus:
Oliver: we’re holding hands now
Markus: it appears so
———————
Zackeri: do you know the password to Robins computer?
Alfie: fuck you, Zack
Zackeri: excuse me?
Alfie: no, the password is fuckyouZack
Zackeri:
Alfie: capital Z
Zackeri:
———————
Kuroko: Nathan, spell “orange”.
Nathan: the color or the fruit?
Kuroko:
———————
Nathan: guys! if you were a fruit what would you be? i’d be a Raspberry :D
Markus: i’d be a tomato because no one accepts me as part of the group
Nathan:
Nathan: very expressive! anyone else—
———————
Oliver: did you know that atoms never touch each other? and since we’re made of atoms, we’ve never touched anything in our entire lives?
Colton:
Oliver: so to answer your question, no, i did not punch Kevin—
Claudio: Hey Kat, what gets out Kool Aid stains?
Barry: We already tried the opposite color Kool Aid. It didn’t work.
Kat: :[
Hemlock: We're going out in public. I expect you to be on your best behavior.
Oleander: Yeah, listen to our king!
Hemlock: I was talking to you.
Nell: Guys! if you were a fruit what would you be? I'd be a strawberry!
Darius: I'd be a tomato because no one accepts me as part of the group
Nell:
Nell: Very expressive! Anyone else—
Arla: Guys! if you were a fruit what would you be? i’d be a strawberry!
Quinn: I'd be a tomato because no one accepts me as part of the group
Arla:
Arla: Very expressive! Anyone else—
Brooke: You make my life sound like cake.”
Quinn: “Let’s see; you’re smart, athletic, pretty, and popular. Sounds pretty cakey to me.”
Parker: This is a very delicate instrument…
Parker: I should press every button and see what happens.
Quinn, to Parker: I think of you the same way I think of my parents.
Quinn: Resentfully.
( @ccb you should join us!)
(i'll hop on with some after i'm done with this call, this looks like fun!)
tanner: my son has… a challenging personality.
steven: he's mostly a brat, but every once in a while, he can be a bitch.
rex: i'm standing right here.
–
jesse: i want to sleep for like 40 hours.
august: you know that's a coma?
jesse: god that sounds so refreshing, i could totally go for a light coma right now.
–
laurel: we tried things your way–
page: no, we didn't.
laurel: we did in my head and it didn't work.
–
darcy: have a safe flight.
lachlan: i have no say in that matter.
darcy: die then.
–
jesse: did it hurt when you fell?
darcy: from heaven? no i'm not giving you my number–
jesse: no, i mean when you fell on the sidewalk earlier. i watched you trip over your own foot on the way to class.
–
callie: i wish i had the ability to make boys really nervous.
darcy: holding a really sharp knife to their neck usually does the trick for me.
august: as a boy, i can confirm that this makes me really nervous.
–
(i'll probably come back with more later)
Phillip: My son has… a challenging personality.
Phillip: He's mostly a brat, but every once in a while, he can be a bitch.
Georgie: I'm standing right here.
Jackson: Listen, we tried things your way–
Max: No we didn't.
Jackson: We did in my head and it didn't work.
Bee: I wish I had the ability to make boys really nervous.
Kate: Holding a really sharp knife to their neck usually does the trick for me.
Peter: As a boy, I can confirm that this makes me really nervous.
Rogues of War incorrect quotes Eryx edition
Eryx: I am going to need you to swear–
Kado: Fuck.
Eryx: …swear as in promise.
Kado: Based on statistical evidence, I'm immortal.
Eryx: How so?
Kado: I haven't died yet.
Eryx: That's not how it works!
Hunter: Eryx, are you ok? You look anxious
Eryx: Yeah, it’s the anxiety.
Eryx: I love sleep.
Eryx: It’s like dying but with breakfast at the end.
Bronte: You've got this!
Eryx: I absolutely do not.
Eryx: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing!
Kado: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
Lux: If you're offered $1,000,000, but if you accept it, the person you hate the most in this world gets $2,000,000; would you take it?
Eryx: Yeah
Lux: Why?
Eryx: Why wouldn't I want $3,000,000?
Lux:
Lux: Jesus, Eryx.
Eryx: Sorry If I'm not your cup of tea. I'm not even my own cup of tea. I'm barely a cup and I don't like tea. I'm more like a rusty bucket of haunted bog water. Sorry if I'm not your rusty bucket of haunted bog water.
Eryx: 6am, opens eyes I can't wait to go to bed tonight
Jorvon: Ma~aan blowjobs are a mouthful!
Kado: That pun was hard to swallow, huh?
Eryx: penis
Jorvon: Thank you for your contribution.
Bronte: You're fine. You didn't get hurt.
Eryx: Well, I'm not going to just wait around until I do.
Eryx: Turns around and slams into a wall
Jorvon: We have fun, don't we Eryx?
Eryx: I've never been more stressed out in my life.
And you know what? Here.
Reblod's descent into madness, the trilogy:
(I split my masterlist. It got too big.)
Georgie: You've got this!
Arthur: I absolutely do not.
Alys: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.
Oleander: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
Beck: Sorry if I'm not your cup of tea. I'm not even my own cup of tea. I'm barely a cup and I don't like tea. I'm more like a rusty bucket of haunted bog water. Sorry if I'm not your rusty bucket of haunted bog water.
(Lmaooo the blowjob one made me think of that one vine-)
Oleander: Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate
Titania:…I was having a good day
Oberon, through gritted teeth: We were all having a good day
Trinity: Would you sleep with Carter for $100,000?
Louis: Hmm. Would I have to pay him all at once or could I pay by installments?
Louis, five seconds later: oH-
Lyra: As a serial killer my name would be 'the suspense'.
Lyra: So victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me!"
Lyra: And then I would get the last laugh right before I kill them.
Dima: … what the hell?
Henry, to Victor: Are you a writer? You have such an interesting vocabulary.
Alice: No, he's just pretentious.
Marian, barging into the room: Hey, I need to ask you something-
Oscar, lying awkwardly on his bed, flustered: Uh, yeah, what's up?
Marian:
Marian: Is Nathaniel under the bed?
Nathaniel, muffled: No
Oscar: Patrick, what do we do?!
Douglas: I don’t know!
Miette: You're the oldest!
Douglas: Not mentally!
Kristi: Are we-
Kristi: Hits the woah
Kristi: Ready to go now?
Matthew:…..I do not feel safe in this vehicle.
Samuel: We can't steal a ship!
Nich: We stole Ilona.
Samuel: Nich, Ilona is a person. They can do whatever they want. And they wanted to come with us.
Ilona: I want to steal a ship.
Alessandra: How the hell did you two get thrown in the dungeons?
Percy: I don't know! We didn't do anything wrong!
Aristotle: When the guards stopped us he asked "papers?" and Percy replied with "scissors" and ran off.
Percy: You snitch.
Nathaniel: Every day…I suffer because I lie…I feel so guilty for my lies and the reason for them…if the world knew, what would they think of me..?
Oscar: Damn it, I almost outed myself because I couldn’t resist a gay joke again-
That's it that's their entire relationship after Nathaniel takes the throne-
Percy: What can I say? I'm charming and irresponsible.
Percy: …I mean irresistible.
Percy: Are we friends again?
Oscar: No….we're brothers.
Percy: That was terrifying. Don't pause like that.
Percy: What are you doing later?
Alessandra: Having my night ruined by whatever you're about to ask me to do.
Peter: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? You're very hot and it's making me uncomfortable.
Kate: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou hast no class.
Beck: I want to sleep for like 40 hours.
Marisol: You know that's a coma, right?
Beck: God, that sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.
Jon: What are you writing?
Oliver: Well, the Duchess wants to know what kind of weaponry we have on hand. I’m just letting her know that that's private information.
Jon: This just says "fuck around and find out."
Oliver: Mhm :)
Eleanor, to Arthur and Christopher: Your awkwardness bonds you for life.
Casey: They call me coffee ‘cause I grind so fine.
Marisol: Oh my God.
Harper: They call me coffee because I keep you up past 2 am.
Marisol: Ew, stop.
Beck: They call me coffee because I’m really bitter and people don’t like me without changing some aspect of who I am.
Marisol: …Oh.
Oberon: Accept your flaws, you'll feel better. It worked for me.
Titania: You accepted your flaws?
Oberon: No, I accepted yours.
Kate: I like that we say "oh, man" to express disappointment. Because men are disappointing.
Robin: We need a plan. How long can you hold your breath?
Titania: I don't know, a minute?
Robin: Not long enough. Aspen, are you familiar with the technique "slam and cram"?
Aspen: No, and I don't think I want to be.
Robin: …Oberon, how attached are you to your pinky?
Oberon: Very very much attached, and for the record, I will not be going through with any plan with any vaguely terrifying question.
Casey, at 5 AM: Beckett, wake up!
Beck: I'm not sleeping, I'm dead. Keep your goddamn flowers and get out.
Louis: Good morning! The gods have let me live another day and I’m about to make it the monarchy's problem.
Calla: Are you decent?
Oleander: Morally? No. But I am wearing pants if that's what you mean.
Georgie: Damn it, I burned my hand!
Christopher: You idiot. That’s because you’re not being care-
Georgie: Puts his hand over Christopher's heart
Georgie: Ahh, so nice and cold.
Hits different when you know Christopher's backstory, oof-
Yasopp, to Peregrine: Are you a writer? You have such an interesting vocabulary.
Shanks: No, she's just pretentious.
Law: So, how did you two get captured by Marines?
Penguin: I don't know! We didn't do anything wrong!
Jax: When they stopped us, they asked "papers?" and Penguin replied with "scissors" and ran off.
Penguin: You little snitch.
Marie, barging into the room: Hey, I need to ask you something-
Richard, lying awkwardly on his bed, flustered: Uh, yeah, what's up?
Marie:
Marie: Is Henry under the bed?
Henry, muffled: No
Marie: So, how did you two get captured by the king's men?
Henry: I don't know! We didn't do anything wrong!
Richard: When they stopped us, they asked "papers?" and Henry replied with "scissors" and ran off
Henry: You little snitch.
Henry: Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate
Cosette:…I was having a good day
Marie, through gritted teeth: We were all having a good day
Nathaniel, knocking on Oscar's door: Oscar, open up!
Oscar: It all started when I was a kid…
Nathaniel: No, I mean-
Marian: Let him finish.
Geneva: I think I'm losing my voice.
Jackson: Ha, guess that means you can't yell at us anymore.
Later in the day
Jackson: Turns out Geneva's scarier when she's quiet.
Reporter: So let’s talk romance now. Are there any men in the picture?
Beatrice, leaning forward seriously: Tell me every aspect of my personality that made you assume I was straight so that I can change it immediately.
Samuel: Do you have a plan to get us out of here alive?
Nich: Sort of. The idea starts with "run for it" and generally goes downhill from there.
( @ccb you should join us!)
(Oh my GOD I prove to be illiterate again, you commented on the first page and I somehow missed it, sorry! Me @'ing you probably came off as whiny or something but that wasn't what I meant, I just figured your characters would vibe well here and I missed that you already posted-)
Ren: Hey, do you think I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?
Elyas: You're a hazard to society.
Chan: And a coward. Do 20.
…..
Chan: Beauty is in the eye of whoever is looking at me.
…..
Ren: Welcome to Applebees, would you like apples or bees?
Elyas: B-bees?
Ren: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES
Elyas: Wait-
[Chan walks in struggling to keep the cover on a platter that is loudly buzzing]
Elyas: WAIT-
…..
Zephyr, still awake at 3am: If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of the chickens, you are a chicken tender.
Chan, eyes wide staring up at the ceiling:
…..
[In a groupchat]
Ren: The first one to reply is gat
Ren: *gay
Ren: Wait
( @ccb you should join us!)
(Oh my GOD I prove to be illiterate again, you commented on the first page and I somehow missed it, sorry! Me @'ing you probably came off as whiny or something but that wasn't what I meant, I just figured your characters would vibe well here and I missed that you already posted-)
nonono lol not at all i couldn't even remember if i commented on this one or the last one!! i took it as a very friendly invitation and appreciated it a lot :')
( @ccb you should join us!)
(Oh my GOD I prove to be illiterate again, you commented on the first page and I somehow missed it, sorry! Me @'ing you probably came off as whiny or something but that wasn't what I meant, I just figured your characters would vibe well here and I missed that you already posted-)
nonono lol not at all i couldn't even remember if i commented on this one or the last one!! i took it as a very friendly invitation and appreciated it a lot :')
Oh okay, that's good!
Dallas: I always thought my life was a tragedy, but now I realize it’s a cringe compilation.
Ara: Stop it! Do you want me to never talk to you again?!
Andor:
Arat: What?
Andor: Hang on, I'm considering.
Holly: climbing the counter to reach something
Holly: parkour
Crispin: I will not hesitate to strangle you.
Kit: Can you even reach my neck?
Holly: *Posts a beach selfie on instagram* Living my best life <3
Jackie: Brian is drowning.
Holly: This ain't about him.
I wanna draw this
Milo: Beauty is in the eye of whoever is looking at me.
[In a groupchat]
Andor: The first one to reply is gat
Andor: *gay
Andor: Wait
Milo: What can I say? I'm charming and irresponsible.
Milo: …I mean irresistible.
Andor: What are you doing later?
Ara: Having my night ruined by whatever you're about to ask me to do.
Gerard: I want to sleep for like 40 hours.
Adelia: You know that's a coma, right?
Gerard: God, that sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.
Milo: Good morning! The gods have let me live another day and I’m about to make it the monarchy's problem.
Ara: I think I'm losing my voice.
Andor: Ha, guess that means you can't yell at us anymore.
Later in the day
Andor: Turns out Ara's scarier when he's quiet.
Life: wait a minute! you don't go TOWARDS the weird scary sound!
Death: yeah we do. we always do.
Life: i hate that about us
Claudia: do you have a plan to get us out of here alive?
Akito: sort of. the idea starts with "run for it" and generally goes downhill from there
Nomius: alright, does everyone have a weapon?
Apophis: Vorex doesn't have a weapon
Vorex: i AM the weapon
Nomius: everything is going to be alright
Vorex: how can you say that?
Nomius: because sometimes when things get tough, denial is all we have
Brad: jail's no fun
Akito: you've been in jail?
Brad: once, in monopoly
Carmen, answering a phone: hello?
Brad: it's Brad
Carmen: what did he do this time?
Brad: no, it's me, Brad. it's actually me.
Carmen: what did you do this time
jesse: what can i say? i’m charming and irresponsible.
jesse: …i mean irresistible
—
silas: i always thought my life was a tragedy. now i realize it’s a cringe compilation
—
page: i’ve only slept nine hours in the past four days, so i’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown
page: [bites the cuff]
page: this isn’t a bagel
—
silas: i’m going to bed
august: but it’s noon?
silas: time isn’t real
—
page: excuse me miss have you ever been arrested?
darcy: yeah
page: i was gonna say “because it’s illegal to be that cute” but now i’m curious
darcy: aggravated assault
Cyrus: Are you going to help, or are you too pretty?
Jack: I’m too pretty
Quill: As a serial killer my name would be 'The Suspense'.
Quill: So victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me!"
Quill: And then I would get the last laugh right before I kill them.
Anthony: …What the hell?
Aria: Excuse me, miss, have you ever been arrested?
Cyrus: Yeah
Aria: I was gonna say “because it’s illegal to be that cute” but now I’m curious
Cyrus: Aggravated assault
Emmett, writing to The Sandman: I hope this letter finds you before I do
Nell: Excuse me, miss, have you ever been arrested?
Therese: Yeah
Nell: I was going say “because it’s illegal to be that cute” but now I’m curious
Therese: Aggravated assault
Lord Arnol, writing to Michael: I hope this letter finds you before I do
nabila: four is the only number that has the same value as the number of letters it has
kacey: to?
–
karuko: physically i'm in my bedroom but mentally i'm on an island in greece singing abba
–
karuko, hitting her arm on a table: ow, my armkle!
kacey: your fucking what?
nabila, sighing: her wrist
–
kacey: i may be short but that doesnt mean i'm innocent!
kacey: aggressively trying to open a caprisun
karuko:
karuko: would you like me to open that for you?
kacey: voice cracking yes
–
kacey: sure showed those guys huh?
kacey: did you see how uncomfortable they got when i started crying
–
nabila: listen karuko, i'm not the kind of friend who, you know, does things… or says stuff… or looks at you… but the love is there. happy birthday.
–
karuko: as long as you're doing what you're supposed to do, you don't have to attend classes. that's the law of society.
–
kacey: i've got this completely under control!
nabila: is that why everything's on fire?
–
kacey: fugitive or not, it's nice to be wanted
–
kacey: y'know, nabila is so tall
karuko: i wonder what she sees up there
nabila, from the other side of the room: everyone’s flaws.
–
karuko: well, you know, i’m slammed this week. see? tomorrow: take a smoke break, wednesday: take a smoke break, thursday: commit vehicular manslaughter, friday: take a smoke break—i’m booked solid!
–
karuko to nabila: everyday you teach me something new about art and history
karuko: and why i shouldn’t eat everything that smells good because sometimes it’s candles
—
i think i went a bit overboard djshshsfh