forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

the medicine thing

What's your idea? I've dealt with bad meds before.

the meds aren't bad, they're actually really helping with the depression now and whenever i take them i feel a lot happier overall, not quite 2018 levels of general happy but pretty close
however, in the mornings before i take them/they kick in i often panic because they also take away the mental boundaries and fears keeping me safe, so i try to not take them and fight them off
the only problem is nearly every time i don't take them, i end up having another not good episode, usually resulting in serious sh relapses
so my thought is that maybe, if the mental ones aren't healthy, i could instead make some sort of physical limitations, so i couldn't be hurt even if i wanted to
then i can feel safe and still take my meds on the prescribed schedule

Ah, makes sense

night time vent #3 let's go
…

dad,,, please,,, stop
you enjoy giving me crap so much, you don't realize how much it hurts
there was a period when you would make me cry and i would literally hide in my room because i was scared of you
i don't anymore, but that doesn't mean you're hurting me any less
i already have self deprecating thoughts of my own
not as much as others may, and i try to push them away
but they're still there
i don't need your constant criticism either
my anxiety always elevates whenever you're around
you always make fun of me and make me feel bad about myself
i can't do ANYTHING without the fear of being judged
i can't even do nothing without the fear of being judged
and like, i'll pick out an outfit and think it's cute. then when i come out of my room he's like "is that what your wearing? you know you're going out in public right?"
so then my self confidence goes down to 0 and i'm like "what's wrong with it? should i change?"
and he'll just be like "no it's fine, there's nothing wrong with it"
and he says he didn't imply that there was anything wrong with it WELL THEN WHY WOULD YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT
and that's just one specific example
and…idk how to end this so yeah, ig. idk

lily you're my child now
your dad is crap
i'm officially adopting you
<3

I wish people wouldn't post suicidal thoughts without trigger warnings here. I'm not being passive aggressive. It just makes me sad especially because I know I can't do anything since people here don't interact with me.

Ignore me. Quarantine makes me lonely and I have no friends.

you know, that's completely understandable. I'll be sure to use spoiler tags or at least warnings in the future, and as the thread's creator, from here on out I request others to do the same.

I thought it was already a rule to be honest. I just wish anyone liked me.

I don't say anything because I'm scared that I'll either make it worse or not do enough-

Ay dude. I wouldn't give up just yet. Find a job, hang on to that, look out for opportunity. And make lots of friends in case you go down so you have a place to go.

> i mean i have a decent amount of friends, but i'd feel bad depending on them to that degree. and i just don't think i can find a job. the job market is getting eviscerated, not that it was ever a great place for english and film majors. teaching seems like a reasonable goal that i could be happy with… at first glance, anyway, until i remember that i'm going to run out of money for school before my senior year and i don't think lightning's gonna strike twice with the research grant thing especially with how bad of a job i feel like i'm doing with it now, so a masters in teaching is financially out of the question even if i work while getting it. and even then, if all went perfectly well, i feel like my parents are going to be really disappointed if i don't do something "great," if i get a masters instead of a doctorate or if i settle for staying in pittsburgh instead of moving to new york city or if i teach creative writing instead of getting a job writing for late night tv, but their position was so different from mine at this age. i could finish my book and hustle to get it published but authors get no money from being authors so you need something else on the side plus i feel like nobody is ever going to care as much about my story + characters as i do and i don't know/think i even have a good original concept it's just more junk food ya fantasy. anyway here is another rambling comment. i'm probably not gonna give up give up right now but it's good to feel like i have an out beyond just working retail and food service for the rest of my life. sorry i am typing a lot of silly things today

This should be tagged with a trigger warning.

I am going to go through to let people know what should be tagged, to keep things safer.

I am going to go through to let people know what should be tagged, to keep things safer.

They can do that for themselves, don't bother dredging everything up to tell people what to tag

I am going to go through to let people know what should be tagged, to keep things safer.

They can do that for themselves, don't bother dredging everything up to tell people what to tag

Sorry. I'm not always good at knowing how to handle these situations. Just going forward I hope people do because it was already a rule I'm pretty sure and they weren't doing it.

spoiler tags on sensitive content was indeed a rule, but considering I never really specified on that it wasn't super clear, so i don't think anyone's obligated to go through and tag all their previous posts, it's just going to be something as of now.

and you're fine fren <3

spoiler tags on sensitive content was indeed a rule, but considering I never really specified on that it wasn't super clear, so i don't think anyone's obligated to go through and tag all their previous posts, it's just going to be something as of now.

and you're fine fren <3

Sorry, I'm bad at this.

If I'm welcome here to vent anymore, I just want to say I'm sick of nobody liking me. I'm only 15 and I'm not mature yet, sue me. I wish somebody would just understand.

im back- yay ? not really-

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid i'm so sorry about that it completely slipped my mind (and i even remembered to spoiler tag my first couple comments so why did i forget a third time lmao). the original reply is spoiler tagged now, but i think unless you spoiler tag your reply yourself, it'll still show up with the full text. again i'm really really sorry

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid i'm so sorry about that it completely slipped my mind (and i even remembered to spoiler tag my first couple comments so why did i forget a third time lmao). the original reply is spoiler tagged now, but i think unless you spoiler tag your reply yourself, it'll still show up with the full text. again i'm really really sorry

I don't see it spoiler tagged.

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid i'm so sorry about that it completely slipped my mind (and i even remembered to spoiler tag my first couple comments so why did i forget a third time lmao). the original reply is spoiler tagged now, but i think unless you spoiler tag your reply yourself, it'll still show up with the full text. again i'm really really sorry

I don't see it spoiler tagged.

huh it's showing up as spoiler tagged for me??? can anyone help troubleshoot (again i'm so sorry)

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid i'm so sorry about that it completely slipped my mind (and i even remembered to spoiler tag my first couple comments so why did i forget a third time lmao). the original reply is spoiler tagged now, but i think unless you spoiler tag your reply yourself, it'll still show up with the full text. again i'm really really sorry

I don't see it spoiler tagged.

huh it's showing up as spoiler tagged for me??? can anyone help troubleshoot (again i'm so sorry)

It's spoiler tagged for me too

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid i'm so sorry about that it completely slipped my mind (and i even remembered to spoiler tag my first couple comments so why did i forget a third time lmao). the original reply is spoiler tagged now, but i think unless you spoiler tag your reply yourself, it'll still show up with the full text. again i'm really really sorry

I don't see it spoiler tagged.

huh it's showing up as spoiler tagged for me??? can anyone help troubleshoot (again i'm so sorry)

It's spoiler tagged for me too

It's not spoiler tagged on my quote reply.

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid i'm so sorry about that it completely slipped my mind (and i even remembered to spoiler tag my first couple comments so why did i forget a third time lmao). the original reply is spoiler tagged now, but i think unless you spoiler tag your reply yourself, it'll still show up with the full text. again i'm really really sorry

I don't see it spoiler tagged.

huh it's showing up as spoiler tagged for me??? can anyone help troubleshoot (again i'm so sorry)

It's spoiler tagged for me too

It's not spoiler tagged on my quote reply.

You have to spoiler tag it on your quote reply, or delete the quote reply
Which is why I mentioned that quoting was an ineffective method

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid i'm so sorry about that it completely slipped my mind (and i even remembered to spoiler tag my first couple comments so why did i forget a third time lmao). the original reply is spoiler tagged now, but i think unless you spoiler tag your reply yourself, it'll still show up with the full text. again i'm really really sorry

I don't see it spoiler tagged.

huh it's showing up as spoiler tagged for me??? can anyone help troubleshoot (again i'm so sorry)

It's spoiler tagged for me too

It's not spoiler tagged on my quote reply.

You have to spoiler tag it on your quote reply, or delete the quote reply
Which is why I mentioned that quoting was an ineffective method

I don't know how to spoiler tag a post yet, again I'm really new here.

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid i'm so sorry about that it completely slipped my mind (and i even remembered to spoiler tag my first couple comments so why did i forget a third time lmao). the original reply is spoiler tagged now, but i think unless you spoiler tag your reply yourself, it'll still show up with the full text. again i'm really really sorry

I don't see it spoiler tagged.

huh it's showing up as spoiler tagged for me??? can anyone help troubleshoot (again i'm so sorry)

It's spoiler tagged for me too

It's not spoiler tagged on my quote reply.

You have to spoiler tag it on your quote reply, or delete the quote reply
Which is why I mentioned that quoting was an ineffective method

I don't know how to spoiler tag a post yet, again I'm really new here.

Then quote @ccb37 to see how they did it

im back- yay ? not really-

:OOO
Fren!!!
It's been so long-
How are you?
_{i'm so so so so so so greatly sorry for what happened back then, i jumped to conclusions and tried to play the smart one without actually speaking to any of you about anything and it ended up hurting everyone more than they ever deserved… it was truly awful of me and i completely understand if i'm not forgiven, but just know i don't hate you-}

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid to spoiler tag a post go like
< spoiler > [text goes here] </spoiler >
but with no spaces between the word "spoiler" and the arrows

@Nerdy_Theater_Kid to spoiler tag a post go like
< spoiler > [text goes here] </spoiler >
but with no spaces between the word "spoiler" and the arrows

I don't think that worked.